Just when things were going so well......

[jcsmom]

the 45 minute daycare nap is back 
For the last week sleep for my 18 month old has greatly improved due to him finishing cutting his eye teeth. Prior to that it was a nightmare! I am at home with him 2 days a week for naps and he is at the daycare 3 naps a week. At home we have been doing this marvelously:
6:30/45 wake
11:45/12 nap for about 1.75-2 hours
7:30 bedtime with no NWs.
Yesterday and today he was at the CMs and slept only 45 mins as she puts them down for a nap at 12:30 or 12:45! He can't handle 6 hours A time in the am without short napping and this is the earliest she can get him down due to getting another child on the bus. Tonight he had a maaaaaaajor meltdown at 5pm so I know he is OT now after 2 days of this.
So my question is, to keep our good wake time of 6:45am, what time should I put him down on 45 minute nap days?

[jcsmom]

Thanks Stacey. The problem is, he is not a 12 hour a night sleeper, even when OT. Once in a very blue moon, but 11-11.5 at night is his thing. It is for sure worth a shot though. I put him down at 6:45 tonight but he screamed and cried so I went in and rocked and got him asleep by 7pm. Poor tired boy.

Things at home have just been going so well and when he goes there he comes home an OT mess, so bath time is ruined with my DH and he screams his head off when going down at night. The last 2 nights I have rocked him to avoid more OT from wi/wo which when OT can last upwards of 1.5 hours. When well rested he goes down and is asleep in 1 second flat, no joke. Then he gets used to being AP'd and we start all over again. Ugh.

The other little boy there is 22 months and wakes at 6am, goes down at 12:45 and she has to wake him after 2.5 hours of napping. He can go almost 7 hours no probs. But we get our longest naps with 5 or 5.25 hours A max. I guess there is really nothing I can do, except wait it out. I really wish that I didn't have to go back to work at all. Sorry for the venting.

[becky1969]

Oh man, I'm so sorry that things are going haywire again!

I totally agree with Stacy: I'd use home days to catch up on sleep, move bedtime forward on daycare days, and keep evenings on daycare days VERY low key.  You might try a video at home on the couch right after daycare.  He might even fall asleep for 10-15 minutes, and that might be enough to get you thru the rest of the evening without godzilla!

You're absolutely right too: this is probably just a thing where you're going to have to wait for him to grow into his A time.  The good news? They stretch their wings really quickly at this age.  The bad news? Not a whole lot you can do about it.  ((((((hugs))))) you have every right to gritch.  I went back to work when Owen was 6 weeks old.  Yes, it was at home, and yes I controlled how many hours, but I was so angry that I couldn't just nap when he napped and became an exhausted mess super quickly.  I guess if there's anything to be gleaned from my experience is to just resign yourself to the fact that this situation sucks, but that you're doing the best you can to make your family life happy.  That's all we can do as moms. 

[jcsmom]

You are both so right. It is just so hard to make things a happy place when he is so grizzly and I could've done something to stop it, like not go to work! I suppose I really don't have much choice. My DH gets so upset too as their time together is so limited as it is and then he cries through his bath and wants only momma. I tried to convince him to skip his bath last night and I think he wishes we had as he screamed at the top of his lungs for the whole thing. I dread the 1-0 switch. Yikes!

Things were just going so well and true to form we had a NW and an EW. He woke at 6:10 am screaming the house down, obviously miserable. I am home today so do I put him down at 11:10 (5 hours A) vs. 11:45/12 in hopes of a nice long non-OT nap to get caught up? He may not sleep as long as needed (2+ hours)and we are back to an early to bed early to rise OT nap cycle. But if I don't put him down after 5 hours A, I risk and OT nap and even more OT. This is how things always go. 7-10 days of bliss and one bad nap/night messes it all up and before I know it we are back to being OT.

