Talk me down - 3yo not eating again *update - complete 180!*

[Hedgehog17]

DS is having another of his horrible not eating phases 

I'm trying so hard not to get stressed but the sight of his ribs sticking out after his bath tonight just about pushed me over the edge 

We've changed our approach to mealtimes now, so there is no conflict or pressure - he can choose to eat or not eat, and he is choosing not to eat 

Today he managed about 2 tbsp porridge for breakfast, ate some banana (for the first time!) and breadsticks at nursery snack time, refused lunch at nursery as usual (he'll sometimes eat some bread but never any of the meal), came home and asked for scrambled egg, ate about 2 bites and 1 bite of bread and butter, then played with the food, drank a cup of milk with vanilla syrup in it (I know  ), had a nap, demanded a jam tart upon waking which I let him have, ate 3tsp porridge, played, then refused tea and tipped the plate on the floor (not entirely sure what happened, DH was handling that one), then refused plain milk (I want vanilla!) and had a bath and went to bed 

He's holding out for sweet things now, even though I've cut down on them. I can't get savoury food into him anymore and up until this week he was eating fine!

His lack of eating is affecting his bowel habits - he didn't poo for 2 days then pooed 3 times today and it was really smelly  I think he only pooed today because he actually ate his tea last night (fish fingers & alphabites which he loves) and that finally pushed it through.

I've been encouraging him to eat fruit (rather than puree) which he was doing, but now we're not even getting that far, meals are being picked at (2 bites) or pushed away so he's not getting any fruit or veg which won't be helping his bowels either 

Should I just stop offering meals and let him snack on stuff? Do I let him have fruit, yoghurt or cake if he doesn't eat his savoury course?

He hasn't gained any weight for a while (still at exactly 14Kg) and is looking skinny  I'm worried 

[We Three]

 Hmm.  IIWM I might put more on his plate in terms of choices, yk? Like, a small scoop of yogurt, your main food, your veggie, a bit of strawberry or apple (some kind of fruit), a piece of cheese.  That way he can 'pick', but there are things he likes in there too.

 He likes fish fingers and he likes alphabites....what are alphabites?  Can you expand upon similar lines...? Like if fish fingers are ok, are chicken fingers? I make mine myself with bread crumbs, I cut the chicken into strips and dd loves it. I cook it til it's crunchy.

 Think of what he will eat and add to or expand along similar lines, kwim? 

Also, put applesauce in his oatmeal, and a splash of milk for extra calories too! Put cheese on his eggs, etc....

[malenka]

I wanted to give you some ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))). We've BTDT with DS. At 3, he would toss his plate on the floor, refuse to eat and so DH would give him fruit, etc, etc. It sounds like you're writing about my child! We even had the same struggles with the milk (except he preferred it with chocolate syrup!)

DS just turned 4 and it's slowly getting better. Yesterday for the first time he was willing to try pasta with *gasp* sauce on it! I think it helps that now he's big enough to understand the concept of food groups, and we talk about good food choices. Ie, you can't have cookies before supper because they have too much sugar in them and they'll make your tummy hurt. Now, he'll choose a snack and ask us if it has protein in it or if it has too much sugar

If you get him involved in the food prep, would that encourage him to eat more? DS love to help crack eggs when we're making eggs, mix and measure flour if we're making pancakes, etc. I used to bend over backwards giving DS choice after choice after choice, hoping that he'd be willing to eat at least one of the options. Lately, I've either given him two choices (ie, meat sandwich or grilled cheese sandwich) or not given him a choice at all.

If he prefers to snack, what about offering his savoury foods packaged more like a snack? So, give him a few bowls each with something different and let him pick at them? Like plain pasta in one bowl, cubes of meat or cheese in another, steamed veg in another. DS hates sauces of all kinds, but lots of kids like them, so maybe offering dip with his veg will help, or tomato sauce to dip his meat in?

I don't really have any other concrete tips to get you through this - just keep in mind that this, too, shall pass.

[We Three]

Want to clarify I didn't mean offering him all those choices that I wrote out, I just meant that when it's dinner time, to have 5 or 6 things on his plate in smaller amounts, rather than the standard 3 things that many of us have for dinner, yk? Add a few extras like fruit and nuts or cheese and really hearty whole-grain bread with butter.

[michaeljacknnugg]

I want wo point out here that I have not btdt - but one thing that stuck out at me was that he has tried something new. That's progress, right? Does that help?

Another thing is that the porridge may be filling him too much to try and eat his meals. I know when I want DS to really consider new things that I need to ensure he is properly hungry. Could you offer fruit as snack instead and have porridge as a backup elsewhere?

[*Ali*]

I would offer a balanced diet and let him eat what he will. So yes I would offer a couple portions of fruit but I wouldn't let him have 5 portions of fruit because he won't eat other things. I allow yogurt but again, only one portion not several to fill up because he isn't eating anything else.

