Author Topic: SA triggered by starting a daycare  (Read 1291 times)

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Offline Proudmumoftwo

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SA triggered by starting a daycare
« on: July 24, 2007, 16:01:47 pm »
??? I have a 13 month old boy, who just started daycare 1-1/2 weeks ago. He screams as soon as he realizes I am going to put him down to leave, and wails for about 10 minutes afterwards ( I wait in the hallway and listen:) I tried waiting there a few minutes to play and sneak out when he is not looking and I have tried the quick drop off, he wails either way.
Any idea how to minimize the anxiety for him?

He also will not eat his 12 month jarred food or solids at daycare but will drink milk from his bottle. Any tips??

He only sleeps 45 minutes at daycare as opposed to his 2 hour morning nap. And when we put him down to sleep for the night at home he screams for over a half hour in his crib till he starts gagging, we have tried going in every 15 minutes to put him lying back down and go out again (didn't work), we tried just letting him cry and not go in, and he has fallen back to sleep 3 out of 10 times. We tried to hold him and rock him to sleep and as he falls asleep we put him in his crib and he jumps to his feet and starts wailing. He is suffering from a cold right now but whenever he got sick before the peak would last maybe one or two days, it's been about 4 nights now.
All of this from a boy who usually puts himself to sleep and has only slept through the night about 2 weeks out of his 13 months of life.

I need help!! :'(

Offline sandraorion

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SA triggered by starting a daycare
« Reply #1 on: July 24, 2007, 16:14:35 pm »
Starting a daycare, especially at this age is a huge life change for them. My son was just about couple of months younger than yours when he started and I remember the hell we went through. So, I feel for you.

It can take up to a month for him to be comfortable there. Is he in an infant class or a toddler class? How does he do after the 10 minutes period?

If this is the first time you are separating from him, you really need to be very sensitive to him and responsive to him when you are around. The bedtime issues are normal and you need patient to deal with it. I'm afraid, letting him deal with it, made things worse.

See, from his perspective, you suddenly disappear and he doesn't know when or if you will be back. What can you do?

First, in the daycare. Never ever sneak out. Seek help from the staff there to get into a routine. Drop him off and pick him up at about the same time. Have the drop off routine. Hand him over to a teacher who will give him breakfast or something, give him hug and kiss, tell him you will be back after the nap. And leave.

And keep your word.

At the bedtime, I wouldn't leave him to cry one moment at this stage. Do PU/PD or WI/WO, but let him know that you are there for him. And again don't sneak out. Come up with a plan and stick to it. If you need more help with dealing with the bed time, feel free to post in the Toddler Sleep board. Ladies there have tons of experience and advice.
« Last Edit: July 24, 2007, 16:32:41 pm by sandraorion »
Sandra, mom to Adrian - July 30th, 2004 and Nina December 4th, 2007

Offline sandraorion

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Re: SA triggered by starting a daycare
« Reply #2 on: July 25, 2007, 15:45:10 pm »
I moved your post over to the toddler sleep where you'll get more specific advice with dealing with the sleep issues. I'm still here to answer any daycare questions you have.
Sandra, mom to Adrian - July 30th, 2004 and Nina December 4th, 2007

Offline mari

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Re: SA triggered by starting a daycare
« Reply #3 on: July 25, 2007, 19:51:23 pm »
Could you post his usual routine.  Do they follow your routine at daycare?  What type of setting is it, and do they have a room that is away from the other children? What time does he nap when at home, is this different at daycare? what time is bedtime?


i agree, dont sneak out when you leave him, try not to take too long over it, but always reassure him that you will be back soon, hopefully, whilst he is still upset  after you leave (although this usually only lasts a few minutes!) the carer/s should also reassure him that you will be back, and when you do come back say things like, ' See, didn't I tell you mummy was coming back soon' and give loads and loads of attention when you can (I am sure that you do anyway)

Offline sandraorion

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Re: SA triggered by starting a daycare
« Reply #4 on: July 25, 2007, 20:46:07 pm »
Oh, regarding naps.

