14 month old refusing ALL naps + OT....HELP!

[Tao]

Thanks for all the great tips! This really really helps. I will start preparing the list. She HAS been up to visit mother in law several times when she was really young, 3 months, 6 months and 9 months but we haven't been there since she was 9 months because they were such horrible experiences. I remember her screaming due to OT and nap refusals that I was trying APOP at 2 a.m. in the morning because she still refused to go down. Also, DH's family doesn't understand what it's like having a LO so when she did finally go down they would bang pots and pans etc. and it would make me so stressed out because I couldn't say anything but it's like they had NO idea!

I just have to remain positive, do the best I can and whatever happens, happens =). I just wish we didn't have to go SO many times! Oh well =)..

Today Sophie went down easily for nap and BT but she had another 50 minute nap. Also, it's the 2nd day she woke up at 445 and didn't go back but I still put her down for same nap time. I'm hoping that her body stretches her nap out soon so I can put her down a bit later at night. These early mornings are killing me LOL!

[marlowsmom]

Get a white noise machine!   It is the best.   Search online for one or there is also some CDs you can buy and I found out there is a Iphone/Android app of white noise.    Either way I find that if I have to travel with Marlow I get her used to the white noise machine before we go.   That way when we get to our destination she knows the sound of the machine and it I don't have to ask our hosts to keep it down.

[Tweakster]

Hi there Christine, I think her OT may require some 2 nap days.  Can you alternate do you think?  What is she like during the day on her limited nap?

[Tao]

Hi Wendy,

For the past 3 days she's been having her 50 minute naps and oddly enough she is not fussy at all. She is playful and active and yesterday after 5 hours of A time as we were about ready to get her to bed, she was playing with her hat all by herself quietly for over 30 minutes before she needed entertainment from us. Her sleepy cues are definitely difficult to read these days as she's very playful and doesn't yawn or fuss or show signs really other than rubbing her eyes before her first nap sometimes. She's still, luckily having full night sleep. Last night she went down at 5:40 and woke up this morning at 5:05, which is a bit later than her usual 4:45 a.m. wake ups.

When she wakes I try to keep her in there a bit longer, but she starts screaming. I think a lot of it is because she's hungry since she has an early dinner so I can give her an early BT.

Shall I try two naps today you think?  Thanks!

[alohahellokitty]

Sounds like she's doing good. Maybe try a snack of whole wheat crackers or something like that right before bed. I also do a sippy of whole milk before bed (bfing). The staying in the crib just takes a little getting used to. One thing I do is to go to her when she's ready and hand her a toy to play with. Not taking her out. Then I stay in the same room and busy myself in her drawers/closet. Talking to her and reassuring her when she's screaming 'out'. 'mommy will get you righgt out, just one quick minuet to straighten this'. Just getting her used to playing in there after waking. Then before long she's occupying herself for 5, then 10, then 45 minuets after naps/mornings. And now she'll fall back asleep after 45mins of playing (after the 1st nap).

If she's not fussy and playing about is there a possibility she's had a A jump? Maybe no sleepy signs because she's not very tired? Is that possible or not? Does she go right out after being taken to the crib?

I stretch the day out by doing as much low key activities as possible and extending her A times, but only as tolerated.

Don't really know how to advise on the 2nap days. But I do know if she will take them they will stretch her days out. I know if you think she's seeming ot from the transition, alternating two nap days will help her catch up for sure, if she needs the /will do them.

Trips are so hard with touchy babies! I second the white noise machine idea! People without lo's can be insensitive to their needs. They just don't get it. Maybe hotel if you can? (if she can't sleep due to the noise). And I agree, go right back to usual upon returning. Drop all aping as soon as you walk through the door and she'll get right back on track.

[Tweakster]

Hi there Christine, I am of two minds about it really.  My first thought is that you are getting long nights, a nap (albeit short) and she's in a good mood in the daytime.  So really, maybe if it ain't broke don't fix it?  But then again, I know how tiring those early mornings can be.  What A time are you giving her in the morning now?  2 naps, like pp says, will allow you to stretch out her day a bit.  Which may help get her back to a better wake and bedtime. 

Finn won't do 2 naps unless they are both in the car.  If he does a car nap and then we try for a crib nap, forget it.  If we try for 2 crib naps, forget it.  So we are left with 2 car naps for a 2 naps day.  And even then, he will either be so tired he conks out when we don't want him to i.e. on the way home in the morning or he will be OT and scream the car down before falling into a troubled sleep.  He will fight it to the end.  We are indeed a prisoner to his 1 nap which needs to be at a certain time in his crib OR we do 2 naps and make sure we are out the entire day and really busy so that he gets his sleep in the car.  So not sure what your options are for naps?  Will Sophie cooperate?

