night waking since starting daycare

[Liliben]

33 month old DS has started waking in the night since starting nursery. He did a half day a week for a month, then 1 day a week for a month and has just started his 2 days which he'll continue with. He hates it still and has started waking constantly in the night (something I'm not used to). He sleeps well until around midnight and wakes at least 4 times a night worried that he's going to nursery in the morning. Sometimes he wakes about every 45 mins till morning. He's so upset I've been lying with him to calm him down which has probably made things worse. How am I supposed to deal with this?

[momofclaire]

What is it about daycare that he hates?  Have you gone and spent the day with him at daycare?  Would that be allowed?  Have you tried to talk to the daycare teachers about what goes on and how he is while there?
Sorry so many questions.

I think instead of looking at this as a nightwaking or sleep problem I would try to tackle this as a daycare/separation problem. 

[brightside]

Is it that he isn't napping as well there? common problem. If it is then I would do an earlier bedtime to prevent OT which could well be why he waking so much in the night.

[Liliben]

I think it's more a separation thing than anything. He doesn't like doing things as a group and doesn't like watching TV. It was suggested that I don't go with him because he was so old starting that the owner thought that he'd always expect it. He did brilliantly the first day but has deteriorated each time since. He screams when I leave him and is extremely concerned that I won't pick him up. He's very spirited and doesn't amuse himself very well at home. I know I've given him lots of attention. He dropped his nap at 29 months, from napping 2 hours to not at all. He hasn't gone to his room to sleep in the afternoon since then even though I perservered with offering the nap for a month. If he's in the car he might sleep or if we go for a stroll but I don't push the issue. Also if he hasn't slept he's in bed at 6pm and woulgd generally sleep till 6.30 am so I wasn't worried that he was getting enough sleep. But since starting daycare he's started waking in the night worried that he's going there and for the last 2 weeks it's been pretty bad. He asks why I don't want him anymore and why I don't want to look after him. The owner says that he can be quite disruptive by PM and wants to destroy kids play. I believe her. In PM at home he's tired and the way he works through it is to jump off the walls. When I was still perservering with trying to get him to nap he'd trash his room. I think they have quiet time in front of the TV and that doesn't work for me at all. He has never watched much TV and he has to be doing something else at the same time so it isn't really chill out time. DS says they are angry and tell him to sit still watching TV. That seems to be his only complaint other than wanting me there with him. He's now waking in the night saying please don't make me watch TV and worries that he has to during the day. In PM I either take him for a stroll or have quiet time reading with him in his room. Sorry for the lengthy reply I just don't know how to deal with it and it's getting worse.

[momofclaire]

Hugs.

I don't have a child in daycare so I don't know how normal his behavior is with regard to it. I would really go with him to daycare for a day and maybe sit down and talk to those working there.

[Freya'sMum]

Hello!

Sorry to hear that your ds is having such a distressing time - altho she was younger than him, dd#1 had a similar experience when she transferred from the toddler class to pre-school 1 - we don't know the exact trigger, but something happened (not malpractice or anything) that really freaked her out, and she started waking early on nursery days, wouldn't eat, cried a lot, said she didn't want to go.

She isn't great at being left alone to do things that she doesn't feel confident in (still) and likes a calm environment, too much stimulation and people pushing her to do things that she doesn't feel ready to do really unsettles her - I know this as her mum, and I informed the nursery, but they had large, noisy, stimulating classes, and low child to staff ratio, so she was forced to cope with things beyond what she felt confident doing in a distressing environment - it wasn't going to change, so i pulled her out and found an alternative pre-school which better meets her needs!

I did wonder for a while whether she needed to experience the distress to learn to tolerate it, but I wasn't able to support that process in a graded way, and the nursery couldn't either, so I listened to her cues and found somewhere that suits her learning style and emotional needs better - it has made all the difference!

HTH a bit?

Ax

[M and N's Mom]

I agree that it might be good for you to go with him for a while.  Could you go and play there with him for a couple of hours? 

Also, it doesn't sound like the caregiver is all that accommodating to his needs.  Would he do better at a home daycare setting where there was only one or two more kids and therefore the caregiver could give him more individualized attention?  My DD had to go to a babysitter part time when she was 18mo-2yo but the babysitter was a SAHM who only had my DD and her own DD so was able to spend lots of time with them giving the TLC she needed.  She didn't have to conform to the structure of the day, rather the babysitter structured the day to the needs of the 2 girls and although she went through a bit of SA, she eventually loved the babysitter and looked forward to going.  I hope this makes sense.

Good luck!

[Erin (redstarfalling)]

If you can't spend the day at the daycare with him, I'd try some surprise visits to see what's going on for yourself.  Telling him to sit still and watch TV doesn't sound like a particularly warm environment....