Son not napping

[katriona]

Hey there Ben's Mom. Wow, I'm so impressed by the effort and thought you're putting into fixing this!

I just wanted to suggest that you move your b/f up in your bedtime routine so that it's not the absolute last thing before bed. I was having terrible trouble with multiple NWs for my son, and it wasn't till I moved the b/f forward (just to before a story with daddy) that they dramatically reduced. Although you're not nursing to sleep, and you are putting him down when still awake, it could be that he feels the need to eat before he goes back to sleep because that's the pattern he remembers. I know it's hard; I used to love those cuddly moments in the dim nursery just before bedtime. But we managed to find them elsewhere, and DH was tickled that he got to take over the actual "putting to bed" part (by which time I'd skedaddled out of the room). I'd give it a try and see -- it won't hurt Ben, and it might improve the night-time situation. It sounds as if he's waking approximately every 3-4 hours after you put him down... 10.30pm? 2.15am consistently? That sounds to me like he's shifting night-time sleep cycles and looking for his prop to get back to sleep. Best of luck!

And I'd echo the other gals -- consistency is the key. Try that as much as you can (acknowledging the daycare situation is tricky).

Hugs to you!

Katy

[LittleBen]

Thanks for the encouraging words, I have been truly trying.
I will try moving the b/f and see if that helps, but I really don't think he is dependant on it as he only wakes once a night and it is usually 2-3 hours after he goes down for bed.  I know when I bumped his bedtime up to 7:30 pm instead of 9:30 pm I cut out the later feeding at 9:30 pm, so instead of getting 2 feedings after dinner he usually only gets one now (sometimes he'll get two if I feed him early enough after dinner).  Although, I really don't think that he is waking hungry unless he is going thru a growth spurt.
I'm not denying that he could maybe be using the b/f as a prop, but I don't know as he isn't waking every couple hours, its just the one time and I haven't nursed him to get him back to sleep, I just go in and do pu/pd or pd and that is it.
I am trying to be consistent though.

[momofclaire]

I think a 30 minute morning nap and 2-3 in the afternoon.  A three hour in the afternoon and 45 in the morning might be too much. I wouldn't even let him go three in the afternoon unless the night before had been really rough.
I am not tired of you.  I would love to help you get through this and I will do what I can. I know that having him in someone elses care is tough when trying to sleep train.  Let's hope that next week Jen will be able to work with him a bit more.

I wouldn't worry about putting him in his crib for naps.  He needs to feel safe and have some good sleeps there so he feels comfortable with it. 
Have you had to bf for night waking recently?  I would stop doing that if you have and maybe only let Ben get to stage 2 at night before bed as he may be dependant on you to get him to stage three.  At his age he should be able to put himself into stage three and then asleep. 
I hope this helps.
Keep me posted.

[LittleBen]

I think that 30-45 minutes is enough for a morning nap too.  I think 2 hours is a good amount as well and 3 is good too but only if he has had a rough night, I think that 3 hours is only good if he goes down for his afternoon nap by 11:30 am otherwise I think that he would be sleeping too long and too late to go to bed on time at night.  My goal is to get him to one nap and have him sleep 2.5 to 3 hours.
I do think Jen plans to work with him a lot now that school started, she even told me that she should have more time to devote to getting him on a good schedule and that it is her plan to do that.
I haven't had to b/f at all for night wakings.  I just tried it earlier this week when he wouldn't relax and go to sleep after waking because he was acting like he wanted to eat.  But it didn't work anyway.  That was the night Jeremy had put him in bed with us.  We haven't done that since and I have not tried to b/f anymore as I didn't want to start that.
I will try to start putting him in bed at stage two and see if it works.  He is kind of between the 2 stages when I put him down.  But I will try to put him to bed at stage 2 instead of stage 3.  I won't try the crib for naps yet.  Do you think I should try the crib soon for bed or wait till he is doing better with the night sleep first?
Tonight he went down and to sleep at 7:50 pm because we were at my mom and dad's again tending to their place as they are in Virginia right now until Monday.  He went down just fine tonight, he was awake when I laid him down and he went to sleep on his own without me patting him or laying my hand on his back or anything.  He's been able to go down easy like that for a little while now.    Today he went down well for Jen too.  She put him to bed at 11:35 am and he was asleep by 11:40 am and slept till 1:50 pm and woke up from one of the two 3 year olds in the front room throwing a bouncy ball against the living room wall that backs against the wall of the room he was in.  So, he did good today.

[LittleBen]

Last night went pretty good, Ben went to be a little late (7:50 pm) but for the most part he slept thru the night.  He kind of woke up a little bit around 12:00 am, but I think it was because of the thunderstorm we had because right after a pretty intense crash of thunder and bright lightening he woke up and cried.  He went right back to sleep when I patted his back and said "it was OK and to go back to sleep."  This was less than 2 minutes that he was actually awake and then back to sleep again, if he was even awake.  He didn't wake anymore after that and we woke him this morning at 6:40 am to get him ready for the day.
Today Jen said he fought a little bit more to go down for his nap but not much.  He was fussing in his bed for about 5 minutes and she said that she went in and laid him back down and patted his back for a few minutes and he went right to sleep.  He slept 2 hours and 15 minutes (from 11:30 am to 1:45 pm).  Tonight he went to bed at 7:05 pm, it was a little earlier than his usual bedtime, but he was acting tired and he kept wanting me to hold him, so I felt it was his way of telling me he was tired and ready for bed.  He has been asleep for almost an hour and I am hoping he makes it thru the whole night without waking.  We shall see.

[katriona]

fingers crossed! now go and enjoy your evening with DH 

[Layla]

That sounds like a great night

[katriona]

That sounds like a great night

yeah -- it was better than mine, that's for sure! 

