Jealous 2yr old + 2mo old who only sleeps in my arms = chaos in our home!!! Help

[Fefekabob]

Hi everyone,

I've been really struggling with our current situation. My 2 yr old went from being the sweetest, most disciplined toddler to a miserable, jealous, aggressive little boy. It makes me so sad to see him like this that its giving me severe PPD. Well that, and the combination of my newborn not wanting to sleep.

I tried to ST DS2 over the past month but he is just too young and will not settle on his own. So I bought a Mumaroo in the hopes that it would recreate the up/down movement I make that always puts him to sleep. I decided I have to wait until DS1 starts preschool in two months before I can really tackle spending so much time in the bedroom shh/patting DS2 to no avail!

But he won't even sleep in the Mumaroo!! I still have to hold him and get him to sleep in my arms before I can put him in it. And then he will only take a 30 min nap in there.

Our EASY looks like this: (3 hour feeding schedule)

WU: 6:15
E: 6:30
S: 7:30-8:00
S: 8:30-8:50

E: 9:30
S: 9:45- try for up to 45 minutes to get him sleepy in my arms, then transfer to Mumaroo and up again 30 min later. He gets OT for sure, but can't even settle in my arms sometimes.

And the day repeats like this. Prior to Mumaroo, I was holdin him longer in my arms and transferring to crib in which he would wake 10-30min later. At least he sleeps till the 30 min mark in Mumaroo.

I should mention that his bedtime routine is rather quick as I want him straight to bed after his last OT nap of the day. He is asleep by 7:00pm, wakes up at 10:30pm for a quick feed and off to sleep, then again at 2:30 for a feed then off to sleep until 6:15am

What can I do? I'm on my own and am losing my mind and running out of ideas to keep my DS1 entertained in the other room. He is being so neglected, I hate it!!

I am going through the "why did I get pregnant again" regret phase. I just want this horrible time to pass.

Any suggestions???

[lauradj]

I wish I had advice for you but I only have one little one at the moment.  I did, however, want to pass on a MASSIVE hug!!  Is there any family nearby who can help out?

[cath~]

Hugs
 
We're in a similar situation ATM  too. It can take up to an hour to settle H in her Moses basket and then sometimes only for 15 more mins nap!

When L is around often the best thing for all of us is for H to nap in a sling. Not sure if that's same as a mumaroo but do you think some kind of baby carrier/sling could help you ?

[*happy*]

hugs.2LOs  is seriously hard going.there is no way I
would be surviving if it werent for my CM&family.
have you anyone nearby that could pitch in?

[Mom-of-boys]

Just wanted to offer some encouragement that it will get better!  My DS2 is now 4 mo and those first weeks at home were really hard especially with my touchy ultra-sensitive DS1.  Don't feel bad if you feel like you're using props to get him to sleep at first.  With 2 LOs it's hard and you do have time to change things in the future.  A lot of people recommended a sling to help me too but I find it hard to wear him in a sling while chasing after DS1 (but that's just me).  The first few weeks I tried to get him to fall asleep in his bouncer chair or the car seat because sleep training was out of the question.  Do you know anyone who has a swing you could borrow to try if your LO seems to fall asleep with movement?  It sure is a big adjustment from 1 to 2! 

[Fefekabob]

Aww, thanks ladies for the kind words. Well, the sling was a bust for us because DS1 absolutely will not be ok with it. And DS2 is uncomfortable with it anyway. The Mumaroo is like a swing but better because it does a slight bouncy thing that is similar to what I do. I think I just need to keep at it a few more days till he gets used to it. Funny, I feel like I have to ST him to use the prop!!!

Question, is it possible that he will continue to stay in his crib at nighttime even though we've incorporated a new prop for naps? I've heard that LO can differentiate between daytime and nighttime sleep. Is this true?

Oh, and as of today... We are interviewing nannies. It's just too hard on my own. I don't know how moms do it without help!!

[*happy*]

excellent idea about the nanny!
i find that when i am  alone with the two of them for the
whole day,it becomes about survival and i go to bed
thinking i haven't had box quality time with either of them,know what
i mean?

[Katet]

I've been really struggling with our current situation. My 2 yr old went from being the sweetest, most disciplined toddler to a miserable, jealous, aggressive little boy. It makes me so sad to see him like this that its giving me severe PPD. Well that, and the combination of my newborn not wanting to sleep.

Hugs,

cut yourself & the 2yo some slack with the behaviour I remember my DS1 finding it very hard to adjust to having a little brother & not being the only one. The 2yo's behaviour is only them "doing their best" to cope with all the changes. I remember I did something I kind of vowed I'd never do & used the TV as a sitter as DS1 would happily watch a couple of shows time after time (one was Spot when he was 2yo & I felt it was like reading books since the stories were the same) & DS1 certainly isn't addicted to TV now, he spends too much time playing sport for TV.

