Just started EASY with 6 1/2 mo son

[joyous]

I feel like I am going to collapse from sheer exhaustion and I have no idea if I am doing this right.  Our DS has never been on a schedule (although I did try to get him to sleep when he showed sleepy signs, around 2 hours recently), co-slept since birth, and was breastfed to sleep.  Co-sleeping is not working for anyone anymore.  No one gets sleep, including DS.  So, I turned to BW Solves All Your Problems after recommendations from friends.  We started the process on Monday, so today is Day 6 and I am not sure if we are following everything correctly or doing things the "right" way.  He has definitely had a little improvement in nighttime sleep, but not much.  The first night, he was waking every 5 - 50 minutes and would be up for 30-60 minutes, crying, fussing, etc.  We did pu/pd and put our hand on him to comfort him.  We said "night night time" and " you are just trying to sleep," etc.  The second night, he would still wake up as often, but it was only taking 5 - 10 minutes to get him back to sleep.  He has woken up this often for the past two months, so long before we started "baby boot camp," as I call it.  He obviously needs help transitioning into the next sleep phase, but does that mean we have to be up every 30 minutes throughout the night to do WTS?  He has gotten a couple 2-3 hour stretches in the past couple of nights, so I know he can do it and is learning, but it is so overwhelming and exhausting.  I do have help from my DH, but we are both walking zombies at this point.  Am I expecting too much too soon?  He does use a pacifier, but can put it in his mouth by himself just fine.  I am wondering though if he can't see it at night to put it back in his mouth, thus it has become a prop.  His naps are terrible too - anywhere from 30-40 minutes.  Here is our routine:
5:30-6:30am         wakes on his own and won't go back to sleep
7                         nurse
8                         breakfast
8:45                     nap routine
9                         nap - falls asleep relatively easy
9:30-9:45             wakes
9:45-11                pu/pd or soothe, sometimes falls back asleep for 20-30 minutes
11                       nurse
12                       lunch
12:40                   nap routine
1:00                     nap - falls asleep relatively easy
1:30-1:45              wakes
1:45-3:00               pu/pd or soothe, sometimes falls back asleep for 20-30 minutes
3                         nurse
5                         dinner
5:45                        bath
6:00                     nurse
6:30                     bedtime
And then the numerous nightwaking occur (sometimes as much as 25, but usually 12-15 times).  I know that Tracy says to be very strict the first two weeks, so I have been following the schedule she lays out in her book, except for nursing.  I am not comfortable giving up all the nursing, so I add some in there for him and I am okay with that.  We are at about 3 hours in between some feeds and that is an improvement from 1 1/2 hours.  Are we supposed to stay in his room completely until he falls asleep right now and then back out later?  Isn't that possibly going to be a prop then?  Do we go in at any cry (mantra or more extrmeme)?  Let him try to settle without breaking the trust bond?  I just need help in understanding where we need to tweak our EASY and what we need to do differently.  If I need to add anything, let me know.  TIA!  Joy

[momofclaire]

First, I wanted to send some hugs.  I can tell you are struggling right now and I know it is really hard when you are trying to function on no sleep. 
I have a couple of questions that will help me give better advice.

When he wakes, do you feed right away?  I ask because you say he wakes 5:30-6:30 and nurse at 7:00.

Why are you uncomfortable nursing less?
Have you tried w2s for naps?
Do you feed him to sleep?
Does he sleep in his crib now? If yes, for how long?
Have you tried pat/shh to soothe him to sleep?

I would advise picking one "problem" at a time and really focus on it. It is simply too overwhelming to do everything at once, for you and your baby.  Keep in mind that for 6 months he has only know what you have taught him, a new way will be a big adjustment.  It is clear that he is overtired and that always makes things worse.

Hang in there Joy.  You have come to a great place as we are all very willing to help and support as much as we can. Post back and I will try to help more.
Myia

Oh and welcome to the BW site.  I would hug your friend for recommending the book and ask her why it took her so long to do so.  It isn't easy but the payoff in the long run is really great.

[joyous]

