Confused and worn out...really appreciate any advice

[lonzo82]

Looking for some help and advice and would really appreciate any thoughts and help offered as I'm at my wits end and honestly starting to struggle a bit with how I'm supposed to move forwards. I'm very new to forums so not sure if posting in wrong place or if going on a huge rant...sorry!

My DD is 14 weeks old and I'm a first time mum.    She was diagnosed with cows milk intolerance at 5 weeks old and silent reflux as a consequence of that. She's been in a lot of discomfort and pain for most of her early weeks but after moving to hypoallergenic milk and reflux meds this has now been sorted. I've been trying to figure out I suppose my 'style' of parenting and what I feel is best for her as both me and my partner are very routine driven people. I definitely feel the EASY process and the BW ideas on baby temperament is something I identify most with...when I did the baby quiz I couldn't believe how accurate it was at describing DD!
She's Touchy and Sensitive, nearly in equal measure.
As she gets older I'm finding that I'm struggling more and more to get her in any sort of routine, including EASY as she will only nap 30 mins max during day regardless of her activity time and she snack feeds a lot, again despite me trying different things. I've tried to look at EASAS or other variations but I just feel she's all over the place and I'm struggling to know how to help her. She's shattered by end of the day and fights sleep so badly. My energy is so low and I just want to help her but I'm feeling increasingly confused and isolated. I haven't taken her anywhere since she's been born other than her daily Pram walk. It's so hard trying to describe to other people why I can't just pop out for coffee or on the train with her etc (cue a DD meltdown in these situations)

I'm trying to stay calm and tell myself this will get easier but some days I'm just in tears and feel I don't know what to do with her/for her next. She has huge meltdowns, has a really quick temper etc but I just cannot leave her to cry or put her down if she's not wanting to go down it breaks my heart so I need solutions that I know I will be able to carry out.
I'm starting to feel I'm the only one who's LO is this difficult and it's getting me down.
Really would appreciate any advice/support.

[Jodes112]

Hello

Welcome to BW. It sounds like you are totally fed up  hopfully you can get some advice here, and help with your LO. You will definatley get support so just hang in there for now!

I know you said naps are pretty much all over the place and i have felt the pain of this! A few questions though if you could let us know!
What time do you attempt bed time?
How does she sleep in the night? Any feeds?
What time does she wake in the AM?
Does she self settel or does she need help? Where does she nap?

Sorry lots of questions!! Would you be able to TRY and put down the day in EASY format, so morning wake up, nap start and end time, what time and how much milk ect.

30 minute naps are usually a sign of Over tiredness, so if you can try and get the first awake time of the day right first of all, get a good first nap, then you can then try working on the rest of the day.

At 3 months i believe its normal for LO to be having an AM nap, a PM nap and then a short catnap in the evening around 30 minutes. How long does your LO stay awake for before showing signs of tiredness? The average is around 1hr 30 - 2hrs between naps, at this stage. If you can work out a perfect A time for LO the naps should lengthen.

Hold things together, remember to take a breath, and know that this definitely doesn't last forever!

[Lindsay27]

14 weeks is a big of a transition period where you start to move towards 4hr EASY which typically takes place around 4 months (give or take).  This is a great link to look at:
Time to Transition - 3hr, 3.5hr or 4hr EASY

As pp said, if you could post your EASY (a typical day, even if it is really rough) and it can help us guide you.  Short naps are common at this age, my DD didn't quite get longer naps until we were fully on 4hr EASY, around 4.5 months.  So with that an EASAES is perfectly normal!

Hang in there! It takes some work and some time to establish a routine, but once it happens it is fantastic

[creations]

Just stopping by to welcome you to BW forums

sorry to hear you're finding things tricky at the moment. There's lots of support here. Do feel welcome.

[lonzo82]

Thank you so much for the support and warm welcome. I'll try and give a wee overview of the day then put into my version of EASY I'm kind of working towards.

