Frequent wakings and early morning waking in 17 month toddler - please help!

[marj08]

HELP - i have a 17 month son who has never been a good sleeper, but in last 5 months sleep has become completely disrupted. He is now waking at least 3 times a night, i have tried pick up put down but it does not work, and have also tried leaving him to cry it out, but all that happens is he cries until he makes himself sick. I have now started bringing him into bed with me when he first wakes in the night, and at least then if he does wake up again i can shush him to sleep again quickly with minimal energy from me (both husband and i work full time so dont have the energy to keep doing pick up/put down during night).
To make matters worse he is waking up now at 4am and screaming for bottle - nothing else will placate him, he has his milk (5-7oz) and then goes back to sleep until 630. he has always been early morning waker but at least before would go to bed at 7pm without any problem - now he goes to bed at 8pm and someone has to stay by his side until he falls asleep.
he is at nursery during the day and will nap for 2 hours over lunch. It definitely hunger that is waking him at 5am and dont know how to deal with this, as have tried stuffing him full of food before sleep but it doesnt seem to make any difference. Also dont know how to deal with the frequent wakings at night.
Am seriously sleep deprived and working full time is not helping... would be grateful for any advice as to how to deal with either prob.

[momofclaire]

Can you post his routine for me?  I think he is overtired. At his age he should be getting 11-12 hours of sleep at night and a 2 hour nap during the day, maybe longer.
Do you think this started as separation anxiety?
Please don't leave him to cry as making himself sick isnt good for anyone.  He needs to feel like his bed is a safe place and that you will be there for him if he needs you.
Post back
Myia

[marj08]

Thanks for your reply. Probs started when he went on holiday with his dad a few months ago, as his dad did not stick with the routine (grrr) and also allowed him to co-sleep with him...
Current routine is:
Bath at 7/715pm
Milk (7oz bottle but will drink 4-5oz and sometimes even less)
Sleep at 8pm - but we have to stay around in the room before he sleeps, or i have to lie next to him on the bed, wait for him to fall asleep and then put in his cot.
then wakes at 11pm - usually has sip of water then back in cot to sleep
Wakes again at 2am, wants to come into bed with me, and will then fall asleep again
4/5am wakes and has to have milk - 5-6oz - at which point he will fall asleep again until 630am.
He gets dropped off at nursery around 8am, has his breakfast there (toast/cereal)
then has lunch around noon and will sleep for 2-2 1/2 hrs in nursery - occasionally if he is very tired they will let him have a nap around 10am for 1/2 hr.
Has tea at nursery at 4/430pm, then home around 530 and has more dinner/supper around 630/7pm.

My problem is getting him to have his dinner at the right time - at weekends he will eat a much bigger dinner as he doesnt have the tea he would normally have a nursery at 430, and he has also been a bit off his food recently and would rather play and try and self feed than getting a lot of food into him.

His routine used to be bed at 7pm, he would quite happily put himself to bed, and even though he would wake during the night, he would often put himself back to sleep again - this doesnt happen anymore. he also still uses a dummy to sleep ( I know - disaster)
I dont mind early waking at 6pm provided he sleeps all the way through the night, but am exhausted getting up every night for him.
any tips gratefully received - i know there are lots of issues here so need to tackle one by one...

[momofclaire]

I think the first thing I would work on is teaching him to sleep independently.  This means not bringing him into your bed at night and teaching him to fall asleep without help from you.

I would also change your routine a bit.  At his age he should be having 11-12 hours of sleep overnight and 2-3 during the day.  His day sleep looks good.  I think his bedtime needs to be a bit earlier.  I would try to get his day to look like this.
6:30 wake
12:00 nap 2-3 hours
6:30/7:00 bed

In order to teach him to self sooth you are probably going to have to use some sort of sleep training method.  You have a few options.  Gradual withdraw, wi/wo or pd.  I might start with gradual withdraw since you are already in his room at night.  Do you know how he gets to sleep at the nursery? 
I agree that it is best to tackle one thing at a time.  You have to remember that he only does what he has been taught so you don't want to overwhelm him (or yourself) with too many changes at once. 
If he uses the paci but doesn't wake for you to replace it, it may not be a prop.  Do you think the paci is a problem right now?
Post back and I will help you with a plan. 
Myia

[marj08]

i agree with the earlier bedtime - managed to put him to bed last night at 730 and he slept until 630 this morning although did the frequent wakings and of course ended up in bed with me...
I agree it seems good idea to try to get him to sleep independantly first. with gradual withdrawal should i go in the room and then lie him down in cot? not sure how to go about it. generally when he wakes up in his cot he will stand up in the cot and cry. he wants to be lifted out and then i will give him some water or his dummy and he will go back to sleep. The reason i started bringing him into bed with me is that it was sooooo tiring to go in and out of his room all night and then go into work the next day...it just was easier for me to shush him back to bed quickly if he was in bed already - marginally less tiring.
At nursery apparently he sleeps on a little mat along with all the other kids - no problems - he just lies down with his dummy and teddy and goes to bed!
Re. the paci - last 3 nights he fell asleep without it (great) but if he does sleep with it then when it falls out he wakes up and needs it back in.
Also over the weekend I have given him a big meal in the evening which seems to have helped with the morning hunger so he hasnt woken at 4am screaming for milk...so one thing seems to have improved - fingers crossed - will see how it goes this week with his eating routine at nursery, but would be great if you could offer some advice on gradual withdrawal and getting him to sleep a bit better at night.

[momofclaire]

I think maybe the paci might be the problem. If he is waking and goes right back to sleep when you replace it then it most likely is. 
How does he fall asleep at night? 
Gradual withdraw would be you sitting in his room without rocking or patting until he falls asleep and then gradually withdrawing yourself. 
For night waking I would do walk in walk out.  This means going in telling him it's ok and night night and then back out.  This may take some time and I wouldn't do it until the paci is gone or unless you think it isn't a problem.