Need help, not coping very well.

[anna*]

I know last night was a strange one, because it was the first night Stan slept in a big boy bed, but I have to find something to help with these EWs. If 5.30 is to be our wake up time, I need to be in bed by 9.30 which gives me a grand total of about 2 hours in which to cook, eat, tidy, bathe, relax and prepare for tomorrow.

I am not coping very well. I need more rest. Something about it makes me actually so angry at 5.30am, I know it is irrational but I just feel RAGE. This morning I can seriously close to smacking him, that's a horrible feeling and it frightens me. At this point I'm even considering starting co-sleeping, in fact I would try it like a shot except it only seems to take one night to establish a bad habit here, and if he still work early I'd be in an even worse position.

I know that he is a habitual early riser. In the last year, he has slept til 7am probably less than 15 times, and the vast majority of days he wakes before 6.30. I would do anything to have a consistent 6.30am wake up time - too often it is before 6.

Here is his:

5.30am awake - he always invariably wakes crying and quickly escalates to hysterics. Very rarely I can calm him down to have a drowsy cuddle in bed, 95% of the time he has a very quick BF and then wants 'downstairs'
12.30pm (+/- 15 mins) nap. This can be anywhere from 45-60mins (at nursery - occasionally he goes longer here) to 2hrs (or more if I let him) at home. The length of nap doesn't seem to affect the start time next morning.
7.15pm lights out, asleep before 8.

[Vicku]

Oh Anna, I so feel your pain! I'm also so so fed up of these EWs and just don't function before 6. At 7 I start to feel like a human.
I so wish I had the advice you need to fix it, but as you know I'm struggling myself atm. I know you read my thread about using the light on a timer, will check for more replies soon, and maybe there'll be some ideas on there you could try too. Hugs and more hugs, and I hope we can find something that works for both Stan and Lois.

[babybarr]

Don't have a lot of advice only that my friend's LO would wake between 5 and 5.30am every morning until he was sleeping regularly in his BBB.  Now he wakes at 6.30ish.  She thinks he just needed more room, so maybe once Stan has been in his BBB for a bit this'll help.  Could you encourage him to play on his own for a bit before you go in?  I'm not at this stage myself but DS has recently started 5am wake up and it's a killer.  So big hugs your way.
xx

[firsttimemummy]

My nephew used to go to bed at 7pm and sleep until 7am ... if he went to bed later than that he would be up at a really early time.  It sounds strange but the later he went to bed the less he would sleep.

Depending on how old Stan is, would one of those clocks that tells him when it is morning help?  My Mum used to tell us to go back to bed as it wasn't morning time any time before 7am.

Hopefully you manage to get something that works ... (((hugs)))

[Roseii]

Hi
I am hardly in a position to offer advice, my lo is terrible with sleeping. And this is by no means a solution but I just wanted to say, when my LO has been awful at night but decides it is time to get up at 6am and I am shattered I sometimes give her her milk, change her nappy then put her in the travel cot with lots of toys and dare I say it, put the TV on for her, then I kip on the couch, knowing she is right next to me but in the travel cot so can't get into mischief. Is there any way you could do that on the days you are especially tired? Even if I just get another 20 mins it makes me feel more human.
Like I say I know that isn't a solution to the EWs, just letting you know what I sometimes do.
Good luck I hope you get it sorted.
x

[KathrynK]

Hi Anna

sorry you are having a hard time, I know how awful sleep deprivation is, Alex is not a good sleeper

Forgive me, I am not familiar with your previous posts, is Stan high or low sleep needs? It's just that for his age, and given his habitual EW, 8pm seems late for a bedtime.
Like a pp said, I have always found that bed after 7pm = early wake up the next morning. If Sophie is asleep any later than 7.15pm I can absolutely guarantee that she will wake before 6 the next morning and not be able to go back to sleep, even though she is clearly tired. She's always been this way.
lots of hugs
Kathryn x

[louis-mummy]

Oh no Anna (((HUGS))) for you

i agree about the co-sleeping, it was even discussed here last night but you know you would say to me 'don't do it!!'

we don't really struggle with ew's but a few ideas:

assume you are happy with his routine but could he be OT? some days he's having only 10.5 hrs in total?

could you leave some milk or water in a non-spill cup in his bed - since i started doing that Louis cries less often for a drink as it was one of his excuses for needing me but also i knew he had a drink there if he really was thirsty.  Louis was also BF so i know it can be about more than just a drink though

waking so upset means he is stil tired? so the ew is a habit......i think you need to keep him in his bed and he might just crash out again.  as a last resort when things have been really bad here i have laid on the mattress next to his cot and wrapped a pillow around my head - brimming with rage - and just waited til he gives in.  it is horrible and maybe not very bw but if its all you can do and the alternatives are worse then......

