Author Topic: Another post - still struggling - 6 week old EASY  (Read 129 times)

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Offline JCN

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Another post - still struggling - 6 week old EASY
« on: November 26, 2018, 18:54:10 pm »
I seem to be on here a lot lately but I am still struggling to find a rhythm.

DS2 is 6 weeks on on Thursday (so currently 5w4d) and from 6 weeks I always said Iíd feel happy to try and guide him into a better pattern.

Our current day looks like this... roughly!!
I should mention that I parent alone as my OH works away.

W & E- 6:30/7am
A - 1 hour ish
S- 8:30 1-1.5hrs (sleeps in sling for school run and I get housework done)

E: 9:30/10
A- 1 hour ish
S - 11:00 2hrs (have been trying to sssh/pat in cot but failing- he just gets inconsolable and doesnít calm down. Iíve also tried AP and holding or rocking to sleep and putting down but he seems to be wide awake when in my arms. Normally give up after 45mins and put him back in sling as I have a 26month old and donít feel comfortable leaving him for much longer)

E- 13:00, sometimes 13:30
A- 1 hour ish
S - 14:30 2-2.5hrs (as above with sssh pat and sling :/ )

E- 17:00
A- 1hour 30? Sometimes more if colicky.

This is where it goes pear shaped. DS1 has wind down time with milk at 6:15, bath at 6:30, bed at 7pm. Sometimes DS2 gets grumpy before this, so he ends up in the sling to enable me to bath DS1 and he normally falls asleep and has a bottle around 8pm. If he is awake and happy then he joins us for bath time, but inevitably screams the house down once heís out and dressed, while I sort DS1 and get him into bed. In these cases I give him his next bottle at 7/7:30.

He seems to be suffering from terrible colic- but Iím convinced this would improve with a better routine. So sometimes after this bath time he will scream the house down for hours. He eventually settled around 9/9:30pm. Sometimes heíll take some more milk here.  If he hasnít had a bottle tonsettle him, i DF at 10:30.

As you can see, itís a bit all over the place. Iíd like some advice on how to get into a better pattern.im not sure whatís advised for his age really. Maybe Iím missing his tired cues. He starts to cry and get grumpy about 45mins after E but doesnít yawn nhntil the 1hour mark.

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Re: Another post - still struggling - 6 week old EASY
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2018, 19:58:55 pm »
Hi there
For his age the A times are very ong and I wonder if this is adding to the screaming in the evening, a build up of OT across the day and he's just ahad enough and has not patience left any more by bath and BT?

A times are a guidance of 1hr to 1hr 15 for a 1 month old and 1hr 15 to 1hr 20 for a 2 month old (so your DS2 is still under this age). You might not be able to organise naps at such short A time due to family commitments, school run etc, but if you can possibly change it up then perhaps reducing the A time could help?
Your first A, although you said 1hr ish, is more like 1hr 30 to 2hrs long, you might not realise this (often in the thick of it we don't realise because we are constantly trying to sort out one thing or another) - counting from WU at 6.30/7am to first nap at 8.30am.
Another A time looking long is from 1pm to 2.30, again 1hr 30 rather than 1hr to 1hr 15
And another is the bath time routine time, I know that must be hard, 4.30/5pm to 7pm is 2hrs 30 or 2hrs.  It woudn't be surprising for a young baby to have a melt down staying awake so long, and being unable to get to sleep due to OT.  I wonder if you could get a nap in during nap time more regularly so DS2 is napping and DS1 is bathed and put to bed then DS2 wakes for a later BT routine?  The BT routine doesn't always have to include a bath, some LOs just don't  have the energy or patience for it.  A cloth wash could be done instead or a bath earlier in the day perhaps?

It might not be easy to jiggle the routine but perhaps now you see the A times are pretty long for his age you might be able to make some changes to help him settle.  Hope it helps in some way.


Offline JCN

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Re: Another post - still struggling - 6 week old EASY
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2018, 20:20:55 pm »
Thanks for the advice! I do feel like Iím missing tired cues and definitely think he gets OT, especially because Iím having to spend so long settling him! I am just getting confused becausenother baby books Iíve read claim he should be awake for 1h30 at 1 month old - but Iíve used EASY successfully with DS1 so am keen to follow Traceyís principles again.

If guidance is around 1 hour A time, should I be putting him down around 45mins to allow him time to settle to sleep? Iíve been waiting for him to yawn, which tends to happen after 1 hour. He doesnsometimes get grumpy and grizzly after 40-45mins A - perhaps I should be putting him down at this point instead?
The school run does interrupt our routine twice a day, and is annoying about a 45min round trip, but at the moment itís only 3 days per week so Iím hoping to get some consistency on the other  days.

Howís this for something to try?

