Weaning 19 month old from co sleeping

[Mel_bhs2010]

He hated his crib so for survival we coslept..we recently bought a toddler bed and let him "help" put it together and he loves it..with done nursing and soothing he had fallen asleep in it the past 3 nights, but it hasn't been more than 2 hours and after he crawls into my bed to nurse and we both end up falling back asleep..I eventually want him to sleep through the night in his bed in his room.

For now, due to a lawsuit I won't get into, our big family bed was taken and were stuck with a full size in the living room.I'm sleeping on it, hubby is on the couch, and son is in his bed until he wakes and crawls into bed with me.I want to do this as gently as possible..
Any tips?

[Mel_bhs2010]

He's a typical baby, usually a deep sleeper
He wakes at 8 every morning, but his naps vary..if I'm working he sleeps about 1-3 on a good day but if in home he sleeps about 45 minutes and naps around 12 on a good day.  I try to get him in bed by 8 but he usually finally sleeps around 10

[cath~]

Hi there and welcome to BW

We can certainly help with some gentle techniques to get your DS sleeping more in his own bed.

Since he hasn't been an independent sleeper before then Gradual Withdrawal (GW) would be the technique we'd recommend.  This is describe in more detail here:
Toddlers: Walk In/Walk Out vs. The Gradual Withdrawal Method (HOW TO CHOOSE)

Have a read and let me know if you have any qns about how to implement it for your DS.

Also, how do you currently settle him for naps and BT?  What's his BT routine like?  This will help us advise the best way to get started with GW.

You can use the same method that you use to settle him at BT (i.e. whatever stage of GW you're at) to settle him when he wakes at night.

I try to get him in bed by 8 but he usually finally sleeps around 10

What happens during those 2 hrs?  Does it make any difference how long his nap has been during the day?  It might be that you need to pull BT a bit earlier, esp on days when he's only had a 45 min nap.  Taking that long to nod off could be a sign that he's overtired (OT).

Oh, and if you want some inspiration/insight from other people who have had success with GW, this is a great thread to read:
Success Stories for Sleep Training (please post link here)

[Mel_bhs2010]

Thank you :-)
His usual routine is a snack, (because if not he wakes up started at about 3,) bath, story and song, then nurse to sleep but I'm trying to gently wean him from that, too.

For naps if in home he asks to nurseif I'm home, if not he usually watches tv until he sleeps, if his daddy puts him down for a nap he sleeps on his chest.

From 8-10 he tries to get me to play, last night I tried to put him to bed at 10 and avoid the mess and he was asleep in less than 10 minutes..but he woke at 12:45.
I can handle a late bedtime if he would just stay asleep all night..He comes to me for comfort and I don't know how to tell him he doesn't need me without breaking his heart...He had a lovie.but when I try and give it to him in the middle of the night he throws it away and points to it and says it's mean.

Thank you for your response reading through the material now

[cath~]

Ah, have a read of this link too:
Gentle Removal Plan

I think the first thing to work on is to get him nodding off initially with less help.

Let me know what you think when you've read through everything.

[Mel_bhs2010]

I like the gentle removal plan for middle of the night wake ups, what do you think of his daddy putting him to sleep at the first part of the night, so he doesn't have access to the breast?
Or should i just continue to gently remove the breast? The past 2 nights he has been soothed with it but fallen asleep without it.
I like the gradual withdrawal method but for now we are all stuck in the living room, at least until the end of the week.

[Mel_bhs2010]

I'm just so overwhelmed and scared it's gonna hurt our bond..but we've had to down size our bed and there's no room, I also think it's just time..

[Martini~]

Honey if I may support. Yes it will change something in your life but if you do it gently it doesn't mean that it will break his trust in you. Imagine that there are things in your life which he wants but not always are good for him or for you. He will protest if you take them away but it doesn't mean you shouldn't do it. So I would think about it as a next stage of raising your child.

Of course it should be done only if you want to do it. Sleeping with a child in smaller bed is also possible. Do think of your reasons why you want to change it...

[Mel_bhs2010]

Well there's a few reasons
we went from written to full sized bed, and now daddy is on the couch..
I wake him up more often than he wakes himself up
I have a bad back and when he's in the bed I sleep a certain way, and then my back hurts all day
We're thinking of another and while we won't cosleep as long, I'd still like to cosleep with the next one..
We've been thinking about it for a while, I think it's finally time lol

[cath~]

what do you think of his daddy putting him to sleep at the first part of the night, so he doesn't have access to the breast?

I think that's a great plan if you're all happy to go with that. 

Otherwise, you can use GR plan at BT as well, not just for NWs. However, if he can get used to going down without a BF with your DH for a few days then I think that if you then did BT, you should not BF.  He would likely protest at first but you would be there with him and reassure him that it's OK.  I'd think that after maybe around 3 days of him asking to BF (protesting) when you put him down he'd stop asking and accept the new way of nodding off.  (I have BTDT with my DD2).

I like the gradual withdrawal method but for now we are all stuck in the living room, at least until the end of the week.

You can still start with GW.  Eg each BT try to settle him with a bit less contact and then start to sit further away from him as he nods off.

I'm just so overwhelmed and scared it's gonna hurt our bond..but we've had to down size our bed and there's no room, I also think it's just time..

So long as you stay with your LO to start with (i.e. don't to CC or CIO) then no, stopping BFing him to sleep will not hurt your bond.  You will be there with him to give comfort (e.g. with your voice/a reassuring hand/cuddle) and assuring him that he can nod off without needing a BF.


Let us know what you decide to do and we're all here to hold you hand and help you through it

[Mel_bhs2010]

I think I'm gonna do GR and just do it myself, I think if I had my husband do it, then it would be harder on the baby. The routine has always been bath and book with daddy and song and bed with mommy and switching it might confuse him.

[Mel_bhs2010]

He has fallen asleep without it in his mouth the past 2 nights, but he still wants to nurse in his bed, I'm gonna see if he will nurse, then lay down without too much heartbreak..
Do you think that is too far from what he's used to?
Thanks for all your support and help! I really need it lol

[Mel_bhs2010]

He had a short nap today so I tried getting him to go to bed earlier but he was having none of it, fought until 10 but finally fell asleep, just woke up a little bit ago (10:45) but settled immediately when he saw me and let me pat him back to sleep..which probably took under a minute..He's such a good boy..

Btw,I got a new phone and autocorrect hates me..That's why at least one word in all of my posts don't make sense lol

[cath~]

He has fallen asleep without it in his mouth the past 2 nights, but he still wants to nurse in his bed, I'm gonna see if he will nurse, then lay down without too much heartbreak..
Do you think that is too far from what he's used to?

I think you should give it a go and if it's too big a step for him then take a smaller step instead. 
With GW, I find it's always good to try to find how much you *can* push your LO as it can make the whole process much quicker, less drawn out and, in the end, easier on everyone.  Does that make sense?

settled immediately when he saw me and let me pat him back to sleep..which probably took under a minute..

that sounds good   However, with the short nap, fighting BT then waking 45 mins after, it does sound like classic OT.  If you get such a short nap again, I'd be inclined to try BT even earlier to see if that helps.

I got a new phone and autocorrect hates me..That's why at least one word in all of my posts don't make sense lol

I have the same problem with my phone too!  Such a pain

[Mel_bhs2010]

He wasnt ready to have no Boobie before bed, I have out to him until he was released enough to go without it, and after about ten minutes of blinking and holding the boob he finally pushed me away and fell asleep, how early would you suggest?

He woke again at 1, after I settled him after that he slept until 830..what time would you suggest bedtime on good nap days, and what time on bad nap days