how long to soothe before bf at night?

[nicolas]

HI all,
my 4mo old son is working towards a 3.5 cycle. He hasn't made it passed 3 today, but we go back and forth.

I used to bf back to sleep every time he woke up and created a bad habit. He eats at 7 at bedtime (but doesn't sleep on the boob
we df at 1030, then he normally woke and fed at 2 and 4. starting the day between 6 and when i'm lucky,7.

We are trying to soothe him back to sleep without boob at the 2 am feed.

How long do we soothe before we bf. Usually this depends on our exhaustion level and determination, but does anyone have any pointers or OTHER tips to help?
thank you so much, liana

[abbysmomma]

If you're on a 3.5 cycle, I would try and wait 3.5 hours before feeding again. Maybe try feeding at 2am, and soothing at 4am? It's tough, I know. I strugged with this for a LONG time. If you find that he's habitually waking, maybe try wake-to-sleep? Does he take a full feed every time? It's perfectly fine to have 2 feeds at this age (df and one other) but it does depend on your LO. If he's taking a full feed each time, maybe he is really hungry.

I really feel for you. Hope this helps (and I'm sure somebody will chime in as well).

[RachelC]

Is he hungry?  That's the big question.  You want to be careful right now as you could be in a growth spurt (4 months is common) and you want to feed on cue through the spurt.  If he is not hungry, I would soothe until at least 3.5 hours after the last feed.  Can your dh help out with the soothing?  It sometimes works better for the non-feeding parent.

[Samuel's mum]

I would agree with Rachel - looking out for a growth spurt is a complication. I think only you know for sure what your LO's hunger cues look like. And only you know what your comfort levels are.

I would say that you should listen to your instincts. If you suspect he may just be seeking the breast to help him sleep then continue to settle using another method. But if that clearly isn't working and he isn't settling or your instincts tell him he is actually hungry - then I would feed him.

I would say that the 2am feed is likely to be a more genuine one. The 4am one is the one to focus on dropping after the shorter interval.

[nicolas]

thank god for you ladies! my life of motherhood is so much better because of you all.

yes, he seems to be even taking in full feeds at night. so i will give one at 2, and then try soothing at 4.
my dh is a total champ, and does almost all of the night soothing.

abbysmomma, how long did it take you to get over the hump, and what worked best for you?

take care, liana

[abbysmomma]

Hi Liana

Man, i can write a book on the whole trying-to-get-them-to-sleep thing. She's still not sleeping through the night, but we're down to wakings at 4am and 5:30am. Up for the day 7-7:30am. We were feeding at nights (once) until she went on a nursing strike last week. So now, i just do my best to sooth her back to sleep any time she wakes. And it's easier than trying to second guess myself as to whether she's hungry or not. When Abby turned 4 months, she really started waking at night. Most likely developmental. Just do your best to be consistent in whatever you choose to do, and it should pass. Easy to say, since i'm (mostly) on the other side of the fence. Make a plan, talk to your DH, and get ready to stick with it during the night. I found that mentally preparing myself beforehand worked wonders for me. It was when she was sleeping well, then all of a sudden started waking again threw me really off. And you're lucky that your DH is willing to help at nights. No help here!
I've gotten so much help and support from the ladies here, and I need to return the favor. So ask any questions you might like, and i'll do my best to answer them.

[*Stephanie*]

Liana,

I also had trouble with a waking baby, and this is what I do.  I will feed her the first night (just in case it's a growth spurt).  If she wakes around the same time for the next three to four days, then I look at her schedule.  If she's on a good schedule (gets all her naps and eating in), I will wait to feed her.  I have seen her go from 9 p.m. to 5 a.m., and I will use pu/pd until she goes back to sleep.  (I have a very spirited baby, so it's pick up for 15-20 minutes.  There is no put down until she is finished screaming.)   

Have you tried what abbysmomma suggested?   How has it worked for you?

Good luck and great job breastfeeding.