Son not napping

[LittleBen]

I would like some advice....my son will be 1 year next week.  About 3 weeks ago he started fighting taking his naps.  My sister has an in-home daycare and she is our babysitter.  Up until 3 weeks ago she was able to take him during nap time and just lay him down and he would fuss for less than a minute or two and go right to sleep and sleep anywhere from 1.5 to 3 hours.  And at night he would sleep from 9:00 pm till at least 7:00 am.  Now he refuses to take a nap for my sister. When my sister lays him down he cries non stop, she has started trying the pickup/put down method so far w/o success.
We are also starting to have problems with him staying asleep thru the night.  Especially the past few nights.
Here's some background on the situation.  Our son currently sleeps in our room, but in his own bed (which is next to ours).  He usually will make it from 8:00 pm till about 4:00 am then he wakes crying and stands up wanting one of us to get him.  We have picked him up and held him and put him back down in his bed and he will a lot of times cry about it, after several times of picking up and putting down to calm my son and a half hour to 1 hour later, my husband will sometimes bring our son to our bed where he will sleep between us.
We have been trying to break him of these habits by doing the pu/pd method.  Our usual bedtime routine is a bath, a little cuddle time, breastfeed, then to bed.  If anyone has advise for me I'd appreciate it.  We just want him to get
back to taking good naps for my sister during the day and sleeping a full night.   We aren't advocates of the cry-it-out method.
I don't know what to do anymore.
Please give me advice, thanks.

[*Natasha*]

Could you post your daily routine?

[MamaC]

Is he teething?  Sick?

[Layla]

I would think its more related to the 2-1 swtich. Could you please post your routine?

[LittleBen]

Here is our daily routine:
Wake up at 6:40 am (dress him)
Breast Feed until 7:15 am
Husband takes him to my sister's (daycare) 7:30 am
He has breakfast at 8:30 am: oatmeal, fruit, yogurt or cottage cheese and some water
Play time with cousins and other kids 8:40-10:20 am
Sippy (4 oz breast milk) 10:30 am
Play time when finishes milk till lunch time
Lunch time 11:45 am: meat or gerber graduate meal, veggie, fruit, type of starch, cottage cheese or cheese chunks, and water
Nap time at daycare is 12:00-2:00 pm (but lately he hasn't been taking naps at all.  About 2 months ago he had worked into one nap as he used to nap from 10:00-11:00 and then again from 2:00-3:00).  NOW he doesn't want to lay down at all for her.  He used to lay down awake and go to sleep without being held, rocked, picked up, or anything, now he stands up in the port-a-crib and cries and gets so angry.  She has tried the pick up put down and few times but hasn't had success (although she can't spend a lot of time doing this as she has other children to watch).  He will sometimes fall asleep in his feeding seat and maybe sleep for 30 min but then he wakes and is crabby.  If she tries to move him to the crib or even move the seat while he's sleeping he wakes and won't go back to sleep and is fussy for the rest of the day, unless he does nap.
When he wakes from Nap (if its around 2:00 or 2:30 pm) he gets his other sippy of breastmilk and sometimes a snack of Gerber fruit puffs, if he won't nap he has his milk/snack at 2:00 pm as that is the normal daycare snack time.
Plays after snack time until he is picked up from daycare, he is normally picked up at 3:30 pm by my husband unless he works late, then I get him after work around 4:40 pm.
Dinner time at 5:00 pm (meat or gerber graduate meal, veggie, fruit, type of starch, cottage cheese or cheese chunks, and water)
Breast Feed 5:30 or 6:00 pm depends on if he wants it
Play time until time for bath
Bath time around 6:30-7:00 pm
Snuggle for 5-10 minutes
Breast Feed right before bed
Bed time 7:30-8:00 pm (at the latest 8:30 pm) usually will sleep thru the night untill about 4:00 am then he sometimes wakes and cries.  We will do the pickup put down method, sometimes my husband has laid him in our bed after 30-40 minutes of pu/pd and he will sleep until it is time to get up for the start of our day.
The only changes I have noticed lately are that he has had a few ear infections (treated with antibiotics--seeing an ENT now, he got 3 new top teeth around the same time as the ear infections, other than that the only other thing that could cause and effect was that my husband has been gone more in the evenings lately for after hours jobs (he owns his own business and has after hour jobs for residential and businesses) and on the weekends he has been gone fishing with his brother and best friend usually Fridays or Saturdays.  I have noticed that as soon as my husband grabs his shoes, my son (Benjamin) will start to crawl over to him and hang on his leg and cry.  My sister has also noticed just this week after my husband (Jeremy) drops him off at daycare and leaves he stands at the door crying as Jeremy pulls away.  I think some of the problem is the seperation anxiety, but I don't think that is everything as I don't understand why it just suddenly happened overnight that he won't take naps for my sister (Jenny) and he sometimes will fight laying down at night.
Please help.  Thanks for responding.
Jessica
Please give me an advice you have as I really want to help Ben get through this, without any crying-it-out and stress, and without loosing his trust that we are here for him. 

