Author Topic: is there hope? picky eater  (Read 1898 times)

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Offline Sylvia.

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is there hope? picky eater
« on: May 26, 2007, 13:41:08 pm »
dd1 charley, 33 months has always been a difficult fed, she has at time eat some good things, things seem to be getting worse at the moment, she is so fussy, won't eat a banana, i put a very small chocolate on the table the other day, she wanted it, i said only if you eat this banana first, i really just wanted to see if she would/could eat the banana, she did, i have never done anythink like this before, chocolate is a real treat as she has only every had it 1/2 dozen time in her life

she hates things she used to love, she hate things by sight, she wants the fat from the meat, lol, so do i, she is my daughter after all, she just will not eat vegetables unless pushed, i am so over pushing, it is making meal times difficult, 3-4 serves, well she does have 3-4 serves a week, on a serious note, she will eat cherry tomotoes, eats a few in one sitting, does eat apple, eveything else is a struggle, including meat

does this mean she will always be like this? dh and i love a vegetables, i really wanted to share my love for food with her, will she ever change?

Offline taygensmom

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #1 on: May 26, 2007, 20:00:17 pm »
What is her eating/feeding and snacktime routine? Also, does she drink alot of milk/juice etc...?

Our LO is younger than yours but we have pretty consistent times for mealtimes/snacktimes (with some flexibility of course) and he only eats at the table. This helps us to avoid grazing/snacking throughout the day. He eats breakfast at 7:30, lunch at 11:30, snack at 2:30, and dinner at 6:00. He gets milk with his meals/snacks (I would give part way through if I thought he was filling up on it at the beginning) and water in between. This really seems to help because he is then truly hungry for meals and eats much better that if he had been snacking/drinking throughout the day.

During meals we do give him only vegetables first, as an "appetizer". It is important to us for him to eat veggies, so we give them consistently and try to give a choice of at least 2 so that he has options. When he has eaten some of his veggies we then give him a little bit of whatever else we are having, along with some extra veggies. He always gets what we are having, we do not prepare something separate for him or get him something else. We just serve what we are eating, and then we let him choose if he wants to eat it or not. There have been a handful of times when the meal has ended with him refusing or only taking a few bites. We just let him down, respect his choice, and wait until the next meal/snack. He has never starved, and he will eat when he is hungry!! We try not to make it a control battle, as it truly is his choice if he eats or not. But we do set up his environment and give him food choices that make it much more likely that he will choose to eat, and become accustomed to a large variety of foods.

I realize this may seem a little too "structured" or may even seem impossible to do, but it truly has worked for us and we have a great eater who doesn't expect anything but what is being served at the table. I also work with "picky eaters", and have found that if you have a child of normal weight with a normal appetite (although it may be for only certain foods), then they likely will adjust to this type of feeding routine and it can result in much less frsutration for everyone involved. The first week or so will probably be very tough, but if you truly and consistently stick it out in all likelihood it will get better. HTH

Offline Nonna Joann

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #2 on: May 28, 2007, 04:51:32 am »
The first thing to remember when dealing with a preschooler is that they have tiny tummies. Snacks should always be given at least two hours BEFORE mealtimes.

Second, bribing a child with a treat (chocolate) or other reward for eating a refused food, ultimately teaches that holding out will prove to be beneficial.

There's a difference between "pushing" food upon a child and "teaching" a child about food. It's your job as a parent to teach your child to eat a variety of whole foods.

Children learn to eat nutritious foods when snacking is limited and multi-sensory learning is incorporated during mealtimes. Learning most easily occurs when all the senses are utilized. The LAST sense to include is taste. Take the time to talk about the attributes of the food your eating with your child. Discuss the color, the texture, what it smells like, etc.