Myia - I actually got teary-eyed seeing that you responded!!  I have been checking ALL day in hopes of some advice or encouragement and am SO happy that I got some.  As of Monday, he has slept in his crib.  I have not brought him to bed or allowed him to fall asleep anywhere else; even when I drove to the store after a terrible nap, but we needed diapers!!  As far as when he wakes, no I do not feed right away.  I have been trying to do at least three or four hours between feedings at night.  I was good about four hours until last night and fed him after three hours and he fell back asleep in his crib and slept for almost three hours.  So, I think he was hungry.  He is definitely overtired.  No doubt about it.  But, I knew he would be while adjusting to this new routine.  I do not feed him to sleep.  The only time I nurse him close to a sleep time is at night, and he is awake when I lay him in his crib.  He has slept in his crib for the most three hours in a row.  Usually it is about 50 minutes though before he wakes.  Pat/shh just makes him more worked up, so we have been going in when he wakes and cries and laying him back down (he is always sitting up when we go in there) and if he is crying, usually a hand on him will calm him down and then we just sit next to him (no hand on him) while he falls asleep relatively quickly.  I tried the W2S yesterday for naps and it worked splendidly the first time, but the second nap, he woke up and I had to do pu/pd, which is very rare to have to do with him now.  I just hope the answer isn't going to be that I have to get up every 30 minutes throughout the night for three nights and do W2S.  I KNOW I will collapse from exhaustion if that is the case...  I want to nurse him as he needs it, but I also want him to learn that if he is nursing to eat (not comfort) then he needs to eat, and not snack.  Does that make sense?  I guess I know he loves to nurse (well, what baby doesn't?) and I love nursing him, so I don't want to cut back on that.  I am just wondering if nursing him and then feeding him an hour later is okay?  I definitely see improvements since we started this, but it is still at an unbearable point.  I am just so tired.  Last night he woke up 13 times...that is a lot!  It has improved, but I guess I am wondering if it will continue to improve or is this the best it is going to get.  When he wakes up between 5:30-6:30, I do not nurse him.  I wait until 7 to nurse him.  Thank you so much for your support and I hope that there are answers out there to get him to sleep longer and transition from sleep cycle to sleep cycle (today his naps were one hour and fifteen minutes each and he was happy when he woke from them.  I hear him wake during the second nap and put himself to sleep with VERY minimal fussing.  But, tonight, he woke after 50 minutes...)

[momofclaire]

Oh sweetie, I know how it feels to be overwhelmed and tired.  It sounds like you are doing great. Remember, you have only been at this a week.  Transitions take time, patience, and consistancy.  Use this time to teach and learn.  Tracy's methods are about a sch (EASY), yes, but more importantly they are about being respectful towards your baby and paying attention to their needs (cues).  

His waking, at night, seems like it could also be complicated by milestones.  Did he just start sitting up himself?  Many times babies will learn a new trick and do it in the middle of the night and find that they can't get back into the sleeping position they want.  It is a tough thing, but it passes.  Your baby could probably go overnight without a feed but I think we should work on that after EASY, naps and the others things are under control. Like I said, it is best to concentrate on one thing at a time.  

When I first started Claire on solids I would nurse and then feed her shortly after.  In the beginning solids are just for learning and a bit of calories.  The majority of his calories should still come from milk. I would try to up his food intake during the day.  To do that I would cut down on the snacking which will encourage him to eat more at each meal.  This will also get more food into him during the day, causing him to need less at night.  

You do not have to do w2s overnight.  His waking does not sound habitual, meaning they are at the same times.  You would do w2s if you noticed he was waking once at 4:00am every night, for no real reason.

I would continue with w2s for naps. He should be getting 2, 1.5-2 hour naps and a 45 min cat nap.  Overtired will really make the situation worse.  I would try to work on that.  

I hope I have answered some of your questions. Post back as I am very happy to help you through this.  Also, you may want to take a look around on the EASY boards. Their FAQ section is really informative.
Myia

[joyous]

Myia, thank you for your help.  The past two nights have been just as bad, if not worse.  As far as milestones, he has been crawling for two months and sitting up for a month and a half.  He can get down from sitting just fine.  So, I know it isn't that.  He has been pulling up to stand on things for about three-four weeks now.  And he can get down from whatever he stands up to.  He seems to wake and stay awake the most between 11pm or 12am and 2am or 3am.  He was up for three hourse last night (12-3am) and I nursed him more and thought maybe he was teething so I gave him some tylenol, but nothing would do the trick.  As soon as I pick him up, he calms down.  I just don't get it.  I know this takes time, but I am so exhausted and feel like a failure of a mom for not being able to get my child to sleep well.  I am going to go in his room in a minute and do W2S, so hopefully that will help and we can get him some daytime sleep that is better.  Thanks again for your help...I just don't know what to do...

[Colin Macs Mom]

Joy, I just wanted to add that BW is a lot of work for sure, but it's unbelievably worth it. You're doing great and there are lots of us here to support you! 

[momofclaire]

Ok, let's disect the problem a bit.  You say that bedtime is 6:30.  How does that go?  How does he go down? 
Last night, did he sleep from 6:30 to 11:00 or were there other wakes before that? 

There are a few things that could cause a child to be really upset while laying down.  Ear infections are more painful if the child is laying flat as pressure builds in the ear.  Reflux is another thing that could cause a baby to be more upset laying down.  Can we rule those out? I think he is just having a hard time with his new sch and routine but it is always important to rule out sickness as there is no point sleep training if the child is ill. 

Keep in mind that your little boy is used to waking during the night and seeing you.  He probably wakes now and wonders why he is in this strange contraption and where are his cuddly parents.  You have only been at it a week. Give it time. 
When he wakes at night describe to me what you do, how he sounds, what he does?
To be honest this sounds a lot like an overtired and maybe a bit confused baby.  It will get better, but you have to be consistant.

