Why won't she follow the Gro clock?

[Shiv52]

I am so ticked off that I have to do this alone at night.  That is what makes it so much more difficult.

IS she waking you when she comes in?

Can you make it a condition of her sleeping in your room that she is not to wake you?  That she is to just get into the bed on the floor and if she wakes you (ie. talks to you or gets out of it before the sun is on to follow you to A) that you will return her to her bed. 

[scucci1979]

Yup! She does wake me. She comes to my side of the bed and calls me. 

[Tweakster]

That's kind of what I said before.  Just tell her, 'ok you wake and are scared, I get that Madi.  Until you feel safe in your own room and bed, you can come into our room onto your Cinderella bed if you NEED to but you cannot wake or talk to mommy or daddy.  You find your way there and get in and go back to sleep like a quiet little bunny.  If you can't manage that then we can't use that option any longer'

But it sounds more to me like you REALLY want her in her own bed and room...so that will take a lot of rigid consistency and getting her buy in for it.  

[Shiv52]

Well the way I see it is you have two options.  

1.  You make the rule 'stay in your room' and return her with your sleepy phrase and nothing else every time she gets out of bed until the sun comes on.   She gets a prize when she stays in her room the WHOLE night and doesn't come out at all.  

2.  You accept that she can sleep on your floor but change the rule and make it she can sleep there if she wakes and doesn't want to stay in her bed but she is NOT allowed to wake you up.  If she wakes you I would get up and return her to her room.  If not then I don't really think it is that big of a deal.  But she can't keep waking you as you must be exhausted being woken every night.  I would also tell her she has to stay there if you need to see to the baby and if she gets up she is going back to her room.  

If your DH isn't keen on a gate what is his suggestion given you do nights alone?  

{{{{hugs}}}}  

[Tweakster]

I would also tell her she has to stay there if you need to see to the baby and if she gets up she is going back to her room.

Oo yes that's a good one! 

[Lolly]

If your DH isn't keen on a gate what is his suggestion given you do nights alone?

That's a good point  - I know I'd be suggesting my DH either got on board with the gate or started getting up and dealing with it himself

We did put a gate up and although we haven't had to use it we were prepared for it to be used. We did the silent return to bed with DS which worked well for us in about 3 nights.

Laura

[Shiv52]

Posted with Wendy.  I think either option is going to have you returning her to her room as I think like Wendy said in a pp, it is the interaction she is looking for in the middle of the night and I do think she is going to keep waking you up so you will be returning to her room for not keeping the night time rules.  

I used to work with a wee guy who used to sleep in his mum and dads room every night and his mum was well and truly fed up with it.  She actually slept on a mattress outside his room (only got it out when she was going to bed) and the second her DS got to the door she pointed him back to bed and closed the door over again.  No interaction.  Nothing.  It took abut 3 nights and then she moved the mattress outside her room.  Same thing.  Just pointing back to his bedroom.  No talking.  Then she went back to bed.  The trick was to catch him before he got all the way in and thought sleeping with them was going to be an option.  I wonder would that help with M if you do decide you are just going to get her to sleep in her room.  So that she doesn't even get to your room for the first week so knows you aren't changing your mind?

[Shiv52]

That's a good point  - I know I'd be suggesting my DH either got on board with the gate or started getting up and dealing with it himself

And i would be the same.  I am the one who does the NWs and sleep training here so although DH can have input it is my call that is the final call.  And if he's not happy I do say anytime he is ready to take over he can do it whatever way he pleases.   DOes DH work nights Sabs?

[Tweakster]

I don't think he's home ladies.  He has to go to work in the middle of the night non?

So I put myself in these shoes, not fun to be in   And I decided that I would do the walking him back.  He would get it fairly quickly if I was consistent and didn't stray from it.  Yes it would suck for several days of getting out of bed and dealing with it but I don't think it would take that long.  I don't think Madi is doing this now because of a storm.  She's beyond the being scared from thunder and has started forming a sleep association.

I am curious to know what his solution is though, and why he doesn't like the gate?

[Shiv52]

So I put myself in these shoes, not fun to be in   And I decided that I would do the walking him back.  He would get it fairly quickly if I was consistent and didn't stray from it.

I would do this too.

My issue with the other method is that it would hard but not impossible to get her not to wake you.  But if it were me I would still wake up.  Us mums have bat like hearing!  I think the biggest problem comes when you have to go to A and she gets up to follow you.

