This sounds so familiar to me! I finally gave up doing the last nap in the crib because ds was actually did better bf/sleeping. During the catnap, I would let ds sleep for 30 minutes while bfing, and dh would finish cooking dinner. I just decided I'd catch up on some good reruns on TV. Afterwards, we would all eat dinner together. Suddenly, at 7 months old, ds stopped sleeping during a feed.
This was, of course, not ideal. But we learned to live with it. Maybe someone else has some suggestions for you. Looks like nap #2 is pretty short and that's why she's so tired later. We always had 45 minute (or less) naps, so that's what happened here, too.
As for the bedtime feed/snooze--we had that, too.
Not a problem because we'd just gently wake ds to brush his teeth and he'd go to bed no problem.
Hope you can find a solution soon.