how to handle NWs due to separation anxiety?

[katriona]

hi all,

i think DS is starting to wake at night and be anxious about my absence. he's been happy to resettle from NWs in the past, but lately has been inconsolable as soon as he's realized i'm about to leave the room. i PD, and begin WI/WO; he calms as soon as i'm there and lets loose as soon as i walk away. this has just been the past two nights or so.

what are your views on continuing WI/WO with separation anxiety? i'd be happy to offer extra comfort and reassurance, but don't want DS to become dependent on this to resettle.

thanks!

katy

[Ruggie]

Hi Katy

I remember DS#1 did something similiar at around the same age (15mo). I was heavily pregnant then, so DH did all the work:D
I remember him saying, that after a few time of going in and out DH just told him to "go to sleep" in a firm voice. He was as shock as I was that DS#1 listened. I dont think it would have worked if it was me

When DS#1 was around 15-20 mo there was a bit a NW. As they get older, they can comprehend a bit more, (I am having SA prob with #2 atm )I remember telling him to close his eyes, I stayed, but no contact and when he opened them and saw that I was still there, he closed them again and eventually fell asleep.
I gave him a lots of reassurrance, coz for us we were expecting/had #2 around that time and I didn't want him to feel neglected (17.5 month gap). It it went away by itself.

HTH

[Colin Macs Mom]

Hi Katy, sorry to hear that you're having some troubles.    Like Loanne says it can help to have DH do resettling rather than you. We mommies are more nurturing and daddies more business, you know?

Something else that has worked for people is to sit next to the crib in a chair, and then slowly, day by day move it closer to the door until you're out of the room.

As for WI/WO, you can continue if you feel it's helping, but with some LOs and SA it will only rile them up more.

[AZMOM]

Katy, I seem to be having the same problem.  DS will be 1 next week and has always been an excellent sleeper.  For the past 3 weeks things have been absolutely crazy with night wakes.  I feel like I have a newborn!!!!!  I too think it is because of separation anxiety and the same thing happens with us.  He wakes in the night and starts crying.  I let him cry a few minutes and go in put him down and wlak out and then he is crying again and standing.  I have also tried going in, putting him down and then just standing there.  Sometimes this has worked and at other times it hasn't.  I know we have really nothing else going on here because prior to this DS had and ear infection and last Friday the doctor said it is all cleared up.  SHe recommended we do some mild CIO at night (5-10 minute stretches and if we feel comfortable withthat  try 20 minutes).  I'm not sure if I could handle the 20 minutes and I'm not sure if this is the best thing if we are going through sep. anxiety.  I hope you get answers so maybe this will help me too.  I was going to post but we have similar things happening. BTW does you DS show separation anxiety during the day.  Mine does

GOod Luck!!!

Lisa

[Colin Macs Mom]

SHe recommended we do some mild CIO at night (5-10 minute stretches and if we feel comfortable withthat  try 20 minutes).  I'm not sure if I could handle the 20 minutes and I'm not sure if this is the best thing if we are going through sep. anxiety. 

Lisa, this method is also considered controlled crying (Ferber) and BW does not support that method or CIO in any form. They both go against everything BW advocates. I can tell you that it will DEFINITELY not help separation anxiety, in fact it will probably make it worse. LO needs to know that you will be there when he needs you.

[katriona]

hey lisa,

we're not having major problems during the day, but he will start to wail if i leave the room while he's at playgroup, and sometimes fuss if i leave the room he's in at home. daddy is by far and away the coolest thing at this stage 

agree with colin mac's mum on the cio issue -- the only way to combat SA is for them to learn to trust that we'll come back, and cio will not help that at all.

best of luck! and thanks for all the responses.

katy

[LŠuren]

Katy

This may sound a bit bizarre, but I was advised to put an item of my clothing (the vest I had on that day) into his bed for him to sleep with. I found that did help.

I also slept with 'blankie' and 'ted' for a few nights  so they could get my scent, before I gave them to him.

L xx :-*xx

[Ruggie]

Hey Lauren,

That doesn't sound bizarre at all.
Apparently that what my mom did to by brother when he was around that age. He was missing dad when he went to war

Whatever works

[katriona]

well, 3am here on the west coast 

great idea about the mum-smelling item, lauren. i took off my dressing gown and tucked it along the side of his crib. things got quieter and quieter, and a little more muffled, and then of course i began to worry he was suffocating himself! he's been quiet for a few minutes, but i did just hear an inquisitive peep, so it sounds as if he's still ok, but is settling himself. fingers crossed! not quite the way i wanted to start thanksgiving! grateful for the tip 

katy

[AZMOM]

Hi Ladies!  Thanks for the advice.    I didn't do the CIO with DS and I do understand that BW doesn't support this method.  THis is just what my doctor had given us as one of the suggestions.   What DH and I have been doing is putting him down and then we just stay in the room for a bit until he is pretty drowsy or asleep .  If he stands up and starts to cry we just lay him back down without saying a word.   It is funny how different issues creep up with each child.  WHen DD was this age(now 4) and we did BW with her SA never seemed to be an issue during the night.  We did have some major problems at times during the day though.  As for DS things seem to be getting better at least for the past 2 nights.  I have my fingers crossed!!  I too heard about putting something/clothing of moms in with the baby at night.  THis is not bizarre. 

Tonight the problem DS was having was when DH was putting him to bed and he was saying his good-night to me and big sis he started crying after he and Dh walked away from me.  DH just kept going and continued the routine.  Once DS was in the crib he started to cry and stand and DH put him down on his belly and jsut stayed in the room.  THere was a little whinning/whimpering but then DS was out for the count.  Hopefully we will continue on our positive streak without a NW.

Thanks again !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!