Author Topic: 11 month old off the rails...no plan anymore  (Read 811 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline HCH

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 7
  • Location:
11 month old off the rails...no plan anymore
« on: January 08, 2006, 19:36:03 pm »
Our 11 month old has been a pretty good sleeper. Good naps in the day and waking briefly at 11 or so for a pat, and then at 4 where we have fallen into the habit of giving him a bottle.


Last two weeks he has been completely off the rails. He wakes up multiple times. He takes forever to get down, he'll wake in the middle of the night and take an hour to get down.

Sometimes we think we're going to just let him cry it out, but we break down after 10 minutes and go in and get him. It's sending him mixed signals but we don't know what to do. It's so frustrating.

He's also working us. He knows crying will keep us in the room now. I don't want to reinforce that but what do I do. If he cries and I go back I'm telling him "cry and I'll come if you don't feel like falling asleep" if I don't go in he howls bloody murder.

What to do?

Normally we mellow him out, wind down, change him, zip him in his sleeper, then slowly bounce him until he gets heavy eyes, then lay him in his crib and pat his back until he is out.

If we try and leave earlier than that he cries. As soon as we get near again, he stops crying. This type of thing is all new in the last few weeks.

I'm totally worried that he is controlling us with his crying. We aren't in control and this will continue as he matures.  My mom is a huge fan of COI and keeps telling me to just let him wail.

We're caught between all these different methods and we don't know which way to turn.

Offline Katet

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 605
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 14258
  • Sydney Australia
  • Location: Sydney
11 month old off the rails...no plan anymore
« Reply #1 on: January 09, 2006, 02:11:44 am »
Research shows at this age babies CAN NOT control you (despite what people might say) they cry because they need you & the fact you have let him cry for 10mins & then gone to him, has told him he "just has to cry harder next time"

At this age he is learning he is "separate" to you & the more you respond to him the more "secure" he gets with your support & the more he will trust you will meet his needs. When he gets upset the more you give him love & attention (day & night) the more likely he is to return to being a better sleeper. The more you ignore his efforts to get your help, the harder he will think he has to try to get a response. His need for you to be there is part of his emotional development & why you cant understand why he needs you, to him it is a real need for reassurance.

Sure CIO does work, but it works by babies giving up & I have seen babies who fall asleep from CIO & they do not have a relaxed look in their faces, as they have fallen asleep due to exhaustion & a sense of abandonment.
dc1 July 03, dc2 May 05

Offline HCH

  • New & Learning The Ropes!
  • *
  • Showing Appreciation 0
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 7
  • Location:
11 month old off the rails...no plan anymore
« Reply #2 on: January 09, 2006, 05:22:00 am »
Thanks for your response.
tonight we tried to mellow him out then rock him down. He was wide eyed the whole time, fighting the rock.

I put him in bed, walked to the door and he started crying. Went back to him, patted his back, he got quite, went to the door and he started crying. I closed the door and listened to him cry for a few minutes then went back in.

He was quite upset. Kind of heartbreaking. But he calmed down. Got him laying down and calm on his side, left the room and he started crying. We decided to leave him for 10 minutes. It was terrible and he cried awfully. I went back in, put him in my arms and he mellowed. I bounced him, laid him down, patted his back and he was asleep.

Originally we had tried to rock him down and pat him down  for 30 minutes. How do we fix this rock down pattern and move him in the right direction.

Offline Kimberly®

  • Resident BW Chatterbox!
  • *****
  • Showing Appreciation 126
  • Gender: Female
  • Posts: 4288
  • Location: North Bay, Ontario Canada
11 month old off the rails...no plan anymore
« Reply #3 on: January 09, 2006, 05:48:12 am »
Your LO is experiencing seperation anxiaty. What your doing is called controled crying, its also braking the bonds of trust your LO has for you.

What I recomend you try is either pat/shush or PU/PD. Do you have Tracy's new book? It explains in greater detail how to do both, they are better for you and your LO.  Your LO doesn't feel abandond, and you don't feel guilty.

It'll take a few days to trully work, neither works overnight, but its well worth it in the end.

If your not sure how to do them, just ask here and any number of moms can help you.

CIO and CC are harmfull to your LO and even to you. Please don't use them when you don't have to. There's other methods that work better.

Kimberly
Kimberly