[LittleBen]

Has anyone read my last post?  I have provided our daily routine.  Please provide what suggestions you may have.  Thanks.

[Layla]

I am sorry I couldn't reply any sooner...

Ok, I think he is very overtired & not quiet ready for 1 nap. I would recommend you offer him 2 naps but limit the morning nap so that he is able to take the afternoon one. So something like this:

6:30ish - wake
9:30 - morning nap
10:15 - wake from nap (45mins max)
1:30pm - afternoon nap (about 1.5hrs)
3pm - wakes from nap
7pm - bedtime (to be asleep by 7:30pm the latest)

Would it be possible at all for your sister/daycare to offer him a morning catnap (even if it means taking him out in the stroller). Some babies show signs of being able to transition to 1 nap & do well for a few days (maybe even longer) & then things start going haywire & they are fighting naps, bedtime & start waking up at night. So I do think this is part of the reason.

If he has not napped well at daycare, you really need to bring bedtime to an earlier hour. At this age, the av sleep is about 13-14hrs, most do 11hr nights & 2hrs during the day. So he needs to get more sleep at night. Try & not bring him into your bed. I do think he is a little old for pu/pd (picking him up is too stimulating), so it would be more the pd method or the wi/wo method or gradual withdrawal. This link describes all the methods so chose one that you are most comfortable with. See if your sister can stick to the same method you have chosen. https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=63896.0

He could also be going through SA, in which case you will have to give him lots of reassurance when with him...... give him lots of cuddles & kisses (fill up his mummy & daddy cups).... especially before bedtime.

hth & let me know how you go

[LittleBen]

It's OK that you didn't post sooner, I was just not sure how to proceed.     I understand that you are busy and have other things going on.  I was just not sure if anyone had even read my post or not and had any advice.  Thanks for your response.
Yesterday my sister had some progress with Ben, when he started getting tired he crawled over to her and she picked him up ans put him on her lap, he snuggled in with her and he fell asleep in less than 10 minutes and she was able to lay him down without him waking and he slept 1.5 hours (he had 11.5 hours of sleep the night before).  Last night I was able to get Ben down to bed at 8:10 pm, as we had gone to my parents to help them with some furniture moving they were doing and weren't able to be back in time for the 7:30 pm bedtime.  Ben slept until 2:15 am and woke crying and standing in his port-a-crib and at that time I got up and laid him back down and tried the gradual withdrawal type method by laying my hand on his back and just shhhing him.  He went back to sleep after I did this on and off for about 40 minutes.  He woke again at 4:30 am for about 15 minutes and then slept till 6:00am.
Today I took off work to try to work with him on the naps.  I went to my sister's with him around 10:30 am, he played with the other kids for about and hour.  Then we gave all the kids lunch.  At 12:15 pm I started working at trying to get him to nap.  He was very upset.  It took about 45 minutes of the pu/pd and he went to sleep after I got him to lay down without crying and relax.  My son is a thumb sucker, he laid down and was sucking his thumb and relaxed.  I had laid my hand on him to reassure him that I was still there.  As he relaxed, I pulled my hand away and just stood over the pack-n-play.  He rolled over on his tummy and was asleep.  (my son has also been a tummy sleeper since he started rolling over).  He slept about 30 minutes and then woke up from the other daycare kids being loud.  I was able to get him back to sleep in less than 5 minutes, by laying him back down and laying my hand on his back.  He relaxed and fell back to sleep.
Tonight I was able to get him to bed and asleep at 7:35 pm.  He didn't fight laying down.  He laid down on his tummy, put his thumb in his mouth and went right to sleep.
I think I will try the gradual withdrawal or pd method right now, as I am not sure that the wi/wo method would be a very good one right now as I think he does have some separation anxiety.
I do agree that he may not quite be ready for 1 nap yet.  I agree that he may still need one short one around 9:30 am.  Good idea!  As I noticed today that he seemed to be a little tired right around that time and when I nursed him he was almost asleep when we were done.  After he nursed, we left for my sister's.  I
really like your schedule suggestion.  I think I might try to work that out.  Thanks. 
I will have to let you know how tonight and tomorrow's naps go.
Thanks for all your advice, I really appreciate it.

