Sigh... I guess I need to sleep train...

[LucyA]

This is partly a request for advice/support, partly just a bit of a moan...

Callum is 21 months, and has never been a great sleeper. He falls asleep holding my hand, and usually wakes a couple of times a night. The nightwakings are really not a big issue for me, usually I go in and give him my hand to hold or just sit by the cot for a few minutes and he goes back to sleep and I go back to bed. No big deal.

The falling asleep holding my hand isn't a problem either when it takes him 10 minutes or so to fall asleep. But the last couple of weeks it's been taking him closer to an hour to fall asleep. Usually he'll lie down ok when I turn the light out, but after a few minutes he gets up and starts talking to me. I keep responses minimal, and tell him that I'll stay while he lies down and goes to sleep, but if he wants to play I will go outside. If he stays standing I leave the room, he starts crying, and I go back in after waiting maybe 15 seconds or so. This process repeats for up to an hour or more, until he eventually falls asleep.

I guess the simple answer to this problem is to teach him to fall asleep on his own, so if it takes him an hour, I'm not stuck in there with him! I probably will do that in a couple of weeks, but don't want to start yet because the week after next I'm going to be out all day for the whole week, and he will be looked after by my mum - the first time I will have left him for such extended periods of time, although I will be home every night, probably by his dinner time. So I don't want to do any serious sleep training till after that week.

Any ideas as to why he's suddenly taking so long to fall asleep? He may be starting to get his 2 yr molars, I've used teething gel/calpol a couple of times, but it hasn't seemed to make much difference.

Our routine is:

7.30ish wake
8 breakfast
12 lunch
1 nap
2.15 wake
2.30/3 snack
6 dinner
6.45 bath then stories
7.30 lights out
8.30ish usually falls asleep

Yesterday he refused his nap altogether, and today I could only get him to nap by taking him for a drive...

TIA for any suggestions

[Sylvia.]

lucy could not read and not reply, glad he napped on monday, moan all you like happy to listen and support you, not sure i'm expert enough for advice, i must say at some point and for us it was later than 21 months charley started taking longer to fall asleep and it never improved, the challenge for us was working out how to handle the situation, we still have some tough times but are much more experienced, i think alot of it has to do with the activity time

[mari]

OK, 2 problems.  1 is your hand is a prop, the other is he is taking longer to fall asleep so it's no longer easy to give him this prop.

I think that you should firstly try just being next to him, without holding hands.  Then, when you start to become successful try WIWO.

Alex takes up to an hour to fall asleep, but as she does it alone I don't mind.
Also, I wonder if 2 hour+ nap might be too long.  All are different I know, but at that age Alex took 1 and a half hours.

[aisling]

Lucy is his nap only 1hour and 15 min?  Then bed at 8:30, could he be overtired?

A x

[mari]

Sorry I took it as nap starting 12pm, and 1 nap.  oops.

In that case, I would go for into bed at 7pm, try to get him to fall asleep a little earlier.

[Colin Macs Mom]

Just wanted to send you some hugs Luce! 

[abbysmomma]

Now isn't that funny - we're having the exact same problem here. Mind you, my LO is a lot younger but we have the same hand holding prop, the same wanting to play for an hour before dropping from exhaustion. I found that when i started to leave the room (wi/wo) it dropped a lot. And making sure she's properly sleepy before putting her to bed - she's starting to lengthen her A time again. The one thing i did try was to just be in the room without holding her hand, but she FREAKED out when i did that. I can't NOT be in the room and give her the hand. And staying in the room seemed to give her "permission" to play, so the only thing i could do is wi/wo. Unfortunately, we still have the hand-holding thing going on, since i do wi/wo until she's ready to stay down, then she holds my hand until she sleeps. That's our compromise, i guess. Anyways, best of luck to you. Just wanted to sympathize..

