Newborn routine - any memories of you?

[Martini~]

A stupid as it may sound... I am having a newborn as some of you know:). And I am having some baby blues connected with anxiety how his sleep will be LOL and tiredness which is a caused by NFS.

Can you tell me if any of you had a routine with a newborn? Do you remember it? Can they sleep all days and nights? I am trying to have some activity after every feed and I am successful but i have 4 naps right now with DS2 and every second day all of them are long (1.5-2h). Is that normal at 2wo? Tracy is saying the 4th nap should be a catnap but really DS cannot hold a day 7am-8pm with a catnap. Should I worry that it will steal from night sleep? Or they always naturally settle nights first? Do you remember how it was at your house...?

[leesa001]

With my newborn I fed on demand.   But he naturally fell asleep 2.5-3 HOUR .  He was a very sleep eater and would most often fall asleep during bf.  So most of the activity time was trying to get him awake to eat.  At around 4 weeks he was able to stay awake long enough but still had to fight him nursing yo sleep.   I wouldn't worry so much about the catnap at 2 weeks.  Mine figured out days and nights at about 3 weeks

[ENMS]

Hi!

we had no routine whatsoever for the first few months. DD2 slept a lot, and we just let her be, and woke her for feeds if required since she was not gaining weight too well. I wouldn't worry about a routine at that age, unless she has her days and nights reversed in which case I would limit day sleep but if that is not the case then I would let her be. I don't think we had much activity at that age after feeds, she would often feed to sleep. I'd say DD2 and I spent the first month cuddled together and just enjoying the moment. I was really worried about routine too but as they get older, it does all fall into place.

(((hugs))) about the baby blues. I know it's easy to say but try to relax and take care of yourself too xxx

[Scottishmummy]

Big hugs. Everything you describe with her sleep sounds totally normal. Newborns are really sleepy and also unpredictable. You sound like you already know him in that he needs 4 long naps to get to BT. If that suits him, do that.

With mine I BF on demand, which at newborn stage was pretty much every 1.5-2hrs. With DD (textbook baby)I tried to keep an hour A time max in my head but at this age she dropped off anywhere! Most of her naps are in sling or arms at this age. DS was/is a touchy/spirited type so naps were harder to get but even at newborn stage he slept in buggy or sling when he needed to.

I know it's hard but please try not to let routines stress you at this v early stage. He's so little he will be unpredictable and not conform to textbooks. Try to go with the flow as much as you can, it's really all you can do at this age xxxx

[creations]

I haven't read the other replies yet so don't know if this is the same or different from other experiences.
At 2 wks our routine was exhausting!  I had not yet found BW but was trying to put DS down for some/most naps.  I could not really leave him to sleep alone (he'd wake unpredictably sometimes short nap sometimes really long and I'd kick myself for having not got things done whilst he slept) so it was often very hard to shower, brush my teeth, eat, anything...DS would always wake just as food was served and whatever amount of time I'd been able to put him down to sleep alone for would be over.  Very hard tbh. Very hard.  We also found by the time we had fed, changed a nappy it was impossible to get out anywhere or do anything, it was sleep time yet again.  Nights were also exhausting. I was expressing breast milk, whilst DP fed him with bottle (BF issues) so we were all up several times.

It got easier!!  Those first few weeks were so tiring.

At 4.5 wks I read BW and implemented EASY gradually extending E from 2 or 2.5hrs to 3hrs over a few days, feeding on wake up instead of before sleep etc.  The 4s was similar to what I'd been using (harvy karps 5s) so I used a mixture of the two to WD and begin to encourage independent sleep.
And at 8 wks he started to go down independently for some naps.  10 wks he decided he wanted his night bed for all naps and would no longer sleep in the family room.
I did not follow A times but instead cues and think some A times were very long if I had recorded it, but cue following worked in those weeks.

In those very early weeks the first part of night sleep was in the family room with us in the room. We'd keep him there until the DF time then move to bedroom.  I don't remember him doing CNs or caring how long the nap was so long as he slept.
Certainly he sorted out his night sleep earlier on, doing one long stretch of 5hrs between NFs within the first few weeks. Very hard to get back to sleep from 5am though (say after a 4am feed which with nappy change took about an hour), quite hit and miss there.

NBs are so demanding and need so much care.  I felt especially the first 4 or 5 wks.  By 6 wks I felt able to throw a party to wet baby's head - quite a contrast in what I felt I could achieve and manage.  I'd noticed around 4 wks he was so much more alert, smiling, eye contact, needing interaction...I remember this age because his alertness had a big impact on my difficult decisions around feeding.

Don't know if any of this helps - I can only say to anyone with a new born that this first few weeks feels like it will go on for ever but it passes and things do begin to ease off a little.  Big hugs x

[Martini~]

Thank you all for your posts. Creations it helps much what you have written.
Not that what Elise and Scotishmummy wrote didn't help - but just saying that no routine is the best and go with the flow doesn't work with me. I would dream to be like that, enjoy baby cuddles, don't stress but I just don't like this early days. Probably because it's difficult and tiring and I am not a mum who loves the baby cuddles... how awful it may sounds.

I try to remember first weeks with DS but it was more difficult during days but I think nights were better. He slept from 7:30/8pm till 7am with 2NFs almost from birth. At 1mo he did his first night on 1 NF and at 9wo we had even some days with no NF. He got back to one feed with 3mo growth spurt do I started to do DF but we did enjoy nice nights from that moment. I cannot stop thinking when this moment will come. It's already 2,5weeks so probably it will quickly come to 4/6/8/12 weeks but still after 2/3 weeks like that I just feel tiredness coming to me. I have problems sleeping during day and nights are not great to catch up even if I start them early on.

[creations]

I am not a mum who loves the baby cuddles...