In my book, "Baby Bites: Transforming a Picky Eater into a Healthy Eater", I discuss the synergy of whole foods, positive discipline, and directed-play that catapults the picky eater to healthy eating. In a week's time, your picky eater can be tasting food once refused--on his own.
Nonna Joann Bruso
« Last Edit: May 29, 2007, 20:02:05 pm by jaime-jaina&luke »

Offline GabrielleD

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #3 on: May 28, 2007, 22:16:38 pm »
Taygensmom,

I can't thank you enough for your post. I came on the site today looking for suggestions for how to get my picky eater to eat something other than meat (in any form including fish, chicken, beef, hot dogs, etc) and fruit (bananas, pineapples, oranges, grapes, and apples). Oh, yeah, and DS will eat cakes and cookies whenever offered ::). He absolutely refuses to eat any vegetables or pasta/rice/potatoes. I know that this is our fault, but I needed suggestions for how to get him back on track. When he was a baby he would eat anything that was put in front of him, so he had a great varied diet full of vegetables. My mother suggested something similar to what you said and basically told us that we spoiled DS and that's why he is only eating the "fun" foods. She also said that we should offer him what we eat, including vegetables, and if he doesn't want it then not to offer him anything else. She said that when he gets hungry he will eat. Currently DS gets milk in the morning and in the evening (about 12 oz. each time - is that OK? or too much?) and only water to drink during the day. If he refuses to eat dinner (we usually eat around 5 pm) should we try to offer him the dinner food before bed and will he wake up hungry in the middle of the night if we don't?  I should mention that DS is definitely not underweight, so I have no health concerns about letting him skip a few meals until he gets hungry. I am not looking forward to the tantrums, though - but I realize that I got him into this situation, so we need to correct it before it goes on for longer. Thanks for answering and thanks in advance for any other suggestions that you may have.

Offline taygensmom

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #4 on: May 29, 2007, 01:23:57 am »
Hi Gabrielle,

So your LO loves cake and cookies? Well, don't they all (myself included) ::)

As far as milk intake, 24 oz per day is alot for an almost 2 year old. Really he only needs a max of about 18 oz. per day, and that can include foods containing milk products! So my fist suggestions would be to cut back on the milk. If it were me I would try to cut back to about 16 oz (18 at most), and give a little more at night than in the morning (maybe 6 oz. in AM and 10 oz. after dinner).

When do you give him his morning milk? Right before breakfast, during, or after? If at all possible I would give during or right after breakfast, to increase the likelihood that he will be hungry and motivated to eat solids at breakfast.

I would suggest that you start offering whatever you are eating to your LO during meals. I would also suggest with your LO (since he is a meat and fruit lover), that at the beginning of the meal or right before the meal (as his "appetizer" before all the other foods are put out on the table) that you offer the veggies and carbs. Then after a short time give small portions of the meats and fruits (or whatever else you are eating) but leave the veggies and carbs out as well. The key is pretty small portions of the preferred foods so he is still getting foods he likes but is not completely filling up on them. Remember that his stomach is small, so a little meat and fruit by our standards is a full portion by toddler standards.

Then, and this is the hard part, sit back and let him make his choices. He is going to be the one to decide if and what he eats anyway, and the more you try to cajole or bribe or push him to eat, the less likely it is going to work. The thing to really remember is what you control and what your LO controls, as you both have a responsibility in the mealtime. You as a parent control when he eats, what is presented, what order foods are presented, and when he gets down from the table. He controls if he eats and what he eats, given the choices you have provided. So if he refuses the choices provided, a simple "Oh, you're not hungry right now?" or "OK, it's your choice" is fine. Try to avoid commenting at all on the negatives "why aren't you eating?" or "he didn't eat any vegetables again". Instead, if he refuses just respect that and give a very neutral response and allow that to be his choice. Then try again at the next meal and stick with your plan.

If he refuses dinner you could offer him the dinner food before bed or not. It's up to you. With our LO we don't, and he doesn't wake up for food. I am guessing your LO would be OK too, especially since he drinks milk in the evening before bed. However, it will not hurt to re-offer the dinner if he is interested.

Oh, and by the way, it's not that you "spoiled" your LO. Many parents just have a hard time knowling how to really set up their environment to promote a varied diet and healthy eating in their LO. I'm sure you're doing an amazing job!!

