PLEASE HELP!!! DESPERATE MOM OF NON-SLEEPING 19 Month old!!! PLEAE READ!!!

[carrie13]

Melissa and Sara... Thank you so much for all the support!  I really feel like I'm losing it... Ethan is finally down... although as I type this I hear him stirring, which makes my heart beat harder in my chest.  I am desperate.  I tend to have very fragile patience on no sleep, which make me feel like the worst mommy out there.

So this is what I did, after our bath, we took him to his room, put a nice clean dry huggie on, got in our chair, read "I'll Teach My Pup 100 Words", which we have read to him at every nap time and bedtime since he was 4 months old, he drank his bottle, and kept saying "bed, bed", however I'd put him down with his blanky, told him I loved him, it was night-night time and I'd see him in the morning.  As soon as got to the door, he was up and out of the bed.  I'd pick him up, place him in the bed, say the same thing, and get to the door, and boom he'd fly up, at other times, he wouldn't even lay down.  But I'd still say the same thing, and still leave.  Once I saw how upset he was getting, I promised him that IF he stayed in his bed, I'd sit next to his bed, BUT IF he got up, I'd leave, this went on for about 30-40 minutes, then all of a sudden, he didn't get up.  So, I did rest my hand on his back... is that ok?  And IF he wakes up in the middle of the night, I have to do the same thing??? 

His Dr. hasn't seen him , but I did call, b/c it did seem a little out of the blue, I did go away for the first time 3 weekends ago, and once I got back, all this started.  I can't help but feel like it's separation anxiety.  That my going away was a little shock to his system...    Could that have led up to this???

Thank you all for your words of encouragement, I can not begin to tell you how happy I am to have found this website!!!!  Say a little prayer for us!!!

With love,
-Carrie

[Lucysmom]

Hi Carrie -

Your gut feeling that this is separation anxiety is probably right.  In that case, I think gradual withdrawal might be easier for him to handle.  So you would start off sitting right next to the bed and then over several nights move closer and closer to the door.  Definitely find the sticky about GW to get all the details.  I had to do GW with my dd when she had SA and it does work.  I had tried WI/WO and it just upset her to no end to see me leaving the room even if I was coming right back. 

With your hand on his back, I would caution you about doing that consistently as it might become a prop, like he NEEDS your hand on him to go to sleep.  But one night of doing it is not going to make a habit for sure.

Good job tonight!!! 

[carrie13]

So I did the right thing by telling him if he laid down I'd sit next to him, and if he got up I'd leave?  I'll keep it in mind about the hand... Lord knows we don't need another prop!  Thank you again from the bottom of my broken heart for all your kind words!!!!  Muah!

[Lucysmom]

Hi Carrie -

I don't know if I would tell him you'll leave if he doesn't lay down.  The thought of you leaving is already a terrible one for him, so probably threatening him with that might be worse than just being there and reassuring him as needed.  I wouldn't make your interactions with him very exciting (therefore rewarding) for him.  You could come up with a key phrase and repeat it, something like "It is just time to go to sleep.  I love you."  Or really whatever reassuring phrase you want to say. 

I did some reading on gradual withdrawal and one of the posts states that a first step could be to have your hand on the child and then remove the hand after a few days and then just sit next to the bed, then move a bit further, etc.  All of these methods can be found in the FAQ section at the very top of the toddler sleep board. 

I hope he sleeps well tonight!  Thinking of you and sending hugs and support!

[LisbonMom]

I can not begin to tell you how happy I am to have found this website!!!!  Say a little prayer for us!!!

Amen to that - prayers sent!

How did the night go?

[carrie13]

Good Morning!

Well my husband took over the late night shift... he said Ethan woke up around 3 AM, and had a leaky huggie, and his bed sheet was wet, so my husband changed him, and then laid on the floor with him.  The difference is that it didn't take HOURS to get him to settle down again.  He did get up off the floor and go to his chair, but my husband said that all he said was it was night-night time, and to come and lay down, which he did.  SO that's progress right?  I'm curious how nap time is going to go today.  No rocking, and I will NOT tell him I'm going to leave.  I'll just tell him I'll sit next to him until he falls asleep, and maybe place my hand on his back.  Do I do the same as last night and hope he doesn't take HOURS for him to fall asleep?  Is there a point where we stop and resume our day should he not fall asleep?  I'm also going to put him down around noon instead of 11:00/11:30... so I should probably do lunch before nap right???  Sorry for all the questions, just want to get it all right... my poor baby needs to sleep again!

I simply can not thank you all enough, you have been an answer to my prayers!!!

Muah!
-Carrie

[Lucysmom]

Hi Carrie -

I just wanted to get back to you really quickly before I walk out the door here.  That is great that he only woke at 3 and that your dh was able to get him to go to sleep just by being physically present in the room.  That is a great start!