((more hugs)))

[MLK]

Sorry Anna you are dealing with this, DS1 didn't sleep till 7am EVER until the winter he was 2.5 and then it only lasted until spring.  We used to get pre 5am wakeups sometimes when he was 1 including every single time we were travelling I remember him waking at 4:30 am just before daylight saving started with me trying to get him back to sleep for 2 hours until I gave up seething with rage at 6:30am.

I agree with the others though, I would put him to bed 30 mins earlier and see if that helps with the EWS - if not, at least you've got 30 extra minutes to yourself in the evenings and he might get an extra 30 mins sleep!

He might get better once he is over 2 though, or at least better at amusing himself before waking you up.

[Julianne1984]

So sorry to hear how it's going. I know all too well exactly how you feel. I sometimes wake up and start my day angry at 5am (even 4:30am too!). I don't really have any useful advice just wanted to offer some hugs xx

[michaeljacknnugg]

Hello,

Thought I'd join the early wakers club! My DS is regularly up at 05:30 and has even been up at 04:00 in the last couple of weeks. There are a couple of things I've done to cope that might help:

When he gets up (and is clearly up, not just a NW), we have milk and stories in bed for as long as we can manage to stay there. This gives DH a chance to go down and get ready for work in peace, get breakfast etc and I get a chance to come round - it takes me a while at that time!

Having read through the boards a bit I came to the conclusion that he was still OT from our last few weeks of NW/very EW so have put him to bed 10mins early for the last week or so. Last night he was clearly shattered so put him down 20mins early - telling him that Iggle Piggle was going to sleep, therefore so should he! Anyway, it seems to have worked as he didn't wake until 06.20 and the dark rings have gone from under his eyes 

No doubt he will be up again at 05.30 tomorrow, but at least I know he has caught up with himself a bit and we can get out of the vicious OT/EW cycle.

Hope this helps!

[spanna]

Something about it makes me actually so angry at 5.30am, I know it is irrational but I just feel RAGE. This morning I can seriously close to smacking him, that's a horrible feeling and it frightens me.

Anna I totally get this. TOTALLY... maybe not about the EW, (well not these days ), but just RAGE in general I find it is all part of my PPD. My RAGE is triggered by times when Eva is seemingly unhappy i.e hungry, tired OT!, EW's....None of it helped by tiredness! In fact I am about to ahve counselling about that very thing. So hugs to you. I truly know how you feel. It makes you feel like crap but there is a reason we feel this way ! Always remember you are  a great parent, or else you'd not be here...
Hang in there I'm sure help is on it's way!

 

[anna*]

Thanks everyone for all the support and advice      

I've really tried to get him to play, but the trouble is he always wakes and immediately start crying. Regardless of how much sleep he has had, regardless of whether he is overtired or not. It is just how he wakes up. This is always (recently) followed by a tantrum - about anything. Milk, no milk, downstairs, daddy, no daddy, big bed, no big bed. So we've still got a LONG way to go before we can wake up calmly, let alone entertain himself. We've got one of those lights which tell him when it's time to get up too, but because of how he wakes up, he's not actually in a state of mind where he can look at the clock and think oh it's still night time I'd better lie down for a bit longer.

I'll try and do an earlier night tonight. It's hard to get him in bed before 7 on the days when I work but I'll do as early as I can this evening and see what happens. I must admit I was surprised at the weekend when I popped into his room to get something and found him still awake at 8. I rarely have to go in to him once I have put him down, but apparently he just lies there for ages in the dark sucking his bunny's foot.

Jane, he has had some trouble with molars, but tbh he's been an early riser for a year now, so I can't blame it on the molars.

[knackered]

Hi Anna - me again. You know I've been struggling with EWs too. But the last couple of weeks we've been making some progress. This morning was 6.40 - which is unheard of!

What I realised was that Joe was having too much sleep in the day so I've cut his nap to 1.5 hours. Now this only works if the nap isn't too late. He has to be asleep 5.5 hours after wake up. So if it's 5.30 he needs to be asleep by 11. If it's later than that he gets OT and it's no good. Bedtime is then 6 hours after end of nap which is about 13 hours after morning wake up. This has been giving us 11 hour nights. I've then been pushing it out say 10 mins at bed time so slowly slowly we've been getting later wake ups.

I know Stan's in daycare but do you think this could work for you and Stan?

Anna xxxx

[firsttimemummy]

I forgot to mention that ny nephew stopped his daytime sleeps really young (probably as he slept so long at nights) - he was the only one in the nursery as his age that didn't have an afternoon sleep.

[speechie]

Hi honey- loads of hugs,
I like the idea of an earlier bedtime when possible,
also, have you tried wake to sleep? Sounds like he's waking during the lighter sleep period that we all have early in the AM.  White noise all night? Black out shades?
just throwing ideas out there for you...