Starting 9 MO on PU/PD

[First Time KY Dad]

***4/10: Updated with Day 3 info***
***4/11: Updated with Day 4 info***

Hi Everyone,

As the subject stated, my wife and I have started doing PU/PD with our LO hoping that he would learn to sleep on his own. We're kind of on an EASY schedule but we've been going with our instincts without knowing such routine. I'll start logging our baby boy's day in the next few days and share here.

I apologize in advance for the long post. My question is below in bold. But I thought I'd give you guys as much background as possible to figure out what I had done wrong. 

Day 1 was a disaster. I think I rushed to MAKE him sleep thinking that he is tired. He was scratching his eyes and yawning, but when I begin his pre-sleep routine (bath, feed, wind-down, sleep) and got to the wind-down part, the moment I closed the door and dimmed the lights he knew what was coming. He started fighting me and screamed on top of his lungs. This went on for an hour and 20 minutes and I finally caved. I cried a little bit inside and called for mommy's help. She took over and nursed the LO to sleep.

This is the bad habit (nurse or rock to sleep) we've developed over the past 9 months and it's finally taking a toll on mommy's body. I've had it easy because LO refuses to eat from the bottle so it's been mommy all the way.

Day 2 was a lot better. After mommy finished BF-ing his majesty, I read 3 books about 3 times each to him, at which point he lost interest and wanted to crawl around. I proceeded to close the door with the lights ON this time and moved him to his crib. Using the tips I've found here, I started repeating my comforting phrases and PD. I didn't PU because he was in a good mood and didn't cry at all. However, every time I helped him lay down he would turn to his side, get into the crawling position, and pull himself up. I didn't fight him and just let him finished standing up and start PD again.

After about 50 PDs, he seemed a little worn out (my lower back was breaking too!) so I turned off the light. No contest there. We continued with the PDs (I lost count from this point on...) and eventually he was so tired he could barely turned himself over. Then, he fell asleep! I was like, OMG it worked!!! I stood next to the crib for a few minutes and I was so proud of myself.

Then... he started waking up. The first 3~4 times I was able to put my hand on his chest and repeat the comforting phrases and he'd fall back asleep again. BUT, by the 5th time, before I could finish the magic words, he started wailing and screaming like his life is in danger. I picked him up but he wouldn't stop screaming and crying. This whole time he was looking left and right over my shoulder like he's looking for someone, naturally his mom...

After another 15 minute of nonstop crying, I caved again and called for mom's help. The moment mom held him he stopped crying and put his head on her shoulder... (@#$%^&* I haven't cussed since LO came into our lives but at this moment I really wanted to drop some F-bomb, but I held it together  ) I looked up at the clock and it's been 2.5 hours...

Anyhow, what am I doing wrong? Does his highness just need more time and practice?

If you've made it to this line, thank you so very much for your patience and kindness. I feel very fortunate to come across this forum and I'm eager to learn!
Hank

4/9:
Last night (Day 3) showed some significant improvement. It took only about 50 PDs for baby boy to pass out in his crib. There was very little protesting and he stayed asleep for 2.5 hours this time before starting crying really hard again. 

What I did different was extending the wind-down time and gradually dimming the lights (ceiling light > lamp > night light). I also gave him a little stuff animal, just big enough for him to grab on and he seemed very content and kept chewing on it. Just before we went to bed, we noticed he had switched to sleep on his side so we pulled the blanket over, and that's when he woke up and started screaming!

His day was like this,

07:45-08:00 Woke up
08:00-09:40 BF, Play
09:40-11:00 Showed sleep cues but wife had a lot of trouble putting him to bed
11:00-12:50 Nap
12:50-17:20 Woke up, Snacks, Wife took him to Costco
17:20-18:15 BF, Nap
18:15-19:15 Woke up, Snacks, Play
19:15-21:00 Family Time (Took a walk around neighborhood), Bath, BF
21:00-22:15 Unwind, PU/PD
22:15-00:30 Asleep
00:30 Woke up and started screaming... wife had to nurse him to calm him down and sleep

Day 4 showed improvement as well, except his day was totally out of whack!

