Author Topic: desperately need your help with 16 months old routine and naps!!!  (Read 367 times)

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Offline hellyy

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Hello! Iím new to this forum, please bear with me and my anxiety.

I have troubles with my LG who will be 16 months next week.
For nearly 2 months my DH and me canít settle her for naps.
I was always settling her with breast and my DH carrying on his hands, but for the last 2 months this isnít working anymore. The only person who can settle her is grandma, she just puts her on the shoulder and my LG is asleep in 5 min!!! While my DH and me can try hours  while she is crying and arching her back on our hands. Breast is not working anymore, as she sucks and then is pushing me back without falling asleep.
She also has started to wake up, besides several times after midnight, at 4-5am and not sleeping anymore, or can only sleep for longer in our bed, whilst breastfeeding. Only in this case she stays in the bed till 7-7:30.
As we canít put her for the morning nap I thought that this could be transition for 1 nap and decided to try 1 nap together with sleep training as nothing is working in any case.

We have started last Sunday.
As I didnít want to use crying method weíve started with PU/PD. But faced with issue that she doesnít calm down on our hands.

It looks following: we read book, then I close curtains, put her in the cot and then she either starts to play there and can do it for hour, then starts to shout, or immediately starts to shout. When I take her up she is shouting and arching her back, down-shouting, up-shouting and no way to calm her down. Iíve tried to sit by the cot and just sing but then she is either sitting or staying up, hysterically shouting and beating her forehead against the cot walls. She can do it for hours, her forehead is already blue from bruises!!! She can do it until she falls asleep OT and then continue sobbing while sleeping. Nap is very short Ė from 30 min to 1.5h, without possibility to settle her back if she wakes up in 30min.

First day I was putting her down for nap at her usual time, at 10am, but she didnít fall asleep in 1 hour, so I decided to postpone it to 12pm and have only 1 nap. At 12 she started to shout and was shouting for 1 hour 40 min until felt down OT and slept only for 30 min. For the BT, at 19:30, I gave her breast and she calmed down quite fast, so Iíve put her in the cot sleepy.

2nd day Iíve started to put her for a nap at 12 and it was 1h 20 min of shouting, then again she felt asleep OT. Slept only 45 min. In the evening it went extremely fast, we started at 19:40 and almost without crying in 10 min she felt asleep, I took her 2 times up and 2nd she calmed down and was lying with open eyes for 5 min until felt asleep. THIS IS MY DREAM! No shouting, just lying and falling asleep on her own.

3rd day she finally woke up at 8:30 after staying in the bed from 5am. Then she looked tired already at 10:30, we decided to start earlier than 12 - at 11:20, but no way, just longer shouting! She felt asleep in 2 h, shouting and shouting and shouting, at 13:20, slept for 1,5h . In the evening was not easy as well, it took 40 min to calm her down, but difference was that she started to calm down on my hands. I put her down Ė shouting, taking up Ė closing eyes and falling asleep, down- again shouting, up- falling asleep. After 30 min of this up and down, I tried to put her down rocking and then she stayed calm and felt asleep in the cot.

Today is the 4th day
 Woke up at 7:30 after staying in the bed since 5am. And again no way to put her for a nap without hysterical shouting. She looked tired already by 10, I tried to put her earlier than 12, at 10:20, but again she was falling asleep on my hands but when putting down-shouting. So I tried for 30 min when she finally calmed down, lied for 2 min and then started to play. Ok, decided to try later.
At 12 my DH was putting her and it took 30 min to calm her down. She slept for 50 min and no way to resettle. she was already tired by 17.00. I tried to put her for a short nap, but each time down she was histerically shouting, up- closing eyes and falling asleep immediately, down-again shouting. So I tried for 30 min and then decided to better have dinner and then do early BT. She refused to eat dinner, took a breast and we started to settle for bed. And again she was hysterically shouting in the bed and almost sleeping in my hands...again and again for 1 hour! It was the longest BT pu/pd in 4 days... finally I took her up stayed for couple of min and put her down, sobbing she felt asleep immediatelly. I don't know if I'm doing it right or there is something wrong with my approach? Why is she shouting so hysterically, I can't stand it anymore! And immediatelly calms down being picked up...
How to avoid such OT? By 1700 it was 4 h only since nap time and cat nap didn't work... shall I carry her and let her sleep 15 min on my hands in this case???

