So many issues... where to begin? help please. (kind of long)

[lyhmgt]

Well, this is my first post and I am so happy to have found this site- and the book.  Here is my issue.  LO will be 6 months this week.  He was born prematurely and was in the NICU for just under 2 weeks.  When we got him home, we fell into accidental parenting after about 2-3 weeks when he started to kind of spit up and I was afraid that he would aspirate on it!  i admit i was a little panicky.  so i started co-sleeping with him on the pull out so that my husband, who was working, could get some sleep.  we also fell into the habit of holding him a lot, even when he was sleeping.  (he was so small it was just too easy to do).  well, it got to be that he would not stay sleeping in his bed  once we put him down (we were holding/nursing/rocking to sleep).  and he still wakes up when you lay him down (if he is already sleeping).if we put him down awake, even very sleepy, he cries and cries and will not go to sleep (we have tried to let him cry it out).  he does not sleep well, naps or night.  for naps he takes catnaps all day long.  usually he takes about 3 or 4 30-60 minute naps a day, usually only 30/45 minutes.  and bedtime is just as bad.  somehow, he goes to bed very late, around 9:30/10:00 roughly.  he is tired around 7 and i go to lay him down but he sleeps for 20 minutes and we cannot get him to go back to sleep!  he wakes up smiling and talking and laughing and will not sleep.  then, as we co-sleep at night, he wakes to suckle frequently (he is breast fed exclusively).  i mean almost every hour after about 2 am!  he does not/will not take a paci and only sucks on his fingers for entertainment, not comfort.  he is usually not overly cranky during the day, but the night wakings are killing me.  admittingly i/we have done whatever it took to make him happy, but we must be more responsible parents and help him learn how to fall asleep on his own, which i do not believe he has learned to do (although he does it VERY rarely).  he sleeps pretty well in the swing or when we are driving (props).  we are going on vacation this week and plan to implement EASY starting next week when we return.  he eats solids for diner only and we are starting breakfast sometime next week. 

So, after all of that, my question is this...
       where do we begin?  do we just start on EASY and work on getting him to sleep in his bed all at once?  or do we get started on EASY, then work on the sleep issues? 
oh, i should mention also that he nurses to sleep almost everytime he sleeps, otherwise he is rocked/walked/swung.  we have tried cry it out, but it does not seem to be getting better and he still wakes after the first sleep cycle (or sooner, since he wakes about 20 minutes into naps) and then cannot go back to sleep. 
I hope I have not left any other important information out.  Please, we are looking for advice and this board seems to offer great advice.  Thanks,
Yvette

[rebecaq]

Hi Yvette and Welcome to BW 

Wow, you have a bit of hard work ahead of you but I'm sure you can do it!

The first thing I recommend is that you stop CIO (cry it out) immediately. Tracy was very much against it and does not go along with BW philosophy.  It breaks the bonds of trust between child and parent and that may be harder to rebuild than fix the problems you have at the moment.

I believe that starting EASY first will help smooth out many of the kinks in sleeping. However, you must commit to it.  At 6 months your lo is more and more aware of what is happening and will put up quite a fight.  The important thing to understand is that when he gets upset is not because he feels betrayed or angry with YOU. It's his way of letting you know that he is not used to things being done this way.  Many accidental parents tend to take it personally and blame themselves because they set the situation up in the first place. Don't dwell in what has been done, but set your sights into the future and what you want to achieve.

Ok, the way I see it. The co-sleeping needs to stop NOW. Not only is he not sleeping independently but he's snacking the whole night and that will throw off the following day.  You say he takes the paci and that's great! Keep that up. Try to feed him only once during the night so his appetite increases during the day and eventually we can get him sleeping through the night. At 6 months my ds ate 3 meals a day plus a snack. They were small meals but it was 4 intakes of solids during the day, ask your doctor if this is ok and what he/she recommends as meals.
Also napping in the swing needs to stop also. The car is unavoidable but is not to be used as a method to get his asleep. If you're running errands and he falls asleep that's ok, but if you put him in the car in order to get him to sleep it isn't.  He needs to be moved to his crib in his own room ASAP.

You mentioned that PU/PD upsets him more. Have you taken the Know Your Baby Quiz ? If he's spirited or grumpy then shh/pat is a better choice for you.  You WILL have a lot of resistance from his part, but that is normal. You need to build up your strength and not give in. Once you start to sleep train and stop accidental parenting and then you give in, you're basically telling your child they he needs to cry for x amount of minutes before you give him something.  Not exactly a nice thing to communicate to your child. Instead be there for him the whole time and reassure him that things are ok. Slowly and surely he will start to come around and things will get easier.

We will be here for you ever step of the way

- Beca