I am officially trying to make it better - can I get some more help please? :)

[Mama2boys]

ladies,

I am at my wits end and really ready to pack-in on motherhood. I just cant seem to get my 26 month old son to sleep properly.

If he sleeps in our bed he sleeps 11 hrs straight no issues at all (even after a 2hr nap), in his own bed he will be up in the mdidle of the night for some reason or other and then insist on being in our bed. I know part of the problem is that he is used to being in our bed but even on the best of nights he will wake up at the 10 hr mark in his own bed and even after a shorter or longer nap.

i really am desperate and need to sort it out just not sure where to start.

part of me thinks let him sleep in our bed for a few nights till he gest used to a staedy sleep pattern then shift to his bed, part of me says do the whole hog now. I have 2 weeks to sort it all out before i travel and leave him alone with DH.

Its going to be hard as I am looking after him without a nanny, going through a really tiring first trimester and doing a FT job, just overall stress is at an all time high, but I need to do this and need someone to hold my hand and help me though this.

I know I have asked for this so many times over but I really need to sort this out. Its taking too much of a toll on me and new babys' health, i fear.

Thanks for reading this though
Mukta

[clh]

{{hugs}} honey.  I'll hold your hand.    My only thoughts on helping are:  If he's OT, I'd try to address that before starting.  If he's not, I'd start now.  Also, at this age, you can talk to him some to prepare him for what you're going to be doing.  "Big boys sleep in their own beds.  You're going to sleep in your bed."  Not just at bedtime, but throughout the day.  (I'm sorry if this has been tried in the past.  I know you've had an awful time trying to get him to sleep, but I don't know what you've tried to date.  )

[Mama2boys]

Thanks Candice. I have bene trying talking to him but it doe snot seem to work. Got his gym coaxh to say it to him todya so hooing that will have a better effect.
not sure if he is OT or not because depsite 2 hr naps he will sleep longe rin my bed but shorter in his won. Tried it with both long naps and short naps.

i think he is out only to mess with me!

[mari]

Hello Mukta.

I know that it's been posted a million times, but can you tell us the routine again please.  Also, what are your actual goals for 2 weeks time?  Are they realistic, I mean, do you really think that you can get hime to sleep through the night and in his own bed in two weeks?  Can you set a longer time and get the help of DH to carry on anysleep training during the time that you are travelling?  I think that it's better to set yourself a target for when the baby is due , it gives you far longer and less pressure.  
Look at all your options, sleeping in your bed (at least you get some sleep during the first trimester) or do sleep training in his own bed, tiring but well worth it in the end.  Also, do you think that a reward scheme might work, bearing in mind his age?

Whatever you choose, I'll hold your hand too.

[sanaya]

oh deary mukta.

holding your hand too.
i dont know if this is an official BW Technique but how does he sleep if you put him in his bed and sleep in the same room?
maybe once hes used to his bed with you around then u can wean yourself away from him and back to your room?
just brain storming for you coz thats what we did with ds1.

[Mama2boys]

Thanks Mari. Dh is ready to continue what I start but will just need to get to a point where he has clear instructions so no final expectations for 2 weeks, juts a decent start.

Right now am ready for anything I'm not sure what works for him and more than happy to try rewards as well.

his currnet routine is as below (over the weekend)
wake up 7:15ish
nap 12:45 - 2:30ish
bedtime 8:30 in own bed
move dto our bed at 2:30 slept till 7:15

This routine was consistent on Friday night, Saturday and Sunday.

previously he was folloing the below
wake-up 6ish
nap 12 - 1:30ish
sleep 7:45/8 and up at 6ish

So I think maybe there are 2 issues - 1. he was OT and 2. He is used to pur bed. Not sure how to tackle both - separately or together. Maybe if I do it spearately, i could use the next 2-3 weeks to just get him to sleep proper;y and then do the tyrabsition to hsi own bed.

But i woudl always start him in his own bed and move to mine on when he wake sup and insists or will ath slow down process and I should do both together?>

[mari]

Well, firstly I think a bedtime of 7.30 might help.  And then I think that moving him to your bed has become a habit so if you could break that it would help.  I wonder if a bed in his room might work, one of you go there with him when he wakes rather than take him to your bed, then when he gets used to not being taken to your bed you could do Gradual withdrawal then WIWO.  What do you think?

[Mama2boys]

Thanks Sanaya and Mari, I think you ladies are right I am going to start camping in his bedroom and let him hold my hand through the bars if tahts what he needs.

As far as bedtime of 7:30, Mari doe sit depend on when he wakes up? so this morning was 7:30/7:45 wake-up, so shoudl i still aim for in bed by 7:15 and hope he sleeps by 7:30?

he just went down for a nap, so its 12:30 and maybe I will let him sleep as much as he wants and then aim for a 7:30 sleep...right?

