Oh dear, it sounds like you're having a difficult time at the moment, ((hugs))
Try not to worry about his solid intake at the moment, milk is still the most important food for him and will see him through the night. NWs could be routine related, or teething pain. They may also be left over from the illness he had recently. My LO had an illness and following it fed more like a new born for several weeks, he was a great solids eater pre-illness but at 10-11 months took hardly any solids after his illness.
In terms of the spoon feeding I'm afraid I can't really help there. Maybe he would like to hold the spoon himself?
In terms of finger foods, there are heaps of ideas on the recipes boards for babies of different ages and also BLW. It's possible to make batches of 'clean' (ish) finger foods to take out an about. I did BLW and went out to lots of baby and toddler groups. I made:
- oaty chews (like flap jacks but no sugar or honey, just oats and fruit) in huge batches and frozen them.
- fruit pancakes freeze well
- bean and veg burgers or frittas freeze well too
- mini muffins, either fruit (sugar free) or savoury with cheese. Sweet potato or carrot muffins are yummy and we all eat them (zero sugar). I freeze these too but tbh I don't like them once defrosted but DS does. Another easy out and about food.
With the veg sticks. Maybe try different ways of cooking. My DS refused any sort of potato unless it was roast or home made oven cooked chips or baked wedges. A year on he now loves boiled new potatoes but still won't touch mash. The flavour and texture of food is different with how they are cooked. You might find he likes baked sweet potato wedges or carrot sticks rather than steamed for example. BLW might seem like a lot of work but you can make foods for yourself and your 3.5 toddler at the same time.
They don't need teeth to eat meat. My LO was gumming successfully on beef at 6 months, a long strip that he could keep hold of. You can make meat sticks (like meat balls) or burgers, or fish cakes, bean burgers etc. Even now at 20 months I make a batch of veg and bean burgers and shove them in the freezer. When we have a toddler group I lift out 3 or 4 the night before and pop them in a tub to take out and about the next day. Eggs are good protein and can be cooked in a variety of ways to find one he likes. Eggy bread (french toast) is fast to make and a good clean finger food to take out (cut into soldiers), he might like that if he is a toast lover.
For at home, if he is eating toast and pasta and you have any puree left in the freezer use it as a spread on toast or a sauce mixed through pasta twists. This is one way of getting veg in if he isn't liking the finger food veg, keep offering the veg though, just put a bit in front of him and let him play with it and explore it. one day he'll pop a bit in his mouth.
I'm sure anything you make for him your toddler will love too so it won't really be an extra work load.
hope this helps some.
xx