Starting EASY- 4 week old

[JCN]

Hi all
Apologies in advance for my rambling, but keen to explain where we are at, to get the right advice...

I have a 4 week old and am keen to start trying to get into some kind of rhythm (I say ‘rhythm’ because I know a routine is a little harsh for such a young one), I have had a look at sample routines but I’m not really sure where to start.

I also have a 2 year old, who I did EASY with, but I was a bit late to the party and he was about 4 months old and already had a basic feeding routine, so I just tackled A time and S. I am clueless with where to start with a newborn.

I am trying to do some A time after each feed, by doing a nappy change and then some time on a play mat if he is happy to - but generally by the time he’s been fed and changed then he’s in a grump and I start winding down for sleep (which normally just means cuddles and rocking as he cries when put down at this stage) . I have been trying to catch his tired cues but with a toddler at home it’s hard, but I think it’s around the 1 hour mark.in either case, even when he’s yawning & I catch it right, it still takes 15-30mins of rocking to get him to nod off) With a toddler at home, I am finding it difficult to get the baby down for a nap because I don’t have the time to stand and rock him, so I end up putting him in a wrap/sling...he still takes a while to nod off but at least I have my hands free. My only issue here is that because it’s so warm and cosy, he wakes almost immediately if I try to move him into the Moses basket - so he ends up staying in there until he wakes for his next feed. I am happy to do this at busy times of the day such a breakfast/school run or at tea time in the evening...but I’m conscious of creating bad habits if I have to do this for every S.

 I am demand (bottle) feeding but he is tending to go around 2.5hours between day time feeds and 3-3.5hours at night. His WU time is different each day (somewhere between 6-7:30) so these timings differ each day.

In terms of sleep, I am having to rock him and put him down... in which case he sleeps for anywhere between  30-60mins. If I hold him then he sleeps longer.

I am SO aware that he is still tiny and I’m not expecting a routine or strict schedule... but just some advice on what I’m best to do at the moment in terms of EASY and when I should/can start trying to get something more structured or how to work towards it?

I’m particularly struggling at dinner/bath/bed as the baby and toddler’s timings aren’t matching up. I was always advised to just bath them together and then feed baby after to give him bed time cues..., but often baby is asleep at bath time and if I wake him he cries for food, or he is due a feed before the bath, or even during... and things never work out. Any advice on how to work towards correlating them to be on the same schedule in the evenings would be greatly appreciated too.

Sorry for the lengthy post!

[creations]

Hi there
I started EASY when my LO was 4-5 wks old too.  I just started with moving E away from S by putting a small break between and my DS was eating every 2.5hrs at that point but in a short time I was doing EAS and feeding on the dot of 3hrs.
It took my DS the full 20 mins to nod off often with lots of help, then less.  As I don't have 2 LOs though I can't really advise on how to spend time shush/patting when you have another child to care for other than to make use of the sling which I believe a lot of parents do with a second LO.  In any case it's handy to use a sling and/or stroller for naps so that you can do school runs and get out to activities.

You might have better luck with posting in the "then there were 2" board
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?board=20.0
although it's pretty quiet on the forum these days.

[Katet]

Honestly, I'd say what's happening right now is great. When I had 2 under 2 I decided for my own sanity, that when DS1 napped & bedtime were the sleeps I would focus on getting DS2 to sleep in his cot & the rest of the time I'd just roll with it naps in the sling, or the carseat or stroller. It was working a wonder from about 2months old until he got sick at 4months & a hospital stay messed it up,

In terms of bath time, NBs don't need bathing every night & as I'm not naturally a clock watcher, I was willing to be a bit flexiible with my DS1's routine, so sometimes he'd be bathed earlier in the day at the same time as the baby, sometimes DH or I would jump in the shower with one or other boy & so we just played it by ear & worked with it, by about 3/4 months both were in a routine that we could bath them together.

I know every day seems like an eternity with a NB & it feels like "If I find the sweet spot life will be easier"... mine are older & I don't think there ever is a sweet spot with more than one child it's more about finding a balance that mostly meets everyone (Mum included) needs.

[JCN]

Hi there
I started EASY when my LO was 4-5 wks old too.  I just started with moving E away from S by putting a small break between and my DS was eating every 2.5hrs at that point but in a short time I was doing EAS and feeding on the dot of 3hrs.
It took my DS the full 20 mins to nod off often with lots of help, then less.  As I don't have 2 LOs though I can't really advise on how to spend time shush/patting when you have another child to care for other than to make use of the sling which I believe a lot of parents do with a second LO.  In any case it's handy to use a sling and/or stroller for naps so that you can do school runs and get out to activities.

You might have better luck with posting in the "then there were 2" board
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?board=20.0
although it's pretty quiet on the forum these days.

Thanks creations. We already have a small window of A after E so tat there is a gap between E & S - although it seems to differ so much each time that I can quite figure out what his optimal A window is and sometimes he take a long time to settle - even when held - so I’m sure I keep missing his window. I’m not sure what A time I should be looking at, or how many naps etc.
I have no qualms using the wrap to get him to sleep but I worry he will become dependant and not learn to self settle.

I have also previously  posted on the other board but didn’t receive much back - however, I feel the matching of routines is lower on my priority as at the moment I just want to get DS2 onto a relatively predictable schedule.

