If They Refuse To Eat Supper...

[Spectra]

My dd is 2.5, and she is picky.  Last night I made pita pizzas, she use to love these, and she would only eat 3 little bites.  Then she said she was done, asks for milk, fills up on milk, and that was her supper.  An hour later I tried to give her something I know she'll eat, like PB and toast, or cheerios, as I don't want her to wake up in the middle of the night hungry.  Should I do this? I'm not sure how to get her to eat more at supper/lunch.  I limit her snacks to 2 hours before supper.  She gets healthy apples and bananas too for snacks.  But she is getting pickier and pickier at mealtime and instead fills up on probably 8 oz of milk.

What would you do??

[Casseopea]

My toddler (2.5 yrs) often does the same thing.  He can go through 30oz of milk a day if I let him.  So I have begun to do what Stacy suggested and I limit his milk and then when he is done I give him water instead.

And if possible I will save the food that he didn't eat and offer it at his next meal.  I don't offer it earlier except in certain cases.

And we don't do snacks at our house.  I have tried them off and on and find that they only cause him to eat less at mealtime and since the snacks tend to be more processed, less healthy items I prefer him eat meals and not snacks.

And I agree with Stacy that your lo probably won't wake due to hunger.  The closest we have come is having him have trouble going to sleep or wake within the first hour and so we offer a little milk (about 2oz) and he usually doesn't even finish it so I know the cause isn't so much hunger but something else.

I also want to offer hugs and support.  Telling my son he can't have more milk or telling him he can't eat and hour after breakfast because he is now *starving* can be tough emotionally (and physically draining).  So be strong! 

[Jimbob]

I agree with cutting down on the milk as this will hopefully mean your dd will gradually eat more. If I remember rightly you are having issues with your dd waking in the night for milk so I think I would give something to eat before bed. I would start doing this on a regular basis though and make sure it is at least an hour after supper so it does not look like your are giving in to her. My dd was not a great eater at that age, I think she survived on about ten different foods but she is now willing to try lots of different food and actually like a lot of different things. I think at the moment I would do what it takes to try and stop the night wakings. I know my dd did wake for a few weeks in the night saying she was hungry and we started giving weetabix before bed and that solved the problem. I think before that she was having a yogurt and small portion of fruit.

Kelly

[Jimbob]

I have just realised that it was not your dd that I read about waking in the night for milk. I am sorry I got that confused.

Kelly

[Spectra]

Hehe, no problem.  I did mention at one time that my daughter would ask and cry for milk as soon as I put her to bed, but that was a delaying tactic.  It will be hard to limit her milk at supper, she will cry and throw a fit for sure, but you guys are right, it has to be done!  I will try to limit her snacks between meals too.  I know a few times where she missed snack time she ate a lot at supper, I just feel like I'm starving her as I can't even go between meals without having a snack.  I'll just decrease the amount she gets for sure.  Thanks for all the advice, I will try it!

[Jimbob]

Maybe if you just give a small amount of fruit for snacks then she will still be hungry. At least this way it is healthy and not too filling.

Kelly

[Spectra]

Very true, and she does love her raw veggies and fruit.

[JSavage]

We have the same thing with our DS (nearly two). I have stopped all snacks now and just give him a larger lunch to get him through and this has seemed to work.

He used to take loads of milk from his 'sippy' cup, and still would now if we let him, but I cut it down by offering his milk in his (smaller) big boy cup and drink like mummy and daddy and that's worked well.

The rules in our house that he eats what is offered and if he doesn't want it then that's fine, but he has to wait until everyone has finished eating before leaving the table and then he doesn't get anymore food - just a cup of milk afterwards about 18:00. He has learned that if he doesn't eat when he is offered then he wont get any more food. We have had to do this because I had started offering different meals but it got ridiculous and he was offered anything up to three different choice only to not eat any of them! Obviously if he has a genuine dislike he gets an alternative but we are very cautious of this and he still occasionally wraps us round his little finger. Tut tut.

I can assure you that he has never woken up after going to bed on an empty stomach, and has slept through to the next day until normal time. I was worried about this also, but now I have accepted they will eat when they are hungry.

Hope this helps to reassure you.

[Spectra]

Well tonight she went 3.5 hours between snack and supper.  She had two servings of vegetable soup lol.  Guess that worked!

[JSavage]

Even when you think you have got it, everything changes - isn't that the rule with kids?!
So as I said above, even though Robert doesn't have any snacks, he has this week gone two days eating hardly anything e.g. Monday he had breakfast and lunch and refused any dinner (but he had milk and slept through to morning still) and today he has made up for it by eating twice as much as I would normally give him!
My rule is not to worry or fuss too much. most children have enough chubby cheeks to see them through some 'non-food' days and they will make up for it. I guess we dont always feel that hungry all the time either or dont fancy whatever we have cooked, its just the same for toddleys too and no child will starve themselves - as stacy says the trick is hungry child will eat :-)

[skatty]

Leorah hardly ever eats any dinner and I guess this is because she eats her lunch after her nap which is getting later. Sometimes she doesn't eat after about 3pm and still sleeps through the night and only takes a few bites of breakfast! It really is hard to fathom but I guess she just really isn't hungry though I am starting to give her a proper cooked meal for her lunch some days now and she eats much more, I'd like to do that every day but that time when she just wakes is my only opportunity to keep her in the pushchair while I take the dog for a decent walk!

