Help, I think sippy has become a prop!

[lcalado]

Hi, I'm having a hard time deciding what to do for my 15mo ds because I'm afraid his sippy cup has become a prop during nightwakings. At least every other night he wakes up screaming and points to the bureau, where we sometimes put his cup. If the cup isn't there, I go get it from the kitchen. My husband thinks we should go cold turkey, but I don't want to torture the poor kid if he is actually thirsty. Last night, dh went in with first nw and ds screamed for 90 min!  Then I went in, ds showed he wanted the cup, and when I gave it to him, he gulped it down and then went right to sleep.

The dilemma is that ds has NEVER slept through the night, so we're trying to be firm and consistent and finally get some sleep. But am I supposed to let him scream for hours when he's thirsty? As I said, this is about every other night; the other nights are "good" with only 1 nw without needing a drink.

Thanks, I'm just so tired and sad, I can't think straight on this one!
Liesl

[mari]

No, don't let him scream for anything.  Please let him have what he needs and if you think that he is just playing you then let him know that you have heard him, but he must go to sleep.  Have you tried any form of sleep training like Walk in Walk out, Pick up Put down or anything?

With the sippy, I would get a non spill one, fill it with water and leave it in the cot where he can find it, that should solve the thirst problem.

Could you post his daily routine to see if we can help out with anything else.

[lcalado]

I have tried PD successfully in the past, but recently it seems to rile him up more. I've never done CIO. However, last week he had a couple of really bad nights where he screamed for 90min or so, no matter what we did - and when I say that, I mean that we tried our usual methods of soothing (shushing, hand on him) without taking him out of the crib. But by the third night I was so exhausted, I threw in the towel and slept with him in dd's bed while she slept with dh. (My dd and ds share a room and she was getting disturbed by the screaming.) Ever since, he is a nightmare to put to sleep. Before that night, he would go down very easily for naptime, with just me standing next to his crib. Now he fights me doing PD; it seems that one night made him want to be held all the time!

We also have been trying a slightly modified routine for the past week. We were battling 5am wakings; WTS didn't work because he was waking at 4am also. I had journals of my dd's routine at this age and she was going down later in the evening and waking later too. So I've been putting ds down a bit later and he is now going back to sleep until 6:30am. So here's pretty much what we're doing now:

4:30am - wake, soothe with hand on back, asleep quickly
5:30am - same, although sometimes he skips this waking
6:30am - up for good
7:30 - breakfast
11:30 - lunch
12pm - start nap routine
12:30 - asleep
2:30 - awake (usually, although the past two days he's napped very poorly)
6pm - dinner
6:30 - bath, then play
7:30 - books
8pm - asleep
10pm - every other night, this is when he wakes and nothing seems to help at first; we don't give the sippy right away because dh thinks ds can go without it; eventually, I give in because I can't stand to see ds obviously want a drink and after he gets it, he goes right to sleep

Of course, writing this all down, it makes sense that he's having some difficulty because we slightly changed his routine at the same time that I threw him a loop by sleeping with him one night. He had a very tough time going down for his nap today, but I realized I was starting the winddown very close to the time I did it during the old routine, so maybe I need to move it a bit later...

Anyway, the sippy cup issue still stands. I don't think that giving it to him will make him dependent, but what do I know? Neither of my children slept well the first two years, so I've definitely made mistakes before! 

[Layla]

Hey there.

There are a couple of things I would consider changing. You mentioned that he is having a hard time going down for naps. This might be due to inconsistency of being soothed to sleepas well as him being slightly overtired. I've noticed bedtime is 8pm. I would suggest you make it earlier so that he gets more sleep at night. Try to aim for something like this:

6.30 - wake
12pm (no later) - nap (to be in cot & asleep)
2pm - wakes from nap
7pm - in bed (hopefully asleep by 7.30 the latest)

So try for earlier lunch, around 11ish & then a longer windown routine. Come 11:45, put him in cot & leave. If he is crying then you could try the wi/wo method. He might cry but its not the same as CIO becuase you are coming back to reassure him that you're still there but he has to nap. Do the same for bedtime.

Here's the link to the wi/wo method - https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0

As Mari suggested, put a sippy cup with water in it in the cot & let him know its there if he's thirsty at night. If he calls out for you at night, go to him, give him a drink & then leave. If he's up & crying do wi/wo until he is sleeping again.

Try & not take him out of the cot & if you are going to soothe him with hand on back, try & not stay with him until he is asleep. If you have to reassure him & calm him down, do so but if you are staying there until he is asleep, then you might become a prop.

hth
Layla

[lcalado]

Hi everyone, I wasn't able to get a chance to reply until now, and since I last posted we've had some horrible nights. Ds no longer asks for the sippy, he just screams and cries around 10:30 every night, and I don't know what to do for him, he goes on forever! Not only am I heartsick over this, he is really disturbing DD who is in the same room. Last night I was crying and wondering why he was doing this, and I realized that I am not consistent with how I respond to him. At night, I will put my hand on his back, but sometimes he doesn't like that, so I just stand there while he screams. At naptime, if he wakes early, I usually pick him up because that is the quickest way to get him back to sleep since DD is awake and looking for attention. So obviously he's upset and confused that I'm not doing holding him all the time!

I need to pick a method for night and naptime that I will stick with, but I don't know what is appropriate for his age. Do I do PD, even if he fights it? Do I just stay with him, but let him scream until he decides to lie down? I'm not familiar with WI/WO, is that what I should be doing? How do I do this for naptime with my DD around (anyone have experience with that)? I would greatly appreciate all advice!

Layla, I also was reading some of your other posts about early bedtime and overtiredness, and I'm convinced that I need to try this again. DS consistently wakes at 5:45, and at first he was taking really long naps, but now he's waking early at naptime too. When we tried early bedtimes, we didn't do it more than a week, so I guess I need to give it longer. I just need to convice DH; he doesn't agree with early bedtimes at all! But I just want my happy little baby back; he is so cranky every day because he's so tired!

Thanks for everything!

[Layla]

Gradual withdrawal, wi/wo & pd are all appropriate for his age (see the link). I agree that you need to be consistent. It might disturb dd's sleep for a week or so but at least you can have his sleep sorted out.

When you say your DD is around... is she also napping around the same time? Can you put a video on for her or get her engaged in something she likes (colouring or puzzles) & then work on DS's naps??? When I was sleep training Jasmine, Isabella was in & out of the room & it was driving me NUTS!!! SHe was much younger too so alot harder to explain things to. I went out & bought a whole bunch of new outdoor toys (like kitchen tea sets & gardening toys) & when it was time to nap J, I would take the toys out, set her outside & in with the baby, shh/patting. That worked really well for us. Also got her to watch some BE, which is a great distraction. Only take the toys out when its nap time, otherwise she might get bored with them very quickly.

I do think that earlier bedtime will help (& even slightly earlier nap for the moment).

Good luck & keep us posted