Help ASAP!! I'm flying without a net here.

[beckycanada]

Hi, I've just started to try to get my almost 13-month-old to fall asleep on his own and I dont' know where to go from here.
Colum had been a good sleeper until about 6 months (although I rarely put him down awake -- mostly breastfed down -- he was an avid thumb sucker who self-soothed at night). Between colds, teething, and cutting his first tooth that was too sharp for his thumb, he stopped sucking his thumb and began night waking. Only once or twice at first, and now, often. We took to bringing him into our bed in the middle of the night and have been doing this for months. He nurses to sleep at naps, too. (I don't necessarily want to fully wean him, but we need to start the process!)
I had been planning to start with toddler PD after these canines finish coming through. But...
2 nights ago, when he woke I tried to walk and rock him back to sleep and lay him back in his crib. (Often works, especially for Dad.) But he resisted so much that I realized that he had been crying for 20 minutes and not wanting it to be for nothing, I started with the PD. He was hysterical, so I got in his crib with him and about an hour later fell asleep without breastfeeding. I stayed there for the rest of the night and he was quick to go back to sleep when waking once or twice more that night.
The next day, it took 40 minutes of PD and crying for his morning nap, and only a few minutes to settle for his afternoon nap, bedtime, and his 4 (yes, this is not unusal) night-wakings.
Enter today: I'm feeling pretty good about things. He is even tempered and easily adaptable -- an angel/textbook type -- and I figure that things are going well. He has been fussing all morning because of his teeth and when I go to put him down for his morning nap he screeches and howls and won't settle. So I pick him up and go get the baby Tylenol. Again I put him down and it's even worse. Afraid this is real pain, I pick him up and walk out of the room: he calms down right away. Oh, . So I've taught him now that if he cries hard enough I will pick him up. So in we go again, I'm determined not to give in. An HOUR later he is still escalating -- truly hysterical and standing more and more frequently. Enough is enough. I take him out and hold him in the living room. Almost right away he starts to doze on my shoulder. I try to lay him back in his crib, but he screeches.
So, I'm trying to keep him awake until after lunch and try again with the afternoon nap. (Note: he has been sometimes resisting the morning nap anyway -- even on the breast.)
I'm terrified, though, that I've already undone all I had accomplished by picking him up (3 times!) this morning and worry that he won't go down.

How long is too long to let a baby scream scream while doing PD? Much more than an hour seems unbearable to me. Of course, I'm sleep deprived, too. Not to mention engorged.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. I'm at my wits end.
Rebecca

[Colesmom]

Hi Becky-Welcome to the boards.  A good starting point would be to post your typical day, wake times, attempted nap times, bed time (including bedtime routine).  That will give us a good idea of whether your DS is getting enough sleep. 

He probably had more trouble around the 6 month mark too, because he likely became more aware of his surroundings and realized that the breast that was there when he fell asleep, wasn't there when he woke.

I have been in your same position, and have been taking my son on the couch in the night for one whole year.  The key to any sleep training is consistency.  I can vouch for this because I have tried it time and again, always falling back in to old habits and my son will take every inch I give him!

Your situation is a little more complicated, having to deal with the weaning at the same time.  There may be information on the baby sleep board about weaning and sleep training at the same time...I'll take a peak and see if I can direct you to something over there.

Lastly-don't look back on mistakes you think you've made (picking him up when he cries).  Just move forward and be consistent with how you want to handle each sleep period.  I know some people choose to deal with nights first, and then naps or vice versa.  Sleep begets sleep as they say, and the brain uses a different function for naptime and bedtime.  So, if you feel you need him to get good naps to have a better night...maintain what you are doing for naptime if it means he'll sleep better, and get bedtime under control first.  Then you can work on naps later kwim?

oh yes, and it is often typical for babies to cry for up two hours the first night or two. The key is, he is not crying alone.  You are there supporting him, showing him that you will come when he needs you, but that he must learn to sleep on his own.  The key is persistance and consistency.  Do not underestimate this.  He is crying because it is different, he has fallen asleep the same way for months.  Kids are adaptable, and he WILL learn the new way!

You can do it!  he can do it!

Good luck to you.  it is hard, but will be well worth it in the end.

okay, that was long.  I think the first thing we need is his routine

[mari]

Rebecca, i agree with everything that Traci said!  (thanks Traci  )

Please could you post your routine and we can take a look from there.  But don't despair, we will help you and you will get some sleep soon.  Take care.