Maybe she is not ready for 1 nap??? But she doesn't fall asleep at 10 am to have 2 naps either!
I'm completely lost in all this and my DH is suggesting to stop this nightmare...

I donít know what to do, I feel that she is OT by 12, but she doesnít fall asleep earlier, and in the morning she looks unhappy doesnít want anything, neither play nor breakfast, nothing! Why is this long breastfeeding time in the mornings? From 5 to 7-8 she stays on the breast, sleeping for few then eating and again sleepingÖ.for 2 hours!!

How to extend her nap time??? Iím so tired to see her hysterically shouting and shoutingÖi.for hours!!! She looks so tired but how to help her I donít knowÖ

Our routine before sleep training looked following:
5:30 BF and till 7-7:30 sleeping on the breast in our bed
9am snack
10am nap(30-1,5h)
14:00 lunch
14:30 nap (30-1,5h)
18:30 dinner
19:15 preparing for BT
19:45 BF(10min-1h)
20:00 BT
Sometimes she can sleep till 4am without feedings, but sometimes wakes up every 2h after midnight.

Now Iím trying to change for following:
7am BF, wake up
10:30 breakfast
12:00 nap
14:00 lunch
18:30 dinner
19:00 BF
19:15 preparing for bed
19:45 BT

I wouldnít like to give up with night feedings, despite Iím so tired, until she is not eating enough during the day and not gaining weight.
Iím lost with all those problems and donít know what to do.

« Last Edit: July 12, 2017, 21:00:26 pm by hellyy »

Offline Haribo2012

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Re: desperately need your help with 16 months old routine and naps!!!
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2017, 06:10:19 am »
Hi there sorry you've not had a reply as yet, sounds like your having a tough time.

I do think she needs to learn how to settle herself and really at this age she doesn't need any night feeds, she is just using you as a comfort.

PU/PD is too stimulating at this age, I'd try using Gradual withdrawal as from what you've written I don't think she has ever been an independent sleeper?

Most LO at this are on 1 nap but some still take a tiny CN too.

As reference for you my DS2 is now 17.5 months but at your LO age would have 1 nap at 12 noon ish but if we happened to be out in the morning a CN 20 mins max at 9.30am then main nap at 1pm.

I think you need to try and give her lunch early say 11.15am get her to around 11.45am then kiss/cuddle/story whatever wind down you choose and into bed no rocking to sleep. Say to her have a nice sleep or a phrase you choose and then sit next to the cot. Rub her hand or leg but no big chatting just shush time fir sleep now, if she gets upset little cuddle but straight back to cot and sit back down and stay there there till she is asleep.
You need to be consistent no getting her out to breastfeed to sleep.


Offline ginger428

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Re: desperately need your help with 16 months old routine and naps!!!
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2017, 16:01:35 pm »
How has the last few days been?? Has there been progress?

To echo what Zoe said,

PUPD can be stimulating, but when I re-trained my son around 14 months, I had to help put him down often... and if he got hysterical I would PU, then try to cuddle him in his crib.  Once he got used to it, I did more gradual withdraw. You can pick up just a little bit if necessary, then use firm hands in the bed.  with GW, you want to go from heavy touch to lighter touch, and whatever the baby needs in between. 

What has your ped advised regarding BF? Liek Zoe said, she doesn't really need the middle of the night feeds and in fact might be taking away from her intake during the day. Typically, BF at this stage is done once in the morning at wake up, then before bed.

I would refrain/wean  from nursing between 5-7... this will help her get through this time period. Wake at 7am and nurse at that time... if you're consistent, she won't rely on those early morning feeds. She might protest, but offer your comfort, but don't give in. If you do, it'll confuse her and it will take much longer to wean her.
Try breakfast at 8am, nap at 12, and try staying with her and resettling at the 4-60min mark when she starts to stir..

Like Zoe said, you have to be consistent... even if it takes a few sleepless nights. Try to remember that this will help everybody and you're giving her the gift of restful sleep! Stay positive and calm... deep breaths, knowing that it WILL get better. She's already made progress so it can be done!

I would use positive conversations throughout the day about anything she has been doing well... give lots of cuddles and time with her during the day and calmly but firmly, say it's time to sleep when the times come.