[joyous]

He doesn't seem sick or in pain, as he is completely fine every other time of the day - even laying and crawling on the floor.  Bedtime is fine for the most part.  My husband gives him a bath, I nurse, we read a book and cuddle in the rocking chair for a moment and then I lay him down.  Usually I have to put him down from the crawling stance a couple of times and then he is off to dreamland.  Minimal fussing, rarely cries during this going to sleep time.  He usually wakes within 50-75 minutes, sometimes earlier, sometimes a little later.  He starts with just a fuss and then a mantra cry.  Then, it is an all-out cry and we are waiting outside his room and go in when he starts crying.  He has put himself back to sleep a handful of times (naps and night) after waking and fussing/mantra cry for a few minutes, so I know he can do it.  I know I h ave to be consistent.  I was SO tempted to just bring him into bed last night - SO tired and cranky myself, but I knew that would mean the whole past week could be shot and that would make me cry!!   So, I stuck with it.  He is up usually every hour-hour and a half until about 11pm or 12am.  Then, it is hell in our house.  Crying and fighting going back to sleep for hours.  Then, he falls asleep, finally, and sleeps for 2-3 hours.  If he gets really upset during those early morning times (11-3), when I pick him up and put him down, he gets more mad.  So, I try to just lay my hand on him and talk to him calmly.  Sometimes he pushes my hand away, like he is mad at me!!  I know he is just frustrated and extremely overtired.  I guess I was just hoping for more improvements in a week; hoping that my baby would magically sleep more longer stretches at night - we all can dream right?  Anyway, I know consistency is the key, but it is so hard to think that you won't be doing this for the rest of your life at 2am!!

[momofclaire]

You certainly won't be doing this for the rest of your life.  I know it seems like total hell when a baby is up screaming all hours of the night.  Try to remember that this is very new to him, he doesn't understand why things have changed.  I would really work on getting him on a good day sch.  I think overtiredness is your biggest problem.  What has your sch looked like today? Was he waking this much when you co slept?

[joyous]

Our routine has been the same today as every day - I am following to the "t" for the first two weeks as per Tracy in the book.  He did wake up at 6:20am and I could not get him back to sleep.  I jus put him down for the 1pm nap and he rolled over and went to sleep within a few minutes, no fussing or anything.  That is progress, but I wish he would sleep longer!!  When we co-slept it had gotten to the point of him waking up constantly because I think he was waking when one of us moved or was too loud.  So, we were disturbing him and that was the main reason for moving him to his crib now.  I wish we could still co-sleep, but we all just "co-" and not "-sleep."  So, here we are...struggling and feeling like there is no end in sight.  I guess I just wish I knew when it would get better.  I wish I could just get up with him two or three times a night....oh well.  Thanks for your encouragement and advice.  I will be working on the day sleep a lot this week.  I know he is overtired, but even Tracy said that would happen in the beginning because he isn't used to this.  Should I still be as strict following her schedule right now?

[momofclaire]

The sch is less important than following the cues of your baby.  What sch are you following?  Have you checked out some sample easy sch for his age group?  You can find them in the EASY forum.  I think you may be stretching him a bit to far but only you can know that.  How has w2s worked for naps?

Hang in there. It takes work but it does get easier.

[joyous]

So far it is getting better.  Yesterdays naps and last night were a lot better and so have todays naps.  I have been following his cues more and not going so strict with the schedule in the book.  Last night he only woke up 7 times and slept a few two or three hour stretches!!  That is huge for us!!  Naps yesterday and today have been completely better.  I haven't even had to do W2S.  I have waited in there and he stirs and right when I go to put my hand on him, he rolls over to the other side and puts himself back to sleep without even noticing I am there!!  I also think he does the putting to sleep better during the day because there is light to find his binkie and blankie.  So, this morning, I ran to the store and got a nightlight, so we will see if that helps for the middle of the night when it is pitch black (the hardest time for him).  He also has excema pretty bad, and while it is under control now, I think his skin is extra sensitive.  So, I started dressing him in all cotton pjs, rather than the polyester blend.  So, hopefully that will make him more comfortable.  Thanks for all the help here!  Keep the advice coming on what I should work on next...like the nightwakings:)  I appreciate all your help and understanding!!

[momofclaire]

Keep working on the naps as I think overtiredness is complicating the sleep training. W2S usually takes few days to really work and break the habit but if you are seeing him stir and go back to sleep that is a positive sign. I would keep going in and watching or doing w2s for a couple more days.
 What are you doing when he wakes at night?  Does he cry right away or does it start with a fuss? 
For his skin, have you investigated anything that may cause him to itch or be uncomfortable?  (laundry detergent, lotion, baby wash)

I am glad to hear things are going better.  You are doing great. Hang in there!
Myia

[CB Mama]

It will get better!  We are working on sleeping through the night and lengthening naps with my almost 7 month old.  Try and take it one day - one step at a time!  So fart this week my son has had 2 good nights and 1 not so good night (the whole house was awake) but it is SO a step in the right direction.  If you can let yourself rest during one of DS naps - just  to help you get some rest!

[Colin Macs Mom]

So fart this week