[LittleBen]

Well, last night wasn't so great, there was no spending time with DH as he was gone.  He went to Carbendale, IL (SIU) to get his niece because she is going to college down there and she needed to come back home this weekend and her SUV stopped running so she needed a ride and some one to haul it back home.
Anyway, last night was awful.  After I signed off last night I went to get in the shower and just as I was soaped up he started crying, and not just a fussy cry or one that he was able to work out himself, he was hysterically crying.  So, I got out of the shower and went in and picked him up got him calmed down and back in, I think a light sleep, and finished my shower.  When I got out and dressed he woke again and was crying and upset and it took me 20 minutes of pu and holding him to stop the crying and then another 10 to get him to lay down after pu/pd.  He was asleep about 20 minutes and woke again upset and crying, so I went in and did pu/pd for about 10 minutes and finally got him to sleep, by this time it was well after 10 pm.  Jeremy got home around 11:40 pm and we went to bed about 12:30 am and he woke again and Jeremy went to him and picked him up, got him calmed down and laid down and back to sleep in about 10 minutes.  He slept till about 3:00 am and woke for a small amount of time and I just had to do the shush pat and he went back to sleep.  He woke and played around 5:30 am and went back to sleep till about 7:15 am.  He has been up since, nursed and had breakfast and he is now playing with daddy with one of his shapes toys.  I haven't decided if I'll try a morning nap or just wait for a long afternoon one.  I think we will wait.  I'll see how it goes and watch to see how he acts and if he's tired or not.  Wish me luck.  I hope tonight is better than last night.

[momofclaire]

Sorry you had a tough night, hopefully it won't be repeated.  Keep us posted.
Myia

[LittleBen]

Well, we didn't do the morning nap because he really didn't show signs that he was tired.  I laid him down for his afternoon nap around 12:00 noon, it was a big battle.  I laid him down he got right up and was standing in his bed crying.  I tried to lay him back down and he wanted no part of it.  So, I walked out of the room gave him about 5 minutes and went back in he didn't relax at all.  I tried to let him calm down again on his own, but it didn't work it just mad him even more angry.  It took almost 40 minutes to get him to sleep and it was a major battle.  He fell asleep crying with me patting his back.  He slept for 2.5 hours and woke crying.  I got him down at 7:45 pm tonight and he fought it quite a bit too.  But not for too long, just about 5 minutes.  I hope that we won't have a repeat of last night.
I feel like such a failure and like we are regressing when it seemed like things were starting to go good.  I just don't know what to do anymore. 
I seriously don't know what to do anymore.

[momofclaire]

If you want to just bite the bullett and go with one nap then you should just go for it and be consistant. 
What time did he wake yesterday?  The key to one nap, well for us, was to find the right A time before and after the nap to avoid overtiredness.  Claire can't handle as much in the morning as she can in the afternoon, but some babies are different.

You are not a failure.  There is a lot of transitioning going on right now. You are trying to teach him independant sleep, and get him to nap better and get him into his own room/crib.  That is a lot. Hang in there. Like I said, I think the best way to go about all of this is to pick a plan and just see it through. It often takes a little time to settle into a good routine.

[LittleBen]

Well, I know it has been quite a while since I have posted.  I apologize for that.  Anyway, I am still having some issues with Ben's sleeping.  He is doing MUCH better with naps during the day for my sister.  He is going down without a fight at 11:00 am and sleeping anywhere from 2-3 hours her and lately it has been about 3 hours.  He has been going to bed anywhere from 7:00-7:45 pm every night, usually it has been at 7:30 pm.  The only problem I am still having is that he isn't staying asleep all night, he wakes anywhere from 45 min to 3 hours after going down for bed and is very upset usually standing in his bed crying.  Sometimes I have no problem at all getting him back to sleep.  Other times it is a long battle and he refuses to relax, when he does finally relax it is usually 30 minutes later and we have had to do pu/pd numerous times and the pickup amount is sometimes 10 minutes to calm him down. 
Today his nap was not so good at all.  I had him down at 11:05 am and he slept for about 20 minutes and woke up upset, then he took almost 20 minutes to relax and that was just to clam him and get him to stop crying.  Then when I finally got him back asleep he only slept about 1 hour and woke VERY upset, it took us 15 minutes to calm him and then we had to leave because we had my nephew's Birthday party to go to.   
Tonight I got him to sleep at 7:45 pm and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well.
I'm worried about this week as Jeremy (my husband) is working tonight, and has to work every night thru Wednesday, so he won't be home in the evenings more than about an hour and will get home after Ben is in bed.  Then Thursday night he will be leaving as soon as I get him from work and will be gone in Wisconsin until Sunday night after we are in bed.  I am worried that this is going to cause a set-back with Ben because he is going to miss Jeremy and have a lot of separation anxiety and I think he will have sleep disturbances from it, as it has happened in the past.

[LittleBen]

OK, Ben woke up after only 1 hour and was crying out, I went in to him and he was sitting up in his bed crying.  I laid him back down and told him "mommy is here and it is OK, but that it is time to go to sleep."  He laid back down for me and did go to sleep, he has been asleep again for about 15 minutes and the night has just started.  I am so worried that this is going to be a LONG night and Jeremy isn't here to help.  Lord help me.  Please give an advice.  I just don't get what is going on with him and this waking up thing.  We are really trying hard with him and he just continues to wake every night.  Anyway, any advice is welcomed.

[momofclaire]

What time is he waking in the morning. I am trying to figure out how much A time he is getting before and after the nap.

I know you are still having a bit of trouble but it is great that he is napping well!    This is an improvement, right? 
What generally is settling him at night?