VERY picky 21m DS refusing proper meals

[Katet]

My boys are older, but also we didn't introduce Dessert until the youngest was about 2.5yo. We have always had rules about "sugar foods".
To be honest the fact that desserts are asked for are probably as much about routine & habit as anything else. I actually don't like the idea of using dessert as leverage as it puts dessert as being special & then more desirable & so says that the other food isn't as tasty.

TBH if it was me it would be non fruit dessert happens 2 nights/week as long as a "reasonable" amount of dinner is eaten (but not making it a power struggle)  & on other nights it is fruit & that is it. Although to start with I'd be going a week, with "I didn't buy anything for dessert this week" & suck up the tantrums.

One of DS1's friends had a sleep over last night, the meal we had planned I had no idea if he would like BUT he is almost 9yo & when he asked what he had to eat I said our house rule is 4 things need to be eaten to have dessert, DS1 says "no he has to have 5, like me" I said no he is a guest so 4. So he did, he also said "I don't like that very much but my Mum makes me eat it too" Both older boys (DS2 actually fell asleep before dessert which was a 45min delay while they watched a movie) wanted seconds & I said "if you are still hungry there is fruit, that was a sufficient serve" ... so much easier to negotiate with older children.

[ZacsMumme]

With dessert, I tend to only offer it depending on the day, I don't offer it at meal time,but if Z has been busy and eating well during the day so maybe had les tea I will offer an apple, pear or yogurt. Its not referred to as dessert though as my boy latches on quick to terms like that

I try not to directly related dinner to dessert too....weather that is a good or bad I don't know, or care really. But for example I don't say do you want dessert once he says done for dinner, or offer it while he is rejecting dinner or say if you eat dinner you can have...it's not mentioned till dinner is over. Anywo...that's just what I do. Probably totally non normal lol!

[Truly Blessed]

I actually don't like the idea of using dessert as leverage as it puts dessert as being special & then more desirable & so says that the other food isn't as tasty.

Katet that is why I explain to Sam that dessert tastes nice but doesn't make him healthy and strong like Daddy, he really takes this onboard and shows me his muscles when he has eaten his vegetables, so in this house at least it works  . I've always tried to use the same 'positive words' for healthy foods but hey, at the end of the day the fact is that sugar does taste really good and no matter what we say or do they will work that out for themselves LOL  .

(X)

[clairebear79]

When I say dessert I mean a pot of sugar free jelly, sometimes with pieces of fruit in.  He's MPI so we don't have yoghurt/custard type 'proper' puds.  Its always been part of our tea-time meal so yes he does know that after the main course comes 'yoghurt' (this is what he calls it).  I never ever figured this would be a 'problem'  

I actually don't like the idea of using dessert as leverage as it puts dessert as being special & then more desirable & so says that the other food isn't as tasty.

I have to admit this is a big concern of mine - I don't want to make the situation worse.  We aren't offering dessert though, we make absolutely no mention of it UNLESS he asks for it.  But if he does ask for it (which in fairness is most of the time  ), we have been saying 'you can have your jelly if you eat some dinner' b/c we feel he shouldn't be having the next course unless he's eaten the first.  I feel that's a reasonable request, but I can see how that might make dessert seem more special in his eyes.    

TBH if it was me it would be non fruit dessert happens 2 nights/week as long as a "reasonable" amount of dinner is eaten (but not making it a power struggle)  & on other nights it is fruit & that is it. Although to start with I'd be going a week, with "I didn't buy anything for dessert this week" & suck up the tantrums.

Would you offer fruit regardless of whether he ate his meal or not???

Sara - interesting suggestion to keep dessert well away from dinner, so we have dinner, he eats it or doesn't then its done.  Then later on, we could give him something else to eat.  I think my only worry is would he eventually catch on to that, & carry on refusing dinner knowing he will get something later on anyway???

Its so tricky.  Siigh.

We were at a christening today so he filled his face with sausage rolls, crisps, cakes & sweets.  Since he was eating happily, I wasn't about to stop him.  Anything for an easy life eh  

[Katet]

I hold the belief that priorities for food are the ones that have the lowest degree of separation from nature, so fruit & veg are higher up the order than meat & grains. When they were younger I'd always have fruit as part of their dinner, it is a food group that I think is important, so if they don't want to eat a main meal the only other option was always fruit or veg.