Becky, how in the world did you work when Owen was 6 weeks? I don't even remember that time, at all. You must have been a walking zombie. It took me 18 months to get back and it still is exhausting. I suppose you are right that I just have to suck up what I have and get on with living life normally and making sure things around here are happy (which they are not BTW- we fight so much about DS sleep  )

[becky1969]

Oh boy, I so didn't mean suck it up! I just meant I really get how you feel.  I'm lucky because I work from home.  I had a sitter for awhile, but I kicked her butt out the door at the beginning of summer and that was the happiest moment of my life!  Now I get up 3 hours earlier to work while Owen sleeps, but I'm much much happier about it.  Yeah, I don't know how I did it when he was 6 weeks either.  Even tho I was working from home, I was just so exhausted.  But I didn't have a choice since I'd already been on bedrest for 3 weeks prior to his birth, and I didn't have any paid maternity leave.  It pretty much sucked.

You just have a sensitive bub, I'm afraid! Mine is very sensitive to being OT too.  We battled so hard from 12-22 months because the transition was difficult (took 3 very long months) and then after the transition, like you say, 1 bad nap or bad night would just put us in an OT cycle.  And then teeth of course. That messed us up too!  Finally around 22-24 months, he grew into his awake time better and since then it's been really great.  We can be like other families now and not sweat him going down late for nap or bed! I always wondered what that was like -- we finally know!

So, it *does* get better.  The good news is I think our sleep bubs will keep their naps longer!  That is a DEFINITE plus!

[jcsmom]

I wish I could work from home, but it is difficult teaching kids from your livingroom!It is nice to have others get how I feel when so many just don't. They don't get how sensitive he is to OT, including my husband. He knows it is true he just doesn't want to accept the fact that our lives will revolve around naps and bedtime until he can take a late nap or bedtime without it messing up weeks of sleep. I feel like banging my head against a wall every time someone says "you should make him adapt to your life and just go with the flow". Unfortunately he is not that kind of kid and never has been but I often feel like people make it out to be my fault that he is very sensitive and spirited. I am anxiously waiting for that 22-24 month time when things can get back to somewhat normal!

I did end up putting him down at 11:20 this am and even that may have been a bit late due to the 6:10 wake up but we were at a playgroup and I did winddown as fast as I could and he was out like a light but was really cranky and crying before, so probs an OT nap. I just heard him now at 11:32 awake again which means for him super OT when he wakes 10 mins after going down for a nap/night. It is just so hard that 2 bad naps can get us to this place and I know it will take days if not weeks to get back.

[becky1969]

((((hugs))))) Well let me make it official: it's not your fault your kid is spirited and sensitive! My DH like to live in denial too, LOL.  His favorite technique for getting owen to STTN when he was OT was to 'tire him out'.    That means rough housing, playing outside, etc.  I just couldn't make him realize that wasn't going to work -- even though it was pretty evident that it didn't work! LOL!  All those people can go suck eggs.  Rotten eggs.

Your spirited, sensitive child is going to be so much fun in the later toddler years, especially once he grows into his awake time better.  of course, then all those well-meaning people are going to somehow take credit for all the things that your wonderful care and sensitivity to your child's needs have actually brought about.  If people only knew how awful his sleeping would *really* be if you followed their advice!    Jeez.

[jcsmom]

It shouldn't be us on here, but rather our DHs, they are the ones in need of some BW education! My DH blames EWs on putting him to bed early. The days he goes to bed early he would wake early even if we put him down at 8pm because he is OT, but he doesn't seem to get that at all. Hmpf. We often argue (or should I say always) about his sleep. In fact our divorce papers in a few years will say"divorced due to irreconcilable difference regarding DS sleep"!

Bad news today, he slept only an hour which is way better than 40 mins. And my mom is here so I could go out and relax for a bit. Plus she advocates for an early bedtime too.

If I hear one more person tell me he doesn't nap well because he is not tired enough and he needs MORE activity I think I will scream. Very few people understand the concept of OT, I on the other hand am educating the masses!

