Almost 5 month old - crying before bed/bad naps

[1sttimemamma]

Well, my 19 week old cried for an hour and a half before finally falling asleep. For the most part, he's always been able to drift off to sleep without any problems. This week has been getting worse. He's done this sporadically, but tonight has been the worst. He cries, and then stops and starts again - over and over. We watch him on the monitor and he will cry, then turn his head like he's going to close his eyes, but then pops them wide open and cries again. The moment I go into his room, he stops crying. I have just been saying it's ok, it's night night time. And when he continues to cry, I put my hand on his chest. He stops crying while I am in the room and just hangs out. So I leave the room, and it continues again. He escalated and I had to do pu/pd. I changed him out of his pi's because he was so hot and reswaddled him in a onsie. During all that - he was quiet and sucking on his hands and making cute noises. The moment I leave, he starts crying I finally put my hand on his chest and patted a bit and left my hand on his chest until he fell asleep. I try to remove myself before he falls asleep, but tonight was crazy.

His schedule is bad because he has 4 30 minute naps all day long - for weeks and weeks.
In general, his schedule is
Wake up - 6:30am
Eat - 7:30am
Nap - 8:30am to 9am
Eat 10:15ish
Nap - 10:30ish to 11ish
Eat 12:30
Nap 1pm to 1:30pm
Eat 3:isn
Nap 3:30 to 4:30pm
Eat 5:45ish
Bedtime - between 6:15 and 6:30pm

He's EBF. Swaddled. No pacifier.

He's had the above schedule for a really long time. But now all the crying at night is keeping up so very late. He just now fell asleep at 8:45pm and I had him in bed at 7:15pm. He did wake up very early at 5:30am this morning, but I fed him and put him back in the crib and he fell asleep until 7:30ish ( after being awake until 6:45am)

I can't get any longer than 30 minute naps out of him - I've tried shorter A times, longer A times. I have not tried wake to sleep yet. I'm debated on stopping the swaddle - he seems to want out of it from the moment I get it on him. He is teething - but he's been teething for weeks. I give him gripe water.

So, am I doing the right thing with the crying? What do you do when they stop crying the moment you get in the room? His room is really really dark , so we aren't making eye contact.

[creations]

It looks like he could do with a bit longer between his E.  At 4 months most babies go 4hrs between E (low birth weight or prem babies move to 4hrs by 5 or 6 months). So I would bring all the Es up to 3hrs then 3hr 15 then 3hr 30 etc, a couple of days at each time and see how it goes.
A times are also low in places which may not be helping, looks like the longest nap was at the end of the day then followed by a short A to BT which could be leading to him crying at BT.  How about bring all A times up to 2hrs and give W2S a go?  As he is waking at 30 mins I would go in at 20 to 25 mins and begin patting, see him right through the transition and into deep sleep, at least 20 mins. Try it for days 1,2,3 hold off day 4 and see what happens then continue days 5,6,7 if needed.

If he's teething I would try meds 20 min before his nap to see if it helps. If it does then great, if not then I wouldn't continue.

It's tricky when they cry on and off like that. I would respond the way you are, and if it is at the point where he stops as soon as you are in the room but crying as soon as you leave then I would stand at or just outside the door and use your key phrase so he knows you are around.  There is really no problem with you staying with your hand on him for him to fall to sleep fully a few times, if he is teething or has some SA for developmental reasons helping him in the way will reassure him of your trust bond which is far more important than worrying about AP props. If he was independently falling to sleep before he will return to it on his own or with little encouragement once he feels he is able to (ie when the pain or SA subsides).

Let's see how the routine looks in a week or so when the Es and As are settled on the increased times and you've give the W2S a good shot.

[1sttimemamma]

Thank you creations! I have a quick moment, but i had a question about E times. He gets truly fussy sometimes even before 3 hours. Also, the nap runs into the E times. So when it's coming up on 3 hours, but he's due for a nap, I feed him before the nap. How do I work around that?

Should I get rid of the swaddle now? He sure spends a lot of time trying to get his arms out.

[1sttimemamma]

Also, he shows zero tired signs. He's pretty happy most of the time. Last night before bed he was just fine and wide awake (which is not unusual) so I put him down a bit early because his last nap he woke crying.

[creations]

So when it's coming up on 3 hours, but he's due for a nap, I feed him before the nap. How do I work around that?

It's fine what you're doing.  Lots of routines need to shift a bit like that.
If you don't think he can up his E for some reason he may be one of the LOs who needs to stay on 3hrly E until he's a bit older.

Should I get rid of the swaddle now? He sure spends a lot of time trying to get his arms out.

No BTDT on the swaddle I'm afraid. Mine was only swaddled for naps up to 10 weeks and never at night. Maybe ask on general sleep?

[1sttimemamma]

Thanks Creations!
I don't know if it's something I did, or if he suddenly changed, but he's napping longer. I'm keeping him awake 2 hours between naps and putting him down about 5 minutes before the 2 hours instead of 15 minutes.
The thing is he's still waking up at the 30 (or 45 min) mark and just hangs out for about 20 to 30 minutes and then falls back asleep again. He doesn't cry (which is great) and I don't go into his room. I'm curious if this is normal or indicates being under or over tired?

[creations]

Great news on the longer naps!

It's fine for him to wake and hang out on his own for a bit then go back to sleep, great self settling!  However he could be a bit UT. Moving WD later must have helped, reminds me of my DS, he'd go mad if I tried WD too soon and liked a very short WD.  How about add another 15 mins A time so WD at 2hr 5 -2hr 10 A time and plan for sleep at 2hr 15?