[Tao]

Liana--Great idea about teaching her to be OK in her bed. She really only is in her room EVER for naps and BT and I should make her feel comfortable being in there. You have such great ideas!

Wendy: I know what you mean. I am a bit torn about it too. She IS sleeping well at night and though I know that she is having a lot of A time before bed since she has such a short day nap, she had been refusing two naps for several weeks. Now this could also be because I didn't have the right a.m. A time. Right now I am giving her 5-5 hours and 15 minutes A. She seems to go down well with it. I just put her down right now and she went down awake in 5 minutes quietly. =) I tend to have more trouble with her p.m. A time. She will still go to bed quietly, although it takes her quite a while to wind down, maybe 20-25 minutes before she actually falls asleep but she doesn't fuss at the moment.

TBH, I should probably try 2 naps but we had such horrible fighting of 2 naps in the past, I'm worried that it will mess up how easily she's going down right now. She's SUCH a touchy baby and I feel like with your set nap idea, she's finally getting into a rhythm now. The other thing I was thinking is that despite the time I put her down at night, she still NEVER wakes up after 5:30 a.m. Of course 5:30 is SO much better than 445 but when I used to do 2 nap days, and I would sometimes put her down at 7 p.m. she would still wake at 5. So I'm thinking putting her down early is allowing her to at least have 11-12 hours a night.

Sorry for the very lengthy conversation. I'm just thinking out loud I guess. Maybe if she starts having NWs, it will be a very obvious sign that I just need to try 2 naps again....even though I really don't like them LOL!

[Tao]

Forgot to add one more thing...I guess a part of me is hoping that over time, maybe a few weeks, her daytime sleep will just eventually lengthen. Maybe this is wishful thinking. We HAVE had 4 days of 50 minute naps now so I don't know if her body is set on it or if it just takes time.

Have any of you experienced the one nap lengthening over time on its own?

[Tweakster]

Hi there, well we were lucky off the bat and given 1 nap, Finn just gave us a decent one.  We hit a napping jackpot at around 11 mths.  And he's not really strayed from that unless ill.  But he always does short nights, so our long naps are compensation.  One would think hey just shorten the nap and he'll give a longer night, but alas that's not the case.  We have tried but he was a bear in the daytime and just still slept his 10-10.5 hours at night.  So your girl is giving you a looong night but a short nap, she may never do both.  It's trial and error to find the best balance for her.

I would watch for OT, it can accumulate fast when naps are short, even with long nights, they just start to lose out on total sleep over a few days and it catches up with them.  So that's why a lot of LO's going through transition do 2 naps then 1 nap then alternate until that 1 nap lengthens.  I would have hoped she would be doing a lot more by now, I think 50 mins is pretty short, I wonder if it is a bit UT?  With Finn he needs 5.5-6 hours for a decent nap, anything less than that and we are setting ourselves up for a shorter nap and then nap refusal for the rest of the day.  So we have always erred on the side of caution and done a longer AM A to get a better nap.  Then we can do a shorter A to bed without him fighting it.  We rarely have OT bedtimes.  I think maybe Sophie's in a second wind at the end of the day and she's probably having a harder time settling.

I guess the premise is yes, we hope she will naturally lengthen but also you have to intervene if the OT is building up and you start to get unsettled nights etc.  Again, it's about finding the balance that works best for Sophie.

Since you are going away and everything will change up anyway, it's probably best to work with what she's giving you and keep an eye on her OT best you can.

[Tao]

Hi Wendy,

I spoke too soon =). She woke up after 35 minutes...not even 50 minutes, but 35. So, I'm thinking she is building OT like you said. So, today I will try to give her a second nap and just see what happens. Before the nap refusal, she would have 4h of morning A and then 3 hours and 40 minutes of p.m. A and she would go down for her p.m. nap but then all the nap refusal started, so I'm not sure how much A to give her after 35 minutes this morning. May I will try for 4 hours of A and try putting her down then. Not quite sure but I know I should definitely try for another nap.

Unfortunately she NEVER naps in her carseat. She never has even as a a baby....

I just hope she'll go down maybe at 3. Do you think I should let her sleep until whenever if she does go down, or should I wake her?

Thanks for helping me figure this out!

[Tweakster]

Hi there, that's tough.  I think if it were me, I would still cap her nap - probably an hour if it's so late in the day.  Then another early bed, early night scenario.  But some may say to let her sleep and put her to bed later.  I just fear that a nap too late in the day may rob from night sleep which we don't want to do since her nights are so good!  I know what you mean about the carseat, it's hit and miss for us too.  We normally get a scream down first which is unpleasant at best :-)

PM A time is hard to say, some would handle 4 hours, others may need to go down at 3.75 and some may even do longer than 4...  I would just use your best guess, if you get another short nap at least you are increasing her total sleep IYSWIM?