Hopefully trying to do both at the same time will make life slightly more bearable on the long run.

[Lissybits]

Oh Mukta, hun
I thought Uday's sleep was sorted
Just offering BIG hugs as I remember only too well the feeling of desperation.

As you know, for us, consistency in his own bed was the key - not so much the exact timing of naps and bedtime.

If I were you I'd start how I meant to go on and get him back in his own bed - it will get a quicker result in the long run. Difficult though with the tiredness of the pg though

What does he do when he wakes in the night?

Hugs, hun
 

[clazzat]

I don't have any experience of this, so this might be a really stupid idea, but have you considered putting him in a big bed?  I know a couple of my friends have found that the big bed solved a lot of sleep issues.

Like I said, maybe a really stupid idea, but perhaps there is someone who has tried this who could say whether it would work.
Cx

[Mama2boys]

Thanks Lis, teh sleep demon is taking ove rmy life again

Well he howls and cries and makes  ruccus when he wake sup and insist on being taken to our room. And if Dh goes to him, it gets even worse, its me he wants and in 10 second she will snuggle up and sleep in my arms. If DH goe sin and says he is brining DS to me, DS will calm down, so its like he just wnats me and its a habit.

i agree we need to deal with both now rather than in stages and later.

C: its a great idea and I have been considering it, but just scared because then he will be able to walk up right to our bed instead of crying till w eget there, no stopping him if he is mobile.

Anyone else have thoughts on this? I am tempted to try it out if there is evena  25% chance it can help solve issues....

[Colin Macs Mom]

Mukta you are NOT a failure and you know it!!!!!

Is there something about your bed, more comfortable maybe? Warmer, colder than his? Or it is just that you are there? Can he articulate his thoughts on it?

[Mama2boys]

Oh jessicam right now I feel such a failure and unsure of being a halfway decent mom to 1 leave alone 2.

Not sure at all, the rooms are idnetical, the duvet he uses is very similar and his room is nice and cozy, I think it has mor eto do with pour presence and snuggling with us, he is snugglbug.

I will try and aks him why he likes our bed? In our bed he barely sleeps on Dh's side, its like I am half hanging out and he has taken over my side of the bed.

[clh]

You'll be a great mom to 2.  Don't sell yourself short, hun.    (And not all babies have the same sleep [or other] issues.  )

C: its a great idea and I have been considering it, but just scared because then he will be able to walk up right to our bed instead of crying till w eget there, no stopping him if he is mobile.

Anyone else have thoughts on this? I am tempted to try it out if there is evena  25% chance it can help solve issues....

J comes to our bed (& has been able for months) in the night.  Rather than crying himself to a tizzy, he's still pretty asleep most of the time, so we just guide him back to his room.  Sometimes we need to sit with him, & sometimes he's OK with just being tucked back in.  (I know that's a bit away for Uday, still, but my point is that he doesn't get so worked up when he has control for himself.)  If it's almost wake-up-time, say 6 am or later, he can get into bed with us as a treat. 

Trying to think what I'd do with Isaac...  He was showing a pretty strong objection to having dh put him to sleep a couple of weeks ago.  We gave in while he wasn't feeling well (teeth/ill), but later we kind of forced the issue.  I'd leave dh sitting in the rocker with Isaac (screaming ), beloved sippy of milk , lovey, & special blanket.    But after a few nights, he recognized that dh had become an "acceptable" variant in our routine.  Still thinking about night wakings...

Have you done WIWO?  If yes, what results?

Oh, and good luck getting him to answer a why question!    J is 3.5, and his standard answer to why he did something is, "Because I did."  Drives me round the bend!  Grrr...  OK.  Back to your thread now...   

[Mama2boys]

funnily enough DS will accept Dh if I am out of town so maybe he just wnats more me time? who knwos but consideirng I work form home, god knows what this kid wants?? But you are right I think we nee dto force the issue to make it a part of life right now.

We have tried WIWO, but it only works if there is no squak and he doe snot realize that I am gone, if he does he will call for me, I on't go back if its a normal call but only when it promise sto become a crying howl. WIWO works ok to get him into bed but not for the NW. NW is instant crying, he wake sup crying and will continue till he is picke dup and borught to be dor just cuddled/rocked.

I am totally fine with him coming into our bed even after 5/5:30 but as the prgnancy develops there won't be much space or freedome for 3.5 of us on the bed. And DS is a kicker

So I think I will try Wi/Wo and GW cross for NW for a few days and then consider getting the BBB, I am hesitatnt also because.

btw J sounds like Dh, never a real answer to why