bedtime shenanigans - help!

[oliversmommy]

Last night DS asked me to stay in his room at BT, so I did, and it took him 40 min to settle and fall asleep.  (He didn't interact w/ me at all except to tell me he was going to the BR to go potty - we double void before BT so not sure if he really needed to go or not.)  So it appears that me staying w/ him doesn't reduce the time it takes him to fall asleep.  So I'll go back to staying outside his door like you suggested.

His NWs have been getting longer - he's been getting up multiple times w/ each NW the past few nights.  And coming into our room each time and needing to be walked back to bed.  We've talked to him about staying in his room at night but it doesn't seem to be helping.  Needless to say I am exhausted!!! 

Whenever he gets up, if I stay/stop at his door, he asks me to watch him get back into bed.  So it appears he needs some kind of attention/reassurance from me.  If this is developmental I hope it passes soon!!!

He was also dry this morning (still wears pull-ups to bed) and was dry a few mornings ago as well.  He did go potty during one of his 2 NWs last night.  So perhaps he is working on staying dry at night and this is also disrupting his sleep???

He slept in a bit this morning (about 30 min) - I'm hoping that he will be less tired at naptime today and therefore take a shorter nap, and therefore be more tired at BT. . .

I'm trying to keep perspective on this - this too shall pass and we'll eventually get back to our peaceful/restful nights - but oh it is hard when you are going through it!  Thanks for holding my hand Cathn!

[oliversmommy]

Just a quick update - stayed outside DS's door last night and walked him back to bed every time he got up - took him over an hour to fall asleep (BT was 9 pm, fell asleep at 10:10 pm).  No idea how long his nap was at preschool yesterday as the teacher there during pickup was a teacher from a different classroom who didn't have that information (grrrr...) so not sure if he was UT or OT at BT . . .

However we only had one NW w/ one back-to-bed walk last night which is a significant improvement over the past 2 nights! 

I can cope better w/ a plan, so I've decided to try the silent walking back to bed/standing outside his door for a few more nights, and see what happens.  DS is home w/ DH tomorrow, so the next 3 days DS will be at home and I'm going to try for 3 NNDs and see if we can lengthen his nights a bit before he returns to preschool next week.  I'm also going to talk to preschool if the waking after 30 min at naptime isn't working (which it doesn't appear to be as he seems to be sleeping longer than that during the day) - maybe I can convince them to keep him up and doing a quiet activity during naptime. 

He is really wired when he gets home after preschool and quiet activities like looking at books don't seem to help.  Any suggestions on some good calming activities???

[weaver]

Playdough - if you make it yourself you can add lavender oil which is *really* calming.

[cath~]

Yay for just one NW

Pleased you have a plan now too. I always feel better when I have a plan at least!

Play doh is a good idea for calming activities. Or drawing , stickers..

[oliversmommy]

Love the idea of lavender scented play-doh!  Will have to make some this weekend  

DS is visually impaired and doesn't like activities like drawing, stickers etc.  He does like to look at books/be read to as well as sit and play with toy cars/trains etc so we try to do those activities at night.  But he still is up like a jack-in-the-box at BT.

Last night was horrible - DS was in bed by 8:50 pm, but didn't fall asleep until after 10:30.   He got out of bed constantly the whole time.  It was exhausting.  Finally DH went in and laid next to his bed until he fell asleep.  Then he had multiple NW - I'm not sure how many b/c DH took over so I could get some sleep.  Then DS woke up early this morning.  So he ended up w/ only 8 hrs ONS.   His preschool teacher said he had 45 min naps the past two days so he is definitely not getting enough sleep.

I can't do this anymore.  I've decided the nap needs to go.  I'm going to talk to his preschool teacher and see if he can have quiet time instead of lying on a cot at naptime.  If she says no, I don't know what I'm going to do.  I guess try audio books at night and pray he stays in bed.  Worse case scenario, his preschool is closed over Christmas for 2 wks, and we won't leave the house those 2 wks so I can break him of his naps!

[cath~]

I hope you can get his teacher to agree.

