Appropriate method for a Spirited 10 month old?

[Jmpratt]

Thank you both for posting here and on other threads. 

Bec has definitely helped me out so that our routine is where it needs to be. So now I'm thinking its sleep training related.  The gradual withdrawal makes sense as long as I can stay strong and not pick her up. She is 10 months old, we have done white noise machine since birth, lovie since 5 months, music since 7 months baths but I think it might stimulate her too.

Thanks Martini and Bec. I really appreciate your time.

[Martini~]

If she is 10mo honey really even couple moments in your arm is can be too much and become a prop. No to mention that she is probably a big baby and it's not easy to rock her to sleep, isn't it:)? If you decide to try, keep us posted!

[Jmpratt]

Bec-I'm aiming for BT 3 hrs after WU from last nap.  Is it better to just make it the same time every night to get her into a rhythm or to base it on 3 hr a time?

Bec and Martini-

How do you suggest starting to decrease my involvement from picking her up to soothe her?  I read a post on GW that said to do it gradually so they barely notice.  She definitely noticed when I didn't pick her up and tried to soothe her in the crib.   She became very distressed, finally I let her lean on my arm, rubbed her back, and repeated our phrase.  Night 2 she became more distressed, might have been OT but I still want to figure out how to do it gently to build her confidence.  Not sure how to start without it turning back into pu/pd. 

Do you suggest putting her down each time she sits/stands up?

Lastly, does the method instruct to do GW with NWs too?

Thanks so much, I am still learning obviously and appreciate the guidance.

Julie

[becj86]

For us, we had to go on A time to bed because DS' sleep window was very small. By now, you could probably try a set BT if you, particularly if you felt ok to cap the second nap according to how the day has been.

when is she sitting/standing? I just sat by DS' cot and didn't interact at all so he knew I was there bug wasn't being distracted by me. That was part of him learning to lie down and go to sleep. No point dropping the doing what they're driven to do developmentally IMO. Sleep needs often decrease when they are practising new skills so the behaviour abates once mastery is achieved.

What do you currently do to get her to sleep? Basically you would either move that towards the cot and/or put her into bed slightly earlier in the falling asleep process, so PD drowsy, then slightly more awake and so on.

[Jmpratt]

Started the GW tonight.  I have been putting her down before she is drowsy, she plays in her bed, then starts to cry when she gets tired, I do pd/pd and/or end up pu and rocking her the rest of the way. 

A time tonight was 2 hours 30 min but she does her long a time in the am and then medium a time between naps so the last is her shortest? I'll do some trial and error but I just paid attention to her signals tonight instead of 3 hr mark and it helped. 

I also rocked her for only 5 min then put her in crib as soon as she closed her eyes.  She cried for a second but fell right to sleep when I rubbed her back.  Now I just keep putting her down earlier and earlier gradually right?

She is getting close to walking so the thought about achieving mastery making things easier could definitely be true!


Thanks for the help!!!  So grateful!  I might be in touch again.

Julie

[becj86]

Yes, you may find that instead of picking her up when she starts to cry, you can sort of risk her side to side with your hand or rub her back? I don't know, she may be larger than DS was at 10 months...

Yep, just putting her down as her eyes are starting to close rather than closed and then earlier again as she gets better at it.

[Jmpratt]

So LO is definitely too heavy to pick up and rock.  She normally has 1 nw.  She has had 3 so far and it's 345am here (I'm in Maryland, US).  Because the pu/pd and struggle she had with that helped her to put herself back to sleep the rest of the night, most nights.  Except for the 12 wake up. 

I didn't do any pu last night but held her until she fell asleep, no rocking really but she shifts back and forth in my arms, also hard on my back).  She then has wanted me to put her back to sleep his way every WU.  I've tried soothing her in the crib first for a few minutes rubbing her belly (she won't turn over) or her back while sitting up and she would lay down but get back up when I started rubbing her back.  So I end up poaching her up when she is getting more distressed. 

So the less I intervene and the more she protests at bedtime, the more she knows what she needs to do to sleep through the night.  Does this make sense?  So my choice has seemed to get through he hard BT so she can sleep well all night.  However it's been hard for awhile and I don't think it's helping her learn to self soothe at BT. 

Does it have to get worse before it gets better?  Or do you think there is a way of helping her do what she already knows how to do? 

Thanks for all the hand holding.  I feeling pretty desperate right now.   

[Martini~]

Honey it will be just my opinion but it will get worse for a bit. you may go for extremly gentle methods of weaning rocking/holding like Elisabeth Pantley's one but being honest for some LO it just doesn't work and for some it will take months to get to the final point as you are very slow and gentle with a change. Sometimes going cold turkey really is a better way forward - but it's your decision.

I would just STOP putting her up at all, and holding her at all. When she is in the crib, she IS in the crib. You may put her down, rub her, pat her, reassure with soft words but no sleeping or almost asleep in mummy arms. But that's me, I would go cold turkey as I believe it's ok for LO (yes there will be some crying but you are with her) and it will improve her sleep the quick.

[becj86]

So the less I intervene and the more she protests at bedtime, the more she knows what she needs to do to sleep through the night.  Does this make sense

This totally makes sense - after the developmental leap at 6 months and for quite a while thereafter, LO's need to know their environment hasn't changed from how it was when they went to sleep so they can resettle or they call out for that environment. If that was sitting on your lap, that's where she wants to be, if that's lying in the cot with your hand on her back, that's a lot quicker and easier for a resettle at night. Eventually just you sitting there will be enough and then she should be more able to resettle herself.

It does get worse in the first little while - works great for the first few days, then a regression in which LO tests to see if you're serious that the change is staying so then once you're through that, it gets better. This testing can last longer the older the child, sorry to say. I promise this does get better eventually. xx