PLEASE HELP!

[claudiagirl123]

Can someone please help before I lose my mind?  I posted yesterday and didn't get a reply.  I really, really need help!

My 12 week old baby used to sleep 12 hour stretches at night.  It was obviously wonderful.  He was never a great napper, but would take longer naps once in awhile.  Now, it's miserable.  He sometimes wakes up several times after we put him down for bed.  So our nightime, which should be a chance for me to relax for second, is spent getting him back to sleep.  Then he's also waking up in the middle of the night to eat (around 1 or 3) AND waking up earlier.  His naps are a few 30 minute naps throughout the day.  He will sleep for hours if I hold him.  Yesterday I just held him for two of his naps just to get some sanity, but then I am miserable because I do'nt have a second to myself to get anything done for me.

I went into today really trying to pay attention to his cues, get him on an easy schedule, etc.  He woke at 7, I fed him and then we did our usual morning stuff.  I bring him in the kitchen and he sits and watches while I eat breakfast and have coffee.  He's always happy at this time.  By 7:45 he was miserable.  How can he be tired of 45 minute awake time??  I then decided to just wind him down and get him to his nap.  Once he was swaddled (he MUST be swadded) he was screaming/crying/whining/wiggling around/fighting me for twenty minutes.  It was beyond awful.  I wanted to scream myself.  It took four attempts at getting him down to sleep. 

I will try the wake to sleep thing, but I don't understand really.  How much is he supposed to wake?  Should I go in at 15 minutes since he only sleeps for 30? I tried it yesterday, but don't know how awake he shold be when I do this.  Any tips?  What happens if he wakes up when I do it OR he wakes up still at the 30 minute mark?

PLEASE HELP!

[Mom2Heath]

12 weeks was a major growth spurt for my DS. I had to revert to a 2 hour feeding schedule and it was REALLY hard, but my milk supply increased and then he transitioned back to the three-hour easy. Do you think he is hungry? You may have to go right off EASY or really modify it for the time being until he settles back down, but I am thinking he is HUNGRY and growing, which is just what you want! I had the hardest time between the three to four month mark. A lot is changing in their little bodies. I don't know if this will help at all, but I will check in again later. Good luck, and remember you are doing a great job. It will pass!

[Mom2Heath]

P.S. My DS is so much like yours - MUST be swaddled and 45 min naps - he still doing well at night, but naps are a nightmare. I am working on W2S. Will let you know how it goes with my guy.

[~Karen~]

Hi, sorry you didn't get a response yesterday.  I'll lock the other thread so you can get advise in one place.  

I've never done w2s myself but know there's been a few ladies lately getting some great results from it.  Here's a thread to read and should be able to answer any questions you have.
http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=64168.0

30 mins naps are OT naps but don't get in a panic, they can be fixed.  Does he put himself to sleep in the first place?  Also, if he's OT he could well be tired after only 45 mins A time in the morning so try a nice short first A time to try and get on top of it.  I'd also suggest maybe holding him for one of the naps in the day if he'll sleep for a couple of hours just to try and keep on top of the OT for now and maybe do the w2s for the other naps.  Then once on top of OT then do it for all the naps.  Just an idea.

[anna*]

(((hugs))) Sorry you didn't get a response yesterday.

Wake ups in the early part of the night are a pretty good indication of overtiredness accumulated through the day, and the short naps would suggest that too. So I think that is the thing to tackle.

Does he fall asleep independently ie does he fall asleep in the cot without you touching him? It's actually reasonable that he would be tired after 45 mins if he has been accumulating overtiredness over a number of days. Lots of babies have a shorter A time first thing in the morning too.

The theory of wake to sleep is that you pull them out of a deep sleep and then they go back to sleep, so that by the time their habitual wake up time rolls around, they are back in a deep sleep again. I don't know how effective it is for overtired naps though. It seems to me that the key is going to be to get the A times right.

At this age, as a guide, the A time after a good nights sleep or a long nap is about 1.5hrs. But after a disturbed night, an early waking, or a short nap, you need to cut that time back, and cut it back more and more after each successive short nap. It may be that you need to work with A times of just an hour or even less for a couple of days to help him get caught up. I would try cutting back the A time by 10 minute increments and see if that helps you to get a longer nap. Yes you are going to spend a few days holed up trying to get a baby to sleep - but it will be worth it if you get your evenings back, yes?

Does he take a paci/soother/dummy?

[claudiagirl123]

Thanks for the help.  He fell asleep at 8:25 and I went in at 8:45.  I thought it worked the way he responded, but he was up about 8 minutes later.  I tried several times since then getting him back to sleep and he won't let me put him back down in his crib.  He wakes up every time.  

What am I supposed to do when the wake to sleep doesn't work?  

I don't know if he is going through a growth spurt.  This whole routine has been going on for weeks and weeks, so I doubt it is that.  I am just beyond miserable.  I am barely sleeping at night because I have insomnia issues to start with and it takes me forever to fall asleep. I am barely getting four hours of sleep at night.

[anna*]

LIke I said above, it's unlikely that W2S will work for overtired naps. You might be better going in at 20 mins and just laying a hand on his back and starting to softly shush-pat to see if you can ease him back into sleep. If he wakes anyway, you would spend a little while (20 mins or so) trying to get him back to sleep. After that time you will know if he is going to settle or not, and if he's not settling then just get him up and do a reduced next A time before trying again for the next nap.

Try to relax. These early months are a BEAR for sleep (as all the posts on these boards will attest). Try popping him in a sling for one nap per day, to keep OT at bay and so that you can get on with things or go out for a walk in the fresh air.