Me neither.  I loved having my baby, I loved HIM, but every single round of EAS I couldn't wait to put him down, I wanted him OFF me. I really really needed to be able to stand, stretch, go to the back door for a breath of air, just move and BE.  This I suppose is the reason I started from day 1 trying to make him sleep without depending on me. of course it was not successful from day 1 but I knew I was attempting it. Even if I only got "away" from him for 5 mins it was better for me than being "trapped" sitting on the sofa holding him.
Later I used the sling a little but I couldn't in those very early weeks he was so small, it was not possible for me.
I say all this knowing that I am a very tactile and cuddly person - I absolutely love cuddling DS but not being trapped under a new born!  I really don't think there is anything wrong with that. People are just different. My mum for instance would happily have had DS sleep on her the entire day and just not move.  She wasn't happy that I was putting him down in the travel cot for naps because it meant she couldn't do what she wanted which was to hold permanently.

Those first weeks - I can remember by the time we got the DF done (well my DS woke for it but we kept the rough time, around 10-11 ish) the plan was to go to bed at that time, but it would end up 11 or 12 by the time the feed and nappy change was done and DP and I were so exhausted.  I remember DP saying there is no point us going to bed as we only have 2 hrs and will be up again...he was seriously contemplating doing all-nighters and not sleeping at all. I pointed out that all-nighters only work for teens and twenty-somethings who don't have babies!

The weeks might go by in a fuggy blurr of exhaustion but the DO go by and every week LO is older is a week towards an easier routine, less demanding, feeds a bit further apart, night stretch a little longer and the emergence of a human being, with character and personality. You are going to get there.

If you are not familiar with Karps 5s (happiest baby on the block) maybe have a look? There are you tube videos showing him taking screaming babies, literally screaming, and calming them to sleep in about 30-60 seconds. Utterly amazing. You didn't say that screaming was a problem for you right now, but just in case it is!  Fits very well as a companion to Tracys BW methods too.

more hugs. You'll get through Marta.  you are a great mummy x

[jessmum46]

For me routine was important, but not so much independent sleep early on with number 2.  Not to say that wasn't the end goal, of course it was, but realistically with a toddler to care for as well you have to work out what you can realistically, practically do.  So for us that kind of meant prioritising things and accepting that we couldn't have all of them at once, but seeing each small step towards the end game as an achievement and success in itself.  So early on the goal was establish a bedtime routine, and run the day as far as possible on EAS cycles.  Keeping a rough eye on A time (sometimes it went crazy obviously, and din't work - which I had to make myself accept was ok) and trying to give an environment for sleep when naps were due - so timing a car journey, walk in pram/sling, or just having sling with me to throw LO in whilst we were at a toddler group.  So definitely routine, eye on A times, very roughly 3h feeds or before if needed, but not same time for everything every day with all naps in bed - does that make sense?  Gradually, slowly, we tried for a nap a day in bed.  Both of mine 'got it' around 10-12 weeks - so for me if I was doing it again I wouldn't hesitate to AP naps in the early weeks as I do feel that actually the emotional needs of the older one sometimes have to take precedence over what is likely to be erratic newborn sleep whatever you do, and getting out and about was good for everyone's sanity.  The routine definitely helped us and in some ways was easier to get going as DS had to fit around what DD was already doing (BIG priority here was keeping DD in routine!!), but giving myself a proper talking to and making my expectations realistic was I think the biggest factor in things feeling a lot 'easier' second time round.

Hope that helps, you are a brilliant Mum Marta

[Martini~]

Thanks girls. My problem is totalny different however. DS is sleeping long naps if not OT, settle nicely in his crib and can even go to sleep totally independently if I catch the right moment. DS1 is one the preschool and one the afternoon we are with DH or someone else so I have time and space for settling him in crib. In that area DS1 and DS2 are similar. All naps in the crib. However DS1 did a great nights around 2/3 weeks waking around 24/1 and 3/4 no matter how the day went. I think so at least but memories are blunt.... Nights were good for sure. Days not so much as first nap was very often crappy. But I don't remember how often. Around 5 weeks 4th went crap when previously it was crap here are there. So days with DS1 were difficult, settling in crib was nightmare but nights were nice and that's what made the difference.

Here some nights are very nice, some are worse. I see very very loose coherence with days but not always. in general however when the day was a total crap and last nap was difficult, night seems to be a bit better and with great days, nights are sometimes ok and sometimes difficult. He is 18days old so it's a bit early to assess and see dependencies but that's what stress me now. As I need those good nights... so so so much. To survive. I know that I can survive crappy days. But I need nights.

Will he figure out nights by himself? Or will I have to push for less daytime sleep if nights are worse? I wake and care for A times, go for EAS during day, a lot of light. And I just hope he will get it. Do you think he will? Do you remember your kiddos figure out nights by themselves? I do what Tracy said so wake every 3h during day but I don't limit total day sleep as even Tracy doesn't say it's needed. Is that true?

[jessmum46]

He'll get there with nights he may not sleep as well as soon as DS1 did - but on the other hand he might!  They really are all different.  I know how much the nights matter, honest, I get it, but you can't force it with such a little tiny one.  DD was awesome at night from week 1, awful in the day.  DS napped brilliantly but was fairly rubbish at night and can still be hit and miss now.  I never really limited daytime sleep with mine and I really wouldn't with a baby this age, I'm not sure you can coherently make any assessment of sleep needs so soon.  Yes good nights can follow bad days, but that's often the case when LOs totally crash out.  From what I've read LOs typically spend months 0-3 sorting out their nights and 3-6 organising daytime sleep.  So yes DS2 will figure out nights for you, it's just hard in the meantime and being patient and realistic  about what is normal for a newborn will help xxxx