CIO with a 3 year old ? and our new Khy sleep technique !

[Khyan & Sahria's mum]

We have tried most things with Khyan when it comes to his chronic sleep problems and most are not working (due to many things) but we may be onto something at the moment so let me explain and then I have questions 


We have stuck a photo of mummy on his wall right by his head where he can see it

We have printed a photo of mummy and laminated it so he can hold it all night if he wants

I store kisses and cuddles in his teddy bear so that if he wants a mummy kiss he just needs to
kiss Taggy and presto it's like kissing mummy.

I do the normal routine and then leave a say that mummy is going to come back and check on him -     and I do come back quite quickly the first time, I wander in and rub his back for 2 second, kiss him
and tell him I'll be back and then I go in a few times (just pop my head in and say "night night")

AND THE BIG ONE !!! we tell him to stay in his bed until his light comes on in the morning and if he  does that he will get a pressie in the morning ( I know, I know you are all rolling your eyes )    But we were at a loss and it has worked for the last 3 nights  so we have $1 - 2 gifts that he gets in the morning and then the plan is to ween him to stickers and then a pressie if he sleeps in his bed for 5 or 7 nights straight and so on - kinda like we did with the potty training.


Soooo... If he comes to our room in the night there is NO pressie but I need to work out a technique with dealing with how to stay out of his room in the middle of the night

should I do what I do at bedtime and walk out but come back and check him (sort of WI/WO - but only that he isn't crying), If I don't come back he will cry ! Do I wait for him to cry ?

So if he then cries do I do WI/WO ? or is he old enough to know that mummy is here for him but it is bedtime and he must go back to sleep ? then just let him cry kinda CIO as long as he isn't really upset ? 

He tries so hard to control me during the day and I think he is doing the same at night ! He would probably keep me doing WI/WO forever because he doesn't want to go back to sleep - Does this technique work at this age ? and at this age would he understand that he needs to go to sleep or would it just be great that mummy keeps coming back ?

Please if you have any advice it would be much appreciated

[mari]

ok, as for cry it out, I say a definite NO.  TBH, I would think that the older he is the more that he might be traumatised by it.  Look at the situation as a whole, you feel that he needs you so much that you think it will help to give him a photo and store kisses and hugs in a teddy so if you let him cry it out, he will need more kisses and more hugs and you will get no where.

I ceretainly didn't roll my eyes at the pressie, I think it's a great idea.  Perhaps you could do something with this.  What about you both make a little chart together with boxes for 5 days.  Give him a little set of sticky stars or dots or whatever and stick it on his wall with a picture of a bigger gift that he chooses, perhaps a toy that he would like.  Then each morning that he sleeps through, stick a star and tell him how great he is and only 4 more sleeps to go before he gets his lovely present etc.

If he comes into your room in the night then take him straight back and do WIWO, I think that it's the only way, it's a matter of how much stamina the two of you have, but really when he realises that you are not going to give in and he has to sleep in his own bed then it will catch on.  Mummy doesn't keep coming back, mummy is reassuring that she is there but he needs to sleep.  He will eventually realise this and go to sleep knowing that if he needs you then you will be there for him, if you let him cry it out then he might go to sleep not know where mummy is because he called her all night and she didn't come!!

I know that WIWO can be hard, but give yourself 2 weeks of this training and I am sure that it will work for you.

Good luck

[Khyan & Sahria's mum]

Love the chart thing and you are so right about the CIO ! I knew it I just needed someone to tell me again   

I was wondering about the WI/WO in the middle of the night - should I do like I do at bedtime and wander in every couple of mins even if he isn't crying or stick to only going in if he is crying ? (like traditional WI/WO)

Hopefully we won't need to do this much as he is sticking to the new plan of staying in his bed ALL night 

Thanks again It's great to hear someone say when you are doing good 

[RachelC]

You ARE doing good!    I would keep up traditional wi/wo and only go in when he NEEDS you, kwim?  I always tell my girls when I leave that I will be back when (not if) they need me.  He's old enough to understand that.... and ITA with Mari about it being a battle of who will have more stamina in the middle of the night.  He will learn that he's not in charge