Screaming and frustrated to sleep

[freedo]

Hi all

We have some issues with our 5.5 month old wee cutie (1 mth premature).  She's a kind of touchy baby who generally doesn't nap more than 30-40mins during the day and often we have to fight to get her to sleep in the evening and this takes up to 3 hrs.  We've been trying pat/shush and it sometimes works and sometimes not.  My wife is at the end of her tether and after 2-3 hrs of rocking her to calm her down loses the plot - so you could say accidental parenting.    I think the problem is the short naps which makes her overtired at the end of the day.

Many of the mothers on this forum seem to have very strict timings of routines but my wife does not like waking up our little dear to try to fit in with particular schedules - if she's tired she will sleep longer.  Therefore the routine seems to vary day by day.  Also as soon as she gets tired during the day or evening she flails her arms and legs, gets really cranky and we have to swaddle her to sleep quick smart, usually with tears.  She rarely goes to sleep herself - how do we encourage her to self soothe and not need to swaddle her?

Also she feels that if she sticks to a routine, she can't do anything during the day because our little dear has to sleep every 2 hrs-3 hrs and if you go out  to visit people it takes longer than this.  Any suggestions would be really appreciated    

Our details as follows:

- What’s his/her daily routine?   Feed every 4 hours but not always EASY more like below

E - 7 - 8 am - E - Wake up and feed
A - 8 - 9:30
S - 9:30 - 10
A - 10 - 12:30

E - 12:30 - 1
A 1pm - 1:40
S- 1:40 - 2:10
A - 2:10 - 3:30
S - 3:30 - 4

E - 4 - 5 pm
A - 5pm Bath

S - Sometime between 5 and 8 depending on how fast she goes to sleep

E - Between 8pm - 1 am - Dream feed

- What’s nap routine? 5 naps a day
- How long are naps?  averaging 30 - 40mins
- Do you bottle or breastfed?? Breastfed, but started on solids this week
- How much? or how long? 15 to 20 mins
- What do you do for A time and how long is it? 1-2 hrs we usually go for walk, baby fit class, play with gym on floor
- Do they have a prop? If so what is it? Dummy, she uses it a lot of the time

[* Paula *]

Hi and welcome to the BW Boards.

The nice thing about EASY is that it is not a strict schedule, but more of a routine which is more about watching your lo's cues that watching the clock.

From the sounds of it, your lo is not able to fall into a deep sleep hence the reasons she is waking at the 30 - 45 minute mark.  You can use Pat/Shh, PU/PD to get her back to sleep or try Wake to Sleep.  Have a look at this link for information on using Wake to Sleep.

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64168.0

I think that the reason your lo is not falling asleep independantly is cause I think she may be overtired.  On the 4 hour EASY you would look at 1 hour 45 minutes to 2 hours A time before getting her to sleep.  This includes any Eating time.

On the 4 hour EASY you would be looking at 2 naps of about 2 hours and one cat nap in the late afternoon of about 45 minutes to help your lo get through the evening until bed time.

I would recommend bringing bed time closer to 7pm so that your lo does not get too over tired.  You could clusterfeed at 5 pm just before the cat nap and then again at 7 before bed.  It is also recommended that the DF is done between 10-11pm so that it does not interferre with her sleep.  The DF with the clusterfeed should help your lo tank up.

With regards to introducing solids - the guideline is to introduce them at 6 months, however some do introduce earlier.  At this age the solids should only be tasters as her milk is still her main source of nutrician.

A dummy is fine to be used to help her self soothe, although I would suggest that it is only used at naps and bedtime so that she does not become too attached to it.  I would watch that it does not become a prop, as if it does, then it could start causing problems.  If you find that she is continually waking for it and needing it to be put back in in order for her to sleep then you may want to consider weaning it from her.

With regards to the swaddle, if your lo sleeps better being swaddled, then I would keep it, as it will help her settle better when she goes down for a sleep.

I know how hard it can be getting a routine established, but one the routine is established and you do go out for a day to visit friends etc, it is fine if your routine does not go according to plan, as there is always the next day to get things back on track.

You will find so many sucess stories on these boards, and beleive me, once your lo is set on her routine, she will be a lot happier and less fussy.

Please let us know if you need any other info or if you have any questions.

Paula

[Scrapbooker]

Good advice in PP.  My LO is over 6 mos old and is still swaddled and needs it.  In addition (or a lot like) W2S, holding your LO through the jolts is another way to look at it and has worked for me recently as it is hard to get on any routine with 45 minute naps.  I did it for every nap for 2 days and now don't need to (I probably didn't need to do it for that long, but wanted to be sure).  Go in the room after she's been asleep for about 1/2 hour (maybe 20-25 minutes to be sure as her naps are sometimes even shorter than 45 minutes) and hold her arms (even if swaddled) or put your hand on her chest for about 20 minutes or about 5 minutes after you see the jolts.  My DH wore headphones and his MP3 player to pass the time and it was a great way for him to help out as I was getting at my wits end.  This will help her sleep longer and then you can get on the routine (flexible).  I would imagine she's overtired by bedtime also and harder to get to sleep.

Another reason she may have short naps and hard to get to sleep is overstimulation.  Especially for a touchy baby, you may want to look at your activities.  My LO can't play with all the toys she enjoys without getting a little zany.  I offer her only the toys I think she can handle especially in the 2nd half of her A time.  She seems to really enjoy (gets very excited) in her exersaucer, but she's tough to get to sleep after using it-so we don't use it much.  Look at the toys and maybe the class-is it overstimulating?  Is it at a bad time for her?  Be sure she has a good wind down before she naps/sleeps as she'll need one especially being a touchy baby.

Regarding getting out of the house-does she express breast milk?  If so, that may help.  If not (I don't either), she may have to just leave the LO with you between feeds.  I feed her then hand her over to DH as soon as we're done and he cares for her until next feed so I can get out.  This is very important for her sanity, I imagine.  I keep my activities flexible (no set times if I can help it).  I call friends to set up a get together at around a certain time and call them when she wakes up so we can plan something.

HTH-Laura

[freedo]

Thank you very much for all your help. 

I have read the Secrets of the BW at least twice but I had never read about the "Wake To Sleep" technique before and the link really helped.  We are going to give this a go for sure and try to get her more on a schedule.  I tried holding her through the jolts today but I missed the first one (which was at around 25 mins - not the 35 I expected) and even through I held her through the next ones she was clearly wide awake and trying to see round my hand.  Eventually I gave up and she gave me a really big smile - she though it was really funny.  We will keep trying and report back.

Thanks again!

[* Paula *]

Good luck, keep us posted on how you get on.