I found that my son is much more tired when going to the daycare then on weekends. At this stage, he doesn't need naps anymore when staying at home, but on school days he needs and takes one.

When he was younger (your DS's age), by the time they'd put him down for a nap in the daycare he was overtired and would sleep only half an hour, as opposed to hour-hour and half at home.
Sandra, mom to Adrian - July 30th, 2004 and Nina December 4th, 2007

Offline Proudmumoftwo

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Re: SA triggered by starting a daycare
« Reply #5 on: July 26, 2007, 12:40:30 pm »
Well before daycare, he had 2 different schedules depending on his wake up time:

6:30-wake up                            9:30-wake-up
7:00-milk                                  10:00-milk
9:00-hot cereal                         12:00-hot cereal
11:30-milk and nap                     2:30-milk and nap
2:00-wake up                            4:30-wake-up
3:30- cracker& jar fruits              6:00-dinner
4:30-milk                                  7:30-bathtime
6:00-dinner                               8:15-hot cereal
7:30-bathtime                            9:00-milk and bedtime
8:15-hot cereal                         
9:00-milk and bedtime


He usually has his bottle right before he naps or sleeps, it is never in the crib with him we cuddle with him and hold the bottle for him.
He will only sleep with classical music playing at a normal level or higher, and daycare has actually started playing classical at nap times too.
At the daycare they have a seperate room for naps and each child has their own crib. In his crib he has a receiving blanket from home that he always snuggles up to at home (only at bedtime) and a blanket from home, oh and mustn't forget the stuffed Curious George he loves.

I tried P.U./P.D. method a couple nights ago for an hour and of course he wailed the entire time, so I said to myself "ok, I am going to leave him in the crib and I will sleep on the floor next to his crib and stay reassuring him". He eventually fell asleep standing up against the crib rail and then slowly gave up and laid on the mattress and slept till 1am where I than again did the same thing and after an hour and a half he finally fell asleep standing up against the crib rail and my husband then adjusted him to lying down on the mattress and I then had to wake him up ant 7:20am to get him prepped for Daycare. Last night was the second night we were planning on doing the same thing but he didn't give us a problem to go to sleep and then woke up crying at 1am and my husband picked him up and calmed him down and put him standing against the crib rail and then he fell asleep and adjusted him to sleeping position and was good for the rest of the night.


When I drop him off at daycare I now give him to a teacher or sit him down and give him a toy to play with, but he still screams as soon as he is out of my arms. He is eating a couple of spoonfuls of jarred fruits for them and drinking his milk, but it is a no go for breakfast & lunch. And very little sleep there either.

My son is so far from being predictable!

Offline Layla

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Re: SA triggered by starting a daycare
« Reply #6 on: July 26, 2007, 23:28:51 pm »
I don't have much experience with daycare (mine are still at home) but I can try & help you out with sleep :)!

I think your little guy is extremely overtired. Is the schedule on the left the one he is on now? (I assume so because of the wake up time). Is daycare willing to provide him a catnap in the morning & then a longer nap in the afternoon? Something like this:

6:30 - wakes
9:30-10am - morning nap (for 30-45mins)
12.30ish - afternoon nap (longer nap, 1.5hrs)
7pm - bedtime

If that's not possible, then I would advise you to put him down for the night earlier, about 6-6:30pm. The av awake hrs for a toddler is about 5hrs (los of your age) whereas at the moment he is awake for 7hrs (which is alot & my 2yo gets mighty cranky if she's up that long). So if he's on 1 nap & it ends at 2pm, aim for bedtime at 7pm (to be asleep by 7.30). If his nap is short (which is another indication of overtiredness) then do a super early bedtime of 6-6.30pm. The ideal amount of total hrs is 13. So a 2hr nap & 11hrs at night.

hth & let us know how it goes
Layla



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Offline MamaC

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Re: SA triggered by starting a daycare
« Reply #7 on: July 27, 2007, 03:01:05 am »
We've found that when ds is going through that phase, we will let him bring a special toy to share w/ the other kids.  We checked w/ the daycare provider first and she was willing.  It seemed to help the transition immensely.  Good luck!
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