WU: 7:00
E: 7:00
A: 1 hour (put down at 45mins)
S: 8:00

E: 10:00
A: 1 hour (put down at 45mins)
S: 11:00

E: 13:00
A: 1 hour (put down at 45mins)
S: 14:00

E: 16:00
A: 1 hour
CN: 17:00/17:15

Bath @ 18:00
E: 18:30
BT: 19:00

Alternatively I could let him sleep longer at 17:00 but then heíd be going to bed quite late?

Thoughts and tweaks welcome!!!

Edit - should I be waking him from S to keep him on a 3hour EASY schedule? He suffers from reflux and I struggle to get him to self settle or sleep at all in his cot and he ends up in my baby sling a lot for naps (something I will have to deal with soon I know for fear heíll never be put down 😢) but in the sling he often sleeps for quite a while...
« Last Edit: November 27, 2018, 06:40:17 am by JCN »

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Re: Another post - still struggling - 6 week old EASY
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2018, 21:35:17 pm »
He doesnsometimes get grumpy and grizzly after 40-45mins A - perhaps I should be putting him down at this point instead?
I think that is something to try.
Other baby books will of course have different times to the guidance times of BW but it is important to remember that with BW you follow LO not a schedule in a book so if putting down at 45 mins to get to sleep for 1hr ish doesn't work out after you've tried for a few days and your LO is just not tired enough to sleep then of course increase the A a little.  I'm sure you already know that individual LOs have their own preference, the guidance times are just a place to start when you don't know your LO's preferences and best routine so well yet.

It's really up to you if you wake or not for the 3hr feed.  You might find a longer nap helps with the rest of the day or you might find you need to keep everything on time to get the school runs in.  Or you might try it one way and it doesn't work out so then try it another.

FWIW sling naps are great if you need LO to be more movable so that you can get out or see to your other child.  There are negative aspects to cot naps and LOs who will only take cot naps.  Mine was a cot napper and refused to sleep in the sling or pram which caused me difficulty and stress (although I did eventually get him on one cot nap and 2 car CNs but then I had to put him in the car at the same time every day and couldn't have a day off from it as he was extremely difficult to get to cot nap when he was expecting a car nap) - I would recommend setting up habitual routines wherever you can. if you walk to school put LO in sling or pram rather than sleep training in cot.  If there is always a time of day you can be home use the cot so you are hands free.  If you need to use the car at a regular time of day do a car nap.  It's early days and you might not even know yet what will suit you.


Offline Katet

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Re: Another post - still struggling - 6 week old EASY
« Reply #4 on: November 28, 2018, 00:00:54 am »
Firstly Hugs

Can I ask have you considered that you might have mild PPD, from this & the other posts you've written, I feel (having been there myself) that you are in a place of really wanting to find the 'perfect sweet spot' of a routine, which very often goes hand in hand with early PPD.

The reason I say the above is while there are a few areas that probably can be tweaked, I'd say you are in a pretty normal place for a 6 week old and you are possibly over thinking it all a bit much as your own coping strategy. For me identifying that PPD was the root of my worrying about sleep, helped me enjoy my children more & I realised that I was "worry shifting" - it's pretty normal to worry about the routine, to shift from other worries associated with being a parent.


He starts to cry and get grumpy about 45mins after E but doesnít yawn nhntil the 1hour mark.

I agree with the PP that the A times (as you aren't including feeding in that 1 hour) are possibly too long. And yes all books are different because all babies are different. Some babies don't yawn until overtired, so to me, the crying point is probably when he should be in the setting for the nap stage. Watch him like a hawk & see if you can see things like a glazed stare or blinking eyes, or clenched fists earlier than the crying, they can all be tired signs.

With my second (to fit around my first) I did feeds from 2 to 3.5hours & a day that went 'catnap, catnap, cat nap, big nap, cat nap, cat nap. I had a routine like that because a few people told me "A baby is not going to be better or worse off for sleeping in a sling for 20mins or a bed for 2 hours, but a toddler will remember for much longer that Mum was always spending time with the baby & not them"

In all honesty (& it could be wrong, but for me it's not the case) the "perfect" routine for babies doesn't have any impact on what children are like at 5, 10 or 15yo... There was a Mum in my Mother's group who made out that she was doing everything right & that was why her child slept so well... sadly her 15yo son is off the rails, there are many other factors, but what I remember of that Mum was she parented a lot by the book (not Baby Whisperer) & her rigidity took emotion away from her relationship.  I know (very much so) while at the coal face of two under two, there is a lot of grasping at straws & for type A personalities (I'm one) the desire to dot the "i" & cross the "t" is overwhelming, but from experience, that's not what necessarily has the long-term benefits.

Most of all though, "this too will pass"  while you mentally can say
and from 6 weeks I always said Iíd feel happy to try and guide him into a better pattern.
Honestly from what you've written he's already in a FANTASTIC pattern & over time little tweaks will make it easier, but for now enjoy & worry less.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05