[claudiagirl123]

Thank you so much Anna. I really appreciate it. 

Yes, I agree that the problem must be he's overtired.  He was just awake for about 45 minutes and I just put him down for another nap because I figured that was a long enough awake time considering his short earlier nap.  I was hesitant because he was super chatty when I swaddled him and looked very content/happy.  I swaddled anyway and put him to sleep. He fell asleep relatively quickly to my surprise. 

I put him in his napper on his pack and play instead of the crib since he seems to sleep better there.  I really want him in the crib full time, but I guess I will have to wait.  Or, should I be diligent with the crib?

As far as putting himself to sleep, I don't think so.  We hold him upright and shush him and put him down when he's pretty much asleep.  He usually opens his eyes for a second or two and looks at us, gets settled and goes to sleep.  If he's too awake when we put him down he'll either start talking to us or crying. 

At night though he seems to be able to self soothe, or maybe I'm misreading what is happening.  While we do the same for putting him down at night, we see him wake up, look around, move around, etc. and put himself back to sleep.  We have a video monitor so we can see all of this happening. 

Sorry I seem like such a basket case.  I'm just overtired myself.  My husband works six days a week and by the time he comes home from work it's time to eat a quick dinner, do bedtime routine and like I said -we've been spending most of our evenings putting our son back to sleep.  We don't have much family that lives by so it's just us.  We basically have no help at all.  I'm breastfeeding so I can't get a break at night.  So, this sleep thing must be figured out soon.  It's my only hope for some sanity!

[claudiagirl123]

And he does take a pacifier.  My husband and I were against him having one when he went to bed at night, but what we are finding if he does have one he sleeps better.  Nights when we don't give him one are the nights he wakes up several times those first few hours.  Last night he had a pacifier and slept from 7:30 until 10:30 and it only took me a few minutes to get him back to sleep.  Then he slept until 1am, ate, then back to bed without a pacifier (which he's usualy always okay with at that point because he hardly wakes to eat) but then he woke up at 6am.

[Mom2Heath]

One tip I have found helpful for naps is making sure there is enough wind-down time. In a post above katesmom talks about overstimulation as a big nap destroyer. I find it helps my little guy sleep a bit better if I take him for a 15 min stroll around house to transition from A to S. It is also a gentle way to extend A time if you need to. When we transitioned from a 3 hour feed schedule to a 4 hour, I used this to extend his A time. That is also when his 30 - 45 min naps appeared. I am also breastfeeding & have parents far away so I really feel your pain. What about weaning him from the 1 am feed so you can rest better. I do an 11 pm DF and I used a paci & rocked him to sleep if he woke in middle of night. Took awhile but eventually he got the idea & made up the calories at DF or at 7 am feed. I am sure I did that around when ds was 12 weeks. As long as he is 12+ pounds, Tracy says they can do it. Then you will be able to get 6 or 7 hours of sleep at night and you will be much better to tackle day sleep. Just a thought though not related to napping issues.

[claudiagirl123]

Thanks.  Yeah, I do think I'd like to try giving him a pacifier and rocking him back to sleep at 1am, but I think at this point I should tackle the nap issue first.

When I just put him down at 11 I thought for sure he's sleep longer than the 30 minutes.  I had his white noise CD, in his napper which he loves, swaddles, it was perfect.  But nope...it's like the second 30 minutes is up he is awake.  I let him hang out for awhile and didn't go in at all.  He sat there for ten minutes and then started to cry a bit.  I gave him his pacifier back and now he's still just there hanging out.  It's been 20 minutes of him just hanging out in there looking around.  When I gave him the pacifier he smiled at me and looked happy, so it doesn't APPEAR that he is still tired, but he's always smiling after these 30  minute naps.

How should I proceed the next couple of days to get him back on track?  Should I maybe try for 45 minute wake times?  Maybe hold him for one of his naps to get in one two hour nap in a day?  I just hate for him to get used to sleeping on me, but obviously need to get him caught up on sleep. 

I think I need a time frame to work with to know when to put him down because like last time he wasn't appearing to be tired at all when I put him down at 11am. 

[claudiagirl123]

Sorry to post again, but I was reading around on the forums and I saw somewhere it is recommended to NOT shorten awake times in OT and to stick with the schedule and it will encourage longer naps? Not sure what to do...

Yesterday, like I said, I had him sleep on me for two long naps and he wasn't as fussy when he went to bed, so I don't know.  How do I get him caught up on sleep so we can have a fresh start? 

[~Karen~]

I'm sure all babies are different but I always find that shortening A times (only by a bit though) usually help with getting them out of the OT cycle. 

[anna*]

My experience with sticking to A times is that you just wind up with a baby who is more and more overtired.

It's very normal for them to be able to self settle at nights before they figure out how to do it in the daytime. It's GREAT that he's doing it at night, and bodes well for naps! I'd be inclined to do naps in his crib, no? Is it dark in his nursery? If he wakes happy, just leave him be. It's good, low-key A time, way less stimulating than anything else you might do with him.

How about splitting the difference, and goign for something like a 1hr15 A time for a couple of days and see what that does. Keep your eyes open though. If he is getting more and more difficult to settle, that is a good sign of overtiredness (you saw yourself today how he settled easier when he was less tired) - in that case you may need to change tactic.

[claudiagirl123]

Thank you!  You dont know how encouraging this is.  I will try for the shorter A times and plan to have them low key.  Maybe try until Monday and reevaluate?

I think I may also have him nap on me once a day to help get us over the OT hump.