12 Month old - Refusal to sleep, period!!! HELP!!

[BareFootMomma]

This past week my perfect little sleeper has turned into a nightmare. I need help, or at least to hear that there is nothing I can do so I am doomed.

DD is just over 12 months old (53 weeks) and had been wonderfully easy to get to sleep for over a month.....maybe two! About 3 weeks ago she started having a hard time going back to sleep if she woke up, and I wrote it off to some props we were using (feeding bottle to sleep and holding) and started to fix them. First we got her weaned from her swaddle then on the 21st I started feeding her BEFORE I "swaddled" her (both arms out) so she would have to go to sleep on her own. She handled it beautifully, so I thought, and for a day and a half she went to sleep easily and stayed asleep better than she had in a while. It got worse for a day and then got better again, and I thought we were in the clear. Then the real trouble started.

First she woke early, then started refusing her second nap until later and later, and finally we skipped it completely because she fought me through the whole thing. That happened two days in a row, and then yesterday she refused to go down for her first nap until 2.5 hours past when she usually goes down....and even then she fought me for 15 minutes! She was also waking earlier and earlier, one night only getting 9.5 hrs of sleep after a day of only getting 1 hour of nap. Finally this morning she slept in until I woke her at 8, so she got 12.5 hrs of sleep.

Here is what today looked like:

Wake - 8:00
Sleep - 12:55 - DH put her down for this nap and said she went right to sleep - she hasn't done that for me in a while.
Wake - 3:20
Tried to put her down for bed - 7:30
Cried/screamed/fought until - 8:00 - She would seem to finally go to sleep and the second I stepped back from her bed (it is super dark in her room and she cant see me) she would start screaming bloody murder and I would have to start all over again.
Made noises and whimpered until - 8:15

WHAT IS GOING ON?!?! WHAT SHOULD I DO?!?!

Possible factors:

Weaned swaddle - 2.5-3 weeks ago
Dropped feed to sleep 1.5 weeks ago
Started whole milk - 1 week 2 days ago (no other symptoms of it bothering her)
12 month vaccinations - 5 days ago - had a small fever for two days and has been fine since
Grew 3 new teeth - for the past 3 weeks - last one broke through 2 days ago, no visible signs of other new ones
Has been at 3.5-3hr 40 min of A time for a good 4-6 months

Please, please tell me what I can do! She is getting more and more cranky every day, and putting her to sleep whether for nap(s) or bed is getting worse and worse. I would be fine with her going to 1 nap except that she is completely miserable for most of the day. Is this just how it goes?

[liamandfinnleymommy]

You are not doomed!!! There is something we can do!

It sounds to me like your LO is ready to drop a nap!  At almost exactly twelve months, my DS#1 put two naps into one. He could manage up to 4.5 - 5 hours of A time before he was ready for a nap. Maybe try extending her A time? Put her down for her one and only nap just after lunch (in bed at maybe noon or 12:30) for a good, long 3 hour nap. Word of caution: Don't let her nap too long, or she won't have sufficient A time before bedtime. So, for example, wake at 8am, down for nap at 12:30, up at 3:30, in bed for the night at 8pm. That gives her about  4.5 hours for each A time.

Hang in there! You're doing a great job! -A

[BareFootMomma]

Thanks, I will be trying that over the next few days but we will be camping so I am not expecting much sleep at all either day or night. Hopefully we can get back on track when we get back on Wednesday.

If she doesn't take a 3 hr nap, do I just have her bed time earlier but still give her 4.5 hrs of A time before bed? DD has never had very clear sleepy signs so I usually rely on the clock a lot. Is it common for them to suddenly jump almost an hour in A time?

[liamandfinnleymommy]

How does she handle being OT? If she handles it well, I would shoot for the usual bedtime after a shorter nap (unless she starts getting super grouchy). If she doesn't handle being OT well, let her have the usual 4.5 - 5 hour A time and go to bed early. Just as a note, it took my DS about a week to get up to the full three hour naps. He was pretty grouchy the first few days after only 1.5 hours (since that's how long he was used to sleeping before dropping a nap).

I really don't know if suddenly jumping up by and hour in A time is common. Like I said before, DS#1 did the sudden jump too at 12 months. Out of the blue, he started chattering all thru his first nap, rather than sleeping (luckily he wasn't a screamer like your LO!!). I've also heard of other moms who have to really work their LOs schedules to get two naps into one. I guess you never know what your baby is going to do!