[Sylvia.]

lucy i was laying in bed last night thinking it was monday, i hope we didn't send you home with any no napping vibes, if you think we did send them back hon, we can handle them but you need your rest at the moment, another thing i have thought about is gradually withdraw, sylvia

[LucyA]

Sylvia, I'm sure we can't hold you responsible!!  All day Monday Callum was walking around saying 'Charley, good!'

I'm starting to wonder if he's on the verge of dropping the nap altogether, although I know it would be early for that to happen. But he's never been a big sleeper... DH is trying to put him down for a nap right now, and he's showing no sign of being at all interested in it... I was really hoping he'd keep napping for at least the first couple of months after baby comes!

Abbysmomma, thanks for the sympathy! And Jess, thanks for the hugs!

Aisling, overtiredness is probably part of it. At least if he doesn't nap at all he goes to bed nice and early!

[Colin Macs Mom]

Been missing you in the chats Lucy 

[RachelC]

{{{{hugs}}}} Lucy.  We've been sleep training for, oh, um 21 months    We still need to use wi/wo for bed and nap (today I cut her off bfing early).  I am here for moral support (not one to give advice at this point) 

[mari]

Lucy, even if it seems like he is dropping the nap, it could be a phase that will pass so keep offering it to him, or at least an hour or so of quiet time, cuddling on the sofa with a book (or in his room if he'll stay put, alex wouldn't though!)  He might start napping for you again soon.

[yaya]

lucy hun, I feel ur pain LOL Just wanted to say that u should try to keep nap going as much as poss! You know all the issues i had/have with T and when he started talking hrs to fall asleep (used to sleep on me) i pancked tried GW and loads of other  stuff then just walked out saying 'just going to get ur teddy'...never looked back, he did fine. I realised it was my presence that wa keeping him up lomger.
someone here said to me, they may not nap for a few days, or have short naps but soon they will catch u again and at least he has quiet time in his room alone and u get Y time

[squeaky's mum]

Hi Lucy,

We are so with you too. We moved house about 2 months ago and Sophie's bed time sleep just deteriorated massively. It was taking me a good 1-2 hours to get her to sleep with her holding tightly onto my hand and even calling out 'Mummy's hand' when I tried to leave the room. After much tinkering with naps etc. we seem to be seeing an improvement.

Like Callum she has never been a great sleeper and I'm sure she needs way less than average for her age.

My hunch is that she generally doesn't need so much daytime sleep (I'm currently aiming at 1-1.5h). She wakes up early (5-6am) so I have been trying to put her to bed about 12h after she wakes up. we don't always get there as bed at 5-6 pm is really early, but it seems to be working. The earlier I put her to bed, the easier it is for her to fall asleep, the better she sleeps at night and the later she wakes in the morning.

The other thing I have been using is a light that gradually dims. So after stories and a cuddle, I put her in her cot turn the dimmer on and over the course of about 15 mins the light slowly goes off. During this time, we talk but I steer the conversation to sleep as it gets dark. It is working wonders in widing her down. But I am still holding her hand to sleep, but I can get out within 20-30 mins of putting her in her cot.

I have had nearly 18 months of her sleeping challenges though and I fully expect it all to go pear shaped again!

Good luck,

Claire

[Messa]

Hey Lucy, my suggestion would be to not go more then 5 hours between sleep it seems to be the magic # for this age and nipping the over tired thing.
So for example
7:30 Wake
12:30 Nap (I would say idealy 2 hrs especially to catch up with being over tired)
2:30 Wake (so unless he cries if he wakes early try and keep him in there for 2 hrs.)
7:00 start bedtime routine
7:30ish (hopefully asleep)

Also try gradual withdrawl to get him to fall asleep without holding your hand.  Say sit right by bed with no touching, then move a few feet away either the next night or the night after that, then keep moving until you are outside the door.  You soothe him with your voice, unless of course he is really upset, then go over to him soothe and go back to your chair.  Soon you will be in the hall still soothing then closing the door and all should be good.  It may take some time but it will work, then do wi/wo if he still needs help.

Good luck!!  HTH