[Tao]

Nope...I don't think 2 naps are a go. I just put her down after 3:45 to give her time to wind down. She lay down quietly but then stood up instantly fighting it like she used to when she was UT. I am going to give her a little more time to try but it's getting so late now that it's just better for me to get her and put her down for early BT. It's hard now that she has increased morning A, if she doesn't go down right away for p.m. nap, it goes too late into her BT...


Hmm...plus I could tell she was fighting it during wind down, like "um, I'm not used to this mommy. Why are you putting me in my sleepy clothes?" =)

[alohahellokitty]

I used to never have Anna in her room either unless it was nap/bedtime. Now she plays in there a lot. It's really helped her.

Since Sophie is so touchy if it were me, I'd just stay with one nap and go way early with bt until that nap lengthens. I think it will eventually lengthen. Sure hope. As she becomes comfortable with her room, she could wake around a hr or so, play and then go back down again. It took at least 3-4weeks for anna's to lengthen out. Until then we just did very early bt, as she also makes the sleep up at night too.

If she will go down for those 2naps then Wendy and katie can help you figure the a times out and it will stretch your day. But if she just will not do it, then stay with one and very early bt, until her a time starts lengthening out and the nap and bt move later. Which is when you might get later wake ups.

Is it at all possible that 35min was ut? Or you think ot?

I agree with Wendy to really take advantage of those long nights she does!

[Tweakster]

Hi there Christine, how did it go today?  I have no other advice, most people would say go to two naps, but my kid is exactly the same, once we moved him to 1 nap he would no way no how do 2 naps in his crib unless he was completely ill.  He would be like 'what's that now?  you want me to what...sleep...are you kidding lady...get this people, my mother wants me to SLEEP twice in 1 day' well you get the drift ;-)

So if she's shortening her nap, I fear that it's only time before her nights shorten or you get NW or something equally un-fun.  Let us know what is happening and what you decide to do.

[Tao]

I just want to thank you Ladies again so much! I was just looking back today compared to a month ago and even though we are still having very early wakings, at least her naps and BT are SO much better! She goes down right away now and doesn't put up a fight which is amazing for me sanity =).

So I have good news that today she had a LONG nap! She slept for 1.5 which is more than she has done in 2 weeks! I also gave her more A time this a.m. which makes me think that maybe yesterday's 35 minute nap was UT?! If this is true, I am amazed by her jump in A time. Before her illness she could only handle 4 hours of morning A and this morning I tried 5.5 hours and she went down right away and slept past her usual 50 minute mark. It was funny. I was staring at the monitor at the fifty minute mark thinking..."come on....you can do it...come on." She actually did wake and rolled over at EXACTLY 50 minutes (it's amazing how EXACT their internal clocks are) but I think she was tired enough to go back. In the past after 50 minutes she would just stand up and cry like I'm ready to come out..get me now!

Actually, I have a feeling it might be even more than 5.5 because I woke at 4:30 a.m. and heard her whining but she was already standing so she could've been up even a bit before then and I just didn't notice. Even though she woke so early, she still got 11.5 hours of night sleep which was really nice. She didn't wake up at all last night, maybe just rolled around a few times.

Liana--I thought of you when I put Sophie down tonight. All your great advice about being strict worked so well because tonight I put her down and she immediately stood up (without any whimpering though) and I thought, "oh great...here we go again." BUT she just stood there, I gave her a few extra kisses and said my sleepy phrase. She literally WATCHED me walk out the door while she was standing and then just lay down on her own and is completely quiet right now. I am just amazed. In the past, she would've completely FREAKED OUT if I left her side. The other thing is that she LOVES grapes and so I tell her when you get up from your nap, mommy will have a big bowl of grapes for you and bearbear to snack on. I told her that for the past week and today after I told her that, she nodded as if she understood what she had to do to get her grapes. When she woke, I handed her a little cup filled with grapes and she had the biggest grin on her face like, "momma, I earned this huh?" I was SOOO happy! I think I underestimate how much she really knows, like you said Wendy" they know so much more than we lead on to. Liana, you've taught me to be more communicative with Sophie and realize that she DOES understand.

Despite the EW's, I am a happy camper. I will take the long nights and the going to nap and BT easily without a fight even if I have to get up early. So, I think I will stick with this for now since she refuses nap #2. She's touchy so I don't think she has the flexibility of allowing me to jump between one nap and two nap days...I think that throws her off and she doesn't know what to expect which causes her to feel chaotic.

Okay, I'm off to cook a nice dinner for myself and put my feet up AND I really should go to bed earlier. These early mornings are killing me =)

Just love ya gals! Thanks!!