[JCN]

Honestly, I'd say what's happening right now is great. When I had 2 under 2 I decided for my own sanity, that when DS1 napped & bedtime were the sleeps I would focus on getting DS2 to sleep in his cot & the rest of the time I'd just roll with it naps in the sling, or the carseat or stroller. It was working a wonder from about 2months old until he got sick at 4months & a hospital stay messed it up,

In terms of bath time, NBs don't need bathing every night & as I'm not naturally a clock watcher, I was willing to be a bit flexiible with my DS1's routine, so sometimes he'd be bathed earlier in the day at the same time as the baby, sometimes DH or I would jump in the shower with one or other boy & so we just played it by ear & worked with it, by about 3/4 months both were in a routine that we could bath them together.

I know every day seems like an eternity with a NB & it feels like "If I find the sweet spot life will be easier"... mine are older & I don't think there ever is a sweet spot with more than one child it's more about finding a balance that mostly meets everyone (Mum included) needs.

Thank you for your help You’re right, I should just focus on the naps that I can for a start. Although at the minute, BT is chaos for DS2 as we are still in the midst of colic, and he doesn’t always need a nap when DS1 is sleeping as DS1 only has an hour now. I will however make a conscious effort to focus on this time where their naps correlate!

[creations]

A times are still around just 1hr at this age, possibly moving to 1hr 15 mins but when they are unpredictable on how long they take to nod off then you can't really aim too accurately at the times.  Just getting through the day with everyone washed, fed and cuddled is a result   I'm sure you'll start to find a rhythm as the weeks pass and the LOs will find it too, just don't try too hard to get everything "right" and remember to rest yourself whenever you get the chance!!

[Katet]

I have also previously  posted on the other board but didn’t receive much back - however, I feel the matching of routines is lower on my priority as at the moment I just want to get DS2 onto a relatively predictable schedule.

I think to have a relatively predictable routine at this age it's more about the "rituals" than the timing. I think it's about 3months old (or older) that true night/day are worked out.

One of the other things too is that you can always "tweak" the baby's routine to fit about the toddler.  Eg if you know that you need to be going out at a certain time you can wake them & feed them earlier.  When my DS2 was 1 week old I was taking my DS1 to daycare, as it was a 1 hour drive & he was only going one day (keep the spot & the routine) I had to make sure he was fed before hand so I woke him to offer a feed.  I would also do that at night, wake earlier from an afternoon nap to make sure that I could get his routine to work around his brothers.  I always worked on the fact that we were a family & we had tp balance the needs of everyone & in many ways it worked better to wake a sleeping baby to get an outing or bedtime than keep their routine to a "western timetable"... I know my Polynesian friends with large families just go with the flow & have very happy children.

[JCN]

I have also previously  posted on the other board but didn’t receive much back - however, I feel the matching of routines is lower on my priority as at the moment I just want to get DS2 onto a relatively predictable schedule.

One of the other things too is that you can always "tweak" the baby's routine to fit about the toddler.  Eg if you know that you need to be going out at a certain time you can wake them & feed them earlier.  When my DS2 was 1 week old I was taking my DS1 to daycare, as it was a 1 hour drive & he was only going one day (keep the spot & the routine) I had to make sure he was fed before hand so I woke him to offer a feed.  I would also do that at night, wake earlier from an afternoon nap to make sure that I could get his routine to work around his brothers.  I always worked on the fact that we were a family & we had tp balance the needs of everyone & in many ways it worked better to wake a sleeping baby to get an outing or bedtime than keep their routine to a "western timetable"... I know my Polynesian friends with large families just go with the flow & have very happy children.

Yes I am having to start doing this too. DS1 goes to day care for 3 mornings per week and DS2’s feeds have been clashing some days. This is why I am keen to try and get his timings more regular as soon as is realistic. I am wondering if I need to wake him for his breakfast bottle, to then try and get his feeds for the day on roughly the same timings. For eg, if he has WU/E at 6:30-7 then this works better for our morning day care run. But sometimes he is asleep at this time having done a late night feed (sometimes 5am) so I leave him but then he inevitably gets hungry while we are in the car or out at school. I’m never sure whether I should be waking a sleeping baby, especially if I’m cutting the sleep short.

[Katet]

As I’ve discovered over the years, parenting and with a step grandchild and now a DH who works for a Mother/baby unit that works with sleep and feeding issues (he’s finance but hears lots at tea breaks) there is no one siz fits all, rather it’s a plan that works. I always felt better to wake a sleeping baby to give them a feed before leaving the house than have a crying hungry one when it was hard to feed them.

I found with 2 that as I needed the time when they both slept, I did manipulate my second child’s  feed and sleep to fit the family balance.

[JCN]

As I’ve discovered over the years, parenting and with a step grandchild and now a DH who works for a Mother/baby unit that works with sleep and feeding issues (he’s finance but hears lots at tea breaks) there is no one siz fits all, rather it’s a plan that works. I always felt better to wake a sleeping baby to give them a feed before leaving the house than have a crying hungry one when it was hard to feed them.

I found with 2 that as I needed the time when they both slept, I did manipulate my second child’s  feed and sleep to fit the family balance.

I think I would feel more comfortable manipulating too...did you just wake for feeds for school runs and going out or did you wake for feeds at other times at home too? Did you find that it affected A and S times?