nap shorter and still bedtime drama

[mmom]

After a couple of weeks with a shorter nap, M is still screaming at bedtime.  I cut the nap to 1.5 hours, yet it is often just 1 hour.  He sometimes wakes early or he will fall asleep late, so I wake him.  Every night DH and I have to go back at least 3x.  Sometimes, he is frantic and I think he is going to jump out of his crib.  To make matters worse, he is back to waking at 6 am, no matter what time we put him down.  If he doesn't fall asleep until 8:30, he will still wake at 6 and that is even with a shorter nap.  We had a family thing last week and he didn't nap.  We put him down at 6:30 and the rascal woke at 5:30.   Furthermore, while he used to occasionally wake early and wait for us to get him (wait until the sun came on the nightlight), now he wakes and starts yelling "up!"  Everything that pertains to sleep and this kid is wonky!!

I really need to transition him to a toddler bed soon also, but I am obviously too scared, given how much he fights bedtime.

A normal day is wake 6, nap anywhere from 11-1 depending on how tired he is for 1-1.5 hours, bed 7/7:730.  Last week he was laying on the floor at 10:30 in the morning miserable, so I was putting him down early.  This week he seems back to his self and it going down at about 12:30.  He went down at 12:30 for months and it was never a problem.

Any ideas?

[skatty]

Bumping for you, maybe you could repost your routine and LOs age etc so anyone who doesn't know the background can jump on with some ideas 

[mmom]

Oh yeah.  Age would be good huh?   He is 2 (29 mo.)  Our routine varies daily according to what is going on and how tired he is.  That being said, the wake up time is the same and bedtime is the same.  For several months, nap was at 12:30 no matter what.  This worked for a very long time!  During this phase, we would put him down at 7:30 and he wouldn't fall asleep until about 8 and would wake between 6:30/7.  Nap was about 2 hours.

Then he started fighting nap time and we moved it later.  Then I noticed that he started taking ages to fall asleep at bedtime (he wouldn't scream or fight it - just play for a while) and I would see that he was awake at almost 9.  So I cut the nap to 1.5 hours, which helped with falling asleep faster.

Now we are just getting a fight.  He screams every night at bedtime.  He gets hyper, won't settle and just runs around and jumps in his crib like it is a trampoline. We have to go back at least 3 times to settle him.  This happens even on days when he doesn't nap and we try an early bedtime.  Also, even if he doesn't nap, we don't get a longer night.  He is waking up at 6 on the dot, no matter what.

Yesterday was this: wake 6, nap 12:30-1:30, bed 7 (at least trying for).  He didn't settle until 7:30 and I am not sure what time he fell asleep. 

[~inbalance~]

(((hugs))) Kara, your M is a mystery!    I can't remember, is teething a possibility?  I can't think of anything else that caused that kinda stuff with T.  We went through a phase like that shortly after he turned two, but somehow powered through it and things levelled off.  Hopefully someone else is more helpful than me!! 

[mmom]

(((hugs))) Kara, your M is a mystery!

No joke!! We have only had a few brief months in his life that have been smooth.  They were right before the baby came and for a couple of months after.  Then BAM!  Back to chaos.  I suppose I should be grateful that he gave us those months of calm when we had a newborn.  But I am so over this craziness!!

So if anyone has some ideas for me, I am totally open to it.

Oh and Martina - I totally love your new profile pic!  I really need to update mine!

[~inbalance~]

yes please do!  That was the closest I could get to a nice pic with me and the boys.   

I wish I could help you out more but your guy has me at a loss!  What is your bedtime routine like?  Maybe doing something different will help.  We changed T's up when he started resisiting bed and it worked out well.  We incorporated a bedtime snack, and let him have more time alone with us after F went to bed.

But it's hard for me to say what works, because T is generally pretty easy and his bad stages are short lived.  You've probably already tried everything!

[babybarr]

Kara - have you tried an earlier bedtime with him (sure you have but I know I'm finding more and more that OS or OT causes long settling at bed)

[mmom]

Thanks ladies.  We try earlier bedtime and he seems to drift off at the same time.  It is like he is wired to go to bed at the same time.  He also has this major attachment thing going with his father atm.  If I am home and attempt bedtime, he freaks. So normally I let DH do it.  But I still go up to sooth him several times.  We tried switching the routine and it is like he doesn't want to stop.  He is a real pain in my butt sometimes when I am tired and he won't settle.