[becky1969]

I'm working on educating on my end too!    Sadly, most people *don't* understand about OT.  I have so many friends who's children short-nap or don't nap at all, or who won't fall asleep until 11 pm.  These children are OBVIOUSLY OT, and you can see it in their behavior: hyper, easily upset, almost manic.  But they don't understand OT and think their children are just active!  Babywhisperer just so opened my eyes with how OT works, and it probably saved my poor son from exhaustion since he's a sensitive bub.  I'll always be grateful to BW. 

[Sima]

Jcs mom, I can empathize with you...as mentioned before our lo are so similar to OT.  Like yourself, I feel sooo frustrated because I feel she is always tired even though I am so strick with nap times and early bedtimes.  It does not take much for her to get OT.  If I put her too late for nap, then she short naps....
She is 21 months and she is still very sensitive.
My parents were over for 3 days visiting and that made her super tired just having company.
She slept 1 night only 8 hours and woke up at 5.30.  Is is possible that some children are just really sensitive to outer similus and get really OT quickly. 
People keep telling tired her out..but as you said it is the opposite.  It is frustrating; I can understand that.  And what is hard is that people think I am neurotic because I have to put her to nap at  a certain time or else EW and very cranky.
I totally understand!

[jcsmom]

Funny how some people just don't get OT. I have a friend with a son the same age as DS and he sleeps only about 8-9 hours at night with NWs  and rarely naps and if he does it is cuz he crashes at 6pm or something. Poor kid. Whenever we go somewhere in the car or in the stroller he instantly falls asleep, I mean not even out of the driveway and he is in constant overdrive. But so many people have told her to keep him up late and that he probably can stop napping now, she believes it so no matter what I say.....

siria- we keep bumping into each other! Glad I am among friends here, or I think I would've gone off my rocker with EWs short OT naps by now! Good news is he slept from 7-6:25 and napped at the CM for 1.5 hours and went down with no crying for my DH tonight so I could meet a friend for supper. It was so nice to get out knowing he had some decent sleep under his belt.

[coopers_mommy]

just wanted to pipe in a say to jcsmom....I had my DH get on here when were going through rough times with sleep.  That really helped him see why I was suggesting things about DS's sleep.  It worked wonders! 

But I agree about educating the masses....my neighbor is just like you're friend....they just don't get how OT leads to slower developmental skills and bad behavior! 

i'm glad things are looking up for you.  DS is in MDO twice a week and was sleeping better there for naps then at home, then it changed to him taking 2 hour naps at home and only about 1 hr naps at MDO.  On those days he goes to bed at 7 instead of 7:30 and we still end up with about a 7 or 7:30 wake up time. 

[skatty]

I just had to write in fierce agreement with this whole thread and how people just don't get OT, it's so frustrating and My IL's think we let DD's sleep rule our life but I see their permanantly OT kids and know we are doing the right thing, they also fall asleep as soon as they get in the car and the almost 4 year old only gets about 9 hours sleep a night! Lucky for me DH is a BW by proxy! Even his nan now understands about kids and sleep and realises how tired her other great grandkids are and so when she looks after them she takes them on bus rides so they get some sleep, bless her!

[jcsmom]

That is so sweet that she takes them on the bus to sleep. Believe me, that has crossed my mind once or twice. I guess ignorance is bliss for some people who just don't know that their kids are OT! I worry because I know the signs, ya know!

We are back to good sleep I hope! He went down without a peep at 7:10 pm for my DH and slept without a peep until 6:46 am!I am wondering now if those few poor nap days weren't due to his teeth actually breaking the skin more. My mom did mention that she thought that they looked like chopped liver the other day. I never thought to medicate but now it makes sense as the other night he cried from 5pm until bedtime. Usually when OT he is pretty good, just cranky at bedtime and has NWs but not like the other day. Here's hoping we are back on track!

[skatty]

Are they canines he's teething? I found these lasted a long time as they start of pointed and then get bigger so they keep breaking through fresh gum as they come out IYKWIM?