1 yr old waking at night for 2-4 hrs at a time, help

[Doj]

Hello

I apologize this maybe long.

DH and I are at out wits end right now with dd. Due to the lack of sleep, my patience is running very thin.

For the last 2.5 weeks dd has been waking up every night at different times and stays up anywhere from 2-4 hours.
When I first hear her in the night she is just talking to herself for about 20 min. During this time I do not go in her room, then she takes her soother out of her mouth and throws it across her room and then she starts to cry.

At this point I go in her room where she is standing in her crib looking at me. I get her soother,  and lay her in crib and leave, then she starts to cry, louder and louder. I have tried WI/WO every 10 seconds, but the crying gets worse and worse when I leave.  Sometimes I give in and go in her room, take her out of her crib sit with her on the chair for a few minutes where sometimes she is crying sometimes she is not or I have taken her out of her crib put her on the floor and let her play for about 5 minutes or so( I know the worse thing I probably can do) then put her back in the crib. Everytime I lay her in the crib she stands up right away. I have tried everything.

This goes on  for anywhere from 2-4 hours a night. I know that she is tired, but it just looks like she doesn't know how to get back to sleep on her own for some reason even though naps and going to bed at night don't seem to be a problem.

Possible reason I thought for the night wakings
1. teething
2. Separation anxiety
3. she is just learning to walk
4. Too much daytime sleep

Teething, even if I give dd sometime for the teething, the night waking still happen
Separation anxiety- the behavior of crying is only at night, she does not show any signs of this during the day when I am not around
Walking- I have read many times that this can cause night waking
Daytime sleep- I have cut her sleep from 3.5 hrs to 2.5 hours and still the night wakings are happening

Schedule
7AM Wake
715 bottle
730-830 play
830 breakfast
930 -1030 nap

1030 small snack
1030-noon play
noon lunch
1230-2 play

2-330 nap
330-530 snack and playtime
530 dinner
6-7 play
7-8 bath, story, bottle and bed

I don't know what to do, I start back to work in a week and I am beyond exhausted. Will this end, any suggestions on what I can do?

Thanks

[mari]

Do you think that your LO could be ready for the 2-1 nap switch, I think I did this when Alex was a year old.  Maybe a longer nap at midday and an earlier bedtime might help.  There is a post about the switch on the Naps board so have a look and see what you think.

[Carys' mom]

Doj - hello. Just wanted to send {{{{hugs}}}} because my dh and I are currently going through something similar with our 22 month old dd. See link: https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=79808.0

In our situation, I think it's just separation anxiety, as we had her checked out by the doctor and she is healthy. And she is very clingy with me during the day. I think the pp might be right though about the 2 to 1 nap switch. I switched my dd about that age too. Maybe others have some ideas too. Good luck!

[Doj]

Hi

I thought about the 2-1 nap, but she seems so tired and ready for that morning nap that I don't think that she could last till noon or so to go to sleep.
I could try, I just don't want to push her to the point of being over tired.

Her naps yesterday and today were very rough only about 45 min each so now she is past the point of being overtired. I feel like we are in this vicious cycle.

She had her 1 yr Dr appt last week and everything was fine so I can rule out illness.
I am really at a loss as I don't really think its separation anxiety because she is fine during the day and fine when she goes to sleep at night, but as I mentioned just cant seem to get back to sleep once she wakes up in the night.
Will see how tonight goes, really hoping to get some sleep.
Thanks.. Will update in the morning

[daniellechiasson]

Hi Doj,

My DD is almost 13 months and had been doing the same as your DD. We have made the switch to 1 nap (most days) and she is still getting used to it. You could try moving her nap to about 11am then a catnap late afternoon, we did about 20 minutes. I didn't think she would last in the mornings that late but as long as we kept her busy she gradually increased her A time and now goes down for 2 hours at about 11:30 or noon, now no catnap.

As soon as the 45 minute nap monster crept in to our world we started the transition because I was just fighting with her to go for her naps or fighting to keep her napping longer.

Good luck to you, know you aren't alone. I just started back to work (that in itself is has a transition time for both LO & mommy) and some days I have no idea how I even make it through a day then a night. I totally take advantage of DH on the weekends and get some rest. Hugs.

Danielle

[binxyboo]

Hugsxx

I am sure she is needing the morning nap if she is awake for long periods during the night. This may actually be reinforcing the night wakings though. When Riley started to transition to one nap, he started to resist bedtime and then needed the long am nap, then resisted pm nap and bedtime again...it was a vicious cycle. We got to a point where he had a catnap, then pm nap, eventually moved to one nap and a temporarily early bedtime as the one nap was not as long as it needed to be initially.

