Developmental issue or habit?

[happy2bamum]

For well over a month now, my 18 month old has been waking at least once (but usually more) through the night calling out to me. I usually go in, replace her paci (if it is even out) and put her down. She goes straight back to sleep (well I assume she does as I don't hear another peep out of her after I have been in and left).  I have tried ignoring her calls but then her calling out escalates to crying and it takes her a lot longer to go back to sleep. So as you can imagine the quicker option of just going in there and letting her know I am around is a lot more attractive to me! However, this has been going on too long and I find it hard to get back to sleep myself.  Is this waking all through the night and calling out to to mum a developmental stage that she will get over or is this a habit that has got out of hand? Anyone else experience this and how did you solve it?

[¤ Efka ¤]

Could it be that she is waking for paci and in her sleepy stage cannot locate that?
Would putting there couple pacis or weaning it altogether help?What you think?

[Layla]

Mine does that sometimes but it usually happens when she's overtired. Is she still taking a short nap during the day or has that improved?

[rinajack]

My Lo does this too - for her it is not overtired, if overtired she wakes crying, not calling. It isn't every night, and I can't see a pattern as to when it does happen.

Often enough, my lo has the dummy in her hand - she has removed it in order to call me better, then puts it in as soon as she sees me.
I am guessing it is something she will grow out of, she clearly just needs to see that I am still there (we have recently had some pretty severe SA which has now eased to almost gone (with a new flare up due to me having a 4 day stay in hospital).

[happy2bamum]

Peike- I don't actually think it is a paci issue as she usually has one in her mouth when I get to her bedroom. Occasionally it is out but she has others in her cot. It is more like she wants more company. I don't actually want to try to wean the paci at the moment as I have another baby due in 4 weeks time and I am too scared to make such a big change!

Layla- you have a great memory (re the short nap). She is so much better now! She pretty consistently takes 80 minutes nap during the day. She is usually up at around 6am and tends to nap from noon to 1:20ish. I put her in her cot at about 6:40ish, read to her for about 5 minutes and then leave the room. I think she is out like a light within 5 minutes of me leaving the room. If it is an OT issue, I don't know if it has something to do with the timing of things or if it is because she is waking all through the night and therefore not getting a good night's sleep. I don't actually know how long it takes her to get back to sleep after my little visits through the night. All I know is that she goes quiet and goes back to sleep at some stage. It is like a catch 22 situation in a way. If she is OT, she wakes through the night but the waking causes her to be OT. It is now rare for her to sleep through the night. As I said earlier, she wakes at least once a night (and more often than not 2 or 3 times) and calls out to me. She doesn't even seem upset.

Rinajack- I wonder if it is an OT issue myself as like your little one, she wakes up calling out and not crying. I have also not been able to see a pattern. I have kept a diary and it seems quite random. We are pretty consistent with our routine. I don't know if it is a routine issue though...My DD does the same thing - holds the dummy and sticks it back in when she sees me. I have wondered if it is a SA issue too although it only happens in the middle of the night. It is like she wants to know that I am still around and when satisfied that I am, she is happy to go back to sleep.  I am worried about how she will cope when I am in hospital having the baby if it is a SA issue...

I feel silly complaining because we have come so far. But I am worried about getting up through the night to a newborn and having to also get up to my toddler. I am envisaging not getting any shut-eye myself running backwards and forwards between the two of them.

[rinajack]

I think in the middle of the night everything is quiet, there is no household noise, nothing to indicate if you are still there or not.  At this age, they do not know that you are still there when they can't see you, they learn that a little later I think (not 100% sure when though).

Your lo will also know you are pregnant and that things are about to change.  That could be contributing.  I just spent 3 nights in hospital myself, and DH ended up bringing Zara to bed the first nigth cause she woke constantly.  The next night she only woke the once and settled ok, the next night the two of them shared a bed in a hotel so they could visit me (the hospital is 2.5 hrs from our home).  It was OK...have you tried letting DH attend in the night to see if she just wants to know if one of you is around, as opposed to you specifically?

