Thanks ladies for your replies and very sound observations . It always amuses me (after the fact of course!) how you can loose complete perspective when you're in the middle of it and shattered.
What did we do?
I called pre-school yesterday and they said they would nap her if necessary - she wasn't having bit. Tbh I didn't think they had a car in helps chance.
DH put her to bed at 2pm (after she got home and had 20mins or so wind -down). She fell asleep about 2.20pm and was woken at 45mins
She was a bear, but hey we can't have it every which way and
bt@6.30pm on account of the silly o'clock WU. She SSTN and woke I reckon about 5.30 (called me in at 6am) so hopefully will be better today.
The other thing I noticed that may be playing it's part is teeth - all of her teeth have cut but she has a snotty nose, skins gone dry and bumpy and she more tired that usual - all teething signs or R. Just wondering if her teeth are growing/moving and contributing to the madness.
The plan today DH tells me is to nap her gain for 45mins (not convinced myself but I'm not here today so hey) but I think the counter will have to be a later BT given she's now at least had a decent nights sleep.
I agree, I can handle a melt down at BT and OT is Definately to be expected and has to be par for the course, but I felt for R, it was getting really out if hand badly affecting everything. So let see how we go hey as hope we are not too far wrong!!!
H xx