Getting just sooooo picky.

[Shiv52]

Would I be right in saying at this age it is mainly about offering and not reacting.

Thats exactly it!  The key though is to not get into manipulation or allow him to develop 'control' over mealtimes and food.  You just present a meal and if he eats it, fine, if not then thats also fine.  Its important though to not then provide a preferred food instead or if the LO then starts to request a preferred food to give it.  Sticking to meal times is the best way.  Its important to try not stress yourself and give yourself a break.  I know there are days when we are going to be out and about or we're busy or I'm not in the best form and I just offer the foods I know she'll eat and thats fine.

I find it especially hard to not offer something preferred at lunch as I know if she doesn't eat well, her nap is disrupted and then its a nightmare! 

[Mashi]

I know Mashi has some success with the 'one bit of this and then that' thing, but I don't think Jacob has the comprehension level needed for that really

Liz, I started doing this at 9 months, so my LO definitely had the understanding then!  It took giving him something he desperately wanted (which I believe was a slice of cooked sandwich ham), letting him have loads of it. Then, I held another piece right within reach but before he could grab it held it back and offered him a piece of something else first. As SOON as he took the other thing and put it in his mouth I praised him and immediately gave him the ham.  He clued in instantly. As I said, it doesn't always work, if he KNOWS that he does not not not like the other item he will just cry and scream until he gets the favoured item, but when it's just something that he doesn't WANT rather than doesn't like, it works very well.

[Mama2boys]

don't mean to offend anyone but its a lot like training a little puppy at that age!

Even the sign langugae thing its all about lesson and reward

[*Liz*]

Sorry Mukta - I don't understand? Do you mean just that when they are so young they are just learning by repeated patterns of what will and won't happen?

[Shiv52]

I think Mukta means they learn what you teach them.  At his age your LO will understand the approach of first-then.  Its important to be consistent though and follow through.

So like Mashi says, you'd give him a bit of his fav food so I'll use toast.  Let him eat it and see there is more waiting.  Then you give him something else and say 'eat the grape, then more toast'.  He'll prob throw the grape so make sure you've plenty and you just keep saying 'this first' and then the minute he eats it (and swallows!) he gets the toast!  I'd probably only do a couple of rounds of that per meal then just let him get on with his toast.  Initially I would only do it with foods he has previously eaten and is now refusing.   after he gets the idea you can try new foods but I would only do it once, so he has to try it to get his toast otherwise as Mashi has said you run the risk of making him eat something he doesn't like and ruin all the progress you have made.  Make sense?

Prepare yourself for a few mealtimes of tantrums while your LO gets used to you setting new mealtime rules if you go this route.  And its important to not give the preferred food if he refuses to eat the other food as you just teach them to hold out as they realise they'll get their favourite food eventually and it leads to even more control battles. 

xx

[Mama2boys]

Thanks Shiv, thats what I meant, that you can teach them what you want by giving them praise or a reward...by about 2 they will refuse reward if they dont want to do something you ask them to

[mmom]

Mutka, I tried this method today and it was a disaster for me.   My LO started screaming when I wouldn't give him the food he wanted and then threw such a fit, that he was thrashing around in his chair (yes, he already has a temper).  After this, he wouldn't eat anything.  Everything I put near him caused a freak out except these stupid "cookies."  We are now at the point that he refuses practically all foods except fruit and our "pancakes."  He will no longer touch his beloved sweet potatoes, no meats, forget veggies unless they are in the pancakes.  I hate meal times and this last one ended up with both of us in tears.  He is on such a limited diet as it is and this is making things even more difficult.  How many times did it take to get your LO to eat with this method?

[koe2moe]

mmom

big hugs for you!  I think if you keep at it consistently, your LO will be hungry pretty soon.  3 days max, they always say... probably sooner.  I hope it will be sooner for u. 

[Shiv52]

Hey hun

Sorry it was difficult today.  What age is your LO?  It can take a few meals over a few days to get a LO to realise you aren't going to give in but it does depend on age and how long they have been limiting their diet.  Was the food you were trying to get him to eat a food he previously loved?  

Am sure Mukta will be along soon too x

[mmom]

Thanks.  The food was one that he loved.  All of the sudden, he doesn't like anything.  It started over a month ago, with limiting meat and veggies and I was able to get him to eat them by making "meatballs" that had everything in them including sweet potatoes, which were his favorite.  Now he won't touch them.  I am really struggling with meal times.