I would feed him lunch before his nap for sure.  As for the time of the nap, you should be careful not to push it forward too quickly otherwise he might become overtired and hard to settle. So if his normal nap time was 11 then maybe try to have him settling to sleep, in bed at 11:30 so hopefully he will be asleep by 11:45 at the latest.  Play it by ear for sure.  But I think you'll notice a change in his behavior in regards to going to sleep once he knows that you are not going to "abandon" him in his room.  Being a reassuring presence during SA is the key.  And with GW you can make sure your presence doesn't become a prop. 

If you find he doesn't eat a good lunch, then just save some of his lunch and offer it to him after his nap.  Or offer a more sizeable snack after nap.  Until toddlers can really stay awake until 12:30 or so it is often difficult to get a full lunch in.  He will get there.

OK, my dd is probably destroying something so I need to go.  Good luck with nap time today and I will be back to check later.

[carrie13]

Melissa,
 I will probably go in his room at 11:30, TRY to read his story, then place in the bed, and say a prayer we won't have to go through an hour of up and down!  I am praying that it all goes well for both our sakes, although getting some sleep last night was a God Send!!!  And, he seems much better today as well.   

And I did read the section on GW, I keep going back to it, just to make sure I am doing it right...

Well gotta cook lunch!  TTYS!!!  Thank You!

[Lucysmom]

Hi -

Wondering how the nap went.  Hopefully it wasn't too difficult to get him down. 

And yes, it is a lot easier to deal with the struggles of motherhood if you have some good sleep under your belt!  Glad you are feeling more rested today!

Take care!

[carrie13]

Hey Melissa!!!

So, we got in his room around 11:45, (he was a slow eater today)  I walked out of his room at 12:30, BUT he was fast asleep by the latest 12:15, right when he feel asleep, our lawn guy came... I wanted to make sure he didn't wake up with all the commotion!  I had to lock his bedroom door to keep him in his room, he wanted to escape so badly!  Now, every time he got out of his bed I would pick him up, kiss him, tell him I love him and lay him in his bed and tell him it was night-night time... he would get up, throw himself on the floor, and I kept going and putting him back in his bed... am I doing it right?  Oh lord I hope so!!!  I couldn't rest" my hand on him until he finally lays there, then I only hold it there a few moments just to reassure him I'm there.  Is that ok?  He didn't wake up until 2:10!!!  So much better than the last 3 or so days!!!

Also today here in Florida.... it was a little cooler so we were able to play outside for a bit without dying of heat stroke, so I'm hoping this MIGHT help him sleep better tonight.....

Does it seem like it's going well???  I know we are only on day 2, and I'm sure it may be too soon to tell, but I'm more hopeful! 

[carrie13]

Just a little update!!!  It took about 45 minutes to get ds down for the night... only this time NO CRYING, NO FIGHTING, he did get off the bed quite a few times, BUT I would pick him up, tell him I love him, and that is was night-night time, but again... NO CRYING!  He even said "wuv you momby"!!!!  (he calls me momby, not mommy)  I see light at the end of the tunnel!  Thank you to EVERYONE who has helped!!!  Many hugs!!!

-Carrie

[Lucysmom]

Great news Carrie!    Keep up the good work! 

Remember to keep at it, and he may have a regression in a day or two.  Just take it just as that, a regression, and stay the course.  He will get back on track.

In the meantime, I hope you are enjoying your evening! 

[carrie13]

I will defiantly keep that in mind.  And yes I am enjoying my night, I'm not filled with so much desperation, or anxiety!  I still anticipate him waking up, but with a lot less dread!  Thank you again...  have a wonderful night yourself!

Well, I think I jinxed myself... ds woke up within 2 hours.  Put him back to bed, and it  took a few minutes to get him settled again.  I waited a few minutes before leaving, however his doorknob made all kinds of noises, and the door popped when I closed it, and up he was, crying.  I again picked him up told him I loved him, it was night-night time, and placed him back in bed, again it took a few minutes to get him settled.  But he did go back to sleep.  However, he was only down for about 10-15 minutes before he was up again.  Again, I picked him up, kissed him, told him I loved him, and placed him back in bed.  It took a little less to settle down, but he did.  So now I'm waiting...

Is this normal?? Am I doing everything correctly?   

[mari]

Everything seems to be going well, you are doing a great job.

The important thing is to be consistent with getting him to realise that it's bedtime and he must go to sleep but you will be there for him if he needs you. 

[carrie13]

That's Mari, but last night was terrible!  He got up so often that I ended up staying in his room, and after hours and hours of this constant up and down, up and down, up and down, I ended just getting him to lay with me, but he seemed VERY unsettled, a lot of moving around.  Bringing him to the floor with me, was ok to do?  I tried so hard not to, simply because I didn't want him to get in the habit, but I felt that if it was a ploy he'd give up sooner or later but he never did...  ahhh, I really hope tonight is better... thank you for your help in this major time of need!