17 month old will not sleep at bed time or nap time.

[shenzy002]

Hi Everyone,
I hope you don't mind me posting, I'm kind of new to posting here, although I've been following BW Techniques since my LO was born (apart from the past 6 months).
Hubby and I are a bit stuck here as to what to do with our LO ..... she has big problems going to sleep/staying asleep for both naps and bed time.
Sorry this is a bit long winded. About 6 months ago, we decided to move house (big mistake) and after moving around a few times and staying in various places, we have eventually managed to get settled again, however, this hasn't been so good for our LO, she's spent the past 6 months basically just sleeping wherever we were, usually in our bed, for naps and for bed time ... the poor baby has had no structure to her sleep at all ...  Now that we're settled we're trying to get some kind of structure into her sleep and a routine back again.
Because she'd been so used to sleeping with mum & dad, we had a bit of a struggle getting her back into her own cot in her own room, she will go into her cot and will fall asleep for either half an hour or an hour then she's awake, usually every hour or so, sometimes it's every 10 mins she wakens, and this can go on pretty much all through the night. I'm pretty sure alot of what's going on is over tired but I can't seem to get past the over tiredness with her.

Our day goes something like this :

6.30 / 7.00 am awake
8.00am b/fast
10.00am snack
11.00am Nap
11.45/12.00 awake (usually very grumpy - but I can't get her back to sleep).
1.00pm lunch
3.00pm snack
5.00pm dinner
6.30pm start some kind of wind down, bath / pj's / milk etc....
7.30pm into cot ... usually jumps around really excited and takes about 30 mins to fall asleep.
then she's up pretty much every hour or so after that .... crys blue murder until I give in and take her through with us (very bad, I know..... )
About 2 o'clock this morning I was trying to get her back settled again and she was screaming and crying so hard that she was choking....it was awful.

I've tried doing WI/WO but can't even turn towards the door and she starts crying.

Any advice / support anyone can give us would be so greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much.
Michelle

[Layla]

Hi Michelle & welcome to the boards ! I am sorry you're going through some troubles at the moment & I hope we can help you and your lo get on track.

I agree with you in that she is overtired. These are my suggestions:

Bedtime - You will probably have to move it up all the way to 6.30pm for a little while until she is sleeping better. I think she is awake for too long in the afternoon & her nap is too short and by giving her an earlier bedtime, she is getting more sleep at the front end of the night (which consists of more deep/restorative sleep) & this should help erase overtiredness. In the morning when she wakes, go on about your day and try to get her moving about/running around, etc... & as you get closer to the nap time, do a super long windown. So read more books, more cuddles, sing songs and come 11.45-12pm, lay her down and leave. She should be nice and tired for a nap. If she stands up and cries, I would either do pd, wi/wo or gw. Here's the link to the toddler sleep training methods. Chose the one you are most comfortable with & stick with it. https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0.

Naps - Offer her a nap at midday. If she wakes earlier than 1hr, help her re-settle with the same sleep training method you have chosen at night. If she will not go back to sleep and had a short nap, go about your day and put her to bed earlier for the night.

Consistency- because of the changes in her life & her being used to coming back into bed with you, I would try and be consistent for all nightwakings (regardles of whether they are every hour or longer). This is going to be an extremely hard time for you and be prepared for looong nights. Try and get some sleep as soon as she goes down for the night. Try and have your dhi nvolved so that you can take turns sleeping. If you are more comfortabel, camp out in her room for a few nights, comfort her when she wakes up but don't take her out of the cot/room. Eventually she will have to fall alseep cause she will be exhausted but as long as you are there with her, helping her get through this. Does she have a lovey or something comforting. A favourite teddy? Blanket?

You can do this & you will get through this. Write a plan of action and stick to it. Post back as often as you like. I would think the 1st 2 weeks will be the hardest but again, you need to make a change and she needs to re-learn how to fall asleep without you and more importantly how to get herself back to sleep if/when she wakes at night.....

Sorry for the long post
Let me know what you think
Layla

[shenzy002]