[ZacsMumme]

Claire, like I said this could bite us in the butt keeping it separate, and it's not all the time...I just try to make the option of dessert not part of his daily routine, more like 2-3 times a week depending on the day, time, his mood, our mood etc. I also usually find if he has an apple after tea, it's with daddy so it's something him and addy have together - for example.

[clairebear79]

Hi ladies.

We have some small progress.  On Friday we ate out & had carvery.  DS ate a whole yorkshire pudding, 2 roast potatoes (which he's never ever eaten before) and he picked up a scoop of mashed potato like it was an apple & ate that too.  left the meat & veg.  Still, a success, because he's never eaten these foods & it was completely without any coaxing from me.

At nursery yesterday DS ate pasta bolognaise for lunch and sandwiches, carrot, crisps, cucumber & tomato for tea.  They said he ate it all, but refused the scones that were served for pudding (which I find hard to believe!)

Today, at MIL's, he ate meatballs, with mashed potato & cauliflower.  He ate mash & veggies at their house last week too.  I think she 'encouraged' him though - there was mention of her having to spoon feed him or he wouldn't have eaten it & of him having sweets for doing so well, which I'm not sure I like. 

Yet at home, he's still completely refusing anything except meat.  I am not cajoling him, I am not standing over him, I am not commenting on what he is eating.  I am putting the food infront of him & leaving him to it.  I am making no mention of dessert (& he has stopped asking it seems  & he is still not eating.  I know I just need to persevere but am feeling a bit disheartened that he is doing it for everyone but me. 

[ZacsMumme]

Yet at home, he's still completely refusing anything except meat.

want to swap...my boy wont eat meat ATM

hugs, last night we had my folks over and he ate better than he usually does too. I am a bit useless with Z at the moment but am putting at least 3 things on his plate every night. One is fruit - I know he likes and will eat. (Usually apple or pear) one is veges or a mix of veges that I know he will eat one of at least ie kumera chips and broccoli. (Broccoli gets left) and some meat/fish and carbs. Sometimes separate, sometimes together ie toasted sandwich with chicken, cheese and spinach or if seperate some rice and stir fried beef (he doesnt eat either in this case )

AND, im just rolling with it. He is getting better....kind of.....He is definitely eating more dinner now the bottle is cut to 100mls and his lunch is pre nap. 
Someone (ant remember who) said look at his diet over 3 days....and when I do that he eats well. As long as he continues to do so im going to try not to worry. Just ike sleep, we cant make them eat, and if we try it will just stress us and them out

PS I think your making progress!

[Katet]

I think at home they know there are many many options so they push for the options they know they like & hold out for those. When they are at other places they only know the options that are there & if they have never had an alternative offered they don't really realise that they can have options, so they accept what there is.

[Truly Blessed]

Sara, Sam went through a phase of no meat and I had to solely rely on the omega 3 in his vits and any other sources of protein I could get into him. I think it's a stage where they become more aware of textures and it's that, that they don't like not the taste. You may be able to get some chicken into him by doing it in a processor with potato etc YK.

This too shall pass! Sam now loves chicken, beef, tuna fish etc. And he eats his vegetables before anything else on his plate  last night it was 5 florets of broccoli. I would have bet my life that would NEVER happen.

Hang in there  All of you! and try not to stress as much as I did  you can only do your best.

x.

[Hedgehog17]

Definite progress - well done O 

DS has also started eating better this last week or so, and will eat what we had the night before for his tea (mostly). Some days are better than others, but overall I'm happy with his intake 

According to a book I just read http://www.amazon.co.uk/Your-One-Year-Old-Ames/dp/0440506727/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1340191163&sr=1-1 if you can get one good meal into them at this age you're doing well!

My sister said my nephew never showed much interest in food until after 2yo, so I think this 1 - 2 yo time is just not a good one for eating for many LOs 

Hang in there ladies, these kids of ours are getting there 

[clairebear79]

Thanks ladies

I think at home they know there are many many options so they push for the options they know they like & hold out for those. When they are at other places they only know the options that are there & if they have never had an alternative offered they don't really realise that they can have options, so they accept what there is.

