Desperately need help: 2 yr old refuses lunch and dinner at home

[Katet]

Tamara... I totally agree with everything you have said.
My 4yo was a good eater at childcare, but at home has always been limited in what he eats, but as he eats, meat, Apples, Bananas, grapes, various grains/cereals, Mash potato (with puree veg mixed in) & dairy, I'm not to worried as in a day he eats from each food group... My 2yo is much the same, although eats more veg .... I was much the same at 2-5yo stage & my brother ate everything, now as an adult, he is VERY fussy & I eat pretty much everything (except Lamb, cos it gives me stomach cramps).

The best advice I got as far as food is concerned "A child will NEVER starve themselves & it is the parents responsibility to offer healthy food & a child's to choose how much & when they eat it"  I can tell you a 2yo can live off air & water for 2 days... cos mine does quite often, he just looses interest in food & then a few days later he eats more so much food it is unbelievable.

As Tamara said 2yo love to have control & if you give them something to let them have a power struggle with you over, they will take it & run with it... where as at childcare they children realise that no one cares enough to have that struggle.

[Tamara]

a child's to choose how much & when they eat it" 

I wholeheartedly agree, and I can't stress just HOW important I feel that this is.  Children these days don't learn to self-regulate, and we have an obesity epidemic, not just from the food choices that are made, but because people have forgotten or never learnt when to stop eating.  They eat till they can't eat anymore and then complain about how full they are!! bonkers!! 

Adults are OBSESSED with their children's eating habits (not having a 'dig' at anyone here) and are forever cajoling and bribing their children to eat more - the classic "just one more spoonful/bite" What difference is tha one spoonful/bite going to make to your child's long-term growth and development?  None - it just gives parents an opportunity to exert some 'control' over their LO's eating habits instead of trusting THE CHILD's judgement.

Sorry - rant over 

[Mydreamcametrue]

I see your point deft.  It is just frustrating to me that I cannot get my lo to eat barely any vegetables or meat.  He is growing though and very healthy.

I deft. do not bribe him at all to eat more or try something.  I would never want someone to do that to me.  If he does not want to try something, then fine, he is the one missing out. 

[ella&jack'smum]

deedee2kids - I know you say that it was a good day, but it sound like when your toddler eats they are having really big portions - honestly, a big jacket pot with cheese would last me for tea/dinner, and a slice and a half of toast with scrambled eggs is more than I ever eat for breakfast!

Can't look for it now, but have you seen the post which details what toddler size portions look like? It may reassure you that even though your lo doesn't eat at the times you would like, they may well be getting the volume of food they need.

I completely agree with everything Tamara said too, but as mum's it is SOOOOOO hard not to get stressed about how much they're eating. But at the age of two he is more than capable of asserting himself as to when he wants to eat. If he doesn't eat at the time you have prescibed for lunch could you not leave the food on the table - I often do this with Ella and an hour later I'll walk in to see her tucking into it.

I think it's important to remember that 3 square meals a day is a SOCIAL CONVENTION, and NOT what science/medecine has determined is the best way for our bodies to eat food - indeed many healthy diet plans now advocate smaller meals possibly more frequently throughout the day, and certainly avoiding your biggest meal at the end of the day.

[Katet]

FWIW, for breakfast my 2yo ate 3 weetbix & 1 huge serve of stewed apple (lumpy apple sauce) which was more than I could eat & I expect he won't eat the rest of the day.

Also as sue mentioned toddler portions are actually pretty small... from memory, 1 slice of bread = 2 grain serves, a 9volt battery sice piece of meat is a meat serve & 1/4 apple is 1 fruit serve.
people have varied appetites... my sis who is petite (I think US size 4), always has had a much bigger meal serve than me & I am US size 12 I think...her son is the same he is 3yo & smaller than my 2yo, but eats twice as much (& poops 5x as often LOL)
 

[Tamara]

deedee2kids - I know you say that it was a good day, but it sound like when your toddler eats they are having really big portions - honestly, a big jacket pot with cheese would last me for tea/dinner, and a slice and a half of toast with scrambled eggs is more than I ever eat for breakfast!

TBH - I was thinkig this too.  They are 'hearty' portions he's eating, and then if he's happily eating a mid-morning/afternoon snack too, no wonder he's not hungry by lunch/evening meal.

Maybe have a look at this link with regard to portion sizes - once again bearing in mind that they are merely a guide and not an absolute.  adjust it to your child
https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=24957.0

And with regards to eating veggies - maybe this thread may be of use to you?https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=33203.0

HTH

[Tamara]

Two more

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=26674.0

https://babywhispererforums.com/index.php?topic=25033.0

[deedee2kids]

I can see why most people think that my son eats large portions, but he's always eaten large portions for breakfast.  (And no, I don't stand over him forcing/cajoling him to eat more !)
Even when he was 1 and a half , he sometimes used to eat two whole slices of toast, I now make him one slice and he finisihes it quickly and I I ask him if he wants some more.  Sometimes he'll say yes sometimes he'll say no.  Its up to him. He also has a choice of eggs or cereal or cheese.  He's very tall for his age but has never been chubby, taller than other 3 year olds in his class, maybe thats why he eats more ?! 
anyway, I've chilled out more this week about him not eating much.  His molars are breaking through - although he's never really complained about the pain so its hard to tell with him, noticed whilst I was trying to brush his teeth. 
We're going strawberry picking tomorrow - so'll no doubt he'll be stuffed will all the fruit !

[Tamara]

Nice to hear from you - glad you've been able to feel a bit more relaxed about it this week too.