What about doing a whole chat about how you were at the doctor and were talking about things our bodies need to be healthy and happy and the doctor was asking about healthy sleeping (DD1's nursery are flat out with the healthy eating and sleeping things at the mo....she made me take apple juice out of her lunch and give her water instead this morning as it wasn't the healthiest choice!).  And say the doctor has said in order for M and A to grow up big and strong and have healthy bodies etc that all children need to sleep in their own beds and get proper sleep.   Maeve seems to take things much better if someone else has said it.  And at least that way there is a reason you are going to work on her sleep rather than jsut because you are fed up being woken up (which would be my reason).  And then you can make a big deal during the day of clever things she does and say 'wow your brain must have got great rest last night from all that good sleep to know how to do things like that'. 

DOnt' know if M would buy into that sort of thing though? 

Oh and M has a torch she keeps under her pillow to 'keep her safe'. Might be worth thinking about something like that too so you can cover the fear thing too. 

[Tweakster]

Oh and M has a torch she keeps under her pillow to 'keep her safe'. Might be worth thinking about something like that too so you can cover the fear thing too.

Oh yeah about that.  I gave one to Finn when he went to his BBB but DH is convinced it's contributing to the EW.  He has 'forgotten' about it after we kept it out of his room for 2 nights but I don't know how long he'll forget and then want it again.  He has a small plug in the socket light but it's not that bright. 

I don't think it has anything to do with the EW but do you think we should just leave it until he mentions fear?

I looove the doctor idea.  Blame the doctor!  'Madi the doctor says you have to stay in your bed all night so you will grow up to be a princess' lol  Whatever it takes!

[Shiv52]

I don't think it has anything to do with the EW but do you think we should just leave it until he mentions fear?

Yeah i would leave it.  M went through a monsters under the bed thing a while back and the torch was to combat that.  It will eventually get 'lost' if it starts to become pain in the night.  But it has so far served its purpose! 

[koe2moe]

i would also do the bringing back to bed with no interaction, be sure to remind her at bedtime so she knows what to expect and once you are consistent, she will understand what is expected of her. 

What about the cinderella bed in her room, so if she is up, she can sleep on the cinderella bed in her own room??  Or put the cinderella away from your room also when you are ready to start.  Tell her that no more cinderella bed in mommys room and she is to stay in her own bed.  i hope you can get some help from someone so that you can rest a bit the following day.

[scucci1979]

Thanks ladies. It means the world to me knowing that I have support here.
I do like the doctor idea. I am going to have a chat with her tomorrow. 
Hubby works nights so I do all the nws and ews. It really sucks! I asked why he is not interested in the gate and he said it will only make things worse and further upset her.
It is a bigger problem now b/c when A wakes up, she refuses to stay by herself. She will cry and cry.  That is why I want her back in her bed ALL night. If she stayed in my room and continued to sleep when I am with A, then I can live with this arrangement for a little longer.

I really need to get my strength together for the next week or two to try this "return method."
What do I do if she cries to the point of gagging. she does that. she says her tummy hurts, then she is scared, etc.
Oh forgot to add, she has a flashlight, a special guardian in her bed and a sea light turtle that shines starts on her ceiling.

[Shiv52]

I really need to get my strength together for the next week or two to try this "return method."
What do I do if she cries to the point of gagging. she does that. she says her tummy hurts, then she is scared, etc.
Oh forgot to add, she has a flashlight, a special guardian in her bed and a sea light turtle that shines starts on her ceiling.

I think you have to prepare yourself that this WILL happen.  But it is no different to her having a tantrum over not being allowed more sweets or whatever through the day.  I would pick a phrase and just stick to it.  Do not engage her in any of the chat about having a sore tummy or whatever.  When you are speaking to her today I would clearly spell that out too.  'And Madi I know mummy has said you have to sleep in your room before and then didn't mean it but I mean it this time.  And I know you don't have a sore tummy and I know you have your torch/turtle so i know you are safe and not scared so that isn't going to change my mind.  You need good sleep to grow and its mummy's job to make sure you sleep in your room'.   Cover all your bases so to speak.  And she will try them but just stick to your sleepy phrase and put her back in bed and no chat.  I'd say Sabs it will be a bad few nights but then she will realise you mean it. 

{{{hugs}}}}