[Layla]

Thats a good point Rina.... maybe try to have DH go in instead & you would know if its just you she wants.

[rinajack]

Also if she gets used to him going, she will do better when you are in hospital, or can't go after baby is born cause you are feeding....

[happy2bamum]

DH gets up at about 5 to go to work so I don't really expect him to get up during the night. At least I can sleep til 6 and can take a nap when she does...He did go to her on the weekend as he had the next day off. She ended up waking up more than usual. It wasn't until I finally paid a visit, that she actually slept through to the morning...She only calls out to him if she has been calling out to me for a while and I haven't showed up!!

I wonder if she does understand the whole pregnancy thing...We talk a bit about it but I just don't know the level of understanding.

I thought they learnt by age 1 about object permanence etc but not sure either...It is odd that if that is the case, she has only started this waking up and calling out recently. I would have thought she would have been doing it for a while...

[happy2bamum]

Okay so after Rinajack's helpful posts, I've done some googling and I think she is right about it being nighttime separation anxiety. It totally makes sense. While 1 year olds do have some understanding that mum is still there even though they can't see her, apparently there are stages through toddlerhood where kids start to feel anxious about not being able to see mum.

Now my question is: how do I deal with this? I think I will have to keep up the reassurances that I am there (although maybe I shouldn't respond so quickly), maybe I can start to make a bigger deal out of her loveys during the night in the hopes that she will self-settle using them rather than needing me...any other ideas? To tell you the truth, now that I know/suspect that it is separation anxiety, I am really glad that I have mainly responded to her. Some of the websites have mentioned the fact that you can be pretty sure it is SA if your LO goes back to sleep pretty quickly after you've reassured them that you aren't far away. I'm not sure that WIWO is the answer under these circumstances...what do you all think?

The thing I am concerned about is this: will me showing up and reassuring her during this time result in a "long-term waking through the night calling out for mum to pay a visit habit" once she is finally over this SA?

[rinajack]

I think making a bigger deal out of the lovies is a good idea.  Each night, when I kiss Zara good night, so does a couple of her loveys (and they always bring a smile when they kiss her). I tell her she has xxx if she needs him, and that I will see her in the morning.

Our NW of this type are actually decreasing, we haven't had any for 3 nights now, however I doubt at this point (given some of her daytime behaviour) that they are gone for good.

I don't think responding quickly and lovingly will end in a NW habit.  I think it sets up success for your child, no real trauma or drama, and that over time, she will learn that she doesn't need to call mum all the time, because she always comes - she can just call her if she needs her.

As for pregnancy, I dont' know that they understand what the end result will be, but they do know that something is up. It certainly could be a factor in what you are dealing with.

I understand about not wanting/expecting your DH to get up to your DD with the time he has to get up for work (my DH gets up at the same time), but I do think that helping your DD get used to having him respond will help her when you go to have the baby, so even if he can do it a few nights per week, I think it would be a good idea (maybe at first you need to go with him a couple times, then see if she responds better to his attendance on his own).

Another alternative (I haven't tried this yet) would be to see if she responds to your voice only....if ehr room is close to yours could you call out to her? or do you use a monitor that can be a twoway if you press a certain button?

[happy2bamum]

Thanks Rina.

Good to hear that your NWs are decreasing. I guess SA is something that comes with the territory and I am sure it will emerge again when DD goes into a big girl bed later in the year.

I think I'm just worried after we've come so far with WIWO. I don't want to mistake a habit for SA and set up long-term issues...again.  I have tried calling out to her from my room which is next door but she seems to want to see me! She keeps calling until I get there. I have a monitor but I haven't used it for a year with her. I will use it for the baby.

Thanks again. I think I'm just going to have to ride this out and hope that it passes soon after the baby arrives if not before...

She seems to have developed a cold so I'm going to go to her for sure if she calls out during the night. Who says I need sleep?!