[1sttimemamma]

Good idea - I have extended the A time about 10 to 15 min and he's still waking up for about 20 minutes. However, I'm not complaining at all. It's so nice to have him napping longer.

So, now he's doing this

Awake: 6:30am
Eat: 7am
Nap: 9 (ish) to 11
Eat: 11am
Nap 1ish to 3
Eat 3:30 (we have to leave house right at 3pm to get big bro, so I feed him when we get back)
Nap 5 to 5:30
Eat 7
Bedtime 7:30

He gets up at 2am for a feed. And for the last two nights, he's waking at 5:15am and fussing. It's not crying and I don't go in, but it goes on for 20 minutes or so and he puts himself back to sleep. He seems uncomfortable or something. He wakes back up at 6:30am

Should his bedtime be earlier if he's waking at 6:30am? When do I drop that 3rd nap. He's not resisting it at all - just curious. And when I do drop the last nap, does everything shift? Meaning the first nap and 2nd nap start later? If so, I'm not sure how I'm going to leave the house at 3pm to get big bro.

[creations]

I have extended the A time about 10 to 15 min and he's still waking up for about 20 minutes.

I would wait a couple of days and then increase another 10 min on the A.  it's not a huge problem as he is happy but it could be a sign he needs more A.

Here's a link for the 3-2 nap drop
All about the 3-2 transition- 5/6 months
Don't panic about the school run. I haven't had the pleasure of this problem but many have and I think they all survived
You can do things like move morning WU later so the nap comes later, he'll have a 3hr A by then too, so you could end up with something like:
WU 7.30
A 3hr
nap 10.30 - 12.30
A 3hr
nap 3.30 when you get home from school pick up - 5.00
A 2.5 - 3hr
BT 7.30/8.00

I'm sure there will be a way, and plenty of BTDT experience for you to tap into when the time comes

[1sttimemamma]

Ok thanks again Creations!
Quick question. Today we went to visit DH at work and it took a long time and was probably really stimulating. DS fell asleep on the way home after being awake for 2 hr 30 min. He slept for only 20 min (his usual car nap time once the car stops). Once he woke, I tried to put him down in his room. He tried really hard to sleep (watching on the monitor) but he just couldn't and ended up getting upset. I got him up and went to get big brother. After that, I put him down again and he went down no problem and slept for 30 min and tried to get himself back to sleep, but couldn't. I'm hoping we don't slide into 30 minute naps again. I guess my question is, how do you handle over tiredness when I'm the one that caused it - ykwim? I took him out and about and it caused a bad car nap and being too tired to sleep any longer. I really can't extend his naps - once I enter his room, he gets too revved up and he can't sleep (unless it's night time).

[1sttimemamma]

Ok - to add more to my above thoughts/question. I am getting really too worried about staying home so he naps. My birthday is on Sunday and I want to have fun and go to several places during the day with my family, but I'm caught up in worrying about his naps. My baby is usually happy as long as we are all out and about - but it's when he starts crying during sleep times that it gets to me. He does not cry for sleep unless he's overtired and that will be what happens on my birthday if I take him out with us all day. You know?

[creations]

There isn't really much you can do about naps out and about when you really need to do things other than accept it's not going to be great and plan for a catch up day the following day.  If it was me I'd feel my birthday was not so great if LO was miserable and crying for sleep so I'd prob plan the day around giving a few opportunities for CNs where ever he'd sleep (for me it was car) and hope for the best.

[1sttimemamma]

Thanks Creations. However, I doubt we could have more crying than we did last night. During the day, he did a short nap in the morning, 1 hr 45 min in the afternoon (but was broken up with a 20 minute wake up) and about an hour nap before bed. I got him to bed about 2 hr 15 min after he woke from his last nap and he fell asleep fine, but woke at 45 minute mark and was pretty upset and needed me to soothe. He then cried every 2 hours. So at midnight, he was crying and I decided not to feed him. The night before he woke at midnight and I fed him because I was too tired. He had previously slept until between 2am and 5am for his night feeding and I don't want it to start getting earlier and earlier. So last night from midnight until 1:40am, he cried off and on and never enough where he needed pu/pd and would try to sleep and would just start crying after a few seconds of closing his eyes. I ended up feeding him at 1:45am, taking off his swaddle and putting him back to bed. He played around until falling asleep close to 3am. Then he woke at4:30ish and my husband got him soothed back to sleep and then w0ke at 6:15am - at first crying, then happy. It was a really bad night - not sure we've ever had that bad.

So - why would his feeding times be getting earlier and earlier - if that's what he's really wanting? It seems that since I started him on the 4 hour Easy, he's needing food sooner and sooner at night. I thought we'd be phasing the night time feedings out soon.
I know it was  a  bad idea to get him out of the swaddle, but watching him struggle with the swaddle and try and try to get his hands out got really frustrating for me, so I just pulled him out.

It wasn't the worst day of naps he's ever had, so I have no idea why he's crying out so much.

[creations]

any sign of teething?

Not sure about the earlier night feeds, growth spurt?  Or perhaps he is aiming to bring the feed earlier and earlier to make it pre-midnight?  Do you do a dream feed?

[1sttimemamma]

He's totally teething. I can almost feel the tooth thru the gum. I'm going to give him Tylenol tonight to see if it makes a difference. I do not dream feed. Never have. Should I?