[BareFootMomma]

Last night was......wow.

We have been successful with 1 nap a day for the past week! She is usually very fussy from the time she wakes from her nap until she goes to bed, but then she sleep really well all night.....until last night.

She tried to wake up FOR THE DAY at 2 AM. It took me almost 2 hours to get her to sleep for more than 10 minutes at a time, and then it was only 20 minutes until she woke again. This continued until I gave up after DH went to work at 6:30. I have NO idea what was going on last night. I fed her, held her, gave her Tylenol in case of teething or some other pain, and NOTHING worked!!

Yesterday she took a 2 hr 20 minute nap (about our average 1 nap length so far) but was very fussy from that point on. I put her to bed 30 minutes earlier than I would have if she had been happier. SO....thats all I have.

Any ideas of what happened, and what I can do to keep in from happening again? Oh, and what the crap do I do with her today? There is NO way I am putting her to bed at 3 this afternoon, but I don't know if it is a good plan to keep her up until her normal bed time.

[liamandfinnleymommy]

Oh, that must have been frustrating!!! I really don't know what caused that, that's pretty crazy. It COULD have been... tummy upset from something she ate during the day, teething (tho maybe not b/c you tried the pain killers), bad dreams, a bug bite, or who knows. I'm sure it was just a one-off weird alignment-of-the-planets / must-be-a-full-moon thing! (let's hope so, anyway!) You did the right thing, tho, in keeping her in bed and trying to get her back to sleep until a somewhat decent time of day.  As far as what to do for bedtime, I would put her to bed as close to her regular bedtime as possible. So, if her regular bedtime is 8pm, then try to aim for 6:30 or 7, depending on how naps go and how she is doing.

Speaking of naps, you mentioned in your email that she's really fussy between her nap and bedtime. How long are her naps? Is she managing to get 2.5-3 hrs? If not, are you putting her to bed early?  If she's really fussy, it's probably a sign that she's not getting quite enough naptime sleep.

[BareFootMomma]

Today's nap-fussiness stuff was different. She was literally screaming, crying, and fussing the ENTIRE morning. Nothing I did helped, She wouldn't eat until almost noon, and when I tried to put her down for her nap early (prepared to do 2 naps) she went crazy. I finally convinced her to go to sleep at 1:30 (so she had been awake for the better part of 11.5 hrs) and she slept for 2 hours to the minute. After that she was much happier and we put her to bed at 8:30. I know that sounds like a LOOOONG day but that gave her a 5 hr A time before bed, and she was happy right up until she went to sleep for the night.

To answer your question, her longest nap since starting 1 nap has been 2 hr 40 minutes, and I think she was happy after that one. Most of them have been 2 - 2.5 hrs with her being a crank an hour or so afterwards. We tried putting her to bed early after a short nap one day, and she fought us like a banshee and then woke early in the morning. So usually we try our best to stretch her day out to at least 7:30. Maybe she is getting OT and it is messing with everything.

Honestly, since starting this 1 nap thing she hasn't seemed like the happy little girl I know She wakes up tired and constantly looks exhausted. Her poor little eyes are constantly droopy, have bags under them, and just look tired. Did your Lo seem really tired all the time when adjusting to the 1 nap thing? I feel like there is nothing to tell me when she is tired for her nap or for bed because she constantly looks tired.

I am really afraid that we are going to have another horrendous night tonight. Crossing my fingers and praying that we don't.

[liamandfinnleymommy]

Poor girl! I'm sorry you and your LO had such a rough day. I can't really blame her for being cranky all morning, after being up all nite! Liam is the same way when he's OT...crying, fussing, not eating... I sure hope she has a better night tonight. I'll send lots of good sleep vibes your way!   OT is most likely playing a part in all this, since it was quite a jump in A time and she's having a hard time with naps.

It took Liam about a week, maybe a week and a half to adjust to the longer A time and get the long 3hr naps. He had a few really cranky days when we first made the switch. We did lots of quiet activities like reading and drawing during those days! But if you think she's not quite ready for only one nap, don't rush into it. You definitely need to do what you feel is best for your LO.

Let me know how the nite goes... -A

[BareFootMomma]

Last night went pretty well, and today so far has been MUCH better.