It's a long time since I've had a 2mo, but one thing that I got stuck with was when I discovered that DS2 actually woke up at least 30mins earlier than I heard him, he (still to this day) was an early riser, but would happily lie & look around him before he cried out (even as a 1mo) & so maybe the time until his nap is too long because he wakes up earlier & if you tried an earlier nap you might get a better nap from him. Although that said, I found that I only got one decent nap from DS2 which I managed to get to happen at the same time as DS1's nap.

[Fefekabob]

I was feeling exactly as you described, *happy* - that I wasn't spending quality time with either of them. More like a robot just trying to survive the day. Hopefully the nanny works out!

Katet, I don't know how you felt... But I feel overwhelmingly guilty about the change in his personality because we decided to bring in another child to our home. But, I know this rough time will pass and they will be good buddies one day (here's hoping).

The naps really improved today when I kept A times short! I put him down 30 min after one of his catnaps and he slept an hour! Then he had a 45 min A time and gave me another 1 hour nap. So I'm thinking as he gets less and less OT, I can move slowly play with his A time and bring it up to 1 hour 15 to fit in better with our schedule. Obviously babies are in their own schedule... but we will see how the days go.

He does seem to be taking well to the mamaroo now, so thank goodness to that! I get to spend more time with DS1 and less time killing my back holding him.

And he seems to understand that nighttime sleep is different. We put him in his bed tonight awake and he was able to put himself to sleep just fine. Woke up for a feed 5 hours later and then settled himself back to sleep after a quick diaper change! Fingers crossed this continues...

[*happy*]

so glad things are a little easier.xxx

[Layla]

More hugs...dd1 and 2 are only 13months apart so I know where you're coming from but it does get better and easier! I had my mum around lots and to be honest for the first 4 months, I did whatever was necessary to get dd2 to nap. I used to use the sling almost all the time and that way I could take dd1 to the park or just for a walk around the block while dd2 was napping. Sometime around 4 months, when I was ready to sleep train dd2, I started concentrating on 1-2 naps in the cot (the afternoon nap mainly because this was dd1's only nap) and eventually we stopped relying on props. Try and take each day as it comes... there is an adjustment period for everyone with a new baby in the house, including your ds1.

Good to hear he slept a little better... agree that if you catch the sleepy window, its much easier for babies to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Btw its true that nights are different to daytime sleep

[weaver]

But I feel overwhelmingly guilty about the change in his personality because we decided to bring in another child to our home. But, I know this rough time will pass and they will be good buddies one day (here's hoping).

Hugs, hun.  I felt this too. I came to realise that I hadn't traumatised my LO1 by bringing LO2 into the picture, though.  It was *just* (ha!) a combination of the twos and the big adjustment to having someone else tiny around.  My LO2 is nearly 2 years old now and you should see how close they are, how they make each other happy, chasing and having big cuddles.  They still have spats of course but LO2 really is a gift to LO1, and vice versa.  Her first word in the morning and last word at night are her big brother's name.

[Fefekabob]

So we found a great nanny and now that I have reinforcements, I really wanted to start sleep training DS2.

I am noticing that my arms have become a real crutch/prop for him. Not only does he fall asleep quickly by being gently bounced, but he has gotten obsessive about turning his head towards my arm and sucking it like a madman!! He hates the pacifier and everything else. Only wants to suck on my arm. First of all, it's extremely weird (doesn't at all resemble a nipple), and second I don't want it to become another prop.

You ladies mentioned that if I wanted to ST this early that there were people on this site who could help me. Where do I go from here? Can you direct me in the right place?

[weaver]

Have a look at this to start with:
Sleep Training  - the early days

You could start a thread under General Sleep, or EASY, or you could join a 'birth club' to chat to mamas of LOs of a similar age. 
Here:
Birth Clubs 0-18mths

Have a look around, it really is up to you. 

BTW if he's sucking your arm, does he suck his fist at all?  That might be the nearest thing, and it's under his control (or at least will be increasingly).

[*happy*]

yes, fist-sucking is a favourite with DD2 at the moment....i'm hoping she'll transfer it to self-soothing for those MOTN wake-ups!!!
honestly, i couldn't even have considered STing if i had DD1 around all the time. it wouldn't have been fair to either of them.
so i started by just focussing on getting the first nap of the day in the buggy, & used rocking it & the soother as props instead of my arms (&my bouncing!)i gradually weaned those props & now we are at the stage of putting her in awake & doing some brief sh-ing & she falls asleep on her own. HTH.xxx