Also, at this age, I wonder how much you have spoken to him about the BT problems? I'd sit down and have a chat with him out of the moment (not at BT!) one day about how important good sleep is for his body to grow and his mind to learn things etc, and so he's not tired the next day, also how important it is for YOU to have some evening time, and ask him if he has any ideas why he keeps getting out of bed and also ask him if perhaps you could brainstorm ideas together (write them all down on a list then pick the ones you could try) that might help things? You might be surprised by what he says and if you can get the two of you working from the same page so-to-speak then that might also help. WDYT?

[oliversmommy]

Cathn,
Thanks again for the suggestions.  Had discussed some of this before w/ DS, but after reading your post decided to have a conversation w/ him again.  When asked why he gets out of bed, he consistently replies, "because I'm not tired".  When I asked him how we could help him stay in bed, he said, "get my crib back". (I wish!!!)  His responses to the importance of sleep are "I don't want to grow and be healthy" etc.  Such a stinker!   Talked to him about how DH and I need time at night and I know he heard me but got no response to this.

Sat and Sun were NNDs, BT was around 8 pm, he did get up a lot but was asleep by 8:15-8:30 pm.  It was GLORIOUS to have my evenings back!  I had emailed his preschool teacher about keeping him awake at nap time so I was really hopeful when I went to pick him up yesterday after work.  Only to be told that they planned to keep him awake but he fell asleep when their heads were turned.    He slept for 45 min.  So I decided to try letting him listen to a CD of calming songs that he likes, hoping it would keep him in bed.  It didn't work.    He got up repeatedly and FINALLY fell asleep around 10:45 pm.  Which means he'll be tired today and will nap again, and we are back in this horrible cycle again. . .

I am so frustrated I want to cry.  (And did last night!)  I am completely out of ideas, I'm exhausted from going to bed too late and getting up w/ him during his NWs, and I am getting absolutely NO downtime in my day.  DH has promised to take over tonight to give me a break, but he deals w/ this situation differently (threatens, gives negative consequences like taking away stuffed animals from DS's bed) which don't work either and I'm sure are not helping the situation.  We can't get on the same page about how to deal with this (which isn't helping anyone's stress levels).  I just want my evenings back!

Thanks for letting me vent.  I know others are dealing w/ tougher situations and that this won't go on forever, but oh this is hard! 

[cath~]

Oh no!

So sorry to hear about the 45 min nap and resultingate BT how frustrating for you

I really hope you can get them to stop the nap.

Just wondering though if you can limit some of the frustrating evenings perhaps by accepting that he won't be going to sleep so early and doing something relaxing together. Maybe going for a walk round the neighbourhood if it's still light, simple board/card games, jigsaw puzzles.. Would he prefer to listen to stories downstairs so you can relax with a magazine or something?  Just trying to think of ideas to help you a bit with the late BTs...

(((Hugs)))

[cath~]

Hello,

just wondering how things are going this week?

[oliversmommy]

Thanks for checking in on me!  We're managing.  I realized that I needed to just accept the situation and deal with it the best I could (like you said, accept the late BTs), so we've been putting DS to bed a little later and trying to do relaxing things together as a family (like you suggested!) before BT.  Fortunately the weather has been nice and DS loves to go on walks, so we have been walking every night.  He will stay in bed (or in his room at least)after BT most nights with a combination of WI/WO and a sticker chart, although this seems to have become less effective the past few nights.  I'm also trying to get my evening chores done before BT (rather than after as I was used to doing), so that I am able to just relax after BT (in between WI/WOs).  He's been falling asleep and waking up at pretty consistent times (9:45/10 pm and 6:45/7 am) so I think he's settled into this routine now.  I don't know how he manages on such little sleep but he does!   It's hard b/c DH has been getting easily frustrated w/ DS's behavior so I'm the one doing the WI/WOs every night.  However we're still doing NNDs on the weekends, so I do get 2 nights a week of a couple hours of time for myself.  The house is absolutely filthy but I don't care - I need my downtime!

DS turns 4 in a couple of weeks, which means we will have been in the 1-0 transition for a year - that has to be a record!  I just keep telling myself that this won't go on forever . . . (it won't, right?!? )

[cath~]

Pleased that you're finding something that's working OK for now.

The house is absolutely filthy but I don't care - I need my downtime!

Totally!  Housework can always wait.  He won't be in this transition forever x