Hi Layla,
Thanks so much for your reply. Sorry I didn't get back sooner, but I did something to my BW account yesterday and it was locked but I think some nice person must have fixed it for me as it's working fine today.
Last night got off to a great start, started LO's wind down at around 6, quick bath, pj's, some milk, a story then off to bed. She was in bed by 6.30pm and asleep by 6.45pm. She woke around 9.30, wasn't really crying - more moaning, DH just put head round the door and said "sleepy times" and she went back to sleep, so that wsa great. She then woke at 11.00 and was on and off wakening through till around 1.30 this morning, I was just going in to her room, telling her it was "sleepy time" and she was fine she'd go back to sleep but not for long, she was quite restless but she wasn't hysterically crying or anything. The around 1.30 this morning (I'm so stupid sometimes...... ) I decided that I would put on her disk to see if she would fall back into a deeper sleep (it's a cd with soft lullaby music on it), well, I put this on (quietly, or so I thought) and she jumped up from her cot and went hysterical within 30 seconds, I kept trying to lying her down, she was choking / sounding like she being sick and she couldn't breath, it was awful, I've never heard anything like it my life ... I then made the mistake of lifting her out of her cot...well, that was it....there was no way she was going back in. So of course, she ended up through with us .... which of course, as soon as she came in with us, she went out like a light and that was her till 8.30 this morning.
We've had half a success as in we got her to bed at 6.30 and she slept till around 8.30 this morning (with a bit of a drama in between  ), so that may start to help the over tiredness.....
What should I do when she goes hysterical like that, should I just keep laying her back down saying "sleepy times" and trying to sooth her. I think it might be better if I move into her room for a few nights, what do you think ?
Thanks again for all your advice.....we're away to have a nice long walk this morning, so she can burn off some energy and hopefully have a good nap at lunchtime.....fingers crossed.
Thanks Again.
Michelle

[Layla]

Hey Michelle,

What should I do when she goes hysterical like that, should I just keep laying her back down saying "sleepy times" and trying to sooth her. I think it might be better if I move into her room for a few nights, what do you think ?

Well in this case she might have gone hysterical because she was getting mixed messages. Don't put music on or anything like that... too stimulating in the middle of the night. You really want to give her 1 message and that is she is to go to sleep & in her cot. I would continue going in, reasuring and walking out (like what you did). If things are getting worse (crying beyond crying, etc....), you are better off soothing her with words in her cot & camping out on the floor for a couple of nights (if she's not settling with words) just to get her used to sleeping in the cot.

This is a great start  . Let me know how she goes at nap time. Did she used to nap with you as well or is she ok to go down at nap times?

[shenzy002]

She isn't too bad with day time naps ... she will go into her cot and fall asleep but just won't nap for very long (sometimes 45 mins, sometimes 1 hour, very rarely will she sleep for over an hour) but we're working on changing that  .
Thanks again for your help.
Will let you know how we go tonight.

[headinoz]

Hey Michelle:  How did you go last night without the CD?    

Hope Anya slept better for you.  I find with Madeleine that overtired is the biggest nap killer ever... so hopefully once you start having better nights, the naps will get longer all on their own. 

 

[shenzy002]

Hiya

Oh me, last night  .
What can I say - it's like 2 steps forward - 10 steps back !!
Anya went to bed no problem, had her bath, milk, etc.....did a bit of wi/wo, was standing outside her bedroom door for a while and all went quiet, checked her monitor and she was sleeping, I thought "great", she's put herself off to sleep on her own. She rumbled about a few times during the evening but managed to settle herself.
However !!!!  Come 11.30 last night - all hell broke loose...she started crying - went in to settle her and she was clawing at her cheek, her neck and biting her dummy like mad ..... so that was the start of the teething again..... .... so of course, gave her meds, teething powders etc .... lots of cuddles and of course again, she ended up in our bed. She did though, have a great sleep once she came in with us .... so at least we all got a few hours good sleep last night.
Today, she's been very clingy and grouchy, her cheeks are bright red and she looks totally miserable with the teething. We managed to get her in her cot tonight - with a bit of a struggle but she went, not sure what will happen tonight, I guess we'll need to go through the teething thing again for a while before we can get back to concentrating on the sleep thing....oh joy - like I say, it's like 2 steps forward then 10 back....
How's things with Madeleine ?

Michelle

[Layla]

Teething are a pain  . Good luck tonight.

[shenzy002]

SUCCESS !!!! We had a major break through. 

Anya stayed in her cot all night last night.

I expected last night to be awful, with her teething .... but she wasn't too bad.
I moved onto my putty up bed at around midnight last night as she was starting to rumble and cry .... she slept on and off with me there - everytime she woke, I gave a little "sshhh" and she went down again, come about 4 this morning, she was hanging over her cot and the hysterics were starting, so I started singing twinkle twinkle to her, which seemed to settle her...she rumbled for around an hour - but no hysterics (everytime she went to start, i just started singing twinkle twinkle)...she just couldn't get herself back into a deep sleep...eventually she did after an hour - and she slept again till 7 this morning.
I know there were still nws etc....but at least she stayed in her cot the whole night.....

Michelle

[Layla]

Michelle, that is fantastic!!! I wanted to say that there will always be teething or illness or something.... so try your best not to take her out into your bed. It will make things work for you so much faster. Otherwise you might be sending her mixed signal (if you know what I mean). I think you are doing GREAT!!!!

Keep posting. Nothing like success stories!