When to go in and when to stay out!

[BabyBsMommy]

My lo is almost 4 months old and his night time sleep is still very inconsistent.  Currently, he wakes 1 and sometimes 2 times to feed (1-2 am and 5-6 am if twice, 3-4 am if once) but usually wakes a few more times within an hour or two of a feed so he obviously isn't hungry. We are lucky in some ways in that it takes a lot to get him really crying.  When he has these non-eating wakings, we go in and pat him back to sleep.  This can take anywhere from 5-30 min.  Should we just leave him when he is grunting and squirming and we know he isn't hungry to see if he can go back to sleep on his own?  If so, how long should we wait without intervening?  I don't want to leave him to "cry it out" which is tricky since he rarely wails for any reason.....weird, I know!

[teezee]

bump!

[Kimberly®]

If he isn't crying and he's just grunting and making noise, leave him be Only go in if he's crying. He's learning to resettle himself. After a few nights he'll learn that and no more wake ups like that

HTH

[shannon S]

BabyB'smom,
I have the same question and my lo is 10 months!.  It's wierd how it can still be frustrating if your baby isn't crying.  My lo just played in her crib for an hour and 25 minutes before falling asleep for her nap.  I never know when to go in or not. I went in a couple of times when she got stranded standing up but I could not get her to lay still. I tried a hand on her back, side, rubbing her tummy....everything.  She just cried when I did that. If I left the room to let her play, she was fine.!    ahhhhhh. it is so frustrating because now I have to wake her to go and pick up her dad and so her nap will only be half an hour.
There are other times when I am able to help her sleep.  (just being there with a hand on her) but I'm always wondering if I should be doing that when she wasn't really crying. 
So let's assume that we shouldn't go in when not crying (as suggested).  It is so hard in the middle of the night because I don't know about you but I can't sleep if my lo is awake at any time (while my husband sleeps like a log). 
I have the same concerns in the middle of the night as you. However, I usually do go in and give my lo her paci.  I know that I need to stop doing that at some point.
my concerns are also with  nap times.  Maybe I'll post under there. I just don't know when to help her get to sleep, when to take her out of the crib, or when to leave her (even if it takes her an hour and a half to get to sleep).  And I've tried ++ playing around with her A time length.
shannon

[Elphyrafire]

Guys, same question with me! LAst night I left DS to chat and play and he did it for 2 1/2 hours (from 1 am to 3:30 am) before I went in and he didn't put himslef back to sleep either so it was a big waste of time! I don't think I'll do that again- he's losing too much sleep!

[BabyBsMommy]

We just got back from a trip with Brenden so his sleep is a little wacky still but we're going to try to leave him and see if he'll settle now that we're back.  I'll keep you posted on what happens.

Teezee, what do you mean by "bump?"

[Kimberly®]

 Elphyrafire; MY DD used to do that too, I went it after about 30 minutes to "resettle her" Unfortunitly if they aren't crying there isn't a lot you can do. Usually she's end up having a really early AM nap, but she wasn't upset day or night so for the most part I left her be. On the plus side its great that he can keep himself occupied that long.

BabyBsMommy; I hope things settle for you quickly. 'bump" is to move the post to the top of the list so that it isn't missed

[Elphyrafire]

Thanks Karita- never though of that before! Yes, DS can entertain himself for hours so I guess that IS a good thing in all of this.

Eventhough he's not crying I can put him back to sleep by swaddling him and putting his paci in and using white noise but I'm always confused when (if at all) to go in and do this. do you let it go on for hours or nip it at 30 mins? How long does it take to learn to settle oneself? I am going mental!

[Kimberly®]

Its a tough one, but I say start with 20 minutes, then after a week or so go to 30, then 40 then 60.. hopefully that way maybe he wont need you any longer.

[etmom]

Just a note on this:  My ds went through a long period (and is just transitioning out of it...another story!)  where he would play for one nap and sleep for the other.  I think this is a great thing!  And I never went in to interrupt either way.  My dh and I just talked about it and decided he should be in there at least an hour for each "nap".  So I would base it on that.  I would also think about if getting him up would get him to the next sleep time.  For example, if I put him down at 1:30PM and it was 2:30 and he was still playing, I'd see if he could make it until three and that would allow him to make it to bedtime.  I have found that he is just as rested whether he sleeps or not, and occasionally this would push the next sleep period just a little earlier.  And if I interrupted I think he'd expect me to get him up or something.  I think they're like we are:  Sometimes we don't necessarily need a nap, but just need a break from people, stimulation, whatever and then feel re-energized. 