First on PU/PD, took about 30 minutes but he was rather fussy this time. After about 15 PDs, I picked him up and walked around his room for just a little bit, turned the lights back on so he could see me, and he was willing to calm down in my arms and I put him in bed just as he was drifting off. No contest there.

However, he woke up every 45 min and after midnight mommy decided to take baby in bed and slept in the guest room.  Guess it's up to me to be on the night watch the next couple days. TGIF!!!

And here's LO's schedule on Day 4:

4/10:
06:45-09:15 Woke up, BF, went straight back to sleep
09:15-11:25 A time, breakfast
11:25-12:10 Had trouble napping. Wife nursed him to sleep after an hour of struggle
12:10-12:40 Nap
12:40-16:00 Lunch, A time
16:00-16:15 Mini Nap
16:15-17:00 Woke up from his nap and had trouble going back to sleep
17:00-20:00 Dinner, Family Time
20:00-20:30 Bath, BF
20:30-21:00 Nap (wasn't expecting a 3rd nap, but my guess is to make up for the mini nap earlier)
21:00-22:15 Got up and Unwind (read 3 books and played tickcles and peekaboo)
22:15-22:50 Bedtime
22:50-23:45 Woke up #1, put my hands on him and went back to sleep
23:45-00:30 Woke up #2, wife tried to follow PU/PD for about 30 minutes and decided to take him to bed

4/11:
00:30-08:00 Asleep for the rest of the night... 

[anna*]

I only have a moment now - but how does he fall asleep for naps?

[First Time KY Dad]

My wife usually holds him and walks around the house with as little stimulation as possible. After a short while, he gets real sleepy and falls asleep. She then puts him in the crib.

She tried to do PU/PD with 2 naps today but both end up dragging on for an hour and she went back to the method I described above.

[nevinsmama]

Hi there! Can you post what a "typical" day looks like as far as when he wakes for the day, then naps, wakes and naps again and so on? THAT much protest sounds like he might be under-tired (UT) or over-tired (OT). An age appropriate routine can make things so much easier! Thanks!

[nevinsmama]

Also, at this age I would really try to limit the picking up as it can drive them nuts, have a look here for adaptations to PUPD for 9 month LOs.
How to PU/PD (inc age adaptations)

[First Time KY Dad]

Last night (Day 3) showed some significant improvement. It took only about 50 PDs for baby boy to pass out in his crib. There was very little protesting and he stayed asleep for 2.5 hours this time before starting crying really hard again. 

What I did different was extending the wind-down time and gradually dimming the lights (ceiling light > lamp > night light). I also gave him a little stuff animal, just big enough for him to grab on and he seemed very content and kept chewing on it. Just before we went to bed, we noticed he had switched to sleep on his side so we pulled the blanket over, and that's when he woke up and started screaming!

His day was like this,

07:45-08:00 Woke up
08:00-09:40 BF, Play
09:40-11:00 Showed sleep cues but wife had a lot of trouble putting him to bed
11:00-12:50 Nap
12:50-17:20 Woke up, Snacks, Wife took him to Costco
17:20-18:15 BF, Nap
18:15-19:15 Woke up, Snacks, Play
19:15-21:00 Family Time (Took a walk around neighborhood), Bath, BF
21:00-22:15 Unwind, PU/PD
22:15-00:30 Asleep
00:30 Woke up and started screaming... wife had to nurse him to calm him down and sleep

I'll continue to log his days as I'm getting pretty good resistance from the wife when I mentioned that our schedule needs to be more consistent. Her response was that it's consistent enough. I encouraged her to come here and read about others' experience but instead I get a "I DON'T HAVE TIME" in my face...

[First Time KY Dad]

To make matters worse, the wife is experiencing a lot of frustration putting baby to sleep during the day for the 2nd day in a roll. She's implicitly blaming it on the sleep training and I'm getting frustrated because if it weren't for complaining about how tired she was with what we were doing previously, we would have never begun sleep training in the first place...

She's sending mixed signals and I'm the one to blame for her tiredness and now her difficulty for putting baby to bed.

Moms, I'm desperately asking for your help to channel the message over. 