[*Becky*]

Hi Kara,
I do think that sometimes these toddlers go through stages like this no matter what we try iykwim. I would think 1.5 nap is plenty at this age so you may just have to ride it out...sorry that is not much help.
It does sound like a bit of SA could be going on with the fighting bedtime and crying before the sun comes up on his clock....we have had the same recently and was linked in with SA. I find a slightly earlier bedtime helps more than a longer nap these days but if he will not fall asleep early anyway then I would keep timings as consistent as possible and 'hope' he comes through it.....

[mmom]

Thanks Becky.  I guess I am to keep plugging along.....

[~*Nicole*~]

My DD is really similar. She tends to settle at the same time, no matter what time I put her in and what time or length her naps are. SOMETIMES we'll get an earlier bedtime if she doesn't nap at all, but not really very often. I started to drag out our winddown a bit.....bath every night w/ some lavender baby wash....some lotion and a mini-massage.....books and a song.....and I make sure we head up with plenty of time to do all of this and still allow for approx. 30 minutes for her to fall asleep after I leave b/c she usually takes SO long. But this way she has been falling asleep a bit easier and been more relaxed and settled and much less OS and frantic and resistant. I also leave a nightlight on and tell her she is the boss of her body and can read books until she is sleepy. It seems to be helping her to feel more "in charge" of bedtime. I'm not saying it's a miracle, as we still struggle, but this week has been much better than probably the last two months since I've started doing this more slooooowed down winddown and then the emphasis on her being in charge and a big girl. I sometimes also throw in a few minutes of telling her brain to calm down and help her body relax. We go through her body from feet back to head and tell each part to relax and get calm for bed. She now sometimes asks me to tell her brain and body to calm down.

Also, I'd try at this point to stick to a consistent naptime since his wake time is consistent regardless of how his bedtime and night were. Only b/c that may help you get back to a more consistent bedtime b/c the changes of the nap time might really be throwing off how his body FEELS at night and may be confusing him as to whether he is tired or not.

I hope something I've said helps at all.....b/c believe me, bedtime is NO picnic over here and I totally know how frustrating it is!

[Mom to M&M]

I agree with Nicole with regard to the long wind-down. Around 2.5 or so we had to do that with DD - so if bedtime was to be 7:30/7:45, starting at 7 latest lights would be dimmed, she'd maybe have milk in a cup in her PJs, watch a short, calm show (for her it was relaxing), cuddle and read books, etc. I also bought Rescue Remedy sleep spray and sprayed it on her crib sheet and rubbed some lavender/vanilla cream on her feet. All seemed to help her be more ready for bed, fight less, fall asleep faster (though not with EW really).

As for the morning, does he have any soft toys or books in his bed? I used to sneak into DD's room before I went to sleep for the night and put a few board books in her crib. Would usually buy us 10-15 minutes extra in the morning while she looked through them before calling us.

Could he be getting two year molars?

[mmom]

Thank you so much ladies.

As for the wind down, it always seems so chaotic!  No matter how hard we try to keep things calm, he starts running through the house as soon as he has his pj's on.  Then everything becomes a fight.  We even tried a nice long bath with lavender soap and he would be so content....until we tried to get him out.  It is like every transition in the evening is a fight.  But it sounds like by reading your posts, we aren't dragging it out enough.  Maybe we can add a few more books once up in his room.

We also have lavender spray for his sheets.  I forgot about it and haven't been using it.  I will use it again tonight.

He has a few stuffed monkeys (I don't get the obsession...) and a couple of books in his crib.  They used to entertain him in the morning when he woke early.  I just don't know why he is so frantic now. 

I know he is getting molars.  They are taking a very long time to come in!  We have occasional NWs, which I think are teeth related.  I actually assumed that was part of the EWs too.  But before when we had EWs, he would still stay in his crib content.

Thanks though!  I will try a longer wind down and hope it works!

[~inbalance~]

If he is getting molars, I will bet any money that is at least a huge part of the problem.

We also incorporated a longer more drawn out wind down for T, and it really really helped.

I use Rescue Sleep too!  Wasn't sure if anyone else did.  But yep, a tiny spray before bed has always helped him calm down during times when he's really wound up.  It's all natural and non-habit forming, we don't even use it anymore.  Just during rough patches. 

[Mom to M&M]

Yea I find Rescue Sleep to be quite good. In fact, DS is going through a REALLY rough sleep patch right now (18-month sleep regression plus working on molars AND canines!) and I'm out of it - will pick some up tomorrow. Though his problem isn't GOING to sleep at night, it's staying asleep come around 4am or so!

Also, the rescue remedy for kids (alcohol free) is good to rub on the gums/molar area and along the jawline externally too.