In short---I think it was so nice to have a child that would play in there.  I wouldn't interrupt it, just decide how long you think the nap period should be.  I am thinking it will be helpful for my ds when he's no longer needing a daytime nap but he will still take some quiet time in his room each afternoon if he is already used to that.  Just thoughts, hope they're helpful.

[The Vern]

I wonder the same thing too! Last night, my 17 week old dd was awake talking to herself for almost 2 hours. I tried reswaddling a couple of times, but she'd break out before she was back in the crib, so I decided to leave her with her paci and her lovey to see if she couldn't settle herself. Well after listening to her for almost 2 hours, I decided if anyone is going to get any sleep, I wrapped her up really tight and she was out like a light. Like the prior poster I can't sleep if she's awake talking, while my husband doesn't seem to bat an eye! So I feel that time was a complete waste! But I'm split - on the one hand I want her to have the sleep she needs but on the other I'd like her learn self-soothing. I don't know, still undecided what I'll do tonight...

[BabyBsMommy]

The Vern, let me know what happens!
etmom, how old is your lo?
I think tonight, we'll wait for 20 min before going in to settle and see what happens!  I'll let you know how it goes!
I have a hard time sleeping through the chattering, too whereas, like yours, my DH saws logs right through it unitl I wake him up to go and settle Brenden.  We have a pretty good arrangement, though!  I go in for the feeds at night and he gets up for the resettlings!

[Elphyrafire]

The Vern- sounds familiar! Here's my post from a few days ago:
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=60070.msg434686#msg434686

This is getting crazy! None of the books talk about lo's chatting it up fro hours. It'd almost be better if he was crying (almost but not quite!)

[etmom]

My lo is almost 19 months.  He's transitioning to one nap (posted under 2 to 1 naps more about this).  Anyway, I also have a 2 month old so I wanted him to do two naps at least until the baby arrived---I was exhausted and needed rest myself.  I figured if he was playing he was happy and when I went in to get him he was rejuvinated.

I am just wondering why people think that it is a problem that babies do this?  (I mean that in a genuine way---sometimes hard to communicate sentences like that in writing
I would think crying would be a much harder thing to deal with because your child is upset.  Even if it's the middle of the night, at least it is happy sounds.  I love to have the monitor on when my lo is "talking" in his bed  (not that he does much real talking yet).  Actually, this is where he gets a lot of his practice.  It's like he's experimenting with sounds he can make and form.  Could it be that this is actually good for them?  Any thoughts on that?

[shannon S]

Just when I thought my lo could play for hours!  Now she is starting to fuss a little when I leave the room at bedtime.  But she rarely cries hard so instead of pick up/put down I call it....go in go out.  I've decided this is the time that I tidy the house (between going in and going out).  Actually, my lo went to sleep on her own the last two nights....it took 45 minutes. I guess that's not bad.
And thanks for the advise re: not worrying so  much. I've decided if she naps then good, but I'm not going to stress.  So she didn't have an afternoon nap today. but instead of getting frustrated, I got her out of the crib and went about the day.  The evening was no different than any other.

Anyway,This is what seems to be working (at least my fingers are crossed).  When I initally leave the room I wait until she cries a little (this always means she is stranded), I go in, lay her down, and keep my hand on her until she is somewhat still. Then I leave.  She stands up again right away but I wait a little, she cries a little, I go in, keep my hand on her for a little less time, leave but come back a little quicker.  I do it this way because I figure she is getting more tired as this continues.  So in the end I went in, put her down, she rolled over and faced the other way and I snuck out. In this case I left the door open. I think that she thought i was still in there.  Anyway, that was it!  Not the exact BW method but it may be working. 
Staying in the room just never works for us.

P.S. to the original question....my lo doesn't seem to be waking in the middle of the night to play anmore (knock on wood). She still wakes up but goes right back to sleep with the paci.  Maybe your lo will outgrow this.  But for your info, the only thing that I changed was the length of my lo's naps.  They are shorter now.  she was sleeping 4 hours in the day sometimes and I think maybe she was waking because she wasn't tired enough!   Crazy I know!  Thank goodness I'm not up for hours at a time very much in the night.

Hope everyone can sleep like their partners tonight!
shannon

oh, just got etmom's post.
Yes I agree with you! Why am I stressing??  I think it has more to do with OUR personality types. I know I'm kind of an anxious person and I'm always thinking about what is going to happen LATER if lo doesn't sleep right now....
But I'm going to stop worrying.!