Even if you want to keep her two naps for now, I would make bedtime earlier to see if that helps.

[Doj]

Well I didn't think that it was separation anxiety, but now I wonder if its that combined with something else. DD woke up 20 minutes ago in hysterics screeching at the top of her lungs. DH has been doing WI/WO, but DD is getting louder and louder and even when dh is in her room she doesn't stop crying. We can't seem to calm her down right now, actually I think that DH has picked her up out of her crib, oh no.

Normally with separation anxiety does the lo stop crying when they see the parent? can it only be at night or is it normally whenever one or both of the parents are out of sight?
I am just struggling so much with what to do, what is causing this. Last night she woke at 11-230 and then again at 5 and tonight she is up even earlier 10pm so I have no idea how this night is going to go.

dd ate 11 oz at 730 and while she was crying she was pointing at her bottle that was left in her room so I am guessing that she is hungry. DH is feeding her now. I can't belive that she is hungry again. DD is teething, is hunger a part of teething? I have never dealt with it this bad, could be because dd only has 3 teeth and the 4th is coming in

[Erin M]

If she's teething the pain might be keeping her from eating as much during the day and she's therefore  hungry at night.  Or the bottle just could be comfort if she's in pain.  I always try my hardest to keep my LO in her crib, often if she's really upset I'll sit just outside her crib and talk to her or stand next to her crib and rub her back or give her hugs.  Once I take her out though, things seem to get worse (unless of course she really does need to be taken out).  If she's just starting to walk too, the increased amount of activity may mean she's hungrier as well.

[Carys' mom]

Doj-

Have you had her checked out at the doctor's? We did that with our dd just to make sure nothing was going on physically, such as an ear infection. The doctor checked if her teeth were starting to pop through, too (which they weren't). One thing he said is that he looks at daytime behavior versus nighttime behavior. He said if she was having teething pain enough to keep her up for 3 hours at a time at night, then she'd be acting crankier during the day (our dd was acting fine during the day, except if I left). He concluded it was that she didn't want to be separated from us. Sometimes the separation anxiety can only be at night because it's such a long stretch of time that the little ones know they'll be away from us. And it's usually triggered by a change in routine - visitors, travel, and other change.

One mistake that we made was taking her out of her crib when she started the night wakings, so she ended up expecting it every time, and then when we'd try to put her back in, she'd scream bloody murder. So, if it ends up that your dd isn't ill, then it will be a matter of sleep training and being consistent. In all honesty, we had to modify wi/wo a bit because going in after 10 seconds wasn't giving her enough time to settle herself. We extended the time a bit, and it seems to be working much better. We finally had no night wakings last night!

I hope things turn around for you soon, too.

[Doj]

She had her 1 yr check-up last week and everything was fine, so I think I can rule out illness.
DH was able to settle dd after her bottle at about 1030 and dd feel asleep about 1130 or so and thank goodness slept until 730 this morning. I couldn't belive it. Feel so much better today.
Will definitely try and keep her in her crib at the night wakings
Thinking that dd might need only 1 nap we tried to keep her up till 11am this morning, but she only lasted till 1020 and slept till 1120.
She was starting to get cranky so I put her down at 230 for her afternoon nap. Hopefully she will get some sleep because we both need it.
Thanks for the advice, hopefully tonight will be better as well.

[Erin M]

If you think she's ready for one nap, you can try letting her sleep for something like 20 minutes in the AM which should get her to early afternoon for a nap and then gradually phase out the 20 minute nap.  My DD was doing something like that on her own - quick AM nap, long PM nap, eventually lost the AM nap and moved the PM nap forward.

[Doj]

Hello again,

 well dd is still not sleeping, still waking up at night for a long stretch. I don't know what to do.
I am in the process of cutting her 2 naps to 1 so she is taking a 20 min Nap at 930 am and then goes down at 1 for about 1.5 hours. We are putting her bed earlier as well about 7 now.
about 5 days ago when she woke up I decided to give her a bottle to see if she was hungry and sure enough she drank it all (whole milk) 9 oz.
So for the last few nights when she wakes up I have been giving her a bottle
and she is drinking it.
Am I creating  a bad habit here?
Could this be a never ending growth spurt? LOL
Is she really hungry? Solids should be her main source now and she is getting plenty, well I thought that she was.

7am- bottle 8oz
830 breakfast, egg or cereal or toast and fruit
1030 snack yogurt and fruit
noon lunch protein, tons of veggies and usually a grain
1pm bottle 8 oz
330 snack muffin or veggies
5 supper protein, tons of veggies and usually a grain
7 bottle 10 oz

I let her eat till she says enough

What can I do to fill her up if this is hunger?