This is the thing though - MIL was the one offering alternatives, not me.  OK I did do it at one stage (between 10/11-13/14 months) but that was a very long time ago now (he's 22 months).  She's only stopped offering alternative meals following our chat the other week. And she has suddenly started offering veggies/mash type dinners which he's never ever eaten there before.  And he's eating them. I quite agree though its probably why he eats better at nursery - along with the added 'peer pressure'.  Oh - dawning realisation strikes - are you meaning because I give him dessert he is holding out for that instead of eating his meal?

I took a picnic of cheese sandwiches, cucumber sticks, tomatoes, breadsticks & fruit when we went out today.  He ate the sandwiches, breadsticks & fruit & didn't touch the salad at all.  I never mentioned it I just cleared it away.  It just really, really bugs me because I feel like I am doing all the right things i.e. not speaking about it, not offering alternatives, not bribing or coaxing him, nor am I punishing him for not eating it, but I don't feel like we are getting anywhere (aside from him eating better elsewhere).  Grrrr!

Sara - I'm going to try the sweet potato chips again tonight.

HH - only 2 months til we're 2!!! 

[Lemonthyme]

I wonder sometimes after reading a bit of this thread whether I think I have a good eater because I don't have high expectations?  If my son tries something that's fine as far as I'm concerned.  He regularly doesn't finish everything and he often turns down at least one part of the meal I've planned.  I mean your salad example above, I think my son has yet to eat a 'normal' green salad.  He's just turned down apple at tea time but so what?  He's had other fruit and veg today.

Personally I always plan a meal so it's not a disaster if he refuses something.  I never hold out on pudding but pudding is sometimes just fruit but it's never something all that sugary either.

To be honest, it sounds like he's doing ok to me?  I'd give some hearty pats on the back!

[Jimbob]

Have you tried the white flesh sweet potato to make the chips with? This way he may be more inclined to try them. I actually prefer them to be honest but it is down to individual taste.

Kelly x

[clairebear79]

Lemonthyme - thanks for your input - maybe I am expecting too much of him. 

If my son tries something that's fine as far as I'm concerned.  He regularly doesn't finish everything and he often turns down at least one part of the meal I've planned.

Don't get me wrong.  I am totally thrilled if my son will try something - and I never ever expect him to clean his plate.  All I want is for him to make a reasonable effort i.e. at least try the foods I am offering.  If he doesn't like them then fine.  But he doesn't even try - so everything except the meat is untouched.

Today for example, I served up 4 chicken pops (as a taster of something I know he likes) along with a piece of sausage & onion plait (which he's never had before), oven roasted new potatoes in garlic, olive oil & herbs, and carrot & broccoli.  He actually left the chicken pops (I was surprised at this) & wolfed the sausage & onion plait.  Ate one piece of potato (which I was hoping he'd have since similar to chips) & totally left the veg.  So I was pleased that he tried the new food & liked it.  But again that was the meat.  Would have been nice if he had eaten a bit more of the potato but at least he tried it, so I feel today's meal went reasonably well.

I mean your salad example above, I think my son has yet to eat a 'normal' green salad.  He's just turned down apple at tea time but so what?  He's had other fruit and veg today.

When you say this - has your son tried some of the veggies that go in a salad eg has he had lettuce or cucumber sticks or pieces of tomato or carrot?  My son has never even tried any salad foods - not even when he was a baby.  He never got beyond putting it to his lip & deciding he didn't want to taste it. I'm not moaning about him not eating his veg at just one meal either - he doesn't eat ANY veg at home full stop.  Hasn't since he was 10/11 months old.  (apart from at nursery & suddenly now at MIL's too). So its not like I can say, oh well its ok b/c he had some at lunch, yk?    He is still eating fruit so I suppose at least he is getting some vitamins that way - I'd just really like to see it start to expand to at least some veg.  A case of just waiting it out until he's ready to do it perhaps.

Jimbob - thanks for that - I didn't even know you could get white flesh varieties of sweet potato!  Where are they hiding - never seen them in UK supermarkets!? DS is very suspicious of the orange ones as they are not 'proper' chips lol!