Offline oilerbaby

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #5 on: May 29, 2007, 16:08:18 pm »
Russyl.... just wanted to give you a glimmer of hope!  My now seven year old was  HORRIBLE eater and it was as struggle every meal to get her to eat something healthy.  Happy to say though that she is now doing quite well and will usually just eat whatever we make.  There are times though that both the kids are being stubborn and our rule around here is if you don't eat your supper then you get nothing but fruit/veggies for the bedtime snack (rather than cereal, toast, etc). 

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Offline Sylvia.

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #6 on: May 30, 2007, 00:37:28 am »
oh shaun that is the exact information that i was looking for, thanks a millions, sylvia xoxo

Offline GabrielleD

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #7 on: May 30, 2007, 01:06:33 am »
Taygensmom,

Just wanted to let you know how today went... breakfast was toast with jam (for both of us) and not only did he finish his little sandwich, but he wanted more....lunch was mac&cheese with hot dog pieces (he has had this before and I know he had no problems with it in the past), but he refused to eat any of it, didn't get anything else instead, and he went to take a nap without any problems. Then for dinner we had chicken & rice with broccoli florets and glazed carrots (for all of us). I was amazed - not only did he finish his chicken and rice, but he ate his broccoli and the tomato from his chicken and rice. He even tasted the glazed carrots, but didn't want any of it. I went to the grocery store this evening and bought green beans, parsnips, carrots, peas, and creamed spinach - hey, I am hopeful!!! :) I realize that it may be worse before it gets better, but I was very pleasantly surprised by what happened so far. Thanks for your help.

Offline taygensmom

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #8 on: May 30, 2007, 01:43:30 am »
So glad to hear he is doing so well right off the bat!!! Keep me posted on how things go!

Offline JJsMum

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #9 on: June 08, 2007, 12:42:48 pm »
Hi all, hope you don't mind me piggy-backing my problem onto this thread.  My DS is 21 months old and eating very little these days.  He refuses to taste anything with a sauce (unless it is cheesy/dairy sauce).  He will finger feed himself pasta, bread etc so I have pretty much resorted to giving him a plate of little bits and peices he can feed himself.  He is well able to use a spoon but just chooses not to (apart from to feed himself yoghurt of weetabix).  But my biggest problem is that he will have a couple of mouthfuls of whatever his meal is (if I am lucky!), tell me hes' "inish", hand the plate back and ask for "puddy".  Now, pudding is usually fruit so it's not like he's expecting chocolate cake, but I really don't want to encourage the expectation that he can leave his dinner and still get dessert.  But also I know you're noe supposed to say "you can't have pudding because you didn't eat your veggies/dinner etc" becuase then they will view veggies as something that have to be endured in order to get a reward.  So what am I supposed to do?!! Any words of wisdom gratefully received....!

Oh, and interestingly they tell me at nursery (he goes 3 days a week) that he eats pretty much anything so it appears this behaviour is reserved mainly for me (and, to a lesser extent, his Dad).

Many thanks,
Helen.


Offline taygensmom

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Re: is there hope? picky eater
« Reply #10 on: June 08, 2007, 14:47:34 pm »
Hi Helen,

Personally I would just change what I am presenting a bit. If he gets fruit at snacks as well then maybe just offer fruit after one meal. Or if he only eats fruit after meals it is Ok to offer at the end of meals, just a VERY small portion (I mean really small-like maybe 5 small bites of fruit). That way he is still getting some of his favorite but not enough to fill up on so that he is refusing the rest of the meal. your other opiton is to present the fruit with the meal, and when his 5 pieces are gone he can either choose to be done or eat some of the other food. If you just change the quantity that you offer (remember their stomach's are really small so it doesn't take much to fill up on fruit) and then only offer whatever you guys are eating, he will likely decide to eat a little more of the "real" meal. He may go through a few days of tantrums/refusals/skipping some meals, but I would just wait until the next meal and try again. I wouldn't offer anything in between your usual meals/snacks if he refuses, and also make a point to keep snacks small/light so he is motivated to eat the meals.

As far as the figner feeding, I would just let that go at this point! We give our LO whatever we are eating, and usually nothing more, and he eats alot of things with his fingers that aren't "finger foods"! HTH

present whatever you are eating and let him go. If he then says he is "inished" (so cute!) I would