She went to bed just after 8:30 and then woke screaming at 2am. I was SO dreading what might be in store for us for the rest of the night. It took about 45 minutes and 4 tries to get her to stay asleep, but then she slept until 8. One thing I must mention about both nights is that I ended up fully swaddling her before she stayed asleep permanently. This time I gave her Motrin and swaddled her arms in at the same time and that was when she stayed asleep. The night before last I had to go back into her a few more times after I swaddled her before she stayed asleep. I am hoping it is just a coincidence that that was when she stayed asleep, but I am worried that she wants to go back to being swaddled. Ideas?

She has been happy and in a great mood all morning! I put her down for her nap at 1 and am hoping to get a good nap, and then have a happy girl all afternoon.

**Edit** She only slept for 1 hr 40-45 minutes. She still seemed tired (laying her head on my shoulder, ect.) so I tried to put her back to sleep, but she never did. She had pee'd through her cloth diaper, blankets, and onto the sheet so I am wondering if that is what woke her up. Now she is not a happy girl and is going to bed early.

[liamandfinnleymommy]

Hmmm... The swaddle thing is interesting... Maybe because she's a bit OT (or whatever is making her wake at night) she needs a bit of extra comfort? I think that if she needs the swaddle to get over this sleep battle, go with it for now... After all, she has to get sleep. Maybe once her body clock is used to this new routine, she'll stop waking at night and not need the swaddle anymore.

[BareFootMomma]

Yay!!! No night wakings last night! She made a little peep at 1:50, but that was all! She woke early though (7:15) but I will take that any day over hours and hours at night.

I had been thinking about the swaddle thing, and I think if she has another short nap today then tomorrow I may try swaddling her up and see if it gives us the long nap we need. I think she is mostly ready for this 1 nap schedule, but NEEDS the long nap to keep from getting OT. The only problem I see is if I can't get her to take a long nap I can't go back to 2 naps either because the 2 times I have tried she has freaked out and fought me until the end of what would have been her nap time. So we have to figure out this long nap thing.

[liamandfinnleymommy]

Congrats on making it thru the nite!! That's great news! I hope she figures out the long nap soon, it's no fun (for anyone!) to be tired all the time!  Good idea to try swaddling for her nap too... Maybe that's the trick she needs for now? Good luck! Let me know how it goes

[BareFootMomma]

Well, she woke again last night at 2, and wouldn't go back to sleep for an hour. I swaddled her but still needed to go back in to her twice over the next half hour. And that was after a day with 2 naps. I think it is starting to be an actual problem rather than a horrible incident.

Other than that, her day yesterday was great with 2 naps, but she was difficult to put down for the second nap and laid in her bed talking to herself for a little while after going to bed for the night.

I am feeling a little defeated needing to swaddle her again. I was finally feeling like we were done with that. I am hoping that she doesn't need it for long.

[mummypig]

My daughter went through the same thing at 12 months.  I'm very interested in development and know that there is a major development point around the one year mark, where our kids are now capable of making decisions and learning the consequences (not of understanding patience unforunately!!).

These development points can quite adversely affect the sleep patterns of even the most well adjusted child, so it seems like they've all of a sudden developed a problem.  Usually, these clear up within a few weeks of their own accord, but sticking to your routines etc and being a bit more understanding in the meantime are very important.

For my daughter, this was also when she started walking and chose to go from 2 naps to 1.  We had to bring her bedtime forward (some nights to 5pm!!) until she had fully adjusted to having less sleep during the day, then we moved it back to the usual 7pm slot.  She then had a similar stage at 18 months when she decided to drop the 2nd nap (nightmare!), but still can't quite cope with having no sleep during the day so has a 6pm bedtime.

Hope this helps

[BareFootMomma]

Thanks!

I tried half a swaddle last night, and she still woke during the night and wouldn't go back to sleep until she was fully swaddled. So tonight I am going to swaddle her first thing and see if she sttn. Her 8th tooth finally broke through (that makes 4 in 2 weeks), and she is noticeably happier about her mouth in general and has more of her appetite back which is a relief.

She is taking 2 naps again today, and got by yesterday with 1. She didn't go to bed until super late though because we were driving back from the in-laws and she doesn't sleep in the car. I think that is why the 2 naps today. Tomorrow if she decides to do 1 nap, I am going to swaddle her all up and see if it gives us a LONG nap. Maybe she just wants to be swaddled until college.....lol.