[Erin M]

I would definitely avoid giving her milk at night -- I imagine the milk is just comfort.   You can try leaving a sippy of water in her crib - let her know it's there and that she should drink from that if she gets thirsty.  She seems like she's definitely getting enough in the way of milk/solids during the day.  The 10 oz bottle before bed is a big bottle, so IMO she should be able to wait until morning. 

[Doj]

I stopped giving dd milk and offer her water. She drinks about 3 sips and that's it so something else is definitely waking her up.
I might be here more to vent if anything because I am so tired and frustrated and at a complete loss as to what to do.
Have cut her naps down to 20 min in the am and 1.5 or so in pm and then off to bed, but she is continuing to wake up at different hours. Last night it was at 4am -5am and then night before it was midnight. Some nights she is crying others she is taking for about half an hour and if no one goes in it can turn into a cry.
I start back to work on Tuesday which I feel is stressful enough plus being sleep deprived. We have a wedding tonight so no rest in sight for a bit.
If anyone has any other suggestions, please pass them on.
thanks so much

[Erin M]

Honestly the random wake ups sound more like teeth to me than anything else, especially since you said she only has 3 and is getting a 4th.  I would give her some pain meds if you're not already (and if you're so inclined to do so) and take comfort in the fact that it will end eventually.  Around dd1's first birthday, she got all four molars and 2 eye teeth within a few weeks, I didn't think I was ever going to sleep again.

[Doj]

you are probably right. She just got her 4 and 5th tooth.
One thing that has started is that the last 3 nights she has woken exactly at 4am. Not sure how this started, however in order to break this pattern at this age do I go in and stir her about 1 hour before as I did when she was an infant? or is there a better way for her age?

[Erin M]

If it's a habitual waking (which yours sounds like), then you would do wake to sleep, though I think with a toddler you do it about 10 minutes before their habitual time and not an hour before.  I've actually never done it with my toddler, hopefully someone with experience there will chime in.  There's actually a success story about it on the FAQs if you want to look at that. 

[Doj]

well I didn't think that things could get any worse, but they are terrible. Just want to remind you that this only happens at night, the daytime sleep is totally fine. Once we are done the windown routine and put her to bed, we leave the room, she falls asleep and about 20 minutes later wakes up hysterical. Dh nor I can calm her down and it appears that she doesn't know where she is or what is going on. This is really starting to scare me. Once we are finally able to calm her down she looks so scared and will then fall back to sleep. This happens about 2-3 a night now at all different hours. what is going on? Could she be having nightmares? or is this something I should see the Dr about?

[Erin M]

Sounds like it could be nightmares or something like that -- my LO had night terrors for awhile which do sound similar to that except her eyes would be closed the whole time, they only happened when she was overtired.  Might be worth mentioning to your doctor though to see if s/he has any thoughts on it.  I'm sorry I don't have any more helpful advice.

[Doj]

I am back and things are worse than ever. I really didn't think that they would get much worse. dd came down with cold last week so things have been a little different in that she was sleeping more during the day and actually slept 1 night from midnight -7. What a great feeling.
Now that the cold is over she is back to her nightwaking for long periods of time. We have managed to reduce the amt of crying at bedtime and its doesn't seem that there are any night terrors we have just been spending about 15 min longer winding her down and it has been working.
Not sure what to do at night. the last 3 night she is up around 2 and stays awake till 4, last night was really bad. She was up at 1-430. I thought i was going to lose it, well I did lose it on DH, poor guy.
When she wakes up at these hours she is not crying she is playing and talking this last for an entire hour. We do not go in her room at all during this time. After about an hour or so is when the whining and crying starts and gets progressively worse when we are not there. When we go there to try and get her back to sleep she cries or wants to play depends on the night. Last night she cried from 2-430. I think she wanted a bottle, but I don't want to give into that as it will become a habit again. She eats very well during the day and at bedtime, so she cant be hungry. I have places a sippy cup in her bed so that if she is thirsty she can drink.

When all this began nothing at all had changed within the home, nothing.
I started back to work about a week and half ago and she started daycare this morning. Called them and so far a not a bad morning. Brought her home for lunch and she is home for the afternoon.

It does sound like she is getting too much sleep during the day and that she is ready for 1 nap, but she is so tired that she cant stay awake long enough for the afternoon naps. I tried the catnaps 20 min in the morning and a longer nap in aft, but nothing seems to be working at all. I wondered if something could be wrong, but she totally fine during the, happy as ever.
What are my next steps, I don't even know where to go from here. I am very frustrated, tied, becoming an emotional wreck with the lack of sleep as now I am back to work FT. DH is not far behind me.