I would cut out treat foods like cake and jam tarts if he hasn't eaten a reasonable amount of healthy, nutritious foods. I often tell my boys that sweets and cakes are sometimes foods (I think I stole that from Anne) that we can eat sometimes because they taste nice  but we can't fill up on them because we need healthy foods that help our bodies grow. So here we only have sometimes foods if we still have room after eating the healthy food our bodies need.

Btw, Alphabites are processed potato cut in shapes of letters. A bit like chips/fries really.

I would definitely try to get healthy food in without him realising. So if you can make pancakes with puréed fruit and veg in there or mash a banana into a bowl of porridge or yogurt that is great. We use whole milk for porridge btw as it has more nutrients than water (obviously).

Have you tried putting food out in the coffee table like a bowl of olives and cheese or breadsticks and leaving them there if he wants them?

Does he have any input into what he eats? Are there things he would like to help make or shop for perhaps?

[Shiv52]

I would offer a balanced diet and let him eat what he will.

This is what I do.  I am reasonable and if I do bolonese then I will put the sauce separate rather than on top as sometimes they only eat the pasta. I don't do fruit or yogurt at every meal as it's all that would be eaten.

I also agree with Ali that I'd just stop the sweet stuff. If he demands a jam tart I'd say no sorry that's a food for after we have healthy food and our bodies don't feel well if we eat sometimes foods first. Both mine know what a sometimes food is and totally get it.  During the summer I actually got rid of all the junk from the house as mine were both eating too Much and their appetites for real food were ridiculous. It's funny how quickly they catch in and just hold out for sweet things. Rascals.

[Hedgehog17]

Thanks ladies 

You've reminded me that I need to talk about healthy food choices with him again! I was doing that but had stopped... trying to take the pressure off food iyswim... maybe that wasn't the best idea!

So it's ok to tell him that he can have fruit or yoghurt after he's eaten some protein? I'd stopped saying that 

In terms of variety he would happily eat a ton of cheese, but he's still developing tolerance & can only manage a bit of goats cheese once a week  Likewise he can tolerate 1 small goats milk yoghurt once a day. He gets full fat A2 milk which I cook with as well & I add coconut oil to everything I can. MSPI makes it diffucult as many foods are off the menu 

I probably do feel bad about it so let him have more sugary things than he should 

He is not a fan of sauce but will occasionally dip things in ketchup, although he prefers to scoop it up with his fingers & eat it straight 

I will try pancakes for breakfast, haven't done that for a while 

Today is another day, will start over 

[ZacsMumme]

Hugs HH. FWIW you are not alone Hun. I'm too embarrassed to post about Zs eating ATM. Seems in the process of surviving with T Zs eating has become terrible.

I do think it's a bit of an age thing too though :-/

[michaeljacknnugg]

Can you get him involved in cooking? That has been the best way of expanding my DS's interests and range. He has his own cooking utensils (there's a lovely range in Lakeland) and does 'real' cooking plus I let him mess around with small amounts of spices and pasta and water. Makes something disgusting but at least he is smelling all the spices!

[Hedgehog17]

Hugs Sara  Sorry to hear that Z is the same right now 

Involving DS in the cooking is very difficult from a practical point - we have got the worst ever designed kitchen and it's really too small (the size wouldn't matter if it were well designed, but unfortunately it was like that when we moved in and we haven't got the funds right now to change it  ). The floor is covered with stone tiles which cause anything dropped on them to shatter into a million pieces. I absolutely hate it!! There is nowhere safe to sit DS at worktop height, so he'd have to help on the floor, which is just a narrow corridor, and I could easily see us stepping into the mixing bowl 

He does enjoy his toy kitchen which is in his bedroom and he plays with it a lot and likes to make us meals with his fabric food 

Today has been much better (so far!) as he's been really hungry - not surprising really 

[michaeljacknnugg]

Our kitchen is narrow too, so we just turn DS's chair around (so the back is against the cupboard) and then let him help on the worktop. Think that should work with any chair?

Glad he's eaten so well today!

[*Ali*]

Ours just stand on a chair too. Could you take things like chopping or mixing bowls the dining table and let him sit up at that?

I wouldn't sell the fruit and yogurt as a treat or reward for eating protein no. I would let him have it as one of his 3 portions of dairy and his 5 a day. I would tell him he can't have cake or sweets if he hasn't got room for proper food first.

[Hedgehog17]

  He's done a complete 180 on me and now he won't stop eating 

I'm hoping last week was a blip, and now he's discovered that food = a good idea if you don't want a hungry tummy!

However he is using "I'm still hungry!" as a delaying tactic to avoid going to bed...

He is due a growth spurt around now so hopefully he'll put on a bit of weight and a few cm of height now he's eating again - he is looking a bit taller but I won't measure him again until 12th December.

Thanks again for the help and support ladies, I know I shouldn't panic about him but I don't think I'll ever get over his early months of FTT 

[Shiv52]

I'm so glad. That is GREAT news xx