[Layla]

When I did the wi/wo method (also around 13ish months - when my dd was having terrible night wakings due to me also thinking she was ready for 1 nap), I did something similar to what you are doing. I used to go in & stay with her until she would calm down. She responded really well to shushin (even at her age) & I would rub her back or tap her bottom at the same time & say something like "its ok, go to sleep, mummy's here...". Once I would see her settling down I would leave & start counting. I never stayed with her long enough for her to be asleep so I never became a prop. Most of the times she wouldn't even need me to go back but if she was still crying at the end of my count, I'd go back & repeat. Its I guess a combo of everything really .

Good luck! Will be waiting for your reply   

[LittleBen]

That's kind of what I did too, I never left but I laid my hand on this back and patted his bottom laid my hand on his belly depending on how he was laying to calm and reassure him.  I would tell him "mommy's here and its night-night time" or I would do the shhhing.  It seemed to help.  I think I will work on leaving the room maybe after a few days of getting him used to every thing as it is new to him and I want him to be comfortable and have his trust that I am there.
I do still think he does have some separation anxiety issues, especially with my husband. 
So far today he has been asleep for 2 hours without any peep.  I have the monitor on and he hasn't made a sound, I have checked in on him and he is sound asleep.   
I know we also need to work at getting him in his own room too, but I look at it as "baby steps" once we get one issue resolved we will work at the next. I also plan to not let him in our bed, it will be tough, when you are exhausted and don't want to sit up, but it too has to be done.

[LittleBen]

Last night went OK, he slept till 2:15 am but then woke up crying.  Jeremy and I worked with him for about 40 minutes and got him back to sleep in his bed, we did the pd method and laid on our hands for comfort.  We never brought him to our bed and he slept the rest of the night till 6:50 am this morning.  He took about a 45-50 min nap this morning at 9:35 am which took about 15 min to get him to sleep and he is now down for his afternoon nap, he went down at 1:35 pm and it took about 15 minutes to get him to sleep.  I think we are seeing progress, its just a battle to get him to relax as he is SOOO determined and bull -headed but once he does its not much time before he goes to sleep.
I think we are making progress, I'll keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.  I'll post with progress later and how tonight goes.

[LittleBen]

Well, he didn't nap for very long this afternoon.  He went to sleep at about 1:35 pm but he woke upset and crying at 2:15 pm.  We tried to get him back to sleep but after I tried over 15 minutes and my husband tried for about 15 minutes, so about 30 minutes total.  I know that isn't for very long, but he was very upset and my husband said he wasn't showing any signs that he was still tired.  We decided to let him stay up.  Unfortunately he got to bed late, it was about 8:50 pm when he went to sleep, a lot later than I had planned, but we went out to dinner with my sister and her family and it ran later than we expected so we got home late and he went to bed late.  I nursed him before laying him down and he was almost asleep.   He didn't fight going down to bed, so hopefully things will go well.  Let's keep our fingers crossed.
Well, gotta go its almost time for bed.

[Layla]

Thats ok - it might take a few weeks for him to adjust before you see a longer afternoon nap.

Good luck for tonight!

[LittleBen]

Well, last night went pretty good, he woke once at 2:15 am again, but I was able to respond to him before he was awake for a long time and was able to get him to sleep within a few minutes.  He woke for just a short time again around 4:30 am, but I just laid my hand on his back for about 1 minute and he was back to sleep.  He actually made up for going to bed later and slept till about 7:25 am.  I got up and nursed him and then we all (Ben ,daddy, and I) played for a bit and got up.  We had breakfast at about 8:35 am and then I got him down for his nap at about 9:50 am, it was a bit later than we had planned, but he woke up later  this morning and he needed his diaper changed (which is a two person chore anymore).
He was asleep by 10:00 am and I plan to wake him at 10:45 am if he doesn't wake before.  Then we will nurse and play and then just follow the rest of the day's routine as close as we can.  Lunch around 12:00 pm or so, down for nap by 1:30 or 2:00 pm for 1-2 hours (however long he goes, up to two hours).  Wake up and nurse.  Then we will play or do whatever, maybe go for a walk or to the park.  At 5:00 or 5:30 pm have dinner and nurse.  To bed at 7:30 pm (no later than 8:00 pm).  If I have time to post tonight after he's in bed I will report how things go today and tonight. 
I think we are getting better and hopefully moving in the right direction.
Its basically just the naps that are the battle.  He is very determined not to relax and go to sleep, but he's getting better.  What used to be an hour battle is now about 10-15 minutes tops.  I'll keep my fingers crossed, as tomorrow I'm back to work and he's back to Jenny's for daycare.

[Layla]

Fingers crossed for you as well for a good afternoon nap & an even better night tonight!!!