I was wondering if the night waking continue, can I at least reduce the time of them.
As mentioned when she wakes up she is talking in her crib for about an hour before the crying starts.
Should I intervene at this time? If so what should I do? the reason I haven't in the past is because I was hoping that she would fall back asleep.
If I should wait till she starts crying, what should I do? Now when I go in she is standing in her crib? Should I lay her down and keep laying her down or should I let her stand. I find that laying her down can upset her even more.

[mkoontz]

I'm not sure at all if this will be helpful, but my dd was doing exactly that when I was trying the 2-1 switch before and when I went back to 2 naps (shorter in the am, and as long as she wanted in the pm) she started sleeping through the night.  (she's gone back now but that's another story).  I also decided that I wouldn't get her out of the crib, except breifly if she needed comfort that I couldn't give her in the crib. 

It worked for a while for us, so I just thought I'd mention it

[Doj]

I might be speaking too soon, but fantastic news, dd has slept thought the night for the last nights. It all started when she went to daycare..go figure.
I feel great. We are now experiencing another little problem that I am hoping to stop before it gets out of control. dd is going to bed at 8pm, but waking up at 530-6am. She wakes happy and talking, but will not go back to sleep. I have been leaving her in her crib and after about half an hour of this she starts to get upset at which point I go in.
I haven't tried this, but I think if I give her milk she will go back. I don't want to get in the habit of this.She is getting about 2.5 hrs of sleep a day still 2naps as daycare is making her very tired. Any suggestions on what I can do to stop these early waking

[mari]

If Alex goes to bed too late (after 7.30pm) she always wakes before 6am.  If she goes down 7-7.30pm then I can expect her to wake 7-7.30am.  I think it's because she is overtired.  perhaps you could try putting her bedtime a little earlier.

[Doj]

thanks, i will try that. The reason I have been putting her to bed at 8 (use to be about 715-730) is that I find that she does not settle right away and I usually do WI/WO for half an hour. If I put her to bed at 8 she goes to sleep right away

[mari]

Ok, this used to happen with Alex too and still does if she isn't tired enough or overtired, it's finding the exact right moment (easier said than done!!)  What about moving it slightly every night, say 10-15 minutes at a time.

[Doj]

Hello again,

Well I didn't think that I would be back so soon, but I am here. dd slept for about 1 week without waking up in the night and was having great naps at daycare. It was wonderful, I felt great and I know that she did as well. Well for the last 4 nights dd has been waking up several times a night and for long stretched. From the time that I put her down (now being 645) till she wakes up in the morning I hear here at least 10 times. She was up last night from 2-6am moaning, not crying, but moaning.
One thing that is different this time is that she is waking up about every 1 or so and crying for about 30 seconds and then going back to sleep. I am not sure if she is in pain or I think that I read somewhere that this is a sign of being over tired. She is not napping well at all either she sleeps if I am lucky now 45-1 hour a day. Am I stuck in a vicious over tired cycle? If so how do I get her out.
I have anther DR appt for her on Friday to see if this is something more.

[Doj]

Hi again,
I don't know what to do. DD's night last night was a disaster. She woke up every 2 hours crying and needed me to go in ad reassure her and then woke up at 330 and wouldn't go back to sleep. she would talk then cry this went on till 630 this morning. I decided that enough was enough and I was going to go and get her ready at 7 and start the day. Well I went in at 7 and she was sound asleep, but I had to wake her up at 715 to take her to daycare.
She only slept half and hour today at daycare and so she was exhausted and didn't eat lunch or dinner due to being so tired. I put her to bed at 6pm tonight. So early, but I didn't want to keep her up any longer. She has been in bed an hour and half now and I have already heard her 3x. one time crying the other times trying to get comfortable. Is she just so over tired?

She was having a lot of NW before daycare, but they are so much worse now. Could this be her excitement for the change in daycare? Did anyone experience this when their lo's went to daycare?

Thanks

[Diegos Mama]

Have you tried any Tylenol during these nightwakings to see if it's pain related?  She might be teething.

[mkoontz]

Tylanol was my thought too.  My lo does this when she is teathing and though I don't like giving her pain meds too much, I feel like she needs it to get a good sleep.

[caro558]

Hi
My DD is 11 months old and has been teething for 3 months almost continually, if i hear her moaning in her sleep I know it's pain related and i tend to give her some pain relief. If she is showing signs of teething during the day e.g irritable, off her food etc, i give her pain relief before she goes to bed, then I wake her and give her some when I go to bed.
I know this seems drastic, but otherwise she tends to wake around 1am and is really upset which takes ages to calm her down.
I generally only have to do this for a couple of days before the pain eases and she gets back to normal.
Doj - It sounds like you're all going through a tough time, I really hope things work out for you soon.
Keep smiling
Caroline x