[imaayafa]

if he is thirsty and wants something white, you can offer water with just a big splash of milk in it and then it won't be so filling; that's what we do.
i admit we sometimes resort to bribery to get our toddler to eat dinner. we say, if you take a bite of this i will read you the first part of this story or you can have a cookie later, or ten kisses, etc. he has had trouble gaining weight all his life.
lastly, when he absolutely refuses dinner but is thirsty, i put an entire container of plain yoghurt in his bottle mixed with water, so at least i know he is getting something healthy to eat! and by the way, this is his favorite.
but as i just wrote to another mom (unless that was you on another board) they say you have to keep showing and offering new foods to kids before they will take it and think of it as habit. so i don't know, if your son sees you eating an omelette all the time, maybe eventually he'll want a bite. if you let him "help" you cook stuff, there is even a better chance he'll taste it.

[NiknLily]

Lily is also 2.5 and has just started to refuse dinner.  She has always been a fantastic eater, so un fussy, would try anything and liked just about anything.  She is small so we don't do snacks as she won't eat main meal if she has snacked, and as pp said snacks tend not to be as healthy as main meal so I would rather she ate at meal time.

I have to admit to getting into a bit of a power struggle with her over dinner, it was quite a gentle slide and I didn't really realise we where on it until it was too late  It started with her not eating so much as normal at dinner, well very little at all, so I started 'helping her'  and cajoling her to eat more, which I quickly realised was ridiculous as I was feeding her like she was a baby.  So I stopped 'helping' her and she actually started asking me to help her  I refused to help her and was getting quite cross at her not eating properly herself which of course led to her outright refusal to eat dinner at all.  Not all the time but maybe 3/4 times, which got me even madder  I really didn't handle the situation well at all.  But in my defence it came from nowhere and I was not ready for this new eating behaviour at all, I'd been so proud of how well she ate and took it for granted that she always would.  Anyway I have made the effort to stop reacting so strongly to her not eating dinner.  She didn't eat last nights and I admit I find it tough not reacting but I just gave her the choice, she could eat it if she wanted or not, her choice.

Anyway all this to ask, she has always had afters, fruit or a yogurt or jelly.  If she refuses to eat her main course would you still allow the afters, or would your approach be that if your not hungry for dinner then you don't need afters either?  I don't want her thinking its ok to just have a yogurt for dinner and not eat whats been cooked for her/us.  We don't have time for a snack before bed as after dinner is bath then bedtime routine.

[rinajack]

That is a personal decision.  We still allow dessert, however we KNOW that our kids aren't holding out for the dessert - but the theory on still allowing it, is that it isn't a reward for eating their dinner iykwim - because then they could think that healthy dinner is so yukky that you get a reward for eating it iykwim.

We have major eating issues in this house (and growth issues, all being investigated currently by the paed).  We have been instructed to feed our 2.5 yr old when she is hungry - even if it means modifying the foods on offer so that we cover the food groups via the biggest meals of the day (difficult when there is no pattern to when she is hungry). So snack int he morning might be frozen peas, sandwhich meat and some fruit for example.  Does it really matter what is eaten when, as long as the nutrition is covered? (Note here, my kids weren't filling up on milk or junk food as a replacement, they just weren't eating at all).

What it come down to is - how poor has the eating become, are they filling up on other things, is there any concern about growth/development, what do you want as the rules for your family (here, I fit into the not many rules category), and is it a battle you are willing to fight long term.  If you try to force kids to eat more it can back fire and result in even lower food intake.

Just wanted to throw the other side of the story in, since we have spoken at length to both the paed, and the feeding clinic (dietician, occupational therapist, speech pathologist).  14 mo DS is now eating well (but won't eat veggies with dinner, but I sneak them in raw via snacks).  DD is eating a bit better too, but still isn't growing, last weigh in at paed had actually lost weight.

This for DD started as refusal to eat much dinner, but became constant meal skipping, a good meal was 5 mouthfuls, often skipping more than 1 meal in a row (so could possibly not eat from 3pm til 11am, and then still only eat a few mouthfuls) and went on for months and months before we sought assistance from medical profession.  DS refusal to eat was reflux related, but whilst his reflux is under control, he is actually doing quite well.

[NiknLily]

thanks for your reply, it gives a good alternative perspective.  As of yet things haven't got too bad, but having said that she only ate a few mouthfuls of her breakfast, it was the wrong sort of eggs apparently! I did scrambled which I had said I was doing but I think she was expecting poached or fried 

I do think it started as probably the natural decline in amount of food toddlers consume but slipped into a power battle in the blink of an eye.  Still can't decide on whether to continue offering desert or not.  Really desert was just a way of getting some extra fruit or dairy into her.  Dairy is particularly important as she doesn't really drink milk.  I suppose thats the answer really as she does need the dairy so yogurt for afters even if she doesn't eat her main meal it is.