Hey there. I'm so sorry to hear how hard the nights are for you right now. You must be utterly exhausted, I'm not surprised if you are getting so little sleep.
I would think if she is waking this many times reflux or silent reflux really could be part of it. Has she seen a doc about this? I know many doctors seem to say they out grow reflux at 6 months but mine only got his diagnosis around 5 months and certainly had not out grown it a month later. Even at 5yo he goes back on reflux meds time to time (usually GS) because he gets a flare up. We medicate a few weeks and then try him off them again. What I'm saying is, just because she's 8 months I wouldn't discount it as a possibility.
Whether reflux or not reflux, she is crying for a reason and whatever the reason is do try to remember it is not her fault.
Sweetie, I know it's hard, you are horribly sleep deprived, and we all know here that we do not support CC or CIO so our go-to advice is always to respond to LO when they cry. However, your LO's safety and well being is absolutely paramount. Sometimes there is a need to hear the cry and not respond.
If you are at breaking point (and it sounds like you are) then you need to walk away.
You will not be the first and will not be the last who needs to walk away and take a break. I know there were times I had to, I know other BWers have also needed to walk away and Tracy Hogg told us this too so she was also very aware that baby's well being comes first from a calm parent and second comes from responding to cries - if you are not in a position where you can use gentle hands and a kind voice with your baby you need to walk away and collect yourself.
May I suggest that you put a sign on her door to remind yourself. Perhaps a "Stop. Are you calm?" and read it before you enter the room. If you are not calm enough to enter do not enter. If you are unable to enter you may be able to muster enough calm (or pretend calm) to say "I hear you, I'm coming soon" then walk away and count to 10, 100, 1000 if needed.
I've been there with the baby who just will not stop crying, and I know that for me there were times I could deal with that and just hold him or be with him and I could stay totally calm for long periods even though it was exhausting. I also know there were times I could not. When I was holding mine if I approached breaking point I tried my best to remember that how I respond to my child are vital, if I could manage two things then I did this:
1. put him in a safe place - if holding or rocking put back gently into the cot, if in another room return to his room put gently in the cot
2. say in a kind voice "I have to go, I'm coming back" - I felt like screaming "shut up!" but I think most people have one little jot of energy left they can muster to say those words calmly.
Then
3. walk away. Gather yourself. If counting helps, deep breathing, getting a drink of water. Whatever it is you need to do to take back control of your emotion, do it. Return to your baby when you can keep your frustration out of your voice and hands.
4. If you are not able to return to pick her up then try to return to speak through the door and repeat "I hear you, I'm here, I'm coming back" and walk away again.
Sleeping on her floor might be an option for a short period. I think I would also make an appointment to take her to the doc and have her checked over.
lots of hugs honey
