21 month old fighting sleep

[vuhoo]

Our DS is 21 months old and for the most part has been a pretty good sleeper since we started sleep training him at 5mos.  He's had moments when he has been off schedule and we've had to re-train him.  This time around seems a lot more worse.  He's not napping, he's not falling asleep at night, and he's waking up early.  We know he's overtired but we can't seem to break the OT cycle.  In the past, WI / WO has worked and he eventually would settle down but he seems to be more defiant this time around.  He's crying longer and louder.  WI / WO makes it worse and he doesn't seem to settle down.  His nap has been getting shorter and shorter and now he hasn't napped in two days.  We haven't been had any issues with him going down at night but now he seems to be fighting that too...which generally has not been an issue.  We've tried to push his nap earlier and bedtime earlier but it seems to be getting worse.  At this point, we're doing whatever we can to get him to sleep so he can catch up.  This morning, he was up at 4am and he fell asleep in his pack-n-play for 30mins at 9am while I was taking a shower.  This afternoon, we walked him in the stroller and he slept for 1 hour 3:30 -4:40pm.  We were hoping the two naps would him catch up on his sleep but when we put him in bed at 7:45pm and he refused to sleep.  I've been trying to lay in his room on the floor (facing the wall with no eye contact).  He doesn't cry while I'm in the room but he remains standing up and will not lay down.  I'm not sure what to do.  Now my DH and I think he may not want to sleep in his crib and maybe it's time to change him to a toddler bed.. Please help, we're so desperate!

His schedule since the sleep issue started:

5:00 - 5:30am - wake up
7am - breakfast
12:30 pm - nap
5:30pm - dinner
7:15 - bedtime

[Layla]

I would put off the toddler bed.... for now

When he wakes at 5 in the morning... how do you respond? Do you offer food???

I actually foind that anywhere from 17/18 months offering 2 naps only made things worse for Isabella so I think its better to keep him awake until at least 11am and then offer him just the 1 nap. I also recommend a super early bedtime (6pm) for about 3-4 days to allow him to catch up on some sleep. Once he is better rested you can work on moving the nap closer to midday and a later bedtime.... When you say you tried to push the nap earlier and bedtime how many days did you try that for and how did it make it worse???

Is he teething? Can you think of anything that might have thrown his shcedule off???'
If your presence is not helping in him falling asleep then I would get out and do wither wi/wo or pd.

Layla

[vuhoo]

It's only been 4 days since he's been waking up before 6am.  He has been sleeping less during his nap for the past week.  When he wakes up at 5am, I do the WI / WO and I've made it a rule that he doesn't get out of his bed until after 6am.  He hasn't been able to settle down or fall back asleep with the WI / WO.  I know he's getting some more teeth but I'm not sure if that is an issue.  He doesn't seem to be bothered by it during the day so why would it bother him while he's trying to sleep?  The reason why I say it seems to be worse is because he refusing to sleep at all and maybe putting him down early is not the issue but the overtiredness.

[Layla]

I find that you need to do things (like earlier bedtimes) for at least 3/4 days to see if it makes a difference or not so I would say you need to give him some more time to adjust (get rid of the overtiredness).

He could be teething molars in which case they are alot more painful than other teeth and can cause early wake ups or irratic sleep at night. I guess during the day there are too many distrating him. To tell you the truth, I never ever know when/if Isabella is teething. She has absolutely no signs of teething during the day but there have been times when she would wake up earlier for the day and I would put that down to teething because there couldn't have been anything else to cause the EW. Whatever it was that cause a shift in his schedule, I do agree that he is a tad bit overtired by bedtime and naptime and is fighting sleep. Keeping him up until his usual bedtime is only causeing more overtiredness. An earlier bedtime has always helped us when my los were overtired or had short naps... the more sleep they get at the front end of the night (which consists predominantly of deep/restorative sleep), the better rested they wake.

In this case I would:
*Do an early bedtime (6-6.30 the latest) for about 4 days
*He might very well still wake up early in the morning but at least he's had extra sleep at the front end of the night which will help erase overtiredness.
*Keep him awake until afternoon nap but make it earlier (11.30am the latest).

Let me know what you think
Layla

[vuhoo]

Thanks, Layla ... I agree with adjusting his schedule so he can catch up on his sleep.  What should we do if he refuses to go down?  I know my DH and I need to come up with a plan and stick with it but I feel we should continue with WI / WO even though the crying is painful but my DH can't stand to hear him upset for 5 secs so he'll intervene whenever he can and as soon as he can.  I personally think we need to let our DS settle on his own if it means the initial WI / WO can take a long time.

[Layla]

You're right.... your dh coming in and "rescuing" your ds is probably not helping much. I did forget to mention that I would also do a super long wind down at nap and bedtime to help him fall asleep. No television, not too much activity and do things that you know will relax him... more books, cuddles, etc... so that come nap and bedtime he is not fighting you too much cause hopefully he'll be nice and sleepy  .

I have no probs with wi/wo... and don't see why you shouldn't continue it. You have tried sitting with him and like I said earlier, if he is just playing around and your presence is not helping him to fall asleep, its obviously not working. Chose one method and keep at it....

You know when Isabella had sleep troubles, my dh used to hate me doing wi/wo and everytime I was out the door and counting, he was right there, giving me the evil eye (i am not kidding). It was so annoying added to the stress of her crying in her room and him making me feel guilty everytime I would come out... so I told him to take a walk every evening after he'd come home (which would fall right about the time she was going to bed)  . When Jasmine was a teeny weeny baby and I wanted to sleep train her from the start..... he kept telling me she was too young. So I waited and waited and waited and finally at 4 months, she was still taking crappy 45min naps and no sign of her sleeping any more than 2-3 hrs at night and then I told him to go and stay at his parents house for a week or two until I had her sleep sorted out.... .

Not saying you should kick him out like I did with my dh but its so hard when the two of you are not on the same page. My dh cannot stand the girls crying at all and would rather walk in and rock her to sleep  . Try to write a plan out and stick to it for a week

Let me know how you go
Layla

[vuhoo]

Well, after my DH spent 1 hr with our DS....rocking him, laying on the floor, etc.  our DS would not go down on his own and my DH was at a lost.  I took over and did the WI / WO for about 45mins and our DS finally fell asleep after some very intense crying but I went in there frequently to reassure him.  During the WI / WO, my DH stood there and watched me...kinda feeling like he was giving me the dirty eyes too.  He even suggested we put our DS in bed with us..which we have NEVER done and I refuse to start.  Although I would love for him to be in bed with us, we're expecting #2 and I don't want him to get too used to sleeping with us.  We're praying for a good night.  I will continue to convince my DH that WI / WO should be the plan we stick with.  Honestly, it has worked for us every time in the past.  I guess now that our DS is older, he's more defiant and his cries are more intense...it's definitely harder to hear this time.  Thanks for your advice, Layla.  Our plan is to get him to nap earlier and go down for bedtime earlier and use WI / WO as our method to get him to sleep or back to sleep.  To be continued ....

[Layla]

Please don't start any AP by rocking or bottle feeding or taking back to your bed. Its only confusing your ds even more, not to mention delaying his bedtime and getting him even more overtired.

Good luck tonight. Be it 2hrs, 45mins or 10mins, do the same thing and he will get the idea that he is to go to sleep... He KNOWS how to fall asleep so it shouldn't take him long to catch on.....