[clazzat]

(((hugs))) Liz - I know you have struggled so much with this for months.  We have had the 'not eating because I can control it battle' with M, and I think (after over 18 months) we are finally getting past it.  She had a very limited diet (about 4 different meals, I think, but plenty of fruit) and lost 1.5kg (slipped from 50th to 25th centile - bounced back up to the 50th in the last week  ).  I had a lot of very frustrating days, but reassured myself that she wouldn't starve herself and that it was just a phase ( ).  Over the last week she has eaten 5 meals that I know she wouldn't have touched a month ago - so it does end, honest.

I think you just have to keep doing the things you are doing (including coming here for support whenever you need it  ) and trust that it will work out in the end.  He won't starve himself, and in the long term you won't let him eat a truly unhealthy diet, so for now you should try him on new things as much as you can but accept that making a bigger battle of it won't make it go away any faster.

I know you try not to do snacks - is that from having tried and found that they are an issue, or is it a gut feeling that snacks will make his eating worse?  I found with M that I was more likely to get a decent meal (or at any rate a less stressful mealtime) when she had had some snacks during the day - not least I think because it kept her blood sugar a bit more stable and so it was a less emotionally fraught process.  Have you tried the organix carrot puffs and sweetcorn rings?  They are vegetables...

[clazzat]

Another thing I have just thought of to try is frozen peas - I know loads of picky eaters who are happy to eat frozen peas (and yesterday morning I had both girls begging for more as their morning snack  ).  They are a real superfood too - vitamins and protein, so if he will eat them it could help.

[*Liz*]

He gets peas every day - the odd one makes it into his mouth but pops straight back out again  . Been offering for about 2 weeks now but no joy yet.

We do snacks here - it is a chance to get some more stuff in without resorting to a bottle of milk. His meals are not improved with no snacks anyway TBH. But I think that is because, at least in part, a behavioural thing.

I have worked out that his spoon refusal is related to a lack of trust thing after months of lacing his meals with his reflux medication. It makes it rather chalky  . Realised this when he started refusing yoghurt for him, but would happily eat someone elses off their spoon. He will also eat his with a metal spoon and no medicine in. I'm sad that we have lost all his favourite meals because none of my doctors will prescribe his medication in a form he can tolerate, but it is his GI appointment today so I am hoping for some help. I think if we can rebuild some trust that his meal is what he expects it to be he may eat it again. His spoon refusal has always been a bit odd - he hungrily opens his mouth for the first spoonful - takes one mouthful and then cries and won't eat anymore.

I know he won't starve, I would find peace if I could just make it a balanced diet, even if it was with very limited foods.

[clazzat]

By frozen peas I mean uncooked, straight from the freezer - not sure why they love them but they do.  Not sure how you feel about nuts, but you could try him with peanut butter - loads of calories!

[annette.xx]

Hi Liz

you poor thing it sounds so hard ...I feel for you ive been going through the same thing on and off with DD...when I say on and off i mean I get it sorted (with all the tricks I said about earlier in this thread) and then its back to fussy mealtime tantrums...

I asked a friend (who is a real expert on these things...lucky her!!) and she said its all about a trust issue combined with independance ...when I started weaning it was hard then when she was happy with it I upped amounts and before you know it was time to move on to the next stage mashed...she hated it...I persevered every day and eventually she ate it then confident she would eat it I tried to get her to have just a bit more etc etc and soon enough she was rejecting again...

so she told me to not worry about using all those tricks and go back to square one... and do what I did when I first weaned her... just a few spoons of puree in the morning, afternoon and then tea time...make it something really simple like she used to have like squash or sweet potato or baby rice ...then work through the food groups each day again until she has a variety of foods again....then start introducing lumps etc etc... again slowly....

I did this all of last week and she is now taking 2 tbs for breakfast of porridge, 3 tbsp lunch pasta and 2 - 3 (if im lucky) tbsp of veg or fruit for tea...this is alot less than I had worked up to but she seems to look forward to meals now so im really pleased...and she also said dont let her go hungry before the meal (like pp said) so I give finger foods inbetween meals...it feels like shes eating all day but seems to have helped me a little...

sorry if this is useless to you...I know your LO is alot older than my DD (8 months) so its probably a completely  different ball game!!...

you've been through so much with your LO and you are so patient to be coping with this...every setback I have I go into complete meltdown...I need an instruction manual!!

Annette.xx