She has bath/bottle/bed between 5:45 and 6:45pm mostly starting around 5:45. I'll bath her and either me or DP gives her 6 oz bottle. She normally is struggling to finish due to tiredness, especially if hasn't napped for a bit between 4:30-5:30pm.  This bed routine we've done since 5 weeks old. She's asleep by 7pm and will go to anytime between 11pm and 3am before waking!! Very sporadic. She's started teething so very restless at night and occasionally needs settled. Second half of night after the feed the sleep is short lived and at moment she's waking every 20-30 mins to thrash about with wind or because she's wriggled about in cot and woken herself. We use pacifier and try and calm her without picking up.
Wakes any time between 5:30am and 7am.
It's then bottle, dressed for day, baby gym then she's looking tired. It seems to be around 1hr 20- 1hr 30 mins after waking she gets tired. She fights naps really REALLY badly and will scream and cry if she is put down awake or if wakes when I try. I eventually get to sleep by rocking and she has 30 mins bang on at every nap. She will eventually drift off on daily Pram walk but again after a fight and its 30 mins. And so repeat through the day.
In EASY format through day it's more like:

E. Bottle 3-5 ounces (she snacks a lot)
A. Nappy/Dressed/Baby Gym/Swing
S. 30 mins usually in arms or in Pram
A. Baby gym/nappy/cuddles
E. Finishes the rest of 5 ounce bottle
A. Wind down time/cuddles
S. Fights the sleep again, 30 mins nap

That's how it goes throughout the day at the moment just on repeat, I always fill a 5 ounce bottle but she never finishes it. She gets hysterical if I try to put her down when she's tired but will happily lay on baby gym for 30 mins at a time if I'm close by. She's very typical 'touchy' baby.
I hope this information makes sense? I've just started getting to grips with EASY so it's a bit rudimentary at the moment. I just feel I'm nowhere near even a 3 hour EASY let alone 3.5 or 4 as she can't sleep more than 30 mins and snacks a lot 

[Jodes112]

Ok lots of info there! Thank you!

My dd was a bit of a snacker this does even out eventually. She just didnt like milk really lol. As soon as solids were introduced is when i could actually establish a better eating routine! She only ever took max 5oz at one feed. like ever. So i feel you! Just some things you can try though, is the teet the right size, does she need a faster flow? Feed in a quiet room with minimal distractions. (Im sure you have already tried this)

Are you sure her reflux/milk intolerence is under control with you saying she is stirring every 20/30 mins in the night? Could also explain the short naps also. disturbances that frequent are often linked to discomfort. You said she is teething, do you medicate?

Does she take the dummy during the day naps?

Because of a not so restfull night id first try & shorten that first A time down and try the first nap at around 1hr 15min A time then down for nap. You can get a lot of help in the shhh pat section on how you can help her self settle however you are probably best to help her get so sleep and (try) to establish a routine before you then tackle the self settling.

One thing that did work for us was wake to sleep. I would go into dd at around the 20 min mark and try and stir her gently. A little stroke to the cheek, just so she would move slightly. This then broke the sleep cycle and started a new one therefore avoiding waking at the 30 min mark. Another thing you can do is when you see LO starting to stir go in and place your hand on their chest/tummy gentlyand see if you can help them get through to the next cycle.

I also totally agree that between 4-6/7 months sleep needs are continually changing and its not until around 6/7 months when they are at more of the 3hr A time point that they tend to settle down and into a better routine.

Sorry lots of info!

[lonzo82]

Thank you Jodes112 that's been really helpful. I sometimes wonder about the allergy as she isn't on fully hypoallergenic milk although it's extensively processed for ridding of the proteins. Trouble is there's no other symptoms and doctors are confident it's sorted. Also she sleeps 6-7 hours the first part of the night without stirring much. It's bizarre. I wonder if it's because we never get much wind out of her during the night feed that she unsettles. She's also moved into cot in last couple of weeks so she's got plenty room to thrash about now!
My health visitor is coming tomorrow so I'll certainly discuss the disturbed night sleep with her in terms of the allergy perhaps lingering.
That's a great idea about the W2S for naps I actually hadn't considered that so I'll give it a go. I do try and ssh her when I see stirring but she's that good at going from asleep to wide awake!
Should I aim to have her asleep at the 1 hr 15 mark during the first A of the day or start wind down then? It's such a fine line between awake and asleep I feel I'm rubbish at reading her cues

[Jodes112]

Its possibly wind, building up.

Yes if you aim for her to be asleep at 1hr 15. See how that goes. I have a feeling you may have to stretch it out but try that first, as she's over tired may help catch up if you get her down earlier!
Let us know how you go with that x