[Florena49]

Couldnt just pass, had a little giggle ( i know im not meant to and these babies of ours are unpredictable and hard work). Just liked the way the post is written and admire the dedication of a dad!
lO is nearly 6 months so not much to add re routine, one thing that jumps out that the day is incredibly long, but ladies here will be able to advice best! Good luck

[nevinsmama]

Don't give up! You can do this! A lot of your trouble, I would say, are coming from reading too much in to sleepy cues. At this age I wouldn't put too much faith in them. Bored, hungry, thirsty can all look tired for a 9 month old. I would push that first A time right out to 3 or 3.5 hours. Have a look here: http://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=84884.0
Can you describe exactly HOW you are doing your PUPD?

Couldnt just pass, had a little giggle ( i know im not meant to and these babies of ours are unpredictable and hard work). Just liked the way the post is written and admire the dedication of a dad!
lO is nearly 6 months so not much to add re routine, one thing that jumps out that the day is incredibly long, but ladies here will be able to advice best! Good luck

Dad, you are doing great. Also, totally agree with Florena, it is a LONG day. I would aim for a 12 hour day, 13 at the most to help keep screaming OT away. His second A time from 12:50-5:20 is REALLY long. Even after that good nap that is likely contributing to night-time chaos. I would try to keep 2nd A time no more than 3.5 hours. In the intrest of keeping the day short enough, I would cap that 2nd nap at an hour.
What do you think? Hope this helps! Hang in there, Dad!
Any sign of teeth?

[First Time KY Dad]

Can you describe exactly HOW you are doing your PUPD?

I'll use last night as an example as it was a lot more successful than the previous 2 nights. We started by hanging out in his crib. He would sit and play with the little stuff animal, and I would gently turn him around and help him lay down. No forcing although there wasn't any protesting at all. He sometimes would lay there and continue to play or turn to his side and push up into a crawling position and/or pull up to a standing position. I then wait for him to finish sitting up or standing up, then say the comforting phrases and help him sit down first before laying him down.

Come to think about it, I say the comforting phrases a lot. He didn't really cry during this process so there was no PU.

I would aim for a 12 hour day, 13 at the most to help keep screaming OT away. His second A time from 12:50-5:20 is REALLY long. Even after that good nap that is likely contributing to night-time chaos. I would try to keep 2nd A time no more than 3.5 hours. In the intrest of keeping the day short enough, I would cap that 2nd nap at an hour.

This is where I struggle to communicate with my wife. On the one hand, she complains about not having time to do the chores (such as going to Costco), and on the other hand, she takes the baby to Costco and he doesn't sleep well outside the house or the car so he stays up. Then she complains about how tired she is at night and I try to step up and help but it has to be done HER way... I'm fine with all that, but she doesn't know what she wants me to do.... so back to square one...

Sorry about the vent. But I can't read people's minds... I'll make the suggestion but I'm afraid this one is out of my hands since I'm at work during the day.

Any sign of teeth?

So far just two teeth on the bottom, but they came almost a month ago. There's been no signs of teething in the past week.

[nevinsmama]

OK, your approach sounds just right. Only PU if he is getting truly hysterical. I would adjust your A times and routine, give it 5 days to settle in and see how it goes.

[First Time KY Dad]

Any idea to help my wife deal with the day-time nap struggles?

[Florena49]

Hugs , yes we do this here. ( am i allowed to send hugs to a dad?)
I think most of us will admit that we have been paranoid, obsessed, upset and hysterical about naps, i can admit that I have been and well sometimes still am, there are good days and bad days.
I can only speak for myself of course, but i felt that noone could really understand me, how tiring it all is, so my DH well just had to cope with it really. When naps didnt go well i blamed myself that i cant figure my own child out, i mean how is that even possible.
Honestly, once you are in a more age appropriate routine, naps will be much easier so will BT.
Are you only doing pu/pd for BT? When we sleep trained it was much easier to start with first nap, we could see results within days. Can you choose a weekend or take a fee days off to help your wife out and do ST then for all naps? I would only do it once you are in a better routine through.

[nevinsmama]

Honestly, once you are in a more age appropriate routine, naps will be much easier so will BT.

This. And some hugs for your wife too! Is this your first LO?
I second everything Florena said.

[anna*]

I just wanted to add, if he's not crying you don't need to be in there at all or doing anything. Make sure the room is dark dark dark and then you can even leave the room while he is